Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or Sarah McLachlan.

Full Of Grace
Building a Mystery

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You're so beautiful
with an edge and a charm
but so careful
when I'm in your arms
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Rory couldn't remember a time when she'd felt this happy, this relaxed. Her whole body was loose, her heart light and her spirit soaring. As she looked around at her surroundings she couldn't help a wide smile grace her features. She'd made it there at last. Made it to the point in her life she'd always wanted to be at. She'd finally gathered the strength and support to turn her back on California and it had been the best thing she'd ever done, because it had brought her to Yale, to her sister, and to the man walking close by her.

They'd only recently left the pub, Rory explaining that Brooke was probably wondering where she was. Ever the gentleman Finn had offered straight away to walk her home, claiming there were a lot of bad men in the world and such a pretty girl shouldn't be out alone. The comment had made her cheeks flush crimson but the raw emotion in his voice had made her knee's weak and her stomach tighten.

Stephanie had shot her a knowing look after Finn's offer, like she'd known the affect it had had on Rory. After her and Steph had left the bathroom and headed back to the table, the four of them had lost themselves in a long, witty conversation about millions of different things. Rory had been shocked that the time had flew by so fast when she'd looked at her watch. Gone were the distant and protective friends Finn had first introduced her to and in their places were friendly and sociable people.

Before they'd left, Collin and Finn had done the famous man hug to which Rory and Stephanie had rolled their eyes. The blonde girl had come closer to Rory and quickly enveloped her into a warm hug that left Rory stunned into silence. She knew she would never forget the four words that Stephanie had whispered into her ear before she pulled back.

Welcome to the group.

At first Rory had shrugged them off, thinking she was just being nice but after she'd fixed her eyes on Collin she'd known that what she'd said was true. She no longer felt the hard stare he'd been giving her before, no longer felt his intimidating gaze sweep over her body. Something clicked in her when she looked into his eyes and saw respect shining in them. She'd had no clue what he respected her for and she was still trying to piece together a reason but coming up short every time.

Rory had never thought she would ever fit in with that kind of crowd; the rich, spoiled children whose parents were definitively from old money. She could remember all her different encounters with them from the past. Older men coming to her, asking to have her for the night and her disgust when she could clearly see the gold ring shining on their finger, the young guys wanting to rebel even further from their parents and anger them by bringing her somewhere public. Even further back she could remember the many events she'd been forced to by her mother, pressed into a monstrosity of a dress and paraded around like she was a piece of meat.

All that time with those types and not once had she seen them friendly or smile genuinely. Everything had been forced, nothing sincere about the words they'd uttered to her, the praise her mother had given her in their presence empty and void of true meaning. But she was used to it by now and she did let it bother her…much.

"You alright?" Finn asked all of a sudden, tearing her from her deep thoughts. He'd been watching her closely since they left the pub. This girl beside him was such a mystery and he couldn't help this growing need he had to find out everything about her. He wanted to know how she'd been feeling when they were at the pub because her eyes had been sparkling with mirth and excitement. He wanted to know what she was thinking about so intensely and how it made her expression turn distant and sad. He wanted to lift her heavy thoughts, wanted to make her smile and laugh again.

Rory did manage to curl the side of her lips at him, the corner of her eyes wrinkling slightly. She sighed out at the worried expression swimming in his dark, chocolate brown eyes. Rory couldn't help but feel a fluttering sensation in her stomach as his eyes narrowed on hers gently. "Lot of thoughts," she told him softly, feeling an almost overwhelming urge to open up and tell him everything.

Finn frowned and slowly bent down, grabbing her hand and enveloping in his own. He watched their conjoined hands with a slight smile, liking the intimate contact and letting the pad of this thumb brush over her skin in a comforting way. "Girl like you shouldn't be thinking that hard," he whispered, suddenly wondering when it was that he changed so much. Never before had he cared for a girl so much, never had he spoken so gently, showed so much affection.

"A girl like me?" Rory questioned, letting her curiosity get the best of her. She wanted to know what she looked like to him. Wanted to memorize the way he was gazing at her and what he would say next because she knew that it would all change once he found out who she really was.

"Beautiful," he said lightly, letting a small smile play out on his lips, "Young." Finn wanted to say innocent the moment her cheeks blushed pink but he knew that it wouldn't be true. There was something in her eyes that told him she wasn't innocent anymore and that she'd seen the world for what it really was.

Rory felt her heart start beating louder at the first word. She'd never taken a mans compliments to heart, knowing that they were shallow and meant absolutely nothing but the way Finn had just told her she was beautiful, he made it sound worshipping. It was the second word he used to describe her that had her blue eyes dampening with unshed tears. And again the urge to explain everything to him came crashing down around her. She wished she could tell him differently, wanted to tell him that however young she may look physically, she wasn't a kid. She wanted to make him see that you grew up fast when you always had to taken care of yourself, wished more then anything to be able to tell him that she'd had to be a woman before she was even a girl.

Rory hadn't known what to say in response to that and so she almost sighed in relief when she saw Brooke's dorm come into view. She pointed over at it and led him straight to the oak door in the hallway. The two of them stood silently by the door, both suddenly feeling an awkward silence settling over them. Rory couldn't think of what to say even though her mind was being overrun my millions of thoughts and questions. She didn't know how she could ever express in words how much Finn meant to her, which scared her in a lot of different ways. Never had she allowed herself to become attached to a guy, never let herself feel for them. But before she could even realize it this man in front of her had taken those rules and thrown them out the window. He'd implanted himself in her life in only a couple days, he'd changed her and she knew she would have to get a greater hold on her emotions before they ran off with him…or maybe that was what she wanted?

"So…" she said, clasping her hands together in front of her and cursing herself for sounding like some teenage girl with a crush.

Finn smiled at her and ran one hand through his already dishevelled hair, messing it up even more. He had no clue what to say to her, which was making him more then uncomfortable. He was a ladies man, had always been but then again this girl in front of him was unlike any girl he'd ever met. "Can I see you tomorrow?" he asked suddenly, forcing himself to get the words out before he could wimp out.

Rory would have had to be deaf, blind and stupid not to sense the tension hanging in the air around them, the same tension that had been there the whole walk back from the pub. But with one sweet laugh Rory cut the tension in half and offered Finn a wide smile. "Sure," she answered coyly.

Finn let a smirk spread across his lips as he nodded at her response. "I'll come by around 1," he confirmed.

"Okay," Rory said and then turned around, reaching for the door knob and pushing through the door. "Sweet dreams," she whispered, not quite looking over her shoulder before she disappeared into the room.

Rory couldn't stop smiling as she made her way over towards her new room. She kept replaying the whole day in her mind like a private movie screening. She knew it was easily the best day of her life and she felt like she was floating. Her reliving of the day was abruptly cut short though when something hard smacked her over the back of the bed.

"Oww!" Rory cried, bringing her hand up to the sore spot and turning around to glare at Brooke who was holding a rather large book in her hand. "You know in civilized countries people usually just say hello."

Brooke folded her arms in front of her and jutted out one hip, adopting a stance and a glare that eerily reminded Rory of her mother. "And where have you been gallivanting around all day?" she asked heatedly.

Rory looked at her evenly before turning back around and entering her room. "Have a cow Brooke," she said off handily. "I was just out with friends." Rory sat down on the edge of the bed and bent down to take of her shoes, shifting her eyes towards Brooke she smirked a little. "Your friends actually."

Brooke looked confused and dropped her arms, letting them fidget around the hem of her shirt. "Which ones?" she asked walking more into the room. It looked weird not being covered in the many posters and papers and books that Paris had. No matter how annoying the blonde could have been or how much Brooke may have complained about her, they were still friends, good friends. She knew it would take a while to get used to not seeing her everyday.

Rory threw her shoes over to the other side of the room and then shrugged her jacket off before flopping backwards onto the bed. "Stephanie, Collin and Finn," she told her, feeling her smile grow at the names.

Brooke lifted an eyebrow in surprise and then sat down next to Rory. "Really?" she asked, hugging her knee's to her chest.

Rory lifted herself up so she was leaning on her elbows and turned her gaze to Brooke. "Yeah, they're really cool," she told her happily.

Brooke smiled slightly and nodded her head obviously agreeing with that statement. "And you guys hung out, like all day?" she asked, not knowing why it bugged her so much. "What about you and…" she trailed off, biting her tongue.

"What about me?" Rory asked, immediately growing defensive.

Brooke reached for Rory's hand, rushing to explain what she'd meant. "No I didn't mean it like that! I just…" she sighed out, trying to find the right words to describe what she was thinking.

"You want to know what I told them about myself?" Rory asked sullenly, averting her eyes from Brooke's identical blue ones. "Well you don't have to worry, because I didn't say anything serious about myself," she told her bitterly, her tone laced with an edge of anger as she pushed herself off the bed, ripping her hand out of Brooke's grasp.

Brooke watched her start to pace back and forth, ringing her hands until they started to turn blotchy. "I'm sorry," she whispered, hugging one of Rory's pillows to her chest. "I shouldn't have asked that."

"No! You shouldn't have!" Rory said, raising her voice. She stopped pacing so she was staring straight at Brooke and embraced her stomach with her arms. "Are you really that ashamed of me?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Brooke shook her head instantly and jumped off the bed, walking straight to Rory. "No, Rory I'm not ashamed of you, I could never be!" she pleaded with Rory to understand.

"Then what are you trying to accomplish by making sure no one knows about me?" she asked, taking a step back, distancing herself.

Brooke looked down, feeling her throat close over as she tried to force the words out. She didn't know if she should admit to Rory what she was doing, what she had been doing ever since the last year. "I'm…" Brooke took a deep, calming breath and turned her back to Rory, knowing it would be easier if Rory wasn't looking at her. "I'm trying to protect you."

"What?" Rory asked, her arms dropping down to her sides and her eyes wide with shock.

Brooke shook her head, her hair cascading over her shoulders in loose curls. "It didn't work," she admitted softly, shifting her weight from foot to foot nervously. "It didn't help you…or me."

Rory opened her mouth, her throat was quickly growing dry and she could feel the sharp sting of tears in her eyes. "Why?" she finally choked out, so much emotion hidden in that one word.

"I didn't want anyone to know," she said, slowly turning around. "I didn't want them to look at you differently, like you were weak. Because you weren't and you aren't!" Her anger was quickly shining through and Rory watched as her fist tightened around the material of her shirt, her knuckles almost turning white with the effort. "Everyone cried, you know. Lorelai, me…dad," she whispered the last word almost maliciously. "I cried at night, away from everyone else. I cried for you, because I knew you couldn't cry. But no one else understood why I think. Chris came back that week…I never told you."

Rory could barely see straight, her eyes were so blurry from the tears. She quickly wiped them away, her sleeve dampening from them but she didn't even feel it. "He…he went back there?" she asked, her voice trembling a tiny bit.

Brooke nodded; she could see so many emotions in Rory's eyes. Pain. Hate. Guilt. So many emotions that ripped right through her, making her feel every one of them like they were her own. She wanted so much to be able to help Rory, to be able to finally let her leave her past behind her. But she wasn't naïve enough to think she ever could, because Rory bore scars form her past, physical scars and emotional ones. And scars like that don't heal easily.

"I don't know what he wanted…answers maybe?" Brooke pondered aloud. "Forgiveness?"

"It wasn't his fault," Rory immediately said. She'd spent too much time, to much energy on blaming her father in the past. She liked to think she was old enough, wise enough to understand now that it was never his fault. No matter how much he may have ignored her or how many bad decisions he made, it wasn't his fault that she'd become a hooker.

"You know you can tell him that, repeatedly, and he won't listen," Brooke said knowingly. "I actually felt bad for him when he came to the house. He looked really bad," she told Rory wanting to see what her reaction would be.

Rory felt herself choke up again upon hearing those words. She couldn't stop her mind from conjuring up a picture of their dad; his hair unkempt, clothes wrinkled, eyes wild. It made her heart clench painfully and guilt spread throughout every inch of her body because she knew she was the reason why he had been so…broken. It didn't matter that she didn't talk to him that much, didn't matter that she saw him even less. He was still her dad and she still loved him and so it hurt to think of him that way, but it scared her to even consider going to see him. She knew without a doubt she wasn't ready for that, wasn't strong enough yet. Hopefully, sometime in the future she would be able to mend things between them but she wasn't sure…

"I don't blame him anymore," Rory repeated, trying in vein to make sure everyone knew that. "I used to."

"I blamed him at first," Brooke admitted, moving to sit on the bed, her head falling into her hands. "I yelled at him…I've never yelled at him like that before. But I was just so angry…"

Rory smiled reassuringly and walked over to Brooke and knelt down in front of her. "Hey?" she asked, reaching out and inching Brooke's chin up so they could look at each other. "I don't want you worrying about me okay? I can take care of myself," she promised.

"I know, you've proved that," she said, laughing suddenly as she wiped her eyes of tears. "Wow, look at us. Every time we get together we end up crying."

Rory echoed her laugh and sat down, leaning against the bed. "Yeah and I was in such a good mood when I got here," she mused, thinking back to her day with Finn.

Brooke watched the smiled creep onto Rory's face and she placed a hand on her shoulder. "Did something happen with Finn today?" she asked innocently.

Rory's mind instantly triggered the movie again, replaying their kiss in the snow. "Something may have," she answered cryptically.

Brooke smiled almost sadly. "You know you're going to have to tell him?" she asked, moving so she was behind Rory and started to comb through her hair with her fingers.

Rory leaned her head back so it was resting against Brooke's leg and she closed her eyes. "I know," she responded dejectedly. "I know he deserves to know, they all do. But I don't want to tell them," she confessed. "I don't want him to see me that way, because I know he'll look at me differently when he knows."

"He may," Brooke said quietly, her voice soothing. "But I know Finn and I know that he would want to know the truth. And before he gets in to deep."

Rory nodded her head mutely, thinking over how she was going to tell him. It scared her to think about what would happen if he turned his back on her because of it. It scared her to know that it would break her heart if he hated her when he found out. She didn't want to see disgust in his eyes, not when all day he'd been looking at her like she was the only girl in the world.

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'Cause you're working
building a mystery
holding on and holding it in
yeah you're working
building a mystery
and choosing so carefully
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Okay so here comes the time for me to apologize profusely about my complete lack of updates! I'm so very sorry about that! Especially because I don't have an excuse…except major, major writers block! But I finally got this written and I hope you all like it! I love feedback; in fact I thrive on it so please review!

Thanks to everyone whose been reading this and reviewing, I love you guys so much. Thanks especially to one reviewer, unknownfuture04, without your review I probably would have forgotten about her illness. Thanks so much! And I promise it will come back, in the next chapter maybe.

Hugs and Kisses,
-Ella