In Memory Of

by leefert

This is a little different than what you're used to reading. Sully is doing a voice over and recalling the heroes lost from the 55. A lot of quotes and stuff taken from the show.

Sometimes a song can touch a nerve, That takes me back to you
When I pick up my old guitar, And I play your favorite tune
Every now and then, some little thing, I've buried comes bubblin up
And once in a while, you feel close enough to touch

I miss you a little since you've been gone, A few little memories keep hangin on
I miss you a little, I guess you could say, A little too much, a little too often
A little more every day

Between 3 and 11 PM New York's Third Watch took the streets. The heroes of the Third Watch made the streets a little safer. Officers Maurice Boscorelli, Ty Davis, John Sullivan, Faith Yokas, Maritza Cruz, Brendan Finney, Sasha Monroe, Lt. Joe Swersky

Firefighters, Jimmy Doherty, Derek Kelly, Joe Lombardo, Stu Lotta Z's, Alex Taylor, Bill Walsh, and Lt. Francis Johnson. And Medics Bobby Caffey, Holly Levine, Carlos Nieto, Monty Parker, Kim Zambrano. They all worked together. And unfortunately, as it happens, sometimes heroes fall.

This story is dedicated to those who did fall…

"I've worked this job a long time. Never anywhere but Camelot. Things have changed though, my partner Ty Davis Sr. was killed by a corrupt cop. Personnel changed- came and went in the precinct. I've also seen my share of tragedies. I was there the night that Bobby Caffey was gunned down by his childhood best friend Paulie Fuentes. Bobby was one of the good guys, always trying to help. He died doing just that, trying to help Paulie beat his addiction." Sully said

These wounds won't seem to heal, This pain is just too real, There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears, And I held your hand through all of these years, But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone, But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Bobby loved Kim.

"I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember… Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me."

He always put up with Kim talking about Jimmy and it hurt him.

"You talk about him all the time. You worry about him. Hell, half the time you want to stab him with a kitchen knife, the other half you can't keep your hands off him. Maybe for you that's true love."

One shift was particularly rough on them all. 4 teenagers died while on their way to their high school prom. They were drunk. But the firefighters, medics, and cops could only watch as the kids died in the burning car. They decided to blow off steam and eventually ended up watching the sun come up on Coney Island. Taylor felt like Bobby was being a little too protective.

"I should have known better than to get between a mother and her cub." She said

But Bobby was a Christian; he honestly believed that he could accomplish some good in his life.

"I go to church." He tells Taylor

"Good for you." She replied

"I go to church on my way to work. I light a candle for anyone who dies on my watch."

Bobby wanted to help the teacher that he said changed his life and he asked Doc what he thought.

"If you had one chance to help the one person who completely changed your life, what would you do?" Bobby asked wanting to know if helping was the right thing to do.

Davis and Sullivan were at the hospital the night Bobby died and they were talking.

"You talk to him much?" Davis asked

"Caffey? No. You?" Sully responded with another question

"I puked in his car once." Davis smiled

"Now there's a memory." Sully replied.

Kim loved Bobby more than just being a partner. She was always there when he worked to help someone. His death devastated her to attempt suicide.

"He's a "nice guy". If he dies on that table…what did being a "nice guy" get him? Hmm?" she asked Sully

"September 11, 2001. I was in Atlantic City getting married, while so many others that I knew were cruelly taken out of this world by some cowardly act. Life isn't fair." Sully states

"So after hours of discussion and debate we decided that the only appropriate way to continue was to first honor these people by giving them the opportunity to tell their own stories, in their own words, before we return to telling our fictional stories." Skipp Sudduth- In Their Own Words

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day, Out in the yard with your wife and children, Working on some stage in LA, Did you stand there in shock at the site of, That black smoke rising against that blue sky
Did you shout out in anger, In fear for your neighbor, Or did you just sit down and cry

Did you weep for the children, Who lost their dear loved ones, And pray for the ones who don't know, Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below

Did you burst out in pride, For the red white and blue, The heroes who died just doing what they do, Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself to what really matters

I'm just a singer of simple songs, I'm not a real political man, I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you, The difference in Iraq and Iran, But I know Jesus and I talk to God, And I remember this from when I was young, Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us, And the greatest is love

"I couldn't tell you how many guys in how many firehouses and how many homes; firemen, police officers, emergency medical technicians, how many people didn't wait for the call, didn't wait to find out what was going on, just went" Bill Walsh

Tommy Doyle and the 342 other firefighters and the 23 NYPD officers, and 37 PAPD officers killed on September 11, 2001.

A child named same gave Jimmy a card that read, "I'm sorry the plane hit the building, Love, Sam"

"They found Tommy Doyle, they want us to carry him out." Lt. Johnson said of the missing member of Squad 55.

"And the funerals stopped for a while. It was back to business as usual. But then again, normal is anything but normal. And in one day the 55 lost two more of their own. Alex Taylor, from what I knew of her, was a wonderful person. She surprised the hell out of me, when I first met her I asked where the barka lounger was that should be attached to her ass. Davis dated her for a little while. I'm not sure he ever got over loving her. She was a good paramedic and firefighter. She was the type of person you wanted to be there when you needed help. Her dad was a Chief with the FDNY; he was killed on September 11. But she stayed strong. I don't think she knew the meaning of FEAR. She never showed it anyway." Sully explained

So what would you think of me now, so lucky, so strong, so proud? I never said thank you for that, now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in. Hear you me my friends. On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in. May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in. And if you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time. A song for a heart so big, God wouldn't let it live.

May angels lead you in. Hear you me my friends. On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

"She going back down there tonight?" Walsh asked about Taylor returning to the pile to help search.

"Yep." Lombardo replied

"You think it's a good idea?" Walsh asked

"You tell her she can't." Jimmy said

Taylor was a true competitor.

"Please tell me I didn't get my ass kicked for a tie." She said

"Okay in honor of Taylor let's go for the win." Jimmy says

The words every paramedic and EMT take to heart when someone dies.

"You're not dead till you're warm and dead." Taylor said

"Which means?" Sully asked

"If she's frozen she's not quite dead. She's just…stopped." Taylor responds

A woman who had been in a wreck was confused that Taylor was a paramedic and firefighter.

"You're a paramedic and a fireman?" She asked as Taylor helped put her in the ambulance.

"Yeah. It gets confusing sometimes." Taylor smiled

"That's amazing. I can't even balance a checkbook." The woman added

"Yeah, neither can I." Taylor replied

But in the hospital room, Taylor was worried about Kim and her mother. She didn't think her mom could stand to lose her too. Kim sat with Taylor.

"I'm glad you weren't there or you could've gotten hit too" Taylor said

Kim smiled and quipped, "Eh. I would have looked both ways."

But in the end, Taylor died as a paramedic. She started out the day mad because some rookie didn't show up for his scheduled shift. But you know, had she arrived at the wreck on the Squad rather than in the bus, she probably still would have done the same thing. She would have been on top of the car, comforting the elderly couple when it exploded.

"It comes down to: I have more skill and less choices. Womanhood in the land of the free" Taylor said on the way there.

Sully asked Doc what Taylor's problem was.

"She doesn't want to be on the bus." Doc said

"Yeah, well I don't want to write up a six-car accident, but we all have our crosses, right?" Sully returned

" I don't really like riding on the ambulance anymore." She told the elderly couple

"If you don't mind, we're glad you are." The old man said

"Don't tell anyone, but right now I am too." Taylor smiled

Sully tried to get Davis to talk about Taylor's death.

"Why are you pretending like...Taylor doesn't bother you?" Sully asked

"You got it all figured out, huh? Don't play psychologist. You're not that good at it." Davis pointed out

"You know you wouldn't let me get away with not talking about it." Sully said

"She came to see me in the hospital when I was hurt. She was there when my mom came by. I introduced her as one of the guys. Do you believe that? One of the guys. I was ashamed to be going out with a white a girl. Didn't want my mom to know. I was ashamed so I humiliated her. That's when we became past history. I don't deserve to feel bad about her dying. She was a way better person than I think I'll ever be." Davis said

In the end Carlos's eulogy summed it all up.

"Alex Taylor was, um... She was, um... She was a pain in the ass. I've never met anyone as stubborn as her. I mean, you couldn't tell her anything. Just this morning Doc told me that him and Lieutenant Johnson told her to get off that car like ten times. Ten times and she wouldn't do it. I remember hear-- but I remember hearing her answer when they told her to get off. She said that the woman that she was with was afraid. Not that she was hurt badly or dying, but just afraid. Can you imagine risking your life so that another person isn't scared? I don't think I'll ever be capable of that kind of sacrifice, but... I'm gonna spend whatever time I have left trying to live up to that. Mrs. Taylor, I was with your daughter at the end, I held her hand. There was only one thing on her mind...you. She wanted me to tell you that it didn't hurt. That's all she wanted was for you to know. Her last thoughts were not of herself. She wanted to go out on her own terms. She wanted to leave a message and no one was going to stop her from doing that. Like I said, she was the most stubborn person I've ever met. "Tell my mother it didn't hurt." Well maybe not for you Alex. Maybe not for you."

"Lt. Francis Johnson served the Squad at King and Arthur like they were his family. He'd have done anything for them. He didn't want to be transferred from the house if he took the Captain's test and passed it. The man gave up so much. He worked three jobs, but still that Squad was his life. The same wreck that took the life of Alex Taylor took his too. He had given up his turnout coat to cover a patient who was in shock. I wish he'd have kept his coat on." Sully admired

Last night I had a crazy dream, A wish was granted just for me, It could be for anything, I didn't ask for money, Or a mansion in Malibu, I simply wished, for one more day with you,

One more day, One more time, One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied, But then again, I know what it would do, Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

Sometimes he had to be the hard-ass though. He had to be their father. And well, when the police come looking for answers, sometimes you gotta get a little pissed. It shows what a little too much time, a potato gun, and a bag of potatoes can do. Oh yeah and a coat hook with a pair of bunker pants holding Taylor up.

"And somebody…get Taylor off that damn wall!"

He always wanted the best for the members of his squad.

"Attention ladies!" He announced

"Easy boss, these are no ladies." Taylor quipped

"My apologies to you actual ladies." He replied

"If you refuse to accept your destiny I thought I'd embarrass you into it. Look, we need good people in the street, but we need better people downtown" He told Doc as to why he announced the promotion in front of everyone.

A grieving wife…

"Mrs. Johnson, if there's anything that we could do..." Jimmy offered

"Can you tell me why?" Ruth asked

"Excuse me?" Jimmy asked

"You want to do something for me, Jimmy?" Ruth said

"Yeah, if I can." Jimmy responded.

"Then tell me why this happened to my husband. 'Cause it sure isn't the money. He works three extra jobs just so we can keep our kids in a decent school. The people honked their stupid horns and waved for one week two years ago and then went back to ignoring all of you! The city's heroes. But you're not heroes. None of you! You're husbands and wives and sons and daughters! And, God help me, I don't understand why! Why you would want to do a job that leaves a wife to explain to her children why that monster in there is all that's left of their father! Can you do that? Any of you! 'Cause if you can't then just..just leave me the hell alone." Ruth cried

"I messed up Ruth." Lt. Johnson said

"No. Never, never. I love you." Ruth replied

"We made it through so much. So many tragedies. We were almost finished." Ruth told Doc

"All I can tell you is he...he knew it was possible, but he didn't really think it would ever be him. If he knew he wouldn't have put any of you through this" Doc replied

"Maritza Cruz. Now there's one royal bitch. But, she was good at her job. And in our line of work, that's all that matters. You don't become a Sergeant to make friends. You have to be able to take the lead. I don't agree with the methods, but the honor is in the end, not the mean." Sully explained

Now when you die and life goes on, It doesn't end here when you're gone, every soul has found a flight, It never ends if I'm right. Our love can even reach across eternity.

I believe, Oh I believe

Forever you're a part of me, Forever in the heart of me, I will hold you even longer if I can. Oh the people, who don't see the most, See that I believe in ghosts. If that makes me crazy then I am

Cuz I believe, Oh I believe

There are more than angels watching over me.

I believe, Oh I believe

"Maritza Cruz was posthumously awarded the medal of honor. Intelligence estimates that with the amount of firearms recovered from that building she saved numerous lives. Mostly police officers. To this day, somebody places a single rose on her grave every morning." Sully narrates.

Looking back on the memory of, The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right, How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know, The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain, But I'd of had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything, For a moment wasn't I a king, But if I'd only known how the king would fall, Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know, The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain, But I'd of had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance, I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

"The 5-5 closed that day. The one I knew anyway. It's being rebuilt ten blocks away. Thing is, the new precinct won't be at the corner of King and Arthur anymore. So there won't be any Camelot. But the idea of Camelot - A place where heroes gather before going out to battle evil - that'll still be alive in whatever building becomes the 5-5. It lives in every police station and every firehouse in the city. Hell, in the country. In the world for that matter" Sully said, "The heroes there, they'll live with us forever. Bobby Caffey, Tommy Doyle, Alex Taylor, Francis Johnson, Maritza Cruz, and everyone else lost in the line of duty- they'll live forever in our hearts." Sully said

Thanks to for their quotes pages, this "fic" couldn't have happened without them.

Song lyrics used include:

I Miss You A Little by John Michael Montgomery

My Immortal by Evanescence

Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning) by Alan Jackson

Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World

One More Day and I Believe by Diamond Rio

The Dance by Garth Brooks