REMEMBER: Lady Shijimi is the woman in Naruto Book 2. She was a character for only a little time. When Naruto and the others began getting assignments, they had to rescue her cat. She was a big fat woman, not to be rude, but true. She is the wife of the ruler of the land of fire. The cat's name is Tiger.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto in any way, shape or form!

"Good morning young one! Since I lost my Tiger-cutie I get to play with you." Lady Shijimi said who was an enormous woman.

CHAPTER 5:

"Good morning Madame, but what am I doing in your humble home?" I stuttered looking up to the woman's grotesquely huge eyes.

"Kakashi, that sweet man, brought you here. He told me I could either let you pick: one, you help me find Tiger my kitty and get him for me. You see he's been gone for a long, long, long, long, lo…" Lady Shijimi was saying.

"Madame, I haven't got a lot of time, please go on about the choices." I said politely staring at the woman who stood so, so, so BIG!

"Oh, Choice two is that you become my new kitty cat!" She jumped in joy. I must say as she jumped the earth shook! "Meow." She meowed me. Ewe! Only if I had my pepper spray on me! Wait where is it?

"Where are my belongings?"

"Kakashi put some on that table next to you, but he told me to get rid of the other icky, bad stuff!"

"That man!" I stuttered.

"That's okay. Which is your choice one or two?"

"I pick number one choice, 1. When shall we begin?"

"Right now." she said. She got up and began walking towards the door. WOW THIS WOMAN IS HUGE. Even her butt looks like there's something in it. Wait a second, there is something in it. It's wedged in but I can pick it out. It's, it's, it's THE CAT!

"Madame, I think I found your cat."

Where is it honey?"

"It's kinda stuck in your, your…"
"MY ass? I figured it had to be there. I have tweezers if you can pull it out."

"Tweezers are small. Aren't they?" I asked.

"Yes, but these are specially carved for me. In case this happens." she replied.

I got the tweezers from the poor butler. I put the humongous pair of tweezers in her ass and pulled as hard as I could. "It's not moving."

"OHHHHHHH!" she yelled. "Tweezers won't work use your HANDS!" OKAY! I AM NOT ABOUT TO STICK MY HANDS IN SOME LADY'S BUTT! I AM NOT GOING TO! I REFUSE. "Meow." Oh god. I don't want to become a kitty.

Censored… Censored… and more censoring being done. I found my PEPPER SPRAY!

"Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow." went Tiger the cat. It was a disgusting brown color! Oh my.

"Tiger my baby give me a kiss." The cat kissed the woman and then licked her face. Let me remind you, this cat went up her ass!

"here's some money. Leave." she shoed me away.

NEVER MENTION THIS DAY AGAIN. NEVER.

I somehow managed to get back into town. I saw the ramen shop and sat down. There I saw the same blond haired boy as before. I ordered some ramen and ate.

"Slurp! Slurp! Slurp! Slurp! Slurp! Slurp! Slurp! Slurp! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP!" slurped the bond boy.

This kid thinks he can slurp in a public place -- how rude! Yet fun -- but I'm not about to do it. The wonderful person I am, I began a conversation. Not really he began it, I just wanted to say I was wonderful. Anyways…

"What is up home dog!" he asked.

"Chillin' n' slurpin'!" I answered.

"Cool!" he said.

"What's up? Homey dog."

"Fizzling my nizzling and jazzing, etc."

IS NOT what happened.

"Hi. My name is Naruto Izumaki and I'll become the next HOKAGE."

"That's nice."

"Believe it."

The church bells were ringing. DING! DONG! DING!

"Repeat that?"

"Hi. My name is Naruto Izumaki and I'll become the next HOKAGE."

"Not that the other thing."
"BELIEVE IT!" he said in slow motion.

I get it. That is what that old guy was talking about. To change the subject I asked, "Believe what?"

"It"

"Good one."

"What"

"WHAT" he asked. I left him puzzled.

I kept walking. Oooh. Look. A book store. YIPPEE! Time for me to relax. I entered the shop and browsed. Yes! New book by the "mysterious author I never met, wink, wink." Icha Icha Paradise! It was the last one left. Score, I rock! My hand gently and slowly moved towards the book. I felt my heart pumping. Pump. Pump. Pump. I quickly grabbed hold of the book. I felt other hands on the book. Karate chop the other hand. OWW! That was my other hand. I am going to make believe that didn't happen. Back to the story, oh yes, Pump! PUMP! PUMP! Went my heart. I felt warm hands on both of my hands. I glanced without looking at who these hands belonged to. I didn't care. My eyes hit his dashing eyes. I reached up to his face about to, to, to touch him. I, I, I

Slapped him right across the face. I got my pepper spray. And tied to spray it, but nothing came out. A smile crept upon the man's face. Oh well. Since it was empty, I had no use of it. Since it was vile, I stuck it in the man's mouth and ran. I paid for the book and ran.

"Hehehehehehehehehhehehehehhehehehhehehehhehehehehehhehehehheheh!" I laughed.

"Hahahahahhahahahahahhaahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahaha" he laughed.

I stopped and turned around, he didn't stop running and BOOM! Collision. He fell on top of me and we rolled down a hill and in the process I was on him, then he was on me, I was on him and so on. At the end he was on me. I opened my eyes to find this man was… KAKASHI!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I yelled. He closed my mouth with his hand. You see I learned fro experience, no one would want to cover your mouth if you licked their hand, I mean they'd be grossed out, right? I began licking the hand that was over my mouth. Instead of him wiping his hand off and me yelling some more he said this:

"It's not time for that. We'll have time to do that later if you're still in the mood." I stopped the licking of the hand. This man was a pervert and a stalker. His weight was too much. He told me to give the book to him. It was the last copy. I told him no.

He allowed me to get back on my feet. "No. The book is mine."
"Don't make me hurt you. I need that book!" he commanded.

"No it's mine I paid for it. Get lost."

"Don't make me hurt you!" he said again.

"Try?" I asked. He came up to me and gave me a hug. A FRIENDLY HUG!

"YOU Think that hurt me? You are wrong."

"Oh yah what about this?" He put his arms around me once more and kissed me on the cheek.

"WOW! YOU'RE A BIG MAN now! THAT IS NOT HOW YOU DO IT."

"how do you do it then, Miss Bigshot?" he questioned.

"LIKE THIS!" I yelled. I walked up to him and put my arms around him. I kissed him on the lips and he kissed me back. Oh my.

END OF CHAPTER 5

READ CHAPTER SIX WHEN IT COMES OUT INTO THE SHELVES OF THE WEBSITE!

-get it?