Chapter 4 - TOW Joey finds out

(Day 52 – seventh week of pregnancy)

Joey knew now how it felt to go insane. It was almost six in the morning and Rachel hadn't come home yet. He had tried her cell phone, only to find out she had left it at home, which was the point when he really started to get worried. That was more than six hours ago. Since then he had paced the apartment, contemplating looking for her, but in the end had opted against that in case she called or came home, or someone else called and told him where she was.

At three in the morning he started to call the hospitals and the police, trying to find out if there was an accident in which she was involved, but so far, none of the unidentified women that had accidents that night matched Rachel's description. Not that this put his mind at ease.

There was a plethora of possibilities that could've happened to her. He alternated between cursing himself for letting her go and being angry at her for going. He tried not to care and then jumped at every noise that sounded remotely like a key turning in the lock. He prayed that she would be all right, and then he hurt himself when he slammed his fist against the wall in an attempt to vent his frustration. In the quiet moments, when he had himself almost convinced that she was all right, that he would've heard something already if anything had happened to her, he thought about the baby.

Their baby.

But the faint happiness he always felt when he thought about this was quickly overshadowed by a feeling of indescribable dread simmering in the pit of his stomach. He just knew that something terrible had happened that night. Something that could destroy everything he cared about. He tried not to give into the despair, the hopelessness this feeling was causing, but it got harder with every passing minute.

A few minutes past seven he decided to go over to Monica's. Maybe it was as simple as that, maybe she just spent the night at Monica's for whatever reason. He knew she hadn't been at Phoebe's, he had called her at about four in the morning. She had been pissed at first, but after telling her that Rachel hadn't come home yet, she was as concerned as he was. Calling Monica was something he hadn't dared to do. If Rachel was there, he would find out soon enough, if not, he would've interrupted their sleep for nothing.

When he went over to the other apartment, the door was open and Monica and Chandler sat in the kitchen having breakfast.

"Hi, big daddy," Chandler greeted him cheerfully, smiling as brightly at him as Monica.

When he barely smiled back, they seemed to pick up on the fact that something was wrong. "God, you look like hell, Joey. What's wrong?"

"Rachel went for a walk last night after… you know, everything came out… and she hasn't come back."

The happy smiles vanished from both Chandler's and Monica's faces and Monica jumped up from her seat.

"Oh my God, did you have a fight?"

"No, no," Joey said hastily, shaking his head. "I mean… we didn't talk that much. Rachel was pretty upset about how everything happened and she said she needed to think… and… and then she left."

"She was upset about being pregnant?"

"Not just about that. We… we wanted to tell you guys about us today and… the way you learned about this wasn't how we had imagined it would be."

"How long have you been together anyway?" Monica asked while Chandler got up from the table and walked over to him too.

Joey didn't need to think about the answer. "Seven weeks," he said, a hint of a smile brightening his gloomy expression.

"It's serious, huh?" Chandler asked, picking up on this faint signal of happiness.

"Yeah, it is," Joey answered, and for a moment, he let himself revel in that thought, in that feeling, in the relief of knowing that he didn't need to hide something as important as this from his best friend anymore. "Even if it wasn't for the baby…" he trailed of, realizing that he might never be able to find the right words to express what he felt for Rachel. "I love her, I really do," he simply said after a few moments. "I can't imagine being with anyone else ever again."

Chandler and Monica smiled again.

"This is so amazing," Monica finally whispered, sounding slightly weepy. "And you're going to have a baby. I mean… congratulations, we're so happy for you."

Joey smiled faintly and nodded, but turned serious again seconds later.

"I haven't really dealt with that yet. I just wish she was here."

"So you have no idea where she is?" Chandler inquired.

Joey let his shoulders slump. "I kinda hoped she would be here."

"No, she isn't," Monica stated what had been obvious the moment he had stepped into the apartment. "And we probably wouldn't have let her stay here," she continued. "We would've sent her back to you. Did you try … not that I think something bad happened … but did you try calling the hospitals?"

He sighed defeated.

"Hospitals, police stations… her work, Phoebe… I'm going to call her parents in a few minutes… but it feels like I'm running out of options."

Worry and concern was now deeply etched into their features when Monica lightly touched Joey's arm and asked, "Did you even sleep last night, Joey?"

"Seriously, Mon? How could I?" Joey snapped, instantly sorry for his tone but unable to help it. "The woman I love is missing," he continued more gently.

"Okay, Joe, here's what we do. You take this cup of coffee, sit down for a while and I'll call Rachel's parents. Both of them. And then we'll think about what to do next, okay?"

"Thanks… but… no coffee… I have a feeling it might make me sick. I need… to know where Rachel is, I can't eat or drink anything right now."

"You sure Joey? Your body isn't used to going without food for so long. You're gonna pass out if you keep doing this."

"I'm okay, Chan, let's just… find Rachel."

He walked over to the big window, staring out, willing Rachel to miraculously appear somewhere.

And she did.

He saw her standing in Ross's apartment, looking around. It felt like an incredibly heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders and he heaved a loud sigh of relief. She was all right. Thank God she was all right.

After the first wave of relief had washed through him, though, he noticed other things.

Rachel was wearing what appeared to be Ross's shirt. She came out of Ross's bedroom and now she was trying to pick up her clothes that were strewn around the whole living room, mixed up with some of Ross's. There was no mistaking what had happened there last night.

No mistaking.

His breath hitched and his heartbeat began to slow down to what felt like a stop. Something cold and steely wrapped itself around his chest and was pressing it together mercilessly. His lungs started to burn because apparently he hadn't taken a breath for some time.

And then he saw her turn her head, looking right at him. Her eyes went wide as saucers and he could see a toneless 'no' forming on her lips. This was the moment the agony started. An insanely intense pain, slicing through him, cutting him open, making him bleed. Another pain faintly registered in the back of his head when his knees hit the floor and he doubled over, clutching the place over his heart, where it hurt the most. He felt Chandler coming up behind him, touching his shoulder.

"Joey, buddy, what …? Oh no … no … God, Joey, I am so … so sorry."

Chandler kneeled beside him, putting an arm around him. "Chandler, what's with him?" Monica asked crouching down on his other side.

"You might wanna take a look at your brother's apartment."

"Oh no! No. How could she …?"

"Mon, there is something really wrong with Joey here."

Monica turned her attention back from the window to Joey, touching his face. "Joey, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say."

Joey could feel Chandler getting worried. "Joey, please, say something. What's with you? Can you hear me? Please."

He could hear him but he couldn't answer, it was like everything he did would cause him even more pain, moving, talking, even breathing. The exhaustion from last night's lack of sleep seemed to catch up with him, he could feel the darkness tugging at his consciousness, promising him the oblivion of sleep, promising him to end the pain if he would just let himself fall into nothingness. There was no fight in him anymore, so he just let go.

"Mon, he's getting so cold, he's shaking so hard. What is happening to him?"

"I think he goes into shock, we have to…"

The darkness that embraced him drowned out everything that was said after that.

tbc