"You showed me faith
Is not blind
I don't need wings
To help me fly…"
-Miracles Happen by Myra
It had been several weeks since he'd met Nadeshiko, and he hadn't set up their first official meeting yet. There always seemed to be a reason not to do it—he had too much work, there would be a test that week, his second-year students would be holding tutoring sessions, he and Okada would be going to Kyoto for the weekend… simple, stupid, trivial things that got in the way of something far more important.
Deep in his heart, Fujitaka knew he was just stalling. His meeting with Nadeshiko would be important—more important, he sensed, than anything else he had done so far. It would be a turning point in his life, one he'd spent the years since high school waiting for. One of those events he hadn't rushed when they were still theoretical, still only possibilities, but now that it was real, waiting, he wanted to rush headlong into it. Of course, he kept that urge at bay by focusing on nondescript, boring things. Yes, that would keep him safe.
Exactly what was he protecting himself from, anyway? He had never been one to be hurt easily, or even at all. Throughout his younger years he'd always been open, honest, trusting, and it had never failed him. Maybe there were never any risks as big as this one, never any cliffs so high with so far to fall. He'd never been scared to fall before. Why now?
Because this was important. Because this… this was love.
That realization had been awhile in coming. He'd refused to admit it to himself. Certainly Nadeshiko was the sort of girl he'd always secretly imagined he'd marry, or fall in love with… but he'd never thought she'd appear so perfectly, that she'd exist so perfectly. Her mere existence shocked and pleased him beyond belief. He'd spent the two days after meeting Nadeshiko in something like a dream-state, a perpetual daydream broken only by the necessity that he teach his students something. The sun's light was brighter, purer than before, the birds' songs sweeter, more melodic, the sky bluer and clearer than after a storm. For those two days his heart had soared higher than the trees, weaving in and out of the clouds and sunbeams.
But his happy daydream had been shattered by the realization of the impossibility of such a relationship. Everyone knew the Amamiya family was rich, well-endowed by generations of hard work and enviable business skills. He was a poor bachelor, with no family and the pitiful income of a high school teacher—an income that served him quite nicely, but one that he knew would hardly support another. Wealth spoke volumes, and right now it was telling Fujitaka quite loudly that Nadeshiko was above and beyond him. And then there was the fact that he was a teacher at the high school where Nadeshiko was a student. The age difference alone would prove scandalous and unacceptable to many. His heart's happy flight was brought to a screeching, crashing, fiery halt.
So that was why he was only somewhat surprised that Nadeshiko approached him about setting up a meeting. She came in one day after school, as he was absently packing his bag and dusting the floor. She stood silently by his desk, examining the papers strewn across it as he swept the back of the room, unaware that she was even there.
"Kinomoto-sensei," her clear voice startled him, and he turned quickly.
"Ah… Amamiya-san…" he stammered, taken by surprise. He emptied the dustpan and put the broom back in its corner as he moved towards his desk.
"Why don't you have anything on your desk?" she asked, gesturing to the shiny wood paneling.
"Well, I always have my papers and school things," he explained with a smile, sweeping the loose papers into an orderly stack and filing them away in his bag. He straightened the remaining piles and organized them neatly, leaving the desk virtually bare.
"But you don't have pictures, or little knick-knacks, or anything," she frowned, running her long fingers over the light-colored wood.
"I don't have any, I suppose. What can I help you with?" he asked, returning to the reason for her visit.
"I'll have to bring you some," she murmured absently. "Oh! Yes, I came because we haven't set up a meeting yet, and I know most of my friends have already met with their senior advisors…"
"I'm terribly sorry about that, Amamiya-san—"
"Call me Nadeshiko, please."
"Nadeshiko-san. I've been so busy recently…" It was only partially a lie.
"I know. Teachers are busy people. So I was wondering… if you were busy this weekend?"
He racked his brains, rapidly going through his calendar mentally, half-hoping he would find something buried in the depths of his memory. Nothing came to mind. Nothing. And yet… it didn't bother him at all. With a genuine smile, he turned his attention back to his visitor. "Iie, Nadeshiko-san. I don't believe I have anything to do this weekend."
"Then you would be able to go out for a picnic tomorrow?"
The proposal momentarily shocked him; she hadn't requested a library or coffee shop meeting, as most students did. But then, he thought to himself with a secret smile. Did you expect anything less?
"I'll make the lunch," she offered. "If you tell me where you live I'll come by when I'm ready. We can go to the park or by Tsukimine Shrine. Would it be all right?" she asked, anxiously looking up at him for confirmation.
"Ah," he smiled again. "It would be fine, Nadeshiko-san. Let me find you a piece of paper so I can write my address down for you. My house is near the river, so we can have lunch there instead." His heart was light, the wings he had thought lost found again and repaired.
As he stood on the sidewalk waving good-bye to her as she ran off in the opposite direction, he realized he'd forgotten to remind her to bring her paperwork and transcripts.
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"You're what!" Sonomi shrieked.
"Calm down, Sonomi-chan," Nadeshiko chided with a little laugh and a wave of her hand. "It's nothing."
"Calm down? It's nothing? Nadeshiko!" Sonomi screamed. "How could you?"
Nadeshiko looked up at the ceiling, expression decidedly bewildered. "It was really easy, Sonomi-chan. I just went to his room after school and asked him if he was busy this weekend. Then he walked me to the front gate," she beamed happily. Sonomi fumed.
"You're not listening to me are you?" Sonomi snapped. "Don't you get it? You can't just go asking him out on a date!"
"Huh?" Nadeshiko asked, more confused than ever. "It's not a date, Sonomi. What makes you think that?"
Sonomi snorted. "You may not think it's a date, but I'm sure he will."
"Oh no," Nadeshiko shook her head, laughing. "Kinomoto-sensei was really nice about it. He laughed and said that he didn't have anything to do. He seemed a little confused at first…"
"Probably because he knew it was wrong," Sonomi muttered under her breath.
"It'll be so nice, Sonomi! I'm going to make lunch!" Sonomi's eyes widened. She almost felt bad enough for Kinomoto-sensei to warn him about Nadeshiko's cooking, but she quickly dismissed that thought. He deserved to suffer through her cooking.
"Sonomi-chan?" Nadeshiko asked, peering into Sonomi's eyes. Smiling, she spun around and danced towards the door. "Well, I'm going to bed. See you in the morning!"
"Oh, you're staying the night? I didn't know—ah, Nadeshiko!"
"I'm all right," Nadeshiko reassured Sonomi with a little laugh, rubbing her shoulder where she'd bumped it on the doorframe. She stood (without any trouble or help, Sonomi noted angrily), waved to Sonomi, and scampered off to her room.
Sighing, Sonomi pulled out a stool and sat down, propping her chin on her hands. She frowned as she considered what had happened. She and Nadeshiko had always been close, as the only two children in the Amamiya family that were close in age. They'd grown up together, lived with each other (as Nadeshiko was tonight), spent their summers together at their grandfather's mansion in the country. They were best friends, closest sisters, twin stars. Sonomi was supposed to be the person closest to Nadeshiko's heart, the one who knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling. But right now, Nadeshiko was a blank slate. Sonomi could no more tell what she was feeling than she could say what they would have for dinner in a week.
For the first time, Sonomi was not privy to Nadeshiko's innermost thoughts.
Sonomi was not used to not being part of Nadeshiko's life. But here she was—former best friend, former confidant—former, part of the past. She didn't like where Nadeshiko's future was going, because it didn't include her. She'd always assumed that Nadeshiko would be devoted to her family—the family that raised her when she had no parents, the family that had always accepted her clumsiness and absent-mindedness, the family that loved her more than anything else. Nadeshiko was the heart and soul of the Amamiya family, and now she threatened to fly beyond their reach… beyond Sonomi's reach.
And Sonomi simply wouldn't have that.
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Nadeshiko hurried down the sidewalk, swinging the picnic basket in her hand. She was excited—she could feel her heart fluttering in her breast, could feel the tingling at the tips of her fingers and toes, could feel the butterflies clamoring in her stomach. She didn't know why, but the prospect of spending the afternoon with the quiet, smiling teacher excited her.
Well, no, she knew why. She'd known since she'd first identified him as the man in her dream.
She came upon the quiet, quaint house in the middle of the block. It was nondescript but cheerful and clean. She pushed open the gate and came upon the bare lawn. She frowned. There was so much room here; why didn't he have flowers or trees planted? She resolved to come back and plant flowers for him—nadeshiko flowers, her personal favorites, would look beautiful. And a cherry tree in the middle, so that the sakura would bloom in the spring… Smiling at the prospect of her new project, she tripped lightly up the two steps to the door. Surprisingly, she managed to ring the doorbell without incident; the lunch remained safely clutched in her hands.
"Ohaiyo, Kinomoto-sensei," she greeted, smiling up at him when he answered the door.
"Ah, Nadeshiko-san! Come in." He stepped aside and held the door for her. She stepped in and set her basket down beside the door, slipping out of her shoes at the same time.
"I'm almost ready," he called from the kitchen. She followed the sound of his voice across the soft plush carpet to the polished wood floors of the kitchen. He was standing at a counter, chopping vegetables neatly and with great precision. A pile of wrapped riceballs sat to his right, waiting to be packed away into the lunch basket.
"You didn't need to make anything," she chided gently. "That was my job."
"But I couldn't let you do it all yourself. I wouldn't feel right," he countered, smiling at her. "Here, bring the basket." She darted away and returned momentarily, wicker basket clutched in her hands. She handed it to him, and he carefully laid his offerings atop hers.
"All right. Are you ready?" he asked perfunctorily, already reaching for a light jacket and his shoes. She nodded, and together they walked out into the sunshine.
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The river was quiet, a surprisingly few number of people taking advantage of the beautiful weather. They sat down in the shade of a tree and watched the river run its course, babbling and laughing to itself, a conversation kept secret from the rest of the world. She set down the basket and began removing items from it; he took the paper plates from her hands and set them out. Then he served her, placing perfectly proportioned amounts of food on each plate. After handing her one of them, he sat back and picked up his first piece of chicken.
If he weren't overly polite by nature, he would've spit out the food. As it was, he was sorely tempted to turn away and quietly deposit the mouthful in a napkin. He was, after all, only human…
"It's terrible, isn't it?" Nadeshiko asked, plate balanced delicately in her hands.
"Ah… well… terrible isn't quite the right adjective…" he attempted to be diplomatic. "Although, honestly, Nadeshiko-san… we still have my onigiri, don't we?"
She laughed and waved it off. "No, no, don't worry about it. I've known for a long time that I can't cook, but no one's ever told me. Not even my family," she murmured wistfully. "So I just keep cooking, waiting for someone to tell me. I know it's the thought that's important, but goodness! If it's that bad… You're the first person to ever tell me." She cocked her head, contemplatively smiling. "Thank you."
"For what?" he asked, setting his plate down and reaching for his riceballs and vegetables.
She reached out and stopped the hand holding the food, laying her own hand over his. "For being honest."
He smiled and laid his other hand over hers, squeezing it slightly. "That's hardly anything to thank me for. I'm the one who should be thanking you… because it is the thought that counts. Thank you for inviting me today, Nadeshiko-san, and thank you for working so hard on the lunch."
"Even if it tastes terrible?"
"Even if it tastes terrible."
Their laughter flew over the dry rustling grass, up through the boughs of the trees, over the flowing water of the river. It carried with it a sound and a feeling so sweet that its meaning was as secret as that of the rambling river's conversation. As Fujitaka listened to the echo of their laughter, he looked down into Nadeshiko's dark shining eyes. He could feel the lightness in his chest and knew that his heart was gone, soaring, carried away to heights he dared not dream of.