Over the two years that Charles was gone my bruises and cuts healed, but I still had scars as a constant reminder of what had been done to me. When Charles first left I was still afraid to go to sleep from fear that he would unexpectedly return for one final beating, but over time the fear almost disappeared. I started to live my life again. The sun started shining through all the darkness I had been suffering through. Happiness began seeping back into my life. Unfortunately time flew by too quickly. Before I knew it Charles appeared on the front steps of our house in his uniform. He looked terribly handsome; it was a shame that underneath his uniform was a monster.
"Esme," he began quietly, removing his hat as he spoke. "Esme I've missed you so much." He took a step towards me. I drew back instinctively.
"Oh Esme, don't be afraid. I've changed." He looked completely innocent. I wanted so badly to believe him. In the back of my mind something told me he would never change, that he was lying. But I tuned it out. My life had been so great lately and I was going to strive to keep it that way.
The night of Charles return he made love to me. I felt the heat coming from his skin and felt his lips burn my skin. He held onto me like he actually loved me. I tried to force some feeling of love for Charles but I couldn't, but I was going to give Charles a chance.
The following weeks followed the same happy routine. Charles treated me like I was the most precious thing in the world, but then one night he came home late. He stumbled through the door. I heard a crash in the kitchen and went to investigate. It was after one in the morning. I could smell the alcohol from across the room.
"Come here," Charles demanded. His eyes were bloodshot. His expression was terrifyingly familiar. I took a step back. I was going to have to make a run for it. I wasn't going to go down without a fight. I turned around and dashed to the back door. Even though Charles was completely drunk he could still out run me. He grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me onto the floor. I screamed out in pain.
"Charles stop!" I screamed helplessly.
He ignored me and began to unbutton my blouse.
"Stop it!" I continued to shout. Tears poured from my eyes as I tried to defend myself. Charles got on top of me and started to undress himself.
"STOP!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. He hit me harder than he ever had. I blacked out.
The next morning when I woke Charles was gone. I was so sore I could hardly move. My clothes from the night before lay scattered all around me. I scrambled around grabbing them and putting them back on my freezing body, and then I wept. How could I have been so stupid to believe he actually changed? How could I let my guard down after what he had done to me?
My right eye was black and blue and the side of my face was bruised and swollen. When Charles came home that night he brought me flowers. I took them, only out of fear from what would happen if I didn't, then closed myself up in the bedroom.
Over the next few weeks Charles continued to spoil me with flowers, jewelry, clothing, and other unimportant items but I didn't trust him. I couldn't. He still came home drunk occasionally. During that time I would lock myself in the bathroom until he fell asleep.
I couldn't continue to live like this. I couldn't go to my parents, I already knew what they would say, "Be a good wife!" and I had no friends to turn to. And now it was more important than ever that I got away... I had been getting sick for a few weeks now, having extreme cravings, and had been more emotional than ever before. All of the symptoms were signs of pregnancy. There was no way I was going to let my child be raised in an abusive home, so I quickly made plans for my escape.
I had only met her once, but I had a second cousin, Laura, living in Milwaukee. She was only a few years older than me and had children of her own. She could temporarily provide safety for my baby and myself. So I wrote her telling her my situation and pleading for refuge. I waited anxiously for her reply. When I finally received word from her I was thrilled to discover that she was more than happy to take me in.
Since Charles was gone during the day it was not too difficult to get away. Once he left in the morning I stuffed my few possessions into an old suitcase, bid farewell to my old life, and set out for the nearest train station. I was not grieved to say goodbye to Columbus.
Laura, her husband Richard, and their two sons Zachary and Will met me at the train station in Milwaukee right on time. I was welcomed with open arms. I couldn't remember the last time people had been so kind to me. With Laura and her family I felt at ease, but of course, it was not made to last. Word had gone round that a Mr. Evenston was coming to Milwaukee. At first word of his arrival I fled farter north to a small town called Ashland.
I was getting big now. It would not be much longer before my baby was born. If people had known that my husband still lived I would have been considered a filthy tramp and a home wrecker. It wasn't socially acceptable for a woman to leave her husband, not matter how he treated her, but thanks to the war it was easy for me to pass off as a widow.
I was a teacher at a local school. I adored children and could hardly wait to be a mother. The wait seemed excruciatingly long, but at last my baby was ready to be born. One of the other widowed women in the area had been living with me so when the day came she could help deliver my baby.
After hours of terrible pain I finally held my tiny baby boy in my arms. I named him Jonathan. I had never felt as complete as I did when I held my son. I was afraid to let him go. He was so small and frail and I was the only thing he had.
I didn't want to let him go, but it wasn't in my power to decide how long I could keep him for. When I first discovered his pale, cold, dead body I was in shock. Tears poured freely from my eyes. I had lost everything. I had nothing to live for. My sob broke the dead silence that filled the room. I do not know how long I cried for until my eyes ran dry. All I knew was that my life was no longer worth living. I didn't have it in me to try to make things better anymore, so I ran.
I do not know how long I ran for or where I was running to but when I finally stopped I found myself over looking the edge of a cliff. I stared down into the vast openness below me. The wind whirred around me furiously, encouraging me, and then everything went still. I closed my eyes, took half a breath, and jumped.
I waited too long to hit rock bottom but when I finally collided with the ground I suffered one quick surge of pain then I felt nothing. Everything was pitch black . I couldn't move. I was drowning but I didn't have enough will power to search for the surface. Suddenly magnificent light overpowered the darkness.
There he was. Right there. Carlisle was walking toward me with an outstretched hand. I was very convinced that I was dead. My angel was here, reaching for me through all the darkness. His smile still provided me with the long forgotten butterfly in your stomach sensation. He was calling my name.
"Esme!" He cried desperately. I tried to call back to him, but I could not find my voice.
"Oh Esme," he whispered sadly. Then he was gone. The darkness returned, extinguishing all light that once existed. I tried to scream for Carlisle but it was no use. I was slipping further into the unknown.
There was no hope. Carlisle was gone, everyone and everything was gone forever. I felt more pain than I had ever felt before. I was bathing in the reality that I had lost everything that was ever important to me. Suddenly I felt a new pain. A physical pain. It was suddle at first but intensified with every heartbeat. I was on fire. I gasped for air. Life flooded back into my broken body. My piercing scream echoed through the room. My eyes fluttered open, tears of extreme pain streaming from my eyes.
"Esme," Carlisle said calmly, trying to soothe me. I saw his face and for one brief moment the pain seemed to dull. I had to be imagining him. It was impossible that he, of all people, was here when I needed someone the most, but the pain I felt was far to real for me to be imagining it. I wanted to keep staring at Carlisle but the pain was too much. I thrashed around violently, trying to get rid of the burning sensation that pulsed through my body. I cried out in agony when it did not cease to burn.
"Esme, it's going to be all right, I promise. I'm here. I won't leave." Carlisle said comfortingly.
Carlisle's simple promise restored me to hope. The pain did not subside but Carlisle was my inspiration to hold on, so with Carlisle at my side I suffered through the excruciating pain for three very terrible days.