Chapter 5

James sat before the fire, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, watching the dancing of the flames as it licked at the grate and glowing embers. The fire was dying down, but most of the students hadn't returned yet.

Part of him wished he'd stayed and danced with Lily more. Well the other part of him wished he could crawl into a dark hole.

Peter had gone up to his room after following him up to the commons; aware that James didn't want to speak to him. Remus was still at the ball, and Sirius still hadn't come back. Though, he didn't expect he would.

Knowing Sirius, he would be back in their dorm by morning and never talk about the whole incident ever again.

He reached for the top hat that he'd set on the small work table before him. Before going up to the Gryffindor tower, he had gone outside to pick it up from the cold ground. He didn't want Lily to be more mad at him, and loosing the hat she managed to find for him in a muggle costume shop would probably try her nerves even more. He sighed and spun it around his hand a moment before falling back into the comfort of the armchair, rolling his head to the side.

From that angle he watched the portrait hole swing open.

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Lily had escaped easily enough from the ball. Everything seemed to be going fine... besides the incident with James. She was trying not to let that get to her... not to let her down.

How could she have been so stupid?

...Thinking he'd changed.

She felt her eyes well up with tears as she gave the fat lady the password.

"What's wrong, dear?"

She shook her head to the fat women in the pink dress and climbed carefully into the common room, holding her dress up as she went. Stumbling slightly.

She heard the fabric strain as her foot caught within the folds of the dress, and she heard the rip immediately after.

Everything seemed such a waste.

It was hard to see in the room. The slowly dying fire was the only light in the room. She guessed the house elves were too busy helping with the ball to keep the fire going when no one was around to keep warm anyway.

She just needed sleep. That's all she wanted. Sleep.

The tears came now, and she felt a sob rise and escape as she pressed a shaking hand to her mouth.

She was just so tired...

... and mad! Mad at James! He wrecked everything... he was the reason for her confusion, her annoyance, and her sudden feeling of complete hopelessness.

She was in love with him.

She knew it. She was... but she didn't want to be. She couldn't be!

He hadn't changed...

But she couldn't forget the last week of summer.

She froze in her action of leaning into the wall when some motion near the fire caught her attention.

James Potter was moving towards her from the armchair.

"Lily..." His voice was cautious, with a hint of sadness. Somewhere she remembered once, a long time ago, when he told her he didn't like to see her cry.

Especially when he was the cause.

She quickly wiped her tears away, trying to reduce her sniffles. She allowed herself to form a stern glare in his direction, though she couldn't see him properly with the fire behind him. Just shadow.

Something about the situation made her heart pound.

"I'm sorry." So pained. He sounded so pained.

She shook her head and brushed past him, walking over to the couches. Why...? She wanted to sleep, not talk.

She wrapped her arms around herself automatically for comfort. The tears wouldn't stop, and she hated herself for it. She didn't want to cry for him.

"I really am sorry, Lily... I shouldn't have gone, I know. I'm sorry I wrecked your night." She heard him step towards her, but she didn't turn. "Please don't cry over it."

She spun to face him, suddenly very angry. "I'm not-" Her voice broke, and she tried again, her voice fierce. "I'm not crying about that."

Wasn't she? What was she crying about then?

"What are you crying about?" His voice took on a gentle tone and he took a few more steps towards her. He didn't reach out to her.

She felt dizzy, and she bit her lip before speaking. "I-" She shook her head.

He spoke her name again; a breath from his lips. She felt herself shudder.

He was in front of her, lifting her chin gently up so he could see into her eyes. Her tear stained, leaking mascara eyes. She felt suddenly terrible, and she twisted out of his hold, taking several steps away.

"Why are you crying, Lily?" He looked confused now, she noted.

Well good.

She didn't dare think just how confused she was at the moment as well.

"I'm going to bed." She moved quickly towards the stairs but he cut her off, his Quidditch reflects taking hold. He wrapped his arms around her and held her to him.

She didn't fight it, only turned and let the tears come again, burying her face into his shoulder.

He was so warm and solid, and she felt herself break down in his arms.

It was so easy to love him! Why did she still fight it?

Because he didn't change.

But he did. She knew he did! He wasn't the same James. Or else she wouldn't...

She wouldn't love the old James.

But she had been in love with him all along, even before summer...

That was why she went to his house for that last week. Desperate or not... she remembered getting a small thrill at the thought. Something she'd repressed until now.

He told her the Marauder's secret. He kissed her that night after the tire swing... and he made her feel warm and loved in a way that no other boy had ever been able to. He made her feel special...

And he was special to her.

She loved James...

It seemed so long they were just standing there, holding one another as the embers completely died away and the common room plunged into darkness.

"Come upstairs with me, and we'll talk." He whispered into her ear after a long while. His breath tickled her cheek and neck and it made her feel content, along with something else.

She pulled back, but kept her eyes on his chest as she nodded, only barely registering that it probably wouldn't be right to go up to the boy's dorm.

"Peter's up there, but he's probably asleep." He added quietly, pulling away from her slowly. Holding her hand he led her towards the boy's dorm stairway.

Peter was indeed asleep, and snoring loudly she noticed when they entered. James motioned her off towards his bed as she hesitated at the door. He patted the spot next to him as he sat down before turning around to pull the hangings closed on one side so that Peter wouldn't be able to see him.

She felt a funny feeling somewhere in the pit of her stomach.

"James..."

"What?" He looked so innocent, and she suddenly had to hold back a smile.

She moved over and sat next to him, on the very edge of the bed, clutching her hands in her lap, very much the nervous school girl.

James moved into her line of view with a kind smile on his face and he gently kissed her. As she closed her eyes she felt one of his callused hands cup the side of her face and the other caught up her hands from her lap. She shivered as his fingers brushed over her temple and wound through her hair and leaned more into him, allowing herself to deepen the kiss to which he responded immediately.

She didn't know how it happened, or when, but when she opened her eyes, she found herself flat on her back across his bed with him hovering over her. The light was bad, but she could tell he was watching her, his hair standing up in odd angles. Memories of herself running her hand through his hair as his mouth danced with hers.

She felt a warm sensation spread through her, and whispered his name.

"Lily..." He spoke hers in turn, but his voice was different. Determined. Anxious.

She moved to sit up, but he brought a hand up and gently pressed into her shoulder, holding her down.

He started again. "Lily..." She could hear him swallow loudly.

"I love you."

I love you.

She let out slow long breath and moved to sit up again. This time he let her.

She couldn't answer him. It was there.. just there at the tip of her tongue. But something held her back.

But he seemed to know.

He always seemed to know.

"You don't have to answer. I just- I just wanted you to know."

She nodded, feeling very numb, than smiled faintly as he nuzzled her neck.

Both jumped away from each other however when Remus came into the room looking very harassed.

The werewolf stopped at the door as soon as his eyes landed on James and Lily, and for a moment, all three were frozen, just... staring at each other.

Finally... "I hate dances."

Remus made his way over to bed where he immediately climbed in, costume and all, and whipped the curtains shut.

Lily and James both passed a secret look to each other, grins withheld, before breaking into laughter.

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AN:

Hope that was ok...

Really people, I need reviews.. I think I got like...2 from the last chapter... something like that.