Chapter 8

The Potter's funeral was set on a typically cold, Fall day which took place outside in a graveyard close to the very house Lily visited for the last week of summer.

She held James' hand as their twin caskets were placed into the Potter family tomb that looked fairly new compared to the other falling apart stone buildings around it. James explained on the ministry care ride that it was recently built when his grandparents passed away not that long ago.

That was all they seemed able to get out of James lately. He was silent most of the time, but when he did speak, it was only small little things so mundane like when their family tomb was constructed, or what the weather was suppose to be like that day.

Sirius stood dutifully next to James during the whole procession. His hand coming down to clamp on his best friends shoulder a few times. Often when James took a large intake of breath or held on a bit tighter to Lily's hand. Or when he made an involuntary movement towards the deep blue caskets when they were lifted by the Potter's coworkers from the ministry.

Lily cried right along side all the other women there.

James and Sirius kept their mouths in firm, strict lines. Their eyes set in a cold distant look that she'd never seen before.

Remus stayed a bit off from the entire group, ignoring all motions from Sirius to come stand with them.

She knew how he felt. Like an outsider. Unworthy of sharing in the grief of all these loved ones. She'd only known the Potters for a week, besides the brief glances of them in earlier years on the train platform.

Once she'd watched as James' mother kissed his head before he'd moved onto the train with his friends. A long time ago now. She remembered James' blush as he moved away from his parents and onto the first step of the train.

She remembered the adoration on their faces as they watched their only son board onto the Hogwarts Express towards a future.

A future they would no longer be able to share in now.

She suddenly felt James' grip tighten on her hand once more, and she looked up towards his face, turned away from hers as he watched the heavy door being closed in place over the front of the tomb. She wiped her tears on the sleeve of the navy sweater she was wearing.

She didn't own any nice black things.

"James."

Sirius' voice came from James' other side, but she didn't turn her face away from her boyfriend. Sirius' hand once again settled itself on James' shoulders, the expensive dark robes he was wearing scrunching at his touch. A moment later and Sirius' face swam into view.

She was still blinded by her tears. Everything was a blur of bright splotches of color amid the black everyone was wearing. The color of sorrow.

"Hm...?" James finally moved, turning his attention to Sirius. Though, she knew his attention wasn't really there. His mind had wandered off into the tomb with his parents.

"Let's get going, Mate."

Black's voice was so gentle. If she hadn't been used to it over the last few days it would have thrown her.

With a last look at the tomb, James resolutely turned from it and led the procession away from the grave. They made their way down the small hill and out into the small sleepy street of Godric Hollow. Remus fell into step as they did so, keeping silent. Walking with his head down. His brunette hair falling into his eyes.

Lily stayed outside almost the entire time with Remus as James circulated his house talking to relatives and friends of his parents. Taking all the sympathy and pity with a blank look on his face. Sirius, as standing best friend, made the rounds with him, standing back as James nodded to all the things spoken to him.

"Your parents were very brave."

"Died honorably-"

The sun was setting when James and Sirius wandered outside to join them.

It took them a moment to see them both sitting there, leaning against the porch, watching them as both boys turned to regard the expansive garden in the back. The willow tree was caught in a slow dance with the wind.

Lily watched, mesmerized, as a piece of midnight hair brushed against James' cheek, his hazel eyes took in his own backyard with a sort of detachment she hadn't seen before from him. Her heart plummeted, and she stirred at Remus took a step towards his friends.

She was silently happy that Peter wasn't there. He might make things worse.

"How are you doing?" Remus' voice was careful and kind, but James still shot him a look that said, 'how do you think I'm doing' before the look softened into a kind of tiredness that his whole demeanor was portraying since they got back to the house.

"Tired." He answered honestly, causing Sirius to turn away from the door. He had been looking into the house, watching the guests mingle, a disturbed expression on his face. No doubt hating the people inside, all laughing and enjoying themselves.

Though Lily knew the Potter's probably didn't want people to be depressed for them. James especially.

"We could make excused for you if you want, Prongs." Sirius' voice was strange to her at that moment. Probably his tone. So different than usual. All the fun seemed to be sapped out of it.

James shook his head. "No... you guys could leave though, if you want."

"We're not leaving you here alone." Remus' voice was stern, a deep frown etched into his features. Lily nodded, knowing she meant to say the same thing, just not finding the words.

Sirius turned back towards the door.

"Look..." James looked so exhausted... "If you want to leave, I won't mind. You can go upstairs if you want."

"Only if you come with us." There. Her voice was working now.

James turned towards her, his eyes moving over her face a moment before he finally nodded. Lily walked forward and took his hand in hers, leading him back into the house and quickly over towards the stairs. She could hear Remus and Sirius follow.

No one seemed to pay them any mind, or if they did they pretended they didn't notice the young man's exit as he made his way up the stairs to his bedroom.

Someone laughed from the kitchen, and Lily watched as James' shoulders tensed as he reached the top of the stairs. It was strange to him, to hear someone laughing at a time like this. It would take some adjusting...

Remus shut the door after they had all entered, and Lily moved over to James' bed, sitting on the edge uncomfortably. Sirius seemed caught between standing near the wall or moving to James' side as his best friend went towards the window. From there it was a clear view of his back yard. Lily had a momentary memory of James climbing the large oak tree there to retrieve their kite.

That seemed so long ago...

"I'm going to kill them."

Lily blinked, and turned startled eyes towards James well Remus shifted uncomfortably before sinking into the bed next to her. James didn't turn towards them.

"You'll be just as bad as them if you do." Sirius' voice was venomously low, and Lily realized what they were talking about.

"Do you think that the Slytherins knew-...?"

"Of course they knew Evans, their parents were probably behind it all."

She shrank away from Sirius' harsh voice and turned tearful eyes towards her lap. Remus put a hand on her shoulder.

"There isn't a possibility they were just guessing?"

Sirius scowled. "Think Moony. There's one person who would have known for sure what was happening, and I don't think she'd hesitate to tell her sister."

"Bellatrix."

They all turned to James, watching as his face turned into a look of determination, and his hands clenched onto the window sill. His knuckles slowly whitened.

The room fell silent once again, and Lily felt a certain amount of unease wash over all of them. This new realization made the once safe, haven-like Hogwarts a possible death trap.

If Voldemort's greatest supporters could access the students through certain individuals... who was really safe? No one anymore.

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Her fears were realized as soon as she got back to school. They'd flooed in, as it was easier... safer... and tried to go back to their normal daily routine.

James was becoming increasingly more and more quiet, and the only time he really spoke was when he was being asked a question in class or when him and Sirius were huddled in a corner of the common room, looking over a worn sheet of parchment and pointing out things every once in a while.

Remus tried to keep her company at these times, but it couldn't make the pain go away. Every minute she spent with James was just full of uncomfortable silences and him spacing out continuously, going to a place she would never be able to follow him.

He seemed lost to her, and to everyone else.

The real conflict began after dinner one night, in the entrance hall. James and Sirius got into a small conflict with a group of Slytherins.

Narcissa and the others came, and it quickly escalated from a small tiff to a full scale war before the professors could arrive...

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Hey all... my god. I'm sooooo sorry it took me so long to update. I've had this chapter half finished for ages. I still don't like it very much, but I have to get this fic done.

Once again, so sorry :(

Review pleaz