Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: Slash, get over it, or get out.

One-Night Stand

Part Four

Remus lay awake in bed, staring up at the canopy. Words and phrases from the book he'd spent the evening poring over bounced around in his head, refusing to let him sleep.

First time… sexual act… mate for life… symptoms… lethargy… telepathy… bonding… separation… refusal… death…

Remus rolled onto his side and stared at the drawn curtains.

The book had explained everything. Werewolves mated for life.

Remus was a werewolf. Remus and Sirius had mated.

It sounded crude, even in Remus's head. Humans didn't mate. Animals mated.

Unfortunately, Remus wasn't human, no matter what his parents and friends told him. This new… development… only drove that point home. And worse, now he'd dragged Sirius into it as well.

The uncharacteristic behavior on both their parts, the lack of energy… it was the mating bond. They had mated, but because they hadn't accepted it, there was a barrier between them. The bond was trying to break through, to tear down the wall, to assert itself, but it was only having limited luck. The result was the slow sapping of strength.

Remus rolled to his other side, punching his pillow to get it into the right shape.

They both had to accept the bond or else… or else nothing. There would be nothing. If they didn't accept the bond, Remus would die. At least, that's what it had sounded like from the text.

If Sirius accepted the bond, and something happened to Remus, it was likely that Sirius would not survive. If Sirius accepted, he would be tied to Remus for the rest of his life – heart, mind, body, and soul.

If Sirius refused, Remus wouldn't survive the rejection.

And how could Remus ask for such a thing? How could he ask Sirius to give him his life?

Sirius had insisted more than once that true friends ought to be able to share anything. When Sirius had first told Remus he knew the smaller boy was a werewolf, he had commanded Remus to tell him if he ever needed something, and that anything that was Sirius's was Remus's as well. But asking to borrow a shirt or a spare quill was very different from asking for someone's entire future.

With a groan, Remus rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow. Lingering traces of a scent already several days old tickled the werewolf's senses. Remus inhaled deeply: Sirius. Remus could smell the shampoo the other boy used, but also something stronger, more primal, something that was innately Sirius, and the wolf recognized it instantly as the smell of its mate.

Remus groaned again, but this time, it came out part growl. For a moment wolf struggled with human, and Remus buried his head even farther into the pillow, breathing deeply.

The human didn't want to force Sirius into anything, and feared that, if informed, the other boy would accept out of loyalty and for the sake of their friendship, or a feeling of responsibility, or pity. Remus couldn't decide which would be worse, Sirius agreeing because he felt sorry for the poor dying werewolf, or Sirius agreeing because he felt he had to take responsibility – in the same way he would marry a girl if he knocked her up.

The wolf didn't care about responsibility or pity or friendship, it just wanted its mate, and didn't care how it got him.

If Remus was honest with himself – and if ever there was a time for honesty, this was it – his human side wanted Sirius as much as the wolf did, and he had no delusions about blaming the mating bond as the only cause of his… interest. But he couldn't destroy Sirius's life, even to save his own. He wouldn't be the accidental pregnancy, the unwanted baby, the mistake. Sirius had a future, a real future, and Remus couldn't be the one to take that away from him.

Slowly, mustering his determination, Remus rolled onto his back, away from the scent clinging to his pillow. The wolf fought, but the full moon wasn't quite near enough to tip the balance in its favor, and the human will won.

Bitter tears began to leak from the corners of Remus's eyes and he angrily shook them away, sitting up. He would not feel sorry for himself. Whatever the cost to himself, he would be saving Sirius. And he had no way of knowing for sure that rejecting the bond would mean the end for him. What did a book know, anyway?

He rubbed furiously at his eyes.

Even if it were true…

He bit his lip.

Would it be quick? Would he waste away? He felt like he was already wasting away. He felt dead. Would actual death feel like this? Should he leave a note of some kind, in case he simply collapsed? How long did he have? There were so many things he had wanted to do, so many things he had wanted to say… Especially to…

Everything was a blur, spinning around in his head so fast he couldn't think straight. None of it seemed to matter anyway.

The wolf was howling, an angry, mournful sound.

Tears were still pouring from his eyes, but he barely noticed them anymore.

He'd always wanted to fly.

The stray thought floated up out of the whirlwind in his mind.

He was terrified of heights. He'd hated the flying lessons he'd been forced to take first year. He'd only gotten through Astronomy because it was too dark to see anything but the stars and planets through the telescopes, and he'd been looking up, not down.

But he'd always wanted to fly.

His friends flew. High. Fast. Away from their problems. Wind whipping their hair and robes.

He wanted to fly.

If the end was coming anyway, he might as well give flying a try.

Remus stood, oblivious to the salty streams now running freely down his face.

He had no broom of his own, so he opened Sirius's trunk and took his. Unthinkingly, he grabbed a cloak as well, draping it around his shoulders over his pajamas. For a moment, with the trunk open and the borrowed cloak wrapped around him, Sirius's scent almost overwhelmed him. But then he slammed the top down again, and left the room.

The faint fragrance clinging to the material drifted after him. It seemed to give him the strength to keep going.

His feet took him through the corridors and up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. At the top, it took him a moment to push the door open and struggle out into the wind. It was dark outside – the heavy cloud cover blocking the stars and the moon – and bitingly cold. The door slammed shut behind him and the wind hit full force, tearing through thin clothes and heavy cloak alike. Part of him wished he'd gotten properly dressed first, but the rest of him was past caring.

Clumsily, he threw one leg over his broom, and gripped the handle. He kicked off hard, and went hurtling into the dark grey sky.

The wind torrents buffeted him this way and that, trying to rip him from the flimsy stick he clung to. He was terrified, but in a dull sort of way. Even his fear of flying didn't mean anything anymore.

Snow began to fall, and he was quickly soaked through. His entire body was numb, but he hardly noticed. It seemed to fit.

Maybe I should just let go, he thought vaguely. End it now, quickly, when I won't feel the pain. If I fall, there won't be a rejection to hurt me, and there won't be a rejection to hurt Sirius. Even if the bond is rejected, it might hurt him. I could just let go now, and it would all be over.

REMUS!

Remus jerked, and almost lost his grip on the broom. That was Sirius's voice. Where was it coming from?

REMUS!

Frantically, Remus looked left, right, everywhere. He could see nothing.

REMUS! WHERE ARE YOU?

There! On the black lump that was the Astronomy Tower, at the very top, near the door, was a tiny shadow of a figure that might be a person. But there was no way that Remus would be able to hear that person, even with an amplification charm.

Remus! Come back!

The voice was softer, but just as persistent, and, in the quieter tone, there was a trace of fear. Remus suddenly realized that the sound was coming from inside his own head.

Am I insane? Remus wondered, a dull sort of dread trying to worm its way into his mind.

…telepathy…

The book! The book had mentioned telepathy!

So it really was Sirius talking inside Remus's head, not just a voice that sounded like him.

Sirius? He asked, wondering if the other boy would hear him.

Remus? The response was immediate and now clearly panic-stricken. Remus, come back! Where are you? I'm on top of the Tower. I can't see you. I know you're nearby, but I can't see you! Come back!

Almost as though the broom were listening to its master's thoughts, Remus suddenly found himself heading for the Tower.

He landed and stumbled off the broom, nearly falling. Sirius caught him, strong arms holding him up.

"You're soaked," Sirius's rough voice said in Remus's ear. "You must be freezing."

But despite the bone-deep chill and lack of feeling in his numb legs, Remus felt more alive than he had in days. Sirius's arms around him had suddenly sparked something deep within him and it felt wonderful.

Sirius half-led, half-carried Remus back inside, down the stairs, and back to the common room.

Remus collapsed onto one of the couches, exhaustion hitting him again in a wave.

Sirius brought the fire back to life with a quick flick of his wand, then summoned a blanket which he tucked firmly around the drenched werewolf, taking the dripping cloak and laying it in front of the flames to dry.

"Feeling better?" Sirius asked.

"What?" Remus, whose eyes had been drifting closed, blinked at the black-haired boy crouched before him.

"That's why you took my broom," Sirius said, gesturing towards the broom leaning against the end of the couch. "Isn't it?"

Remus frowned, trying to think. "How did you –"

"Know?" Sirius shrugged. "I just did. Here," he tapped his chest. "I knew you were upset, more so than earlier, and I knew you'd gone up to the Tower. And then," his brow furrowed, as though he were puzzled, "and then I could hear bits of thoughts that sounded like your voice, here," he tapped his head, "but it was fuzzy, like the Wizarding Wireless is when you try to listen to it behind the barriers Hogwarts has up." He frowned suddenly. "Were you trying to kill yourself?" his tone indicated he was convinced he must be mistaken.

Remus didn't reply, merely shut his eyes again.

"Remus?" Sirius's tone was once again tinged with something akin to panic. "Remus?"

Remus said nothing.

Remus! Sirius's voice now blared inside Remus's skull, and he couldn't avoid it. Answer me, damn it!

"Yes!" Remus shouted, aloud and in Sirius's mind. Even with his eyes screwed up tight, he knew Sirius had winced.

"Why?" Sirius's spoken voice was soft. "Why would you even think of doing something like that?"

"It would have been easier for both of us," Remus said, voice even softer than Sirius's.

"I don't understand."

A gentle hand smoothed Remus's hair back from his face, and a wave of emotion rolled off of Sirius towards Remus, comforting… caring… loving.

Remus's eyes flew open. In a single motion, he was off the couch and pounding up the spiral staircase. He stormed to his bed and snatched the fateful book off the bedside table where he'd left it.

Sirius was standing in the doorway, having followed him up the stairs. His expression was bewildered and most un-Sirius-like.

"There!" Remus shoved the book forcefully at Sirius. "There!" he said again. "It's all there!"

"Rem, I don't –"

"Everything that's happened, everything we've felt. You inside my head. Me inside yours."

"What are you –"

"It's why you think you… care… for me." Remus's lip threatened to begin trembling. He bit down so hard he felt the skin break.

"What –"

"I felt it just now. Downstairs. From you. You think you… care. You don't know why, but you do. I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"It's my fault." Remus bit down again on his lip, and was almost glad of the pain.

"Your fault?"

"After we…" Remus swallowed. "After we had sex, that next morning, when we woke up together, and neither of us could remember what had happened, and you asked if I was sore… I said yes. And the reason I was, was because I'd never had sex with anyone else."

"I don't –"

"You were my first, Siri. You were my first, and I'm a werewolf."

Sirius stared at him, as though not comprehending.

Remus took a deep breath. This was it. He hadn't wanted to tell Sirius, but now he had to, and this was it. "Werewolves mate for life, Sirius."

TBC

A/N: Well, I'm not overly thrilled with this part – it feels rushed to me, even though it took a while to write. It just wasn't jiving. I was trying to get the point across that Remus simply isn't thinking clearly. He's very confused. It's not his fault, of course, that's just the way things are. He's not actually suicidal. I repeat, Remus is not suicidal – he's just out of it, and the wolf and the bond are screwing with his head. I'm saying all this now, because I'm sure to get complaints, and I'd like to head some of them off. Again, I'm not happy with this, but it's been driving me nuts, and I simply had to move on. This story cannot go on forever. One more part. Maybe two. Perhaps three, though that's doubtful. Just so you're warned. I may re-write this at some point, but that, too, is doubtful. Suggestions on ways to fix this are always welcome, though I of course make no promises. Anyway, please review!