As she strummed she decided to start from the beginning. Murdoc had been drunk. VERY drunk and because 2D had been somewhere getting food, he had taken his anger out on Noodle. He had hit her and slapped her and smashed a bottle in half. If Russel hadn't heard her screaming at last, Murdoc surely would've killed her. When 2D got back they sent Noodle to bed while her older brothers had a talk. It was a loud talk and all she could remember was yelling, harsh words that stung her to think that they were aimed from one to another, and smashes of glass. She had then heard the door slam. Then another bout of yelling, then another slam. She had cried herself to sleep and was woken at around 3 in the morning by Russel.
"Where's Murdoc and 2D-san?" she had asked.
"They're gone." Russel had told her. He looked like he had been crying and it shook Noodle to the core.
"What? Why? Where?" she yelled.
"I just got the news from the hospital. They're both gone. 2D isn't anywhere, no one knows. And Murdoc got into a fight downtown. Group of guys bumped him off and threw him in the river, they found him a few minutes ago and he was pronounced dead as soon as he'd reached the hospital. We're never going to see them again."
Noodle had sat up and said nothing. Russel called her name a few times but she didn't answer so eventually he left her. She didn't get up. Or eat. And when she slept, she had to cry herself to sleep.
It's all my fault! She thought one day standing in the doorway to Murdoc's Winnebago 7 days after the funeral. Silent tears streamed down her face and she hadn't talked to Russel in days. He had been at the funeral but she hadn't seen him since and that was a week ago.
"Russel-san?" she called. No answer. She had knocked again but the door was open a crack so she pushed it open. She screamed. Lying in a pool of scarlet blood was Russel, face down, dead. She had called an ambulance and gone to hospital with him, but the doctors pronounced him dead as soon as he'd arrived. She was alone. A nurse had led her to the relatives' room where she sat down and cried alone until a little girl came in. She was the same age as Noodle and she was holding the hand of her baby brother.
"Noodle?" she asked.
"Who are you?" she snapped, annoyed at being known all too soon by a stranger.
"I heard you were here, I wanted to say how sorry I am, and to give you this. It's this morning's paper." Noodle picked it up and looked at the cover headline. Fate of the Gorillaz; Noodle left without a family or a band Noodle threw the paper back down and stared at the girl.
"see ya." The girl said and left the room, quickly, closing the door as quietly as she could behind her. Noodle started into space for ages. Nurses came and left the room. Some tried to help, some realised she wanted to be alone and just left again. Someone called a taxi and the 13year old went back to Kong. She stood in the dawn light and listened. Cortez swooped over with an eye in his beak and sat on her shoulder. The zombies had been out, but now it was all deathly quiet. Cortez dropped the eye and looked at Noodle. She sighed at Murdoc's bird. She was too tired to cry. She felt nauseous and leant over to throw up. Cortez stayed steady on her shoulder, looking at her with pity and wisdom. As she spewed blood onto the landfill, Noodle thought. Russel just couldn't cope. She thought they cared about her. What was going through Murdoc's head when he died? Did he think of her and whether there would be someone to look after her or not? Why did he make such a stupid mistake? And the same for Russel? He was always sensible because of the education he'd had, making sure Noodle went to bed on time and ate the right things. He was the one who kept them all in check. Why had it got to him so much? Wasn't he stronger than that? And 2D. he probably would never come back. He took overdoses when depressed, maybe he'd kicked the bucket as well, leaving her all alone. Then, Cortez cawed three times for the 3 dead and fell from Noodle's shoulder. Dead, to join his master in the pits of hell. Noodle screamed in anger and threw the dead bird's body across the landfill. Then she ran inside of Kong and went into Russel room. She kicked at the pool of blood and pulled the sheets off the bed. She threw chairs through the windows in 2D's room, she smashed all the alcohol bottles in Murdoc's room and when she reached her room she went completely psycho. She ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife and drove it into all her things. The clothes they had bought her, the photos on display, the Japanese lanterns, the pillows. Everything. And all the while she screamed the same words, over and over and over again, "WHY DO YOU ALL HATE ME? WHAT DID I DO WRONG! WHY DON'T YOU CARE! WHY DID YOU LEAVE? GOMEN-NASAI! WHATEVER I DID, GOMEN-NASAI!" and she collapsed on her bed, screaming. No family. No friends. No nothing. Life from then on was an endless blur or counselling, drugs, nights out and hangovers.
Noodle stopped strumming and went into the recording studio. She flicked all the switches and put on the headphones. She closed her eyes and sang soulfully into the microphone, letting her fingers play the guitar how they wanted. It was in Japanese but this is what it meant;
None of you ever wanted this for me,
But now it's taken so long to see,
I needed you all,
You let me fall.
I thought you cared,
Why did you leave me to fend for myself?
I couldn't do it,
I had no strength.
I thought we'd be for all eternity,
Showing me right from wrong.
But it wasn't to be,
Happiness isn't for me, no no.
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
No I can't.
As she sang, she heard a drum beat start up behind her, a base line strummed in and an underlying voice and a keyboard tune all fell into place around her guitar. She smiled, not daring to open her eyes in case the music had to stop. But she couldn't resist, they were there, she knew it. She played the last note and it all died away but she opened her eyes just before and turned around. She saw shadows. Just shadows. A final note pattern played from her guitar and a tear fell from her eye. She put down the guitar and went to listen to the music. As it played she heard voices from the speakers. They were distorted and the words made no sense so she played it backwards.
"we left you because we had to. We are all so sorry. One day we promise we'll come back. Yes, we promise. We do. You can do this, we believe in you, you can fight this, don't slip away. You'll be all right. You will."
Hummingbird: Wow. I never thought I'd cry while writing a story.
Tigerlily: It's the beauty of good literature. We hope you liked it too. Please review for Noodle's sake. Don't worry, not all of our stories will involve death and disaster and tragedy.
Hummingbird: sob