AN: sorry its so late, but things have been really sucking of late. I'm fives seconds away from finding a bat and smashing it repeatedly into my computer until I'm satisfied that it understands fully just have frustration I am with it.
anyway, this story has been rather slow of late but things will be heating up in the next chapter. And all of my other stories. and yes even Boss Ikari should be getting updated soon. When? Like the hell I know, but soon.
All that aside I just want to say that I appreciate the reviews I've been getting and all or your support. I've been trying to get that out for a while.
/priest/
/Welcome to the Real World/
- lawlesspriest -
10: the disappointing truth
"Alright, alright, I just need to ask this one more time because it's still kinda bothering me." my roommate interrupted before I could continue my tale. She had that look in her eyes again that guaranteed me that trouble was ahead. I really felt like sighing but I kept it in.
"Umm.. sure, what is it Asuka?" No point in stalling.
"The Matrix... what is it, really?"
"Sigh... " guess it couldn't be helped.
"Asuka..." Hikari said again.
"I believe we have been through this before already Sohryu." Even I could hear the bit of exasperation in the First Child's voice and we all know how Rei very rarely shows any type of emotion let alone annoyance.
"Don't give me that crap, this stuff is confusing!"
"Only to the likes of you."
"Oh you've got jokes eh, Wonder Girl? Ha ha, real funny. About as funny as my fist hitting you right between that empty space you call your brai..."
"Asuka, please! We don't have time for that!" Hikari looked about ready to dish out some of that famous Class Rep justice.
"Indeed. Further interruptions will only waste what little time we have left."
"Phah, whatever. It's not my fault that the head dufus over here doesn't know how to explain himself properly."
"Asuka..." Hikari reprimanded again.
"What?" But of course it wasn't like that was going to have any effect on Asuka. She just gave that same innocent expression like she always does.
"Please continue, Ikari-kun." It was Rei who brought me back to the issue at hand, but I couldn't help but gulp a bit.
"Umm... actually, I did sorta... leave a few parts out about the whole... Matrix thing."
Ok, let me ask you this, have you ever been in a room where everyone in it had it in for you? Now make all of them female, with two of them being the pilots of giant 40 story tall bio-mechanical demons who have been training their whole lives to be soldiers.
Now imagine one of those two being one of those cold, emotionless 'the mission is all' types and with the other the most tactful thing you could say about her would be that she's temperamental and lastly you have the more aggressive one's best friend - who has a mean streak on par with her friend - who just happens to be your class rep. Now times that by like 30 and you'll began to understand how it felt to be under all of those cross gazes. Hell, even Pen Pen was giving me the evil eye.
'Traitorous penguin. As if he forgot who feeds him.'
"Ikari..." Rei started off.
"Y-yes."
"We do have other places to be Shinji..." Hikari continued calmly even though the glare she was aiming my way told be that was a lie.
"And it would be in your best interest if you'd stop wasting our time and tell us THE WHOL.E #$$# STORY THE FIRST TIME AROUND!" The German finished for the other two inches in front of my face.
It was deafly quiet in the apartment for a moment, one in which Asuka took to calm down, which I was very much grateful for. She bade me to continued, her fist raised and ready if any extra persuasion was necessary, but I hurried and went about it after I could hear again without my head ringing.
"Well... uh..."
"Ikari..." Rei started again.
"Sorry, sorry... uh... Miss Trinity said that... um..." I paused for a bit. 'how am I supposed to explain this part.'
The girls called my name but I wasn't paying attention. The Matrix really could get your head spinning and it took just about all of that morning for the slight American woman to explain it to me in a way that didn't leave me with a boat load of questions. Which really meant that rather than the aircraft carrier it had started off with I ended up with only a freight boat's worth. I don't know if you've ever seen a freight boat before, they aren't real large, but in this case they're still large enough for it to matter.
But all of that was besides the point. And besides, I had long since given up any true hope of understanding what most of it meant anyway so... that probably helped a bit.
"I swear to you Shinji Ikari if you don't start within the next..."
"They called it a prison." I interrupted. My mind was focused inward, piecing together what I had been told and I what I felt was true from within.
"You've told us this part already." That was Asuka of course.
"They?" Hikari questioned while giving her friend another cross look. I silently wondered if girls practiced those or if it just came naturally.
"They resistance... Zion. Zion was a city, the only human city left. They had believed early on that the Matrix was a huge and supremely superior virtual reality simulation network based on the 21st century. They believed that the Matrix was a cage used to hold humanity hostage, keeping them in check and in a way they were right, but there was more to it."
"The first.. the first man to every become free was the one they eventually called the One. He was... different, he could see things, knew things about the world around him that went beyond what should have been possible. And he knew that things just weren't right."
"He saw the Matrix's code for what it was, believing that he was living in a dream world, one made like a computer program, like a game and he fought to free himself of it and return back home, back to the Real World and yes Asuka I know I said all this before."
"So why are you repeating yourself?"
"You did ask to know what the Matrix truly was, indicating that you didn't understand the first time around Second."
"Don't make me hit you First."
"Be quiet you two. Shinji, I'm confused again. You mean that this isn't real, that it's all just a lie?" Hikari said in disbelief, looking around at the walls and the rest of the room, probably wondering how she couldn't tell the difference.
"Ha! See, it didn't make sense the first time around anyway Wonder Girl!"
I just had to ignore Asuka as I tried to clarify what I meant to Hikari.
"No and yes. It is a lie, but he was wrong as well. There is no Real World, or to be more precise, this is the Real World. The Matrix is the Real World. I said before that the Matrix can somehow control the rules that make up and bind our reality and back then the ones who sat behind the switch board had more power over everything than they do now. But something happened, I don't know what. I know it had something to do with Neo, but that's all."
"You also said that this theory they had of this reality was what they 'had' believed, meaning that they do not believe so now?"
"Uh.. yes, Rei. The enemy played them all for fools."
"I see." was my quiet companion's only reply.
"But what about the first One, how could he get it so wrong? You'd think he would have figured it out. I mean he was supposed to be special right?" my roommate questioned. She didn't even look up at me, her gaze was driven inward as well, lost in her dreams no doubt.
"He was, but they tricked him, they tricked everyone."
"How so Ikair-kun?"
"Um... ok.. think about it like this. The world is like a really realistic computer game. There are levels and levels of code that make up the whole thing that give it details like.. hehe, gravity... and um.. so on. Ok now picture this from the people who were in control's view. For a while everything is cool, nobody knows what's going on and all is right with the world, but then along comes this guy who knows that the world isn't what it's cracked up to be."
"So of course he's going to tell somebody and then they'll tell somebody and so on and so on until the whole world finds out that things aren't what they should be. So they make the Agents to try and capture this guy, but he already spreads the word and the damage is done. Now they have all of these people who don't really know what the Matrix really is or what they could do if they knew the truth, but they do know that something isn't right. So what do
they do...?"
The girls just looked at me with stupid looks. Apparently they weren't in a guessing mood. So instead of waiting for the awkward silence, I continued.
"Most games have levels... you finish one and you move on to the next. The Matrix is like that, but really you can't move on to the next one, because that would defeat the point. People would know something was wrong if they walked through a door and ended up on Mars or something, right?"
"True, but if there were already people who knew the truth or at least some part of it, it would not matter what form the world around them took." Rei pointed out.
"Exactly, and because of the first One, they all thought that the world that they were in wasn't the Real World, but none of them knew how to get Out, but like I said there was no Out. The people who ran things knew that the One would eventually figure this out so they... made one."
"This is confusing."
"I never said it wasn't Asuka." I called back, my voice heavy with sarcasm.
"Calm your nerves Ikari. I don't know what makes you think you can take that kind of tone."
"Oh, but you can take that tone with..."
"Can we please continue." Hikari cut in before we could really get into it.
"Fine!" The red head said with a huff.
"Fine..." I took a quick breath, I had forgotten what it was like to have to deal with Asuka on a day to day basis. It was no wonder Touji and the others said we acted like a married couple.
"You were saying Shinji?" Hikari's question brought me out of my thoughts and put me back on track.
"Oh, uh yeah... they uh... made another level to the Matrix, one that was separate from everything, but still under their control and they let the One find it and gave him bits and pieces of false history to make him think that he was on the right track. So of course he went and told this 'truth' to the others and they eventually made their way to the 'Real World'"
I paused as I tried to find someway to continue my thought pattern. I myself had never seen the 'Real World' my self but I had dreamed of it and it was not something that you could just put into words. Like the sage Morpheus said, 'You have to see it for yourself.'
"And what happened then? Come on Ikari, what did they find, what was it like?" the red head was obviously impatient to hear the truth and I could see that the others were just as anxious.
"It was like Hell..."
The room was silent again. I was getting used to those, which was probably not a good thing. The silences seemed to follow me wherever I went. From the anxious stillness of Zion, the awkward and embarrassing quiet of home to the depressing disquiet of Nerv.
And each one had a stiff hold an me. I took a bit of time then in the pause to reflect on the places that the mysteries of my life revolved around. Even the dress code of each place belied their natures; the plug suit and its constricting form, binding me to father and Eva, my drab- in Asuka's eyes - school uniform, the only real clothes I have calling me out to be the sorry baka that I am, and of course the black boots, gray sweater and the trench coat that I gained from Zion that pointed out just how far gone things had come since the 12th Angels attack.
"I still don't know why they gave me a trench coat though? I mean what am I going to do it?"
"Wear it you dufus. What did you expect?"
Sometimes it can be the dumbest conversations that can save your life. but I'll get to that later.
"That's not what I meant. I mean the whole skin tight leather suit that Maya-san had worn was like their uniform. And technically I'm not even a part of their group. Our little orientation kinda got interrupted."
"Most likely they will not see it that way, Ikari-kun."
"Yeah, it's the principle. You'd think even a stooge like you would get that much."
"Hey!"
"Asuka..."
"What? Oh come on, he had that one coming!"
"I did not, I was merely... !"
Pop, Fizzz, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp.
I paused halfway into my rant, trying to focus on that sound, that oh so familiar sound. Hmm... the popping of a cap, the fizzle of a carbonated beverage, the gulping of a mouth thirsty for the liquid substances therein. Hmm... now why did that sound bring such a horror to mind.
I noticed Asuka's face and the stunned yet bewildered look on Hikari's. Rei's of course was neutral as always but it was my German roommate that I gave my attention to. She seemed to share my dread, yet why? What was so wrong about someone drinking what smelled... like... like... beer?
I turned it around in my head, still trying to piece together the mystery and the all of a sudden my eyes crew wide as it came to me. It so obvious that I felt like calling myself a baka.
'Damnit! How long has she been here and why didn't I hear her come in? Damnit!'
"So what's this about Ibuki in skin tight leather? I didn't know you liked em that way Pilot Ikari?" The older woman teased. At least that hadn't changed.. even though I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. But her voice was cold and impersonal as she said it and I was still Pilot Ikari to her. That was still the same as well. Then again it hadn't even been a full day yet, so I had no right to get my hopes up.
Of course it still hurt, but what could I do?
'Maya in skin tight leather... ' the thought came back to me and had the expected result as my cheeks filled with a rosy red that made Asuka snort and Hikari blush as well. This of course set the red head into a rant about my pervertedness and Hikari into a bout of trying to defend my honor while I adverted my head in embarrassment... or believed embarrassment.
I know my faults and I know my quirks very well - mainly due to a certain Evangelion pilot's constant reminders and teases - and I did know how to use them to my own advantage at times. With me properly blushing at the naughty thoughts, attention had been adverted from the earlier scene, relieving me off having to come up with a suitable lie.
"So, what are you doing here Rei?" The Major was on her second can, but she still seemed as alert as ever
'Damnit?'
And then there are those times where I forget one crucial piece of the puzzle and the whole plan falls apart. Usually ending with me being chased around the apartment by Asuka for some slight or another. But I feared this would end a whole lot worse.
'Why couldn't they just put more alcohol in those things, I mean come on. They're screwing me over here. She should have been wasted by now.'
"Home work!" Asuka cut in before Rei could speak, leaving her with her cute little mouth slightly open. And yes, Rei does have a cute mouth for those of you who didn't know.
"Yes, miss Katsuragi. English home work." Hikari put in as well, trying desperately to get our blue haired classmate to get the hint and play along.
"Home work, eh... "
"Correct Major. We were assigned to write a fictional story using three distinct concepts such as action, drama, suspense or horror. The group was to combine these elements to produce a piece to present for the class."
"Yeah and I had to get stuck with these two losers as partners." Asuka grumbled under her breath loud enough for everyone to hear.
"I am as displeased with this arrangement as you are Sohryu, yet there is no need to continue bickering over it."
"I'm not bickering!"
"Calm down, Asuka. I guess I'll let you four get back to your work then. Oh and I'm leaving for Matsushiro tomorrow. I expect you two to behave yourselves while I'm away." The Major was looking directly at me the whole time as if to emphasize her point. But it wasn't necessary, I knew who she was talking to.
"I'm going to bed now, so you all keep it down now, ok."
"Goodnight then Miss Katsuragi."
"Good night Hikari."
Misato gave me one last look that I couldn't decipher before heading off to her room.
The silence left in her wake lasted for a few minutes as we all just stared awkwardly at each other, or more specifically at Rei. Truthfully I believe we were all just surprised to hear her not only say so many words at one time but for that whole little git about the school work. Asuka's half hearted attempt at a save almost got us all caught, yet Rei was able to come up with some serious bull in the scant amount to time left to her.
I had to admit, I was impressed.
"Wow, Ayanami. That was... I mean... " I tired to compliment her but ultimately failing of course.
"Alright, I'll give you your props on that one First, but don't think for a second that I needed your help. I was fully capable of handling the situation."
"Of course you were Sohryu."
"Was that sarcasm Rei?" Hikari said with a giggle.
"It had better not have been!"
"Asuak! Keep your voice down."
"Sorry Misato!" I called out, trying to quell the situation.
"Quit apologizing you twit, she was talking to me!"
"Didn't I just say to keep your voice down Asuka?" Our purple haired guardian cried again from behind her door.
"Ikari-kun. I believe we should adjourn for the moment and continue this another time. "
'Did she just say adjourn... ?' I couldn't help but think to myself as I nodded my assent.
"Did she just say adjourn?" Hikari seemed to share my thought.
"...sigh, I can't believe I have to work with these whackouts."
"Asuka!"
"Whatever." the German girl said with a toss of her hair.
The girls said their goodbyes then and made their exits after we all agreed to meet again for lunch the next day. It felt strange talking to them like that, like everything was fine and that we hadn't been discussing topics that would mostly change our whole lives, as if we were just... kids.
But we weren't just kids were we? And we probably would never be. The Angels themselves were enough, but this, this whole thing with the Matrix was just too confusing, too complicated. There were so many questions and so few answers. My life never did make much sense before, so I shouldn't have been surprised that it was starting to make even less now.
But enough of that. I was standing on the balcony looking out over Tokyo 3, the city that I had been chosen to protect. There were times when I wondered if they even cared, those countless people who always found themselves rushing to their little holes, praying that they would survive, that they would see their loved ones again, that this would be the last time, the last time.
Did they feel grateful for what we did, for the pain that we had to endure for their sakes? Did they ever find themselves wondering whether or not if 'those pilots' were alright or how they felt about fighting those demons who came to end humanity?
Did anyone appreciate what we did? Anyone?
...sigh.
Did it even matter?
I found myself wondering how Neo felt to have the weight of the safety of the human race on his shoulders. How did he deal with it because I didn't think I was strong enough.
And the Angels... what the hell did they have to do with the Matrix? It didn't make any sense. I knew barely anything at all about why we were fighting those Heaven sent devils and coupled with what little I knew about the Matrix, the whole situation was throwing my fourteen year old mind into loops trying to piece together the facts.
'What were they doing to the Angel that was at Antarctica?
Too many questions, too few answers
"You always seem to get yourself into seriously f'ed over situations don't you Third?"
I turned to see Asuka leaning against the balcony's door frame looking out into the city as well. Apparently she had took the time to change into more comfortable clothes, a pair of really short shorts and a loose fitting pink T-shirt with a wide neck, while I stood dazed in my own little world.
Of course this meant that I had to struggle harder to keep my eyes above her shoulders a little more than usual. I'll never understand why girls did things like that, dress in revealing clothes or do things that practically command you to take notice of them and then turn around and catch an attitude when they see you doing it.
Everything about them was a riddle, one that I really didn't feel up to solving. Asuka, Rei, Hikari, Misato, Devine, Mana, Maya... what the hell had I gotten myself into?
"You said that your little orientation got interrupted earlier, what happened?" I figured she'd get around to speaking what was on her mind sooner or later. It wasn't like her to stand in a companionable silence with me of all people. Kaji maybe... no definitely, but not me. So there had to be something on her mind.
And of course it had something to do with the Matrix...
"Agents showed up." I surprised myself a bit at how collected my voice seemed as I said those words.
"Are you serious? What happened, what did you do?" her eyes flashed as her mind tried to take in this new information. Understandable considering what happened last time.
"Ha, what do you expect? I ran. Just like everybody else."
"Ran? But you fought them off last time, why didn't you...?" Confusion was clearly evident in her voice and her expression as she drew her brows down in concentration.
"That was a fluke, Asuka. It... it was like when we're in Eva."
"When you go berserk?" I could feel the underlying animosity in her voice as she spoke. This was an old issue, one that she would probably not let go anytime soon.
"No... not like then. Ok, maybe a little, but.. it..." ...sigh. That whole conversation was getting to me. Too much had happened back there with the people of Zion. I knew I was acting like a whinny like kid getting all flustered over the whole issue, but it was who I was. It was how I did things.
A lot of the issues in my life stemmed from me not being able to deal with my problems, mainly because when I didn't know what to do I just ran, running had always been the only escape, but even I knew that it only made things worse. But it was all I had, so I clung to it like the last life line of a sinking ship, one that was going to pull me under no matter how hard I fought. And of course there's the whole I can't swim issue and you can use that for whatever other metaphor you want.
"I don't know how to explain it ok. It's just that, when I see them attack you two, when they... hurt you two, or my friends... I can't take it, I have to..."
"What, save us? Protect us? The great Invincible Shinji Ikari to the rescue? As if we needed your protection. We aren't defenseless little girls who can't handle themselves on the field, we aren't like those giddy little brainless twits at school Ikari."
"I know that! Don't you think I know that! I know that you can hold your own, but it's not about that."
"So what is it about then, Shinji! What the hell is it about!"
"I..."
"What?"
"You.. you're ..."
"What is it Ikari? What is it?"
"You're all I have alright! You, Rei, Misato, you're all I have and probably all I'll ever get. I can't lose you... I can't... lose you, like I did mother."
There was that silence again.
She didn't say anything for a long awhile, she just stood there giving me this weird look like she was weighing me on scales in her mind. I meant what I said. I couldn't lose them, they were like family to me, something that I never really had. When I was in Eva I had a chance to protect the only things that mattered to me, I had the power to keep them safe and I would use that power. I couldn't fail, I couldn't afford to lose because then none of it would matter anymore.
I didn't even hear her walk up to me, I guess I was too deep into my own thoughts to pay much attention to the outside world, but she just stood there beside me and looked out into at the slowly darkening sky.
"We aren't weak, Shinji and we don't need your protection."
"Asuka I..."
"Shut up Shinji." she said softly, cutting me off. "As long as we all fight at a hundred percent we'll be fine. But that means you can't just go out there and fight on your own and do that Berserker crap, you understand? We can't have someone fighting like that on our team or one day you just might attack us."
"I wouldn't do that Asuka and you know it."
"But that's the point, Ikari, you're not the one in control when it happens, so you need to keep yourself in check or we'll all pay for it in the end."
"You do know how hypocritical this all sounds coming from you right? Oww!"
"Serves you right, Baka."
"I didn't even do anything... you didn't have to hit me... " I grumbled to myself under my breath
"What was that? I didn't quiet catch that last one Third?"
"I didn't say anything."
"Of course you didn't." It was impossible not to note the purely satisfied tone in her voice. If it wasn't for her abusive nature this would have been a really nice moment, one of the few that we had had and I guess it kind of eased my troubled thoughts a bit... but only a bit.
"I can't guarantee that I can stop doing that, when I see one of you hurt it just... I'll try to fight harder so that it won't have to come to that."
"Good boy..."
"I'm not a dog Asuka."
"You sure because with the puppy eyes of yours I could have sworn..."
"Hey!"
"Shinji..." her soft voice cut me off again in surprise and something inside immediately perked up. My Asuka senses were tingling.
"Um, what... is it Asuka?"
"Where's my dinner?"
"Uh..." crap.
/WRW/
The next day in class was just like any other... which pretty much entailed that life was beeing a lazy bastard at the time and didn't feel like sparking anything up to keep us lowly mortals from our boredom. Even the new girl was looking just as dead as the rest of us. And as the day seemed to drag on the Great Battle of Class 2A was waged and was lost to the fiends of the dream world as the final student fell to Sleeps mighty clutches.
Boredom was a real killer.
But it was even more so because Touji wasn't there for some reason. My spiky haired brethren wasn't one to ditch school, especially with his grades, so the situation didn't bode well.
The only thing that I knew of that would keep him out of the classroom, was an Angel attack or his sister. And since I knew it wasn't the first, the possibility that it could have been the second put a painful clench on my heart.
'If I had only been stronger, if I hadn't been such a weak little coward back then Touji's sister wouldn't have been hurt. Touji's sister... ha, I don't even know her name. What kind of monster cripples a little girl and doesn't even know her name.'
My sigh was barely adubile in the classroom turned funeral palor. Hell, even the old man had put himself to sleep with his droning. It would have been a fine day for an Angel Attack. They would have won hands down with no contest in the state that we were in.
'Touji's sister...' my thoughts drifted back to the mysterious girl who I had never meet, yet who's blood was still on my hands.
'I'll... I'll go see here today after class. I owe her that much at least, right? Yeah, I will go see her. It'll have to be quick though or Misato'll be pissed. Oh... wait, she's not here, but knowing her she's probably keeping tabs on me.'
'Wait a minute...'
I had to pause for a minute as I sat there with my hand holding my chin up whille my dazed mind imagined the Sensei droning on and on about whatever, tying to piece together what I had just said. Something was wrong about this whole picture and Touji's sister had nothing to do with it.
'Section 2, where were they that night? Did they follow me? I remember Misato saying that they wouldn't do anything to interfere in our lives unless we were in danger and I believe getting shot at counts as danger, hell it was life threatning.'
'So what happened to them that night I ran to Maya-san's apartment? Did I lose them again on the way home? I don't think I even checked... did I? Aghh... now I'm starting to get confused.'
I gave it some thought and deduced that I did lose the usually Troop of goons who tailed me on my way over to Maya's, so that meant that Father didn't know where I was that night. That lifted my spirit because for a second there I was likely to have a heart attack thinking that he knew all along. But anyway... I'll have to be carefully next time if I have to meet them somewhere. I doubt that they'll be as easy to get rid of a second time around.
BRINGGGG!
"Agghh!" The sound of the lunch bell caught me off guard as I tried to get up in a rush but ended up tangling my foot in the chair legs and crashing to the floor amid the laughs and cries of my classmates as they joked at my expense, secretly glad to have any sort of distraction get lost in. And of course it wasn't like I could block out the darkly muttered 'Baka' from the smirking red head. It was Hikari who gave me a hand as she tired to hold in her own giggles.
"You really should watch yourself Shinji or you'll end up in the Nurse's Office."
"Oh no, I 'm fine Incho, I just wasn't paying attention."
"Yeah, we figured as much Third." My roommate put in as she made her way towad us.
"Umm... " I noticed Rei rising as she headed my as well and suddenly felt like I had been caught in an ambush. And with the expected looks in their eyes, I knew that the girls were determined to get some answers this time.
"No more cryptic riddles any more Third. I want the full truth this time, got me?"
"Indeed Ikari-kun, there is no time for any more delays."
"We need to know Shinji, you have to understand." Hikari tried to explain.
I did understand, but that didn't mean that I wasn't wary of the consequences.
"Uh... "
"Hey Shinji, did you hear?" Kensuke's excited cry tore the girls attention away from and provided me my escape. Don't you just love timely place interruptions?
"No Ken, I probably didn't."
"Oh come on! You're supposed to be an Eva Pilot, how could you not know about the new Eva that's being shipped here?"
"What? A new Eva? But that means..."
"Yep. Hey do you think you can put in a good word to Misato for me. I would so love to ride that baby!"
"Please, you wouldn't even be able to get one of them started let alone pilot one Aida." I had been expecting that from Asuka the moment Kensuke started on about a new Eva. But could it really be true, another Eva and another pilot.
"Rei, is there really another Unit coming?" 'Of course for all your Eva needs just ask Rei, our personal Nerv specialist who's always ready and willing to answer any Nerv related question you may have.' I told myself in my best cheesy salesman voice.
"That is classified information Ikari-kun and Aida is not cleared to hear it."
... ok, maybe not so ready or willing.
"Oh, come on. You can't keep me out of the loop. I mean, what with Touji gone today and all, what am I supposed to do now?"
I don't know why but there was something strange about this situation and the slight wince that Asuka gave at the mention of Touji's name kinda through me off, but that was probably because she just didn't like him, but why would Rei do the same. Of course if you didn't know Rei very well you probably wouldn't have caught it like I did.
"Rei, Asuka? What's going on? Is there a new Eva or not?"
They just stood there but neither would look me in the eye no matter how many times I tried to get them to answer, they kept their silence, their ashamed silence. After a while I just stood there with my mouth hanging a bit, probably with so stupid expression on as well. It must have been shock. I just couldn't believe it, I couldn't believe that they would keep this from me.
"Why?" That simple question brought their attention back to me, confusion on their faces.
"Why what, Third?" she tried to put the usual amount of heat in her voice but she didn't quite manage it, giving Asuka a slightly tired sulky tone to her voice.
"Why didn't you tell me? We're supposed to be a team, so why didn't you let me know?" I could hear my own voice getting louder at each word, but I didn't care and I couldn't stop it if I wanted to. I was just too disappointed.
"Because he expressed his will yesterday that he did not wish for you to know."
"Oh great job, Doll. Don't tell him that you dipstick!"
"He... ? Who father?"
Rei was about to open her mouth but the searing glare from Asuka stopped her in her tracks... which was a first truly, seeing as how little attention Rei usually paid Asuka.
"Why wont you tell me?"
"Because you don't need to know." Was the German's reply.
"And how the hell does that work out? Why wouldn't father want me to know?"
"Who said anything about your father?"
"THEN WHO DAMNIT!" A few kids poked their heads into the class at my outburst but the the vibes coming off of Asuka and the rest of us turned them away. Apparently they didn't want any pilot trouble.
"Um... Ayanami, the only person you talked to yesterday was Touji on the roof? But I mean you couldn't be talking about him. I mean that's just crazy... right?" She added when Asuka turned her head and when Rei wouldn't meet her confused gaze either.
"Touji?" that simple statement was all Kensuke could say, his mind drawing blanks.
"No, that's ... impossible? They couldn't have chosen Touji? They couldn't have?" It was just too much. Nerv had dragged one of my best friends into their hellish war and none of my so called teammates had the guts to even tell me.
"I can't believe I came back her for this."
"Ikari-kun, he said..."
"I don't care what he said! You should have told me."
"It was his decision and he made it without you, he had that right Shinji! You 'should' understand that."
"Fuck you Soryu! You two were supposed to be my teammates, you were supposed to be my friends, but obviously that was a little too big a job for the both of you, so you too can just fuck off. How can I fight beside people I can't trust? Hell at least at Zion I knew who my friends were."
"Shinji we..."
"Don't Asuka!... Don't. I don't want to hear another word from you damnit. Do you understand Soryu?"
I had nothing esle to say to either of them and I right at that moment I could barely stand to be in their presence. It was... distasteful. Now I knew how Misato felt, but it didn't matter. She didn't tell me either, so screw her too. I did catch the disappointed look in Hikira's eyes as I pushed my way pass my 'fellow pilots'. My gut told me that I wasn't the only one who lost a friend that day.
But I didn't really get a chance to dwell on that fact because my cell phone choose that moment to go off.