/Welcome to the Real World/
- lawless priest -
/0.12 uncontainable guilt/
Dreams...
Something all men were said to have. Something that could be one's most precious motivation or one's heaviest burdens, where the actions or inactions taken in the waking world could turn this subconscious realm into an individual's personal playground or their sin's favorite battlefield.
For the last of the Ikari bloodline it was the latter that had him watching the world out of the corner of his eyes, casting shifty glances at all those around while at Nerv and giving his school teachers, friends and even his father the evil eye for no apparent reason... other than that obvious ones.
His dreams... more like nightmares, were something he earnestly could have done without. Recently they all seemed to have the same theme... Unit 03 and more importantly... one Toji Suzuhara.
For some reason his subconscious felt that really twisting the guilty thoughts in his head and sadly, using them to his disadvantage was an endeavor not only worth taking, but one worth taking on a nightly basis for nearly a month. That night found Shinji in the grips of such a state, lost in the hell that was his tortured dreamscape.
Asuka...
Rei...
We were all back in our Evas, reliving the last Angel attack. This was one of the more common themes my dreams seemed to be comprised of recently but they never stayed the same by the end. Some had a habit of twisting in the most bizarre ways, throwing me in situations that thankfully were never likely to happened, yet were still able to keep my heart racing, its chambers thrumming loudly in my chest all night. For in dreams such realistic logic held no such sway.
"It is here." Ayanami's soft declaration cut through all of my thoughts and the sight of the enemy on our monitors dried all of our tongues.
"That's the Angel, impossible?" Asuka cried out.
"It cannot be?" even Ayanami sounded astonished or as astonished as her soft breathy voice could.
"But isn't that... an Eva?" I thought out loud, while silently thinking on the side how odd it was to hear Rei actually surprised by something, but it was only a passing thought. You know how dreams are.
"Correct. It has been classified as the Thirteenth Angel." Father's impassionate baritone confirmed our suspicions.
"No... no... the pilot, there's a kid in there just like one of us. Toji's in there!" I knew Toji was in there. He had been in all of my dreams so far. The odds that this wasn't the case were highly unlikely.
"Quit whining you baka and do something about it.. ah, crap, hey, what the...!"
Asuka was the first to go and I didn't even see her fall. It was all over the radio, though. Only her screams and the surprised yells from the command center penetrated my liquid filled ears as I rushed to get into position.
Futilely I hoped things would come out different this time around but none of the commands, more like advice considering Asuka didn't take commands very well, they offered seemed to help. And the blaring static over the comm-system as I tried unsuccessfully to raise the German girl on the line gave silent proof of the winner of the two Eva's brief contest of might.
Rei was next, never even being able to get a word out before her mecha was laid on its back side. Her screams of pain didn't count as words, but the choice few I had for my so called father could be considered a combination of foul words and incomprehensible grunts and growls as he severed her Eva's apparently Angel infected arm while her mind was still synced to the Eva, but in any case Ayanami went down, leaving me the last man standing, the last soldier to hold the fort and I really didn't feel like holding down the fort.
It was a short time later before the enemy came into my Eva's sight without the aid of the tactical feeds from HQ and up close it was a sight to behold. Looking very much like a dark, sinister, streamline version of a Unit-01 and 02 combination just without the horn, Evangelion Unit-03 stood tall but walked with a lazy hunch in its back like some kind of lost wild beast with no prey to hunt. I could still see the entry plug in the back with a strange viscous substance holding it in place. The pilot must've still been inside.
'Touji... another kid, just like me.' How could I fight knowing the pilot would feel every hit, every blow?
How could I defeat such a foe?
Apparently, I couldn't. This was a nightmare, so I should have guessed it'd turn out this way. All of the others had, no matter how much I fought back.
But I guess it didn't really make a difference in the true course of things. I never had any real control in the waking world, so why would my dreams be any different?
But too much internal thinking cost me. I didn't even see the blow. One minute the enemy Eva was just standing there watching me while giving me the evil eye and then it was gone, with only the mist created by the uplifted dirt caused by its unseen escape to tell me that it had ever actually been there and not just a mirage or a figment of my imagination before brief seconds later its fist was coming down on me like a sledge hammer, blasting through my poorly crafted defenses and slamming into my bare armored chest.
I felt the ground first as it erupted around my megaton body and the pounding pain of my heart second as the enemy did just that, pound it's powerful fist on me repeatedly, like it was trying to beat its way, tear its way through me and rip the chambers of my heart asunder.
And yeah I did just say asunder. I do that sometimes when I'm nervous or in hectic situations. The pain starts to come, the panic starts to set in and I turn into a poetic genius. Isn't the world amazing, or at least dream world.
Yep amazing, just like the majestic glint of the fading sun reflecting off of my once polished purple bio-mech as it flew through air, defying the laws of physics. Abstractly my mind began to try and calculate just how much power had to be exerted to actually be able to not only lift but flip something as large and heavy as an Eva in the air.
Of course the resulting explosion of my landing did a wonderful job of beating the crap out of that line of thought out of my head.
Agony blossomed on every part of my body to the point where I began to forget any sensation other than pain every existed. But.. I had that foot that lifted my armored ass off the country side and into the nearby mountains to thank for snapping me out of that as well.
Ah, that foot. He was such a wonderful character. I was so appreciable that I allowed him to make another appearance. Only this time he entered with a well aimed stomp which I greeted with a grunt.
Apparently my new friend the foot found this method to be quite appealing so he decided to do it again... and again... and... again.
But you know what? I was starting to get bored of that routine. So I figured I'd add my own bit to the show. The owner of the foot wasn't prepared for my more active role in our performance judging from the speed in which it left, no I'm sorry, flew from the scene.
I guess it wasn't a team player. The murderous yelling it seemed to be doing did a pretty fair job of vocalizing that point.
:Shinji you have to press the attack! You have to ... ttack or yo..'ll be pushed...ack/
There was a considerable amount of noise going on, but I filtered it out. Who really likes to listen to the buzzing of insects during a show. You know you can never really understand what people say in your dreams anyway. It's just more noise added in to help confuse you. Because that's what dreams are there for... to confuse and screw with your head. But besides all that, I had a performance to put on. The great entertainer Ikari Shinji was on the stage. His moves like steel magic, mesmerizing the crowd like that old 90's troupe River Dance.
You remember River Dance don't you?
Of course you don't! No one does. Just like no one would expect the Ebony Eva to be able to stretch it's arms to such an absurd length. It wasn't natural.
Natural or not, the sinister hands wrapped around my throat crushing and constricting my lungs was a signal from god telling me that it didn't really matter at this point.
:Pilot, what are you doing? Why are you not fighting back/
More noise in ear, more distractions to contend with the lack of air reaching my brain. It was all starting to seem so... I don't even know? Nothing really seemed to matter much any more. Especially all that noise in my ear. What was the point? Didn't they understand how little it mattered? Didn't they know how little I cared?
I was dying... again. And it felt eerily as weird as the last time and it just happened to suck about as much as the last time as well.
'I'm... sorry Touji, I... I wasn't good enough.'
'I'm sorry Morpheus... I wasn't the One.'
I got the brief feeling that something was wrong, that last thought wasn't one of mine, but it wasn't really important in any case. And the ghastly vision of mechanized death before me was making sure of that, but I didn't have time to appreciate my death scene's artistic value as my vision became cloudy, or as cloudy as it could get in a non-realistic environment, which happened to be pretty cloudy.
And then the scene changed suddenly and the world cleared up minutely, fading back into place, piece by sketchy piece and then I found myself sitting up against a wall on the floor of some dilapidated hotel hallway surrounded by nauseous and decaying greenly painted walls that were pealing of in most places.
'Green...' I was starting to hate that color. But I had more important worries to care about.
My chest... my chest was on fire, my vision blurry and my life fading, I could feel it draining away with my blood that made its own rivers and streams down my torso from the numerous bullet holes I seemed to be sporting as I faded back and forth between blacking out.
I was barely able to look up as the eerily heavy, perfectly even footsteps of my killer came to a rest at my crimson stained feet, leaving the world in a darkly profound silence once again. You know the kind, the type of silence that Death dwelt and Angels abandoned. I knew that silence very well, it was there, ever present before every battle as I waited in my Plug Suit, hands sweaty, half drowning in that filth They told me was breathable.
But it didn't matter. At least I got one last look at my enemy's eyes, well, not really, the darkly tinted glasses he wore tended to impede any progress made in that area even as they added a bit more sinister appeal to an already vicious looking package the heartless death broker's business attire the monster in front of me had adopted or been assigned as his uniform of choice, knowing their types.
It was strange but I did know their types... a lot more than I should have in a dream or more than I ever did while I was awake. And I knew this monster before me far too well for my own liking.
Oh, and he was a monster.
The others, they were just detached guard dogs, doing their 'supposed' civic duty without question, hesitation or true conscious thought. They were highly dangerous, indiscriminate killers with no soul.
But not this devil before me. No, this one was something else. Hell, it practically gave me an evil smirk as it gazed down at me with those hard brown eyes of its peeking out behind the tip of its shades while it looked down at me menacingly, or at least looked like it almost wanted to smirk but it merely didn't know how.
Guess it didn't get enough practice in that area. Its job probably didn't require much expression. No matter, for it was skilled in other areas. Highly skilled some would say, sadistically skilled others would.
I was one of the latter.
Slowly, but not slowly enough for me, he raised his gun, that thick cold slab of metal with the words 'Desert Eagle' imprinted on the side casing, gleaming in the faint light like some ill omen, pointing it at my chest for one final blow that my dizzy head was almost aching to just have happen.
Pain this pronounced should not be something that must be endured. No one should have to deal with this level of agony for long, but that bastard seemed to be prolonging my end for his own sick, tormented pleasure. I briefly wondered if any of that made sense but once again it didn't matter or at least I just didn't care enough to correct myself.
"Goodbye... Mr Ikari."
'What?' I wanted to say that out loud, but that wasn't a possibility. My tired body raised an eyebrow as my mind was left in a permanent 'huh?' sequence. I was positive that that last part was wrong some how. That wasn't what he was supposed to say.
I tried to at least get a grunt of a question out before the deal went down but the resounding echo of the blast that rocked my body, sending it crashing back against the battered old wall and effectively ending my life put a stop to that.
All I could see was the code as my vision shrank away and the image of my killer faded into the background of a perverse world... nothing but the same green tinted darkness that had plagued me for so long until even it fled the scene, abandoning me like so many others. Mother, Father... God? Who knew? I knew I didn't.
"Goodbye... Mr Ikari."
/12. 0 like a cold reckoning/
/Part 2
"IKARI! WAKE UP YOU BAKA!"
"Aghh!" I screamed and cringed away from the steaming figure of German animosity before me only to slip over the edge of my bed in my hast to escape, landing unceremoniously on the floor. Sweat rolled off of my tired form and my aching head while I tried to get my bearings and fight away the haunting images of a nightmarish world that never existed. And hopefully never would.
"And you're supposed to be the One, let alone an Eva pilot. ...sigh. God help us, god help us all." was all the girl said as she stood before me, a strange, tired expression on her face with her hands on her shapely hips before walking...sorry stalking out.
I watched her low cut skirt swish this way and that with a sort of detached interest. Curled up on the floor with my head where my feet should have been left me in a pained position with a priceless view that many of my fellow classmates would have killed for but there were darker things on the forefront of my mind at the time for me to truly concentrate on such baser concerns.
But of course I did managed to file that scene away for further steady at a later time, as was proper procedure. And I was a stickler for following procedure.
The rest of the morning was spent in silence as we went about our business. It was a Sunday. Our day off. Neither of us had anywhere to go. Misato would obviously be watching me closely since now would be the best time for me to do something that I shouldn't have and Asuka had no one to go out with because of the whole Toji thing. So we were both stuck home with Misato already gone.
I, sitting in my room staring sadly at my SDAT in betrayal as the ancient machine read back Low Bat, was still trying to shake off the last vestiges of the dream, especially that last part. That incident had just felt a little too real for my fourteen year old psyche.
I was an unwilling soldier in a war between God's messengers and humanity, so I knew death was most likely close on my heals, but that didn't mean I needed another reminder of how easily my life could end.
Besides, there was no doubt that Asuka was more than qualified for that position anyway. At least my executer would be a sight worth seeing before I left for the next world. And hopefully she'd even wear a pair of those things she called shorts, they might as well be underwear considering how far up the go, to my execution.
"sigh..."
The soft sound from the living room filtered through the gap of my lightly cracked opened door and stole pass my distracted mental defenses, triggering my advanced German warning sensors and immediately snapping me back to attention.
Trouble was afoot.
"sigh..."
Repetition... the sign of agreement, the fall of doubt and the leader to conclusion. I knew what that brief expanse of breath meant, I had seen its like before and with that knowledge brought with it a deep shudder that flowed down to my bones.
Boredom...
There was far more than trouble a foot. This was a clear descent into out right disaster.
"Ikari, whacha doing?" her voice was low and far too cute to be healthy as she leaned down over my body, her lips so close to my ear I could feel strands of her rich, strawberry scented auburn hair whisk by her pale skin.
Tell me now, how obvious is it that I have a thing for this girl? ...sigh. But back to my tale.
"Huh!" My breath got caught in my throat. I hadn't even heard her footsteps. 'Hmm... Ninja Red must have up'ed her skills and was passing into Ninja Blue's level of discretion.' But I couldn't let fear consume me. It only meant I would have to make advances to further my own training.
The Red one had her head cocked to the side and still held the strange look she wore earlier that morning, only now its inquisitive nature had doubled. I couldn't leave her waiting for long, but I was still in unfamiliar territory. There was no clue what she was up to. You never knew what those Red Ninjas had planned until the end.
'Crafty German... I'll have to keep her busy.' Evasion was my primary tactic of course. It had served me well for many a day and would do so again.
"Uh... Nothing, really. Just... thinking."
"Thinking huh? About what?" her eyes were wide, the crystal blues of her orbs opened to their fullest for maximum effect. I had to pull away quickly least I be sucked in that glorious whirlpool so I could think strait, which was still a task, truthfully.
'Hmm... she never cared what I thought of before and had gone to great pains to let me know in full detail how much so, but I can't out right ask her. That could lead to painful and or evasive action on her part. I'll have to stall some more.' Now that it was decided It was time to put my plan in action. But...
'No.. nooo, not that!' It was in her eyes. That devious look, that mischievous twinkle. Damnit! She new my strategy. I needed time to make a new plan, I needed...'
"You know what, I don't really care. You're coming with me Third. So get dressed, we're moving out."
And like any General who has given her commands, she marched right out, leaving me with my mouth left open in stunned wonder before I even had a chance to initiate any of my hastily thought out secondary maneuvers.
'Damn she's good. You win for now Red Ninja, but the Ikari-clan will not fall so easily.'
Which was a massive lie because apparently I took too long getting dressed, at least by her standards, and ended up being dragged out of the house with my arm barely through my shirt sleeve while she signaled the elevator for the bottom floor. It was as clear a defeat if I ever saw one.
So much for the Ikari-clan.
/WRW/
It was nearly two hours later and we were most assuredly lost. And I had no doubt that the entire scene would be blamed on me some how, no matter who was truly at fault.
'Who ever it could be' Get it? Wink, wink. Nudge.. Nud.. "Ow, damnit! What is your problem? I haven't even done anything?"
"Your thoughtless dazing was annoying me. And of course it was thoughtless and don't you think otherwise. So you can close your mouth Ikari. As if you'd actually have something worth thinking about going on in that brain of yours anyway."
"Hey!"
"Quit dawdling Ikari and get a move on!"
"I wasn't dawdling... and you don't even know where we're going so why should I move?"
The college graduate didn't say anything, merely raising a manicured eye brow and cracking her knuckles.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah... because you say so." I mumbled while taking a grudging step forward.
The satisfied smile she sported only added to my injury.
"Good boy... just for that I'll give you a treat. You get the pleasure of having such a figure of heavenly beauty such as myself walk beside your unworthy form. You should count your blessing Third and be thankful for such a gift." that smile she wore only got wider of course during the course of that bit of self flattery, enhancing an already enticing visage.
Wisely I kept my mouth shut though and continued on in silence. A happy Asuka was a safe Asuka. And with her new training it was better to have the German girl appeased at all times.
Four weeks had passed since the incident at the Matsushiro Secondary Research Station and two since we had been off house arrest, much to the joy and relief of Asuka and Mistato. Having Rei and the red Devil in the same vicinity for any prolonged period of time was a special kind of trouble, one that our wayward Guardian was well aware of by then.
I had been meeting secretly with Maya-san, the new girl Mana and Devine briefly for about a week since then completing my 'training'. I spent as much time while I was there learning as much as I could about the Agents and the 'Old Matrix', as it was called, as I could while not over doing it and tipping Misato off.
Some part of me couldn't help but feel that the Major knew more than she let on. And my conversations with Dr. Akagi, who was still very shook up over the incident, further cemented my belief that it was Agents who attacked the facility. The sights she described couldn't have been anything else.
The only problem with the reports she, Misato and the few surviving employees there had was that there seemed to have been a second party involved in the attack who, from their accounts, had attacked the Agents as well.
But the feats they pulled were no less dramatic. I had spoken to Maya about it and she to Ms Trinity but they both conceded that none of their people had anything to do with it.
"It could have been one of the other captains but I doubt it." Devine had told me two days ago while she was explaining how the resistance had split into numerous factions after Second Impact for different reasons. They made a habit of keeping in touch but there was no true way to know what they were all up to.
All in all things were beginning to fall back into normality, if you didn't account for the empty chair in class 2A and the non-existent relationship between Asuka and the class rep, then yes, one could say that.
Oh, and also, somewhere along the way Asuka had 'let it slip' that she knew about the Matrix around Mana and eventually her, Rei, Hikari and even Kensuke had joined the people of Zion. I was still sorta shocked about that last part.
Apparently we weren't as quiet as we had believe in our covert conversations. That bastard Aida had even snuck to our apartment and listened in on us. I swear man, never dismiss a military fanatic at his element.
I mean, seriously...
In any case it did lead to some interesting conversations at lunch time, but I swore if the name Neo came up one more time, somebody was going to get hurt. You have no idea how annoying that was.
But presently...
"Perfect! This spot will do nicely." The location in question was located in a secluded park like area in the northern part the old city. There were far fewer people around than it usually would have been at this time back in the more populated areas, which was a plus.
Luckily the spot gave us a good amount of open, lush green space and a clear view on the only exit/entrance so we'd be fully aware long before any unwanted visitors were to turn up.
And with the early morning sun bearing overhead, the warm summer air compacted with our current and exceedingly amiable surroundings, I found it moderately easy to find a sense of peace, a sort of tranquil serenity permeate my over active, and strained of late, mentality and fatigued essence.
A rare something that I hadn't known for quite some time with Toji missing and forced in the company of Asuka and Rei this past month. I mean living with two gorgeous women was one thing. Misato was like an older sister and or mother, but living with three gorgeous women, women who didn't all get along, who tended to argue, hand extensive weapons training, potential military pardons handy and at their disposal was a study of the true insanity a uterus tends to bring out in ones self.
I sincerely doubt that I'd ever actually get a date with such line of thinking, but you have not seen nor heard, nor been through what I have in the last month. The brief and awkward shower scenes and the numerous scantily clad females requesting my attention could not compete with the rest of it.
Others would probably say different, but they didn't have to work with these people on a day to day basis.
I felt more than slightly disappointed with the knowledge that I would probably never end up here again considering that we were truthfully still lost with no direction or idea of our whereabouts, adrift and astray some unknown number of miles away from Misato's apartment and the several odd measure of blocks behind or ahead of the franticly pursuing Section 2 agents Asuka and I had ditched some ways back, who were probably well aware of what the Major would do to them if she found out that the Children had been lost under their watch.
No doubt she would have words to say with us when we returned as well about our 'little disappearing act'. But a little time out from under the closely guarded and carefully reporting eyes of our sentries would be well worth the chewing out our asses were mostly likely going to receive.
Though I would have to say that the whole situation might have been more appreciable if it hadn't been for my foreign companion's insistent and quite persistent demands.
"Come... on Ikari. You aren't going to save the world acting like that, now quit stalling and puttem up." she punctuated her slang with a raised fist, sliding smoothly into a firm fighting stance.
"And why are we doing this again?" I had to inquire for the third occasion, not really understanding the point to wasting such a beautiful day in such a manner.
"If I have to tell you one more time, I swear to you Shinji I'm going to hurt you, now puttem up."
"Fine, fine. I can't believe you dragged me out of the house just so you could challenge me to a fight." planting the appropriate foot forward and setting my self accordingly I readied my psyche for a battle. Something that I knew the fiery spirit before me would surely bring.
"And who said you were a challenge? I just needed someone to test my skills on. There's never any time to go against that American, and the Kirishima girl is useless."
"Why does she have to be 'that American'? Why can't you call Devine by her name?"
"Please... Stooge. It's pure principle." Of course this was said with her hands on her hips, head held high, the mid morning sun shinning above her shoulder in a majestic pose of breathtaking haughtiness.
"What principle?" I countered, wondering what the hell she was talking about. Though truthfully, this was something I had given up on finding out a month or two after she arrived in the city.
For a second there her face scrunched up in a weird way and she looked at me like she was slightly hurt. But what for, I couldn't tell. It wasn't like I offended her or anything.
But all I received as an answer was a sly comment about how it was the one that was going to get me my ass kicked before the steaming lithe form of my UN sanctioned, German trained, war machine co-pilot's flying fist initiated our sparing match with all the zeal and passion of her famed Unit 02.
/AN: Somehow this turned into a part three so I have to split it up again. I still haven't been able to get to the scene I want without a few more pages to explain things. But I will get there one way or the other. This is the crossroads where Eva gets off and the Matrix gets on. I still intend to merge them but it has to all fit and be explainable. Damnit why can't I just get to the fight scenes! I through that last one with Asuka and Shinji in out of spite since I couldn't do the one I wanted but I'll give the highlights of that one next round.
My computer is still lying on its death bed, but thank god for dual operating systems or I would have lost my mind. My job hunting seems to be coming to a close, 'thank you lord!' so updates my be sketchy.
... ha, like they weren't before. Anyway I've said enough. I've got to get back to watching Faftner and Yukikaze. Weird animes both, but cool note the less. Oh and stop by Evamade. org if you cats get the chance.And no that's not aplug... almost.
blah, blah, blah, blah...long live the smurfs,blah, blah...lawlesspriest hotmail . com
and yes Boss Ikari will be out soon! I promise!
/priest/