Chapter 11

When he caught up with her, she was lying down on the ground, waiting for him. "So what are you going to do?" she asked, a very serious tone in her voice.

Diego sighed. "I don't know," he said, sitting down beside her.

"Diego," Sierra said earnestly, "I know that you're afraid of talking to him, afraid of showing your feelings, but you've got to face that. Otherwise nothing's gonna change."

"Fine," Diego said stubbornly. "I can live with that."

"No," Sierra contradicted. "It will just make things worse. You've gotta do something, Diego."

"But I'm not gonna do anything or say anything. Sierra, don't you understand? If I tell him, he'll know! He can't know! He'll tell the others. Everyone will just…laugh at me. 'Look at the tough tiger. He likes someone. He has feelings.' It's not about being afraid, Sierra. It's about—"

"Dignity. Pride."

He stopped and stared at her. She never ceased to amaze him.

"Right," he said slowly, eyeing her suspiciously.

"The things you give up when you love someone."

"What? No way!"

"Come on, Diego, think! Isn't he worth it?"

Diego stopped for a second and thought. About Sid. Sid was sometimes very pathetic, helpless and hopeless. Lazy, too. But he had a good spirit. When he had friends, he didn't go halfway. He truly cared about his friends, loved them, and would do anything for them. Diego was included in that. Sid would do anything for Diego, but what would he think of him if he knew? Diego shuddered, convincing himself it wasn't in fear. He couldn't. It wasn't worth the risk. "Sierra," Diego said, "If there was a way for him to know, to just suddenly know without being told, and I had a way to sure of his reactions, then maybe. But there's no way. That's impossible. Sid's not like you, he can't just know what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling. I'll just…go back there…and keep things the way they are now."

"You won't be happy," Sierra said, almost like a warning. "It will just get worse. I mean, every time you look at him…it won't work. Last night you couldn't even sleep. Why will tonight be any better? You can try it, but I doubt it will help anyway."

"What can I do, though? I know you're right, Sierra…every time I see him…and I might not be able to sleep at night…this stupid thing is gonna destroy me. Every time I see him…" Then Diego stopped, getting a sudden idea. "I can't stay there," he said. "I need to leave. I gotta go."

"Wait, Diego, what are you talking about?"

"Sierra!" Diego said. "Let me go with you. I can't stay there any longer! It'll drive me crazy, I won't be able to stand it. Let me go and live with you, Sierra. The only reason we met was because you were looking for a mate. Well, I can go with you! You can be my mate!"

"Diego, that's ridiculous. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life! You don't want to mate me! How many times have you told me that?"

"Come on, Sierra. We get along, don't we? You're a really good friend to me. We could do well together. Why can't I mate you?"

"Be…because. You don't love me, Diego."

"Yeah I do."

"But only as a friend. You don't mate with someone you only love as a friend."

"Why not, Sierra? I could use this. We care about each other. It could work."

"But you don't want to mate me, Diego."

"Yeah I do," he insisted. "I need to. If I go and mate with you, I won't think about Sid anymore. It can't work, me and him. I can't talk to him. But I can talk to you, Sierra. We get along well. You understand me. You get me."

Sierra hesitated. She didn't know what to say. It was true that he had a point, but this was irrational. He didn't even know what he was saying. She looked at him, trying read his expression.

Diego was hopeful, and almost excited, as though he had finally found a solution to his seemingly impossible problem. "What do you say, Sierra?"

"I'm not saying anything," Sierra said, keeping her voice steady but sounding slightly hurt. Sounding scared. "I don't think you want to do this. Especially not spontaneously. You need to spend some time thinking about it. A lot of time. Sleep on it. I need to go and do some thinking myself. I'll see you tomorrow, Diego."

"But," he said, and she turned back. "When I see you tomorrow, and want to go with you, you won't say no?"

Sierra sighed. "I won't say no," she said.

Diego ran toward her and rubbed his head against hers, as she had done to him. She didn't move.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Sierra stepped back and shook her head. "I have to go," she said, and ran off. Diego watched her for a minute, and a feeling of melancholy washed over him. He walked slowly back to his herd.