A/N: I don't own Instant Star. I don't own Missing You by Jem. Reviews are always welcome.

Episode 25 – Not Myself

Part 1

Jude's head lay atop Tommy's chest while Tommy's hand lay on her stomach. "I wish we could bottle up this moment and keep it forever" I said. "Me, too, girl" Tommy said as his hand caressed her waist. "You know what the best part of our fights is?" He said. "Oh you mean besides the emotional turmoil and often times life altering events?" I said with a straight face. "Definitely the make up sex" he said in his best Barry Manilow voice. "How many more times do you plan on screwing up, little Tommy Q? No pun intended" I said. He didn't answer, but instead started tickling me. "No fair, I asked you a question" I said amidst the giggle fit. "I wish I could promise that I never will…" he said as his grip tightened around me. "But I can't" he said. I laced my fingers with his and marveled how it fit perfectly in his. "I promise I'll never give up on you" I said as I stared deeply into his eyes and fell into them. "Sounds like make up sex is in our future!" he said and threw up his hand in a high five. "You did not just high five me, Quincy!" I said in annoyance. He gently got out from under me and walked over to his leather jacket. I couldn't help, but cat call. "Nice Harrison," he said with a smirk; he loved it, but would never openly admit it. "Pick a hand" he said as he offered me two closed fists. "That one" I said pointing to his right. "Try, again" he said as he put both hands behind his back and shuffled what he was hiding. "That one" I said pointing to the right. "Nope" he said. "Come on Tommy just show me what it is" I said. "Come on Jude, you'll get it eventually" he said as I closed in and kissed him. After about a minute I grabbed his hands. "Hey, no fair" he said. I didn't answer I was so caught up in what was in the palm of my hand. "I thought it was lost forever…" I said as I felt a lump in my throat. "Where did you find that?" I asked. "I can't take all the credit Kwest found it after our fight and gave it to me…after several unsuccessful attempts because I told him I never wanted to see it again" he said with chagrin. He took the ring from my palm and placed in on my left hand. "Where's yours" I asked. "Kwest couldn't find it" he said with a frown. "Jude. where are you going?" Tommy said as I grabbed a sheet and went down the hallway. "Hold your horses, Quincy" I said as I lugged my guitar case in the room. "How is your guitar gonna help us find the ring, genius?" he said. I opened the guitar case, lifted out the guitar, and held up the chain with the ring on it. "I wanted to hold on to a part of you…letting you go wasn't something I was ready to do; it's not something I will ever be prepared to do" I said with emotion. I took the ring off the chain and slid it onto his finger. "Jude let's start over" Tommy said in a serious tone. I thought about how easy it would be to do that to wash away all the emotional scars and wounds that I'd accumulated having Tommy in my life. "You want me to forget everything that's happened, all the tears and the pain, and the joy and the laughter we've shared these last years?" I said. "It's a part of us Tommy; I can't forget it and I won't" I said. "Being with you has changed me and made me who I am" I said. "I don't want to forget anything we've shared and neither should you" I said. "Jude you're right. I'd never want to forget, either" he said as his forehead touched mine.

Part 2

Tommy and Jude casually strolled into Harrison-Quincy Records hand in hand. Georgia stopped mid-sentence while E.J. had her mouth hanging open. Kwest walked over the E.J. and gently closed her mouth. E.J. instantly dug her 4 inch heels into Kwest's foot. He immediately started yelping like a little girl. It hardly mattered; the two were so oblivious with eyes only for each other. Jake saw Jude and nearly tackled her to the ground. "Happy to see you, too" I said. "Jake has anyone ever told you you're like a giant golden retriever puppy?" said Tommy facetiously. "It's one of his charms" said E.J. "Ugh don't encourage him," said Jackson. "Hi Jude" he said as he gave me a hug. "Everything, alright" he said before glancing over at Tommy. "Couldn't be better" I said and slid my hand into Tommy's.

Part 3

No one got any work done at the studio. Everyone was just so happy that Tommy and I were back together that we just flitted the day away chatting and catching up with everyone's drama free lives. "You guys are better than cable" said Jake. E.J. hit him in the back of the head. "Ouch, what'd you do that for!" Jake said rubbing the back of his head. "Better her than me" said Jackson with a laugh.

Part 4

It was getting late and everyone started going their separate ways. Tommy and I had decided to go rent some movies from Blockbuster. We were paying at the register when we both realized we had left our wallets in the car. "Tommy, I'll be right back" I said as I ran out of the store. The guy behind the counter snickered as he rang up the movies. "I heard the Notebook was supposed to be pretty good" said Tommy in his defense. "Did I say something, man?" said the cashier in an innocent tone. Meanwhile Jude was in the middle of unlocking the car when an arm grabbed her around the waist and was conked extremely hard on the head. She instinctively put her hand to her head and came back with sticky fingers before she was hit again and fell limply to the ground.

Part 5

"Hold this for me I'll be right back," said Tommy. "Attention everyone I am holding in my possession the thirtieth out of a gazillion copies of the Notebook, any takers" said the cashier. "Was that really necessary?" said Tommy. "Dude, I do it all the time. You know how many chicks drag their boyfriends here to rent that thing" said the cashier. "I'll be right back" said Tommy. "Don't worry man, I'll keep it safe" the cashier said as he hugged it protectively. "Whatever man" said Tommy as he headed out of the store not realizing how long Jude had been gone. He didn't see her by the car and tried calling her cell phone. Jude's cell phone was ringing in her purse inside the car. "Jude….Jude" he called out futilely to the darkness.

Part 6

The mugger dumped Jude in the back of his truck like a sack of potatotes. When she hadn't woken up after two hours he panicked and dumped her in front of a run down house in the middle of the nowhere outside of Toronto.

Part 7

Tommy called up everyone he knew and asked if they had seen Jude. He was at the police department and was yelling angrily at the woman behind the desk. "Sir calm down. I need you to give me a recent photograph of her as well as a description. Do you remember what she had on the last time you saw her?" she asked. Tommy's chest was hurting and he could hear a roaring in his ears. "Whoa there Tommy" said Kwest as he helped him into a chair. "I can't lose her" Tommy said as he broke down. "We'll find her, man" said Kwest trying his best to comfort Tommy.

Part 8

Eli wiped his paint stained hands on his jeans before he headed out his front door to clear his mind after a painting session. He nearly tripped over Jude before he saw her body sprawled on the ground. He checked to see if she was breathing and gently picked her up off the ground and put her on the couch. He ran to his bathroom for the first aid kit. He got some soap and water and gently washed the wound to head, which had stopped bleeding. When he applied the gauze with alcohol over the wound she yelled out and grabbed the front of his shirt before passing out. In that moment she had stared into his eyes he was irrevocably caught; he felt an overwhelming need to protect her from whomever or whatever had brought her to his doorstep. He didn't know why he did it, but he kissed her forehead before gently closing the door and heading downstairs to the couch.

Part 9

Kwest brought Tommy to his place knowing that his friend couldn't be alone. He almost felt bad when Tommy finally fell asleep since he had slipped a sleeping pill into his coffee. "He'll forgive me in the morning" said Kwest with a yawn.

Part 10

Eli was too worried to sleep and watched Jude sleep instead while he constantly monitored her condition. "I need to get a phone" he thought to himself. "I'm certainly no Doogie Howser" he said. As he watched Jude sleep he got inspired and went to his work room.

Part 11

(A few hours later) He was furiously painting and didn't notice that he wasn't alone. When he finally put down the paint brush Jude couldn't help, but gasp aloud. "Wow, that's beautiful" I said as I walked to the canvas. It was a fairly large canvas and there were swirls of color everywhere. What drew her eye was the fallen angel on the ground surround by a pool of tears. Jude took in the fiery red hair and the sadness in the angel's expression as reached out towards its torn wing that lay a few feet from it. As Jude stared at the painting she didn't notice his stare. "No you're beautiful" he said in a low voice, which Jude didn't notice. "What can I say you inspire me," he said. He reached out his hand, "I'm Eli by the way. And you are?" For the life of her Jude couldn't remember her name or anything for that matter and she was starting to panic. "Are you okay? Do you want to sit down" he said as he closed the distance between them. "Sit here and I'll make you some coffee. You'll feel better" he said as he dashed out of the room.

Part 12

"Better?" he asked with his head cocked to the side. Jude hugged her knees to her chest and tried to remember something, anything. "I can't remember anything?" she said in a small voice. "Don't worry about it" he said with concern and instinctively covered her hand with hers. "Everything will be fine" he said. Jude snatched her hand back and felt embarrassed. "I'm sorry" she said. "I know you've obviously taken care of me, but I don't know you" I said. "No. It's fine. I would be worried if you trusted a complete stranger, too" he said. "So, what do you want to know?" he said.

Part 13

We spent the rest of the day talking and getting to know each other although it was one sided since I couldn't remember anything. Eli was 23 and had dropped out of art school. He had inherited the house when his parents had died in a car accident, but he didn't go into too much detail. He spent mostly of his days painting. He had no phone, no TV, and no car. He walked everywhere. He had no pictures anywhere in the house, which I thought was a bit odd, but I didn't press. "So now you know everything about me" he said with a grin.

Part 14

To say that Tom Quincy was distraught was an understatement. He constantly stopped by the police department to check if there was any news. He put up missing persons flyers all over the city. He even put out an ad on TV asking if anyone had seen a woman matching Jude's description. Everyone at Harrison-Quincy took tabs on Tommy. He was a mess and everyone was worried about him.

Part 15

I was bored watching Eli paint all afternoon so I decided to amuse myself by wandering around the house. I made my rounds around the living room and dining room, but with no picture frames or albums I kept wandering around the house until I found myself in front of the door leading to the attic. I slowly opened the door to the attic. It gave a loud squeak. "No that's not creepy at all!" I said with a nervous laugh to reassure myself. I turned on the lights and was halfway across the room when the lights flickered off. I my embarrassment I screamed like a little girl and had ran all the way to Eli's work room. I was holding my side and trying to catch my breath. "Do you (breathing heavy) have a (breathing in) flashlight (breathing out), Eli?" I gasped. He was staring intently at the canvas that I didn't think he heard me, but to my surprise he told me there was one in the kitchen drawer. I guess he was really zoned into what he was doing because he didn't even bother asking me what I needed it for. So my second attempt was in the works. I opened the squeaky door with a little more confidence and turned on the flashlight. "This isn't so scary" I said in a whisper. "Why am I whispering?" I said. "Uh probably because I'm upstairs in a creepy attic with nothing, but a tiny flashlight as a safeguard" I said. "God I'm talking to myself like a crazy person" I said. "I wonder if in my old life there was a family history of mental illness?" I chuckled to myself. "Actually, that's not funny at all" I said. "God stop talking to yourself" I berated myself. The floorboards creaked worse than the door and I constantly found myself glancing over my shoulder waiting for someone or something to jump out at me.

Part 16

Two hours passed and all I had found was some old records minus a record player and some musty old books. I was about to turn in the towel when I noticed the moonlight through the window shining on something. I threw the miscellaneous items covering it onto the floor and wiped the dust off a guitar case. I picked it up and went downstairs into my room and locked the door. I hadn't even noticed that I had left the flashlight in the attic.

Part 17

I opened it up and plucked a string just to test it out. I cradled it into my arms and before I knew it I was strumming chords out of the guitar. "Huh, I can play the guitar" I said to myself. "Well, that's a start" I said to myself. "Nameless, but I can play the guitar, that's great" I said to myself sarcastically.

Part 18

I had progressed from strumming to strumming and humming when I heard some angry banging on the door. I opened the door and saw Eli and he was really angry. Before I could open my mouth he saw the guitar on the ground and picked it up off the ground. "Where did you get this" he yelled. I stupidly pointed up. "Who said you could go there!" he yelled before slamming the door behind him. I stood stock still for the next couple of minutes wondering what I had awoken.

Part 19

Kwest knocked on the guest room door to find Tommy pacing. "Hey, I brought you something to eat" he said resting the pizzas on the bed. "I'm not hungry" he said moodily. "You're looking a little thin, T" he said with concern. Tommy stopped pacing, grabbed a slice, and sat on the bed. "Oh and I got you this, too" Kwest said dropping something on Tommy's lap. "What are these for" Tommy said with his mouth full. "I thought you could keep a journal for Jude. To tell her what's going on with you, with everything…" Kwest said as he let his sentence trail. "It's not good keeping everything buried, man…it's tearing you apart" Kwest said. "Just write to her like she was in this room talking to you" Kwest said. "But she's not" Tommy said as he dropped the half eaten slice on the lid of the box.

Part 20

When Jude woke up the next day she found the guitar resting on her door. She carefully put it back in its case and went to look for Eli who was working on a new painting. In the painting was a girl who had his features, but looked a few years younger; she was holding a guitar, the very same one that she had plucked from the attic. "Who is…" I said. "Her name was Alice" said Eli who was wiping a tear off his cheek. "She was my baby sister" he said. "Was?" I asked. He didn't say anything, but continued to broodily stare at the canvas. "Do you want me to put the guitar back where I found it" I asked finding my voice. "No, keep it. She'd want it that way" he said. After another 15 minutes of unbearable silence I silently padded up the stairs back into my room where the guitar lay on the bed.

Part 21

Tommy had ripped up 10 pieces of paper in his first attempt to write Jude's letters. "Any luck man" Kwest said. "What do you thing?" Tommy said. Kwest ignored the comment and dropped 5 more journals onto the desk. "Just in case" Kwest said before he left Tommy alone with his thoughts and empty pages.

Part 22

If Eli noticed Jude constantly playing the guitar he didn't say anything nor did she mention the incident with the guitar or the painting with Alice. It was driving her crazy thought, so she decided to take a walk to the library to see if there were ever an article or an obituary in the paper. She had just arrived at the library when she realized she had no idea what Eli's last name was.

Part 23

She spent the next couple of hours looking at microfilm. When it was close to closing the librarian informed her it was shortly closing and asked her if she needed any help. So, she asked the woman if she knew anything about the young man living up at the house in the woods all alone and his sister Alice. The librarian gave her a grief-stricken look and handed her a canister of microfilm. "He was never the same afterwards the poor boy, and such a nice family, a real tragedy" the librarian said allowed as she walked away. Jude's hands were shaking as she put the film in and pressed the on button. She kept scrolling until she found the article. "Van Houton family perishes in fatal car accident. Jim Morris, truck driver, fell asleep at the wheel. The 16-wheeler crossed the median and hit the SUV, 16-year old son is lone survivor. It showed two pictures, a family portrait, and a picture of the mangled car at the scene of the accident." When she turned it off she felt sick to her stomach. The librarian was watching her all the while. "What's your interest on the Van Houton boy" she asked. "Interested in the family fortune?" she said unkindly. "What, no, I'm a friend of his" I said defensively. "I didn't know he had any?" she said. "What's it to you?" I said a little more than miffed. "I used to watch him and his sister when they were younger. I've tried to watch out for him over the years. He was never the same after the accident. Shut himself up in that house. Went out with a girl once, 2-3 years after the accident, but he ended it when he found out she had heard about his family's money and that he was the sole heir. So if you're here on that account you might as well pack up and leave" she said. "I'm not" I said. She nodded her head and asked me how he was. "Paints all day, there's an aurora of sadness that hangs about him, I just wanted to know what it was. He never once mentioned the accident, but he painted a picture of Alice" I said. "Never saw two people closer than those two" she said. I thanked the librarian for her help and left so she could lock up.

Part 24

Jude felt inspired as she picked up the guitar and began to furiously write her lyrics and she strummed the guitar like a woman possessed. She had just finished the song and was utterly exhausted. She came downstairs with the guitar in hand and saw Eli staring at the painting he had done of his sister. She noticed the mangled car in the background being licked by the flames. An angel knelt by his sister. An angel with familiar red hair and striking blue eyes. I stepped into the room, breathed in and started strumming the guitar.

Missing You (Jem – Finally Woken)

I wish this could be
a happy song
But my happiness disappeared
the moment you were gone
Don't think I ever believed that
this day would come
Now all I'm feeling
is lost and numb

And ohhh I know I promised
Mmmm that I would try

But I, yes I, miss you
and it's killing inside

I'll always be thankful
for the time we had
We were blessed
I should celebrate
but I feel too sad
All the wonderful memories
just make me fall apart
And it feels like somebody's
stabbed me in my heart

And ohhh I know I promised
Mmmm that I wouldn't cry

But I, yes I, miss you
and it's killing inside
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you
want you by my side

Walking, holding hands
Talking, making plans
Touching my heart my soul

I wish this could be
a happy song
But my happiness disappeared
the moment you were gone
Tell me it's not happening
Say it's not as it seems
Tell me that I'm gonna wake up
It's just a bad dream
Please tell me that it's fiction
Tell me it's just a lie
Whatever you choose to tell me
Please say he didn't die

And I, yes I, miss you
and it's killing inside
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you
want you by my side
Ooh well I, miss you
want you by my side
Back here by my side
Here by my side

When I finished playing the two of us were both crying. I cried for a lot of reasons. I cried for the loss of his family, I cried for his sister's life being cut short, and lastly for the loss of my own life of the life I had and the person who I used to be. "Thank you" he said as he wiped away a tear from my cheek. "For what" I asked. "For expressing what I never could aloud" he said. "But you do" I said. "Every time you pick up a paint brush and in everything you do; I'm sure she knows you miss her" I said. All of a sudden a light seemed to have turned inside him and he began to tell me about his sister and all the time they had spent together, of their plans for the future. He was leaving for school in the fall and they had already made strategic plans when she would visit her big brother. What his parents didn't know and what they were arguing about during the night of the accident was his attending art school. His father had insisted that he go to school to become a doctor just like him, but how do you explain to your father that your dreams involved a paintbrush and a canvas instead of stethoscopes? His parents were threatening to cut him off and he had said he would accept it gladly and that he told them he would be leaving his parents house in the morning. Then his parents told him not to bother coming back and that he'd never see his sister again. That's when more yelling ensued. His father had turned around to yell at him when the truck crossed the median and hit their SUV. I held him until he was all cried out. I slept sitting on the couch while his head lay cradled in my lap.

Part 25

Tommy wrote to Jude before going to bed and the minute he woke up. He stopped counting the number of days she had been gone and instead focused on her return. He checked with the cops, made sure the flyers were up, and continued the TV ads. He refused to forsake her and kept the thoughts of her return with him always.

Part 26

The sky was still pink when Jude carefully put a pillow under his head and tip toed outside. She wearily took a seat on the steps and stared out into the horizon. As the minutes passed she had a flashback of sitting on the front steps of another house and being enveloped in a pair of arms. She could feel the heat coming from his bare skin and felt warm and safe and loved. In her flashback she was just about to turn around when she felt a light tapping on her shoulder and the memory vanished.

Part 27

"Hey" said Eli as he handed her a cup of coffee. "I didn't know how you took your coffee so it's just black" he said before whipping out a tray of milk, creamer, and a small container of sugar. "Thanks" I said with a little disappointment. "Is there something wrong…was it about earlier?" he said rubbing the back of his neck. "No, I thought I remembered something and then…" I said. "And then I showed up, sorry" he said as his face flushed. "It's okay" I said as I casually rested my hand on his arm. "I want to do something for you" he said with a look of determination. "What can you do for me that you haven't already done?" I asked. "Well for starters we can buy you some new clothes?" he said with a laugh knowing how uncomfortable I felt wearing his sister's preppy clothes. "What this isn't me?" I said with a laugh. "We'll spend the week in Toronto. It's about time I went back home" he said as his eyes darkened. "And maybe we'll find some clues as to who you are?" he said a little more cheerily.

Part 28

"Hey Tommy any luck with those…" Kwest was saying before Tommy cut him off. "Those are done" Tommy said pointing to a neat pile of journals by the bed. "Imagine that" said Kwest with a laugh. Kwest had hoped that writing to Jude in the journals would keep Tommy going, to not lose faith that Jude was still out there. He didn't want Tommy to feel as powerless as everyone else felt; it's always good to have a little hope even if it was just a tiny spark in the darkness. Kwest noticed that Tommy had put up more framed pictures of Jude and Tommy, Jude with Kat and Jamie, Jude and her family, Jude and her family at G Major. "Tommy you've built like a Jude shrine" Kwest said with a laugh. "A little creepy, right?" said Tommy. "No man I'd always known you were a practitioner of Jude-iasm, you know the worship of all things Jude Harrison" Kwest said. Tommy couldn't help, but laugh. "It's good to hear you laugh again man" said Kwest. "Yeah, I almost thought I'd forgotten how" said Tommy.

Part 29

A driver came by later that morning and helped us put out bags in the car. When he started calling Eli 'Master Eli' I couldn't help, but laugh. "He's been with the family since I was little" Eli said. When we reached his family's pent house apartment we were greeted by a small army of maids, butlers, chefs, laundresses you name it who all referred to Eli as 'Master Eli' and who all welcomed him back to open arms. "They basically helped my mom raise me and my sister; my dad wasn't around much. He was always at the hospital or some conference somewhere or at some awards gala" Eli said. He gave me a tour of the house and when we walked into the parlor there was a large family portrait that had been taken a long time ago of the family. I noticed that no one in the picture was smiling. "That pretty much sums up my entire childhood" Eli said with a bitter laugh. "If it weren't for Alice I would have gone completely crazy and left home a long time ago" he said. "It doesn't hurt so much to be here" he said as he took my hand in his. "With you here" he said and immediately dropped my hand when he noticed what he had done unconsciously and turned a shade of red.

Part 30

We decided to ditch the chauffer and walk around. Eli told me I could buy whatever I wanted; it was all on him; besides I didn't exactly have my wallet with me. I bought a couple pairs of converse in various shades, boots, a ton of jeans, and some vintage t-shirts, tank tops, a jean jacket. We passed by a music shop and he bought me a Gibson, speakers, and couple of guitar picks. Of course, I promised I'd pay him back someday. "Forget about it, I like seeing you happy" he said shyly.

Part 31

Eli went back to the apartment to recover from carrying all my bags. He was the one who insisted on ditching the car, so I didn't feel bad at all and besides he wouldn't let me carry any of my bags. Besides, I had an idea of how to pay him back. I hope my instincts weren't wrong I thought to myself as I walked into the art gallery with a painting of Eli's.

Part 32

He was still passed out on the couch surrounded by my shopping bags. I gently nudged his shoulder. "Hey, what time is it?" he yawned. "I have a surprise for you" I said. I then told him about my meeting at the gallery. "They loved it and wanted to talk to you about maybe showing some of your stuff as part of their upcoming artists series they do once a month. "Wow….um" he said. "It was a stupid idea, I shouldn't have done it" I said and chewed on my lower lip. "It's just that I haven't shown my work to anyone before except for you" he said and signed audibly. "You know what, no, it was really sweet of you. Maybe it's time I show my paintings of Alice and all the ones I did after the accident. I'm tired of hiding, her memories, my memories, my family, everything. It's just been so long you know having it constantly weighing on my shoulders" he said. "You're not going to forget her, forget them; they'll always be a part of you" I said. And the moment we both knew had been building finally came. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned down.

Part 33

(We had gone back so Eli could put together what paintings he wanted to bring for his upcoming show and a few weeks had passed) Things with Eli were nice. He was like a knight in shining armor in a white horse who had swooped down and rescued me. We kissed and held hands, but that was it. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me. Talking about it would have just been awkward so I grabbed his hand and brought him to his room. I sat him on the bed put my hands over his so he couldn't get up and kissed him. He was flat on his back on the bed and I was straddling his stomach. "Wait…" he said a little breathlessly. "There's something I have to tell you" he said. "What" I said planting small kisses on his neck. "I'm a virgin" he said.

Part 34

"After that incident with that girl a few years ago I kind of swore of the entire female population and have been all alone here in the woods. Wow, that didn't sound creepy at all. I mean even the rabbits have gotten more action than me" he said with a shaky laugh. "I just don't want to disappoint you" he said as he brushed a few strands of hair from my face. I walked to the door and closed it before walking back to the bed and silencing him with my lips.

Part 35

The weekend of his show finally came and I was sitting on the couch in the apartment while he nervously paced. "You're gonna wear out the floor that way" I said as glanced up from the TV. He stopped pacing and leaned in for a kiss. "Much better" he said before continuing to pace. I couldn't help, but laugh.

Part 36

"Tommy why are you dragging me to this art show? I didn't even know you liked art?" said Kwest. "I like art" said Tommy grumbling. "Tommy are you still obsessing over the picture in the article of the painting with an angel that has a resemblance to someone we both know" said Kwest. "It looks exactly like her; you can't deny it" Tommy said vehemently. "It's a just a painting man" said Kwest. "There's just something about it, man. I just have a gut feeling that I have to be there tonight" Tommy said. "You have a feeling" Kwest says. "Yeah" Tommy said. "In your gut" Kwest said. "Will you just stop giving me a hard time? Besides we're gonna be late" Tommy said before grabbing his leather jacket from the closet.

Part 37

"I'm sorry sir but that painting is not for sale" said the gallery owner. "What?" said Tommy exasperated. "There are plenty of other paintings" said the owner. Tommy felt Kwest's hand on his shoulder. "Tommy man maybe we can talk to the artists and convince him to sell it to you. Alright? Alright, Tommy?" Kwest said trying his best to calm down his friend who was glaring hostilely at the owner. "Fine where is he?" said Tommy putting thrusting his hands in his pockets. "He just went outside" said the owner who was backing away from Tommy.

Part 38

"This has been a dream come true. And I have you to thank" Eli said as he gazed lovingly into my eyes. "God really sent me an angel that night" he said as he brushed his lips against mine. "Hey, how much for that painting with the angel holding the broken wing?" Tommy asked. "I'm keeping that for you it was supposed to be a surprise" Eli whispered in her ear. "Hey, are you deaf!" said Tommy angrily. "I'm sorry about my friend he's a little…Oh my God" said Kwest when Jude turned around to see what the commotion was about. "Hey what's your problem? It's not for sale" said Jude with her eyes flashing. "Why are you two looking at me like that?" she said. "Jude…" Tommy said with wide eyes. "I'm sorry do I know you?" she said and walked a few steps where Kwest and Tommy were standing.

Part 39

Tommy stood there frozen taking in every detail of Jude. She repeated her question. Kwest finally snapped out of it and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and thrust it into her hands. She unfolded it and smoothed it as best she could before she started reading it. It was a missing person's poster. Suddenly the world was reeling. As Jude collapsed both Eli and Tommy caught her before glaring at each other. "Don't be stupid" Kwest said to both men before he took Jude.

Part 40

Kwest drove Jude to the hospital while Tommy and Eli sat with Jude in the back of the car. Each held one of her hands and was glaring at the other. Kwest took a peak in the rear view mirror every couple of seconds to check on his passengers. When they got to the hospital he was the one to carry her still form into the emergency room because the two of them were arguing about who got to do it. The three of them were sitting in the waiting room waiting for any news from the doctor. Finally he emerged from the double doors. "She's fine. Just some shock. The head wounds she suffered, several months back I would guess, has healed cleanly. There will be minimal if no scarring. That doctor did a good job" said the doctor. Eli glanced down at his hands and thought of his father. He jammed his hands in his pockets and waited for the doctor to finish. "She's getting an MRI just to make sure there wasn't any internal damage" he said. It'll probably be another hour or two" he said. Kwest got up and shook the doctor's hand and thanked him.

Part 41

Jude was released from the hospital with a clean bill of health. The four of them were awkwardly sitting in Kwest's kitchen. All three pairs of eyes bore down at her. "Is it all right if I go take a walk?" I asked. Tommy and Eli both got up ready to go with her. "Alone." I said. As she headed for the door Kwest got up and handed her a backpack. "Ugh, what's this?" I said barely able to support its weight. "A little light reading?" he said. "Trust me" said Kwest with a smile. "It's weird. Somehow I do" she said before returning his smile and heading out the door. As soon as the door closed Tommy exploded. "What'd you do that for man? Did I tell you to do that! What if I wasn't ready?" Tommy said. "Cause I knew you'd chicken out. Besides, she's here. She's really here. Don't you think she'd want to know how she's been?" Kwest asked. "She doesn't remember anything. Zip. Squat." Said Tommy. "Maybe it'll help?" said Kwest. Eli sat uncomfortably at the table while the two men argued.

Part 42

Jude wandered around aimlessly until she found herself in front of Starbucks. "Coffee, yum" I said to herself as I pushed open the door. When she got to the counter the barrister saw her and immediately prepared her drink before she could open her mouth. "Just the way you like it" she said and handed her the coffee. When Jude was about to pay the girl laughed and said that her coffees were always on the house. Jude found an isolated seat in the corner, took a sip of her coffee, and opened the backpack. The journals spilled out of the backpack and onto the floor.

Part 43

I was in the middle of opening the cover when she heard a scream. "Oh my God!" said the person and rushed over the where I was sitting. She launched herself at me and was sobbing. When she finally let me out of the hug I didn't know what to make of her. She was Asian, around my height, probably 6-7 years older than me, and was very well dressed. I was still staring at her bewildered when she shoved the journals into the backpack, grabbed my wrist, and dragged me to her car. I was still dumbly holding my coffee when she looked at me. "Jude are you okay, you're looking a little pale," she said as she put her right hand on my forehead and steered with her left. "Do I know you?" I asked in a serious tone. "Jude, stop joking around. Georgia's gonna flip out when I bring you into her office" E.J. said. "Who is Georgia?" I said dumbly. "That's a good one Jude. You almost had me there." she said with a wink. I was seriously considering jumping out of a moving vehicle when she turned into a parking lot and was dragging me into a building that looked awfully familiar.

Part 44

"So, how'd you two meet" asked Tommy as he folded his arms across his chest and leaned back into his chair. "You'll have to excuse my friend he's been watching a lot of Law and Order lately" said Kwest. Eli looked from one to the other. "No seriously, how'd you two meet?" asked Kwest in a serious tone. "I found her on my steps" Eli said. "What do you mean you found her on your steps" said Tommy getting up and walking around Eli. "What are you the bad cop and he's the good cop?" Eli said nervously. Both of them didn't laugh as he'd hoped. "Look, I found her sprawled on the front steps of my house and I brought her inside. She had a nasty wound to the head so I cleaned it and bandaged it." Eli said. "What are you some kind of boy scout?" said Tommy. "I was going to be a doctor once, but that was another lifetime ago…" Eli said. "Did you see anyone or a car drive off after you found her body?" asked Kwest. "No I didn't see anyone around, I swear. She didn't have any kind of identification on her" Eli said. "You didn't read anything in the paper or see the ad on TV about her being missing?" asked Tommy. "I don't have a TV or get the paper. I don't even have a phone" said Eli. "I don't need any of those things when I'm just painting. Besides my house is in the middle of the woods away from what you two would call civilization." Eli said. "Your house is in the middle of the woods?" Tommy asked. "Like I don't know, the Unabomber" Kwest said. "How do we know what you're telling us isn't complete bullshit and you're the guy that took her that night?" Tommy said. Eli angrily pushed his chair from the table. "I would never hurt her. From the moment I saw her all I wanted to do was take care of her and protect her from whatever forces brought her to my doorstep. I love her." he said. Both men stared at him trying to gage his words.

Part 45

"Fine, say we believe you. You say you love her, but you don't even know her." said Tommy. "I may not know, Jude. But the person I've spent every waking moment with from the time I go to sleep to the time we wake up next to each other in the person is the person I love. I can't imagine my life without her in it" he said. Tommy stood stock still upon hearing those words.

Part 46

When I arrived at Georgia's office she immediately hung up the phone and embraced me. She then sat me down and pulled a chair up to me so she could sit down. E.J. was still standing there. "I honestly don't know who you two are?" I said. Georgia looked at E.J. "Don't worry Georgia she tried pulling this one over on me in the car!" E.J. said laughing. I looked at Georgia with a blank look as Georgia continued to stare at me. "I don't think she's kidding, E.J." said Georgia with concern.

Part 48

Jude and Eli sat there, miles apart, listening to Jude and Tommy's story. When the two speakers finished both Eli and Jude sat there lost in their own thoughts.

Part 49

Eli then turned to Kwest and told him about him and Jude. (an hour or two passes) Kwest sat there without speaking. "I'm gonna let her go" said Eli. "What?" said Kwest. "If you love someone sometimes you have to let them go. She had a life here. There are a lot of people here that care about her. I don't want to complicate her life. She needs to figure out who she was, who she is, and everything with Tommy. I don't want to get in their way. It's not fair to either of them." Eli said getting up. "You really love her don't you?" Kwest asked feeling a kinship of his loyalty and love for Jude. Eli didn't answer him. "What are you gonna do now?" said Kwest. "I always wanted to study the great artists in Europe, but I was hoping to ask Jude to come with me. I see now that that's impossible" he said as he pulled two airline tickets from his jacket pocket. He took hers and ripped it into a million pieces. "I'll be leaving in a few minutes" Eli said. "Shouldn't you wait until Jude gets back?" Kwest asked. "It's better this way. I don't think I could handle goodbye" said Eli. "That's the worst thing you could do, man" Kwest said. "I know, but if I stayed I'd never want to leave," Eli said. Eli asked Kwest for a pen and paper and quickly wrote her a letter. "Would you give this to her?" Eli asked. A few minutes later the cab arrived. "Take care of her for me will you?" Eli said to Kwest. "You don't even have to ask" said Kwest.

Part 50

"God tell me I haven't lost her" said Tommy as he continued to aimlessly drive. Just thinking of Jude with someone else drove him crazy. He pulled over on the shoulder and got out of his car and walked around trying his best to clear his head from his thoughts and visions of Jude with Eli. "I'm not gonna lose her" Tommy said as he angrily got back in his car and drove back.

Part 51

I closed the last journal and took a deep breath. I opened the office door and saw Georgia and E.J. quietly talking at the couch. "I'm gonna head out" I said. "E.J. would you mind driving me to Kwest's?" I asked. "Of course, Jude" she said. Georgia gave me a parting embrace before we silently drove back to Kwest's apartment.

Part 52

I arrived first to Kwest's apartment. "Hey, Jude, Eli asked me to give you this" Kwest said handing her the letter. She quickly scanned the letter and became very upset. Just then Tommy came in. "Jude, what's wrong" said Tommy. "I know I have no right to ask you, but can you please drive me to the airport" I asked glancing at him with my tear streaked face. "Girl, I would do anything for you" he said before they headed out to the car. When they reached the airport they were told by the man in the counter that the plane had lifted off about 20 minutes ago.

Part 53

Tommy and Jude drove silently back to Kwest's. They had just entered the room when Kwest looked up from the TV. "Jude you better sit down for this," Kwest said as he turned up the volume of the TV. "Breaking news. Flight 10569 headed for Paris exploded in the air after taking off only an hour ago. No survivors have been reported to be found. Police are at the scene trying to make sense of what went wrong. I'm Julie Chang reporting from CTV back to you in the studios" said the reporter.

Part 54

Jude mutely walked into Kwest's room and locked the door before collapsing against the door. Tommy rushed over to the door and was just about to knock when Kwest put a hand on his shoulder. "Just let her be, man" said Kwest who was shaking his head.

Part 55

The next morning Jude woke up early and asked a still groggy Kwest if he could drive her to the studio. "Okay Jude we're all set" said Kwest as he made some final adjustments on the sound board. Kwest had left a short note for Tommy. As Jude began strumming her guitar he stumbled into the booth. As he sat down he handed Kwest a cup of coffee and started sipping his when Jude began to sing.

Missing You (Jem – Finally Woken)

I wish this could be
a happy song
But my happiness disappeared
the moment you were gone
Don't think I ever believed that
this day would come
Now all I'm feeling
is lost and numb

And ohhh I know I promised
Mmmm that I would try

But I, yes I, miss you
and it's killing inside

I'll always be thankful
for the time we had
We were blessed
I should celebrate
but I feel too sad
All the wonderful memories
just make me fall apart
And it feels like somebody's
stabbed me in my heart

And ohhh I know I promised
Mmmm that I wouldn't cry

But I, yes I, miss you
and it's killing inside
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you
want you by my side

Walking, holding hands
Talking, making plans
Touching my heart my soul

I wish this could be
a happy song
But my happiness disappeared
the moment you were gone
Tell me it's not happening
Say it's not as it seems
Tell me that I'm gonna wake up
It's just a bad dream
Please tell me that it's fiction
Tell me it's just a lie
Whatever you choose to tell me
Please say he didn't die

And I, yes I, miss you
and it's killing inside
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you
want you by my side
Ooh well I, miss you
want you by my side
Back here by my side
Here by my side

When Kwest drove Jude back to his place she walked back into his bedroom locked the door and collapsed on the bed. It was late when she unlocked the door and emerged from the room. Kwest and Tommy were both asleep on the couch. She grabbed Kwest's keys and turned on the car and left. She left without direction and somehow found herself in front of the art gallery where Eli had his show. She went in through the side door and didn't even care when the alarm started to sound. She just needed to feel his presence again even it was through one of his paintings. "Why did you leave me all alone" she said in the darkness. Jude curled up on the floor and cried herself to sleep.

Part 56

When the cops arrived asking her what she was doing there Jude couldn't bring herself to answer. When the owner saw her and said a few words to the cops who promptly left. He took a few steps over to Jude. "I won't be pressing any charges. And I'm very sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need" he said with understanding. When Jude didn't respond he asked her if there were anyone he could call.

Part 57

Tommy and Kwest were out of breath from running all the way to the gallery. "Jude, thank god you're safe" said Tommy.

Part 58

The gallery owner took Kwest and Tommy to the side. "I found her sleeping on the floor" he said. Kwest and Tommy both looked at each other. "Don't worry I won't be pressing any charges. She hasn't spoken a word since I found her. I think you should bring her home right away.

Part 59

(a few weeks later) "Jude hasn't spoken in weeks. She's not eating. She's not sleeping. All she does is sit there staring into space. We need to get her some help" said Kwest. "Tommy if we don't do something we're going to lose her" said Kwest. "Tell me what to do…" said Tommy.

Part 60

Tommy and Kwest were surprised when Jude came out of the room and joined them for dinner. She had large circles under her eyes and was looking very pale and thin. She even tried to join in conversation. When dinner was over she asked Kwest if he could get her some sleeping pills because she had trouble sleeping. When Kwest and Tommy returned Tommy knocked on the door and gave her the pills. She went into the kitchen and got herself a glass of water before going back into the bedroom and locking the door.

Part 61

Jude sat on the bed. She read the warning label. She carefully pried open the lid and swallowed a handful of pills before sliding under the sheets.

Part 62

They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes. And in this case it's true. Jude was brought back to her childhood on the day she first got her acoustic guitar. In another flashback was when she first met Jamie and Kat. Another flashback was when she first won instant star and met Little Tommy Q. Then it all became one huge blur: her dad cheating on her mom, shay cheating on her, when Tommy gave her the ring, getting into the car accident with Shay, running away to NYC and the annulment, Tommy getting into the car accident, her nursing him back to health, and then it all stopped.

Part 63

"Did you think that Jude was acting a little weird during dinner?" said Tommy. "Considering we've never seen her leave the room, nor eat anything, nor has she spoken in I dunno weeks. I'd warrant that dinner a little weird." said Kwest. Kwest and Tommy sat there thinking about dinner. "Are we being paranoid?" said Kwest. "Let's just check on her" said Tommy. "Couldn't hurt, right?" said Kwest. "Hey, Jude, is everything alright" said Tommy. Tommy tried opening the door, but it was locked. "Kwest did you see Jude take the pills" said Tommy. "Yeah man I was standing in the kitchen when she got a glass of water" said Kwest. "I know, but did you actually see her take them." said Tommy. "Oh come on Tommy, Jude would never…" said Kwest. Kwest never finished his sentence because Tommy dropped his shoulder and barreled into the door. They saw the bottle of sleeping pills on the floor with half its contents on the ground. Tommy shook Jude. "Jude, wake up. Jude…" said Tommy. Kwest ran into the room to see Tommy distraught over Jude's lifeless body. "I don't think she's breathing, man" said Tommy. Kwest walked over to the bed and checked her pulse. "It's weak" said Kwest. "I'll call 911" said Kwest and ran out the room.

Part 64

"You're dying, Jude" said a voice startling Jude. "Look" said the voice. Jude looked down into the room. She saw Tommy who was hunched over her body as he cradled her head in his lap crying. He saw Kwest frantically trying to cal 911. She could hear her heartbeat as it grew dimmer and dimmer.

Part 65

"There's been a pile up and it's gonna be awhile before the EMS gets here," said Kwest staring at the phone. "We need to get her in the bathroom," said Tommy. He picked up Jude and put her in the bathtub and ran some hot water hoping it would somehow revive Jude from her unconsciousness. "It's not working" said Tommy. "We need to get the pills out of her system," said Kwest as he started opening cabinets and drawers for anything that would induce vomiting.

Part 66

"I've been watching you, Jude" said the girl who looked a little younger than Jude. "You look familiar," I said. "Do I?" she said with a twinkle in her eyes. "You're Alice aren't you?" said Jude.

Part 67

"I am. And I wanted to thank you" she said. "For what?" I said. "For taking care of my brother, for letting him experience what it feels like to love and to be loved in return, and for accepting him; something my parents were never able to do" she said. "Can I see him" I asked. "That's not allowed. You know the whole conflict of interest, thing" she said. "What about you talking to me isn't that a whole conflict of interest thing, too" I asked. "I don't always follow the rules up here; drives them crazy you know, but I happen to think I add spice up here to an otherwise perfectly perfect experience" she said. "Just give me a second" she said mischievously. And in a heartbeat he was standing right next to her. I ran over to give him a hug, but I passed right through him. "Sorry about that he's still undergoing a transitional period" Alice said apologetically. "Alice can I be alone with Jude" he asked earnestly. "Alright, big brother, but you so owe me for this I could get into a lot of trouble for this" she said with a smile. "Never stopped you before" he said returning her grin. "Rules are meant to be broken" she said before disappearing into thin air.

Part 68

He looked at Jude with a worried expression on his face. "You shouldn't have done that, Jude" he said putting his hand to her face nearly touching it. "I should have been on that plane with you?" I said as a tear fell. "Don't say that Jude" he said. "I should have died with you and I never would be feeling the way I do. I would never be so alone" I cried out. "Jude there are so many people out there who care about you, who love you" he said. "I've been watching you since it happened. And it's like you're a shadow of yourself. You haven't been taking care of yourself. And you've been ignoring everyone whose been trying to help you, especially those that love you. I may have spent a short time on Earth, but I do know that there's so much more to life. There are so many things that I am never going to experience. But there was one experience that I'll never forget. And that is the day I met you and all the days we spent together. You showed me what it was like to live. You were my first and only love. You helped me get passed the accident and what happened with my family. And you reunited me with my sister. Don't give up on your life, Jude. One shot is all you get" he said. "Look at him, Jude, he loves you so much and it's killing him that he can't help you" he said. "I'm just so tired of everything Eli. You're gone now and everyone looks at me expecting me to just remember everything, poof" I said. "But I don't remember anything" I said. "I've tried" I said desperately. "Their Jude is dead and I'm all they've got" I said. "Jude, they don't care about that; they love you and their just glad that you're safe and your home with them" he said trying to reason with them. "It's just too hard; I'm not strong enough" she said. "Life is hard, Jude. That's what makes it worth living" he said with understanding. "You may think you're not strong enough, but I do and so does everyone else in your life. Are you willing to throw it all away? To just give up. You may not remember, but in your old life you practically bitch slapped Shay for even thinking about ending it all" he said. "Who is Shay" I asked. Just then Alice returned. "Okay somehow someone upstairs got wind of my little intervention with you, Jude, and then bringing Eli to see you. And they're none too happy. So, you gotta go" said Alice. "Go where I thought I was dead?" I said confused. "Weren't you listening when I said intervention? Well, the DL from upstairs is that it's not your time, so I've been ordered to send you back. I'm not gonna lie, it's gonna suck and when you wake up you're gonna be vomiting, a lot. So make your goodbyes to each other quick, alright?" she said. "Okay, so I'll just leave you two to it. Be back in a flash" she said as she disappeared. "So this is really goodbye, huh?" I said. "I'm going to give you something before you go" he said. I put out my hand. "It's not that kind of present" he said with a laugh. "Close your eyes?" he said. I gave him a look. "Trust me okay?" he said. "I always have" I said. I closed my eyes and I felt his lips on mine and they felt solid and real and just as I opened my eyes….

Part 69

"I think she's finally coming to" said the doctor. Jude was lying in a hospital bed with various wires and IVs attached to her. Miss Harrison, can you tell me what happened? Can you remember anything?" he said. "Yes, I remember everything" I said.