A/N: I don't own Instant Star. Reviews are always welcome.

Episode 14 - Oblivion

After making several stops to see her mom, who had apparently met a brain surgeon and had gotten married, her dad who had his first child with Yvette, and several phone calls to Kat who was in Europe preparing for her first fashion show and Jamie who was with her, and to Sadie who was now living with Paolo, Jude made her way to Harrison-Quincy Records.

Part 1

Tommy had let her sleep in and was already hard at work, so it was already mid-afternoon by the time Jude pulled into the lot. It was strange walking in; she felt like an outsider getting a glimpse through a window. There were so many new faces there. Everyone knew her name and politely said hello, but she had no idea who anyone was. She saw Kwest in the kitchen making coffee and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, Jude," he said while giving her a warm embrace. "You look really good, considering…" he said. "I was in a coma for 3 years?" I say innocently. "God, I'm sorry Jude I didn't mean to…" he said. "Relax, Kwest, I'm just teasing, you don't need to walk eggshells around me," I say before embracing him again. We were catching up when I heard E.J. on the phone yelling at some poor soul. She angrily shut the cell phone closed and saw me. "Hey Jude, I just got off the phone with some ass who wanted to do a VH1 Behind the Music story on you," she said annoyed. "Just because you fell of the face of the Earth for 3 years after a night of clubbing and drinking doesn't give them the right to…" she stopped talking and really looked at me. "E.J. are you okay, usually you're the one complaining about my ADD" I said. She started sobbing then and embraced me. I just patted her back and made soothing noises. "I can't believe you're actually here," she said. "I can she's too stubborn to let anything like a coma stop her," said Georgia. "Jude, it's good to see you," she said before embracing me. "How are you Jude" she said. "Oh you know, so so," I said with a twinkle in my eye.

Part 2

"So Jude, what are you plans," Georgia said taking a seat behind her much cluttered desk. "I have no idea," I said truthfully. "Well no one expects you to jump right into anything, so take your time" she said. "You know Shay left after he got out of rehab and no one's heard anything from him, even Darius. But what am I doing that's none of your concern. No one would blame you if you even hated him a little for that stunt he pulled what it cost everyone," she said.

Part 3

I spent the rest of the afternoon walking around Toronto lost in my thoughts. I was just leaving Starbucks after drinking about 3 cups of coffee when a car pulled up to me and T-bone jumped out and gave me a crushing hug. All the air seemed to whoosh out of my lungs and body all at once. "I knew it was you, Jude, oh wait until Shay hears about this," he says gleefully. "You've heard from Shay, I thought he was MIA," I said after taking in some needed lungful of air. "I've been taking care of my boy," he said. "He hasn't really been fit for company since you well you know," he said barely able to meet my eyes. "Bring me to him" I said. "What, I don't think that's a…" he said. "Come on T-bone," I said buckling my seat belt while he was still standing there with a 'what just happened' look on his face.

Part 4

He pulled up to a huge mansion and opened my door to let me out. "Shay's not gonna like this," he said mournfully. We made our way up the stairs to the bedroom. When he opened the door the stench of stale alcohol and molding food hit me as soon as he cracked open the door. Shay was wearing a silk bathroom and had a near empty bottle in his hand. He looked terrible and smelled even worse. He didn't even look up when T-bone came in the room. When he finally got around to looking who had barged into his room he dropped the bottle and stared at me. T-bone decided it was as good a time as any to scamper out of the room; and for the record for a big man he could high-tail it like the best of them. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. I decided I couldn't talk to him or stand to smell him in his current state and grabbed a towel, turned on the water, and shoved him into the bathroom. He was really drunk as far as I could tell and I had to call T-bone to help him in the bathroom. When I heard yelling in the bathroom, I gather that Shay didn't appreciate the help I had sent in, I came in myself and did my best to avert my eyes. "Shay stop being a baby and take a God damn shower!" I said. "I'm not leaving the bathroom until you do," I said. "I think it was his pride more than anything that forced him to do what I said without T-bone's help. We started cleaning up the room. T-bone was grabbing the empty bottles on the ground and I was picking up take out boxes from under the bed. "Gross," I said as I dumped a moldy slice of pizza into the almost overflowing garbage bag. T-bone was making his way down the stairs with the garbage bags in tow when Shay came out of the bathroom. I glanced around the now pristine room and noticed a bottle of pills by the bed.

Part 5

I didn't mention anything as we sat at his kitchen table and I made him several bowls of cereal with soy milk. I washed the dishes and still neither of us had spoken. T-bone had left after dumping the garbage citing that he had a bunch of errands to do. He walked out of the kitchen and returned with a CD in his hand. "I want you to listen to this before we talk," he said. His songs were filled with sadness, desperation, and wishfullness of how life should have been could have been and the stark reality. I knew he was sorry and wished he could have taken everything back if he could. The CD also discussed his battle with alcoholism and pain killers, which as evidence earlier he still hadn't been able to kick. His CD was dark, but his lyrics were truthful and moving and it was utterly fantastic. When I finished listening to it there were tears streaming down his cheeks. And I couldn't help it, but I walked over to him and gave him a hug.

Part 6

I wasn't really sure where to go from there. I was feeling angry, but a little part of me wanted to forgive him and once again regain the brotherly friend I once had. "It's been really hard," he said. I don't know if it was the words themselves or the way he said them, but either way they set me off. "Hard for you, what about me Shay. You took 3 years of my life," I yelled. "I was in the hospital in a coma while you walked around pissing your life away," I said. "I mean you really cashed in after the accident with that record, right? It sold millions of copies and you had the sympathy of the world," I said. "You had everything and I had nothing," I said. "Jude you think drinking yourself into a stupor every night and alienating everyone in your life is everything," he said. "My life has been miserable," he said. "I have nightmares of that night every night and wake up in a cold sweat wishing it were me and not you that had gone in a coma," he said. "I mean right before you came in I was thinking of ending it all," he said. "And why didn't you," I said angry. "I don't know quite honestly, I have nothing to live for, I don't even deserve to live" he said with bitterness. I couldn't help it, but I slapped him across the face as hard as I could. "If my coma taught me anything, it's that life is a precious gift that you shouldn't callously throw away," I said. "I'm ashamed of you, Shay, look at who you've become; I don't even recognize you," I said. "Jude, I'm so sorry," he said looking at his hands. He was about to say will you ever forgive me, but I stopped him. "Don't ask me to forgive you because I don't know that I can, but know this, if you ever think about killing yourself you're an even bigger coward than I thought" I said. Just then T-bone came in and was putting the groceries on the table. "T-bone can you drive me to the studio," I said. "I thought the three of us could…" he said before noticing how rigid Shay was standing and the look in my eyes. "Sure okay, just let me get the rest of the stuff out of the car, or then again let's just go," he said as I headed out the door.

Part 7

Tommy and Kwest were still working when T-bone dropped me off. And just for a second it felt like old times. "Hey Jude, where have you been?" Kwest asked. "Around" I said and gave Tommy a hug. "Are you okay," he said his voice full of concern. I gave him a shrug. "Jude why don't you lie on the couch in my office Kwest and I should be done pretty soon," Tommy said.

Part 8

I was lying on the couch bone tired. The whole world seemed to have moved on without me, although I'll have to admit it was kind of nice walking around the street and going to Starbucks and not be recognized. My world had seemed to go on fine without me. The record company was business as usual; mom, dad, Sadie, Kat, & Jamie were all doing fine, great even. And I was feeling lonely and upset and disappointment over the whole Shay everything and I hadn't dealt with anything since my remarkable rise from the grave and it all hit me all of a sudden. I was sobbing and angry and destroying everything in sight in Tommy's office when he came in.

I continued to break everything in sight until I was too tired to move and found myself slumped on the floor. Tommy and Kwest were standing by the door looking at me with a mixture of concern and fear. I heard Kwest and Tommy talking softly by the door. "Don't worry Tommy, I'll take care of the office and you should probably get her home," Kwest said.

Part 9

I didn't say a word as Tommy carried me to the car or when he put on my seat belt and drove us home. When we got to our room he helped me slip into pajamas and lay down next to me. He held me close for a few hours with the two of us unable to sleep. "Everything's going to be okay, Jude" he said. "Is it, Tommy? How do you know?" I said. "Because" he said. "You're lying next to me," he said.