Chapter 7: That Which Was Lost
I didn't want to think, didn't want to face what I was certain had just happened. So I ran. So what if I got lost, I already was lost.
Why! I really believed I was getting better, had a chance! My life was coming back, not a lie! What kind of game was this! I was so sure...so sure I'd finally found a place to belong. A place that I could be me! Not the pilot, not the math genius, not the son that wasn't good enough, not the screw-up...ME.
Eventually, head throbbing and lungs heaving, I made my way out to the balcony that had been my refuge so often lately. Sightlessly, I leaned on the railing, lost in dark thoughts. Two sets of footsteps soon followed me out, bringing me back around toward the door, ready to yell. Teyla and Ronon. Sighing, I resumed my position, letting them come. What did it matter?
"Colonel?" Teyla gave my elbow a featherlight touch. "John? Are you all right?"
"I don't know. I'm not even sure I know what all right is anymore."
"What do you mean? I had thought that your memories were slowly returning."
My gut twisted, but I didn't answer her. I couldn't. "Teyla, how did I get injured in the first place? Is there...Did anything have a chance to infect me, alter me somehow?"
"I...do not believe so." She shrank back from the intensity of my stare, exchanging worried glances with Ronon.
"Sheppard, what's going on?" Ronon glowered, obviously not liking the way I was acting.
"How was I hurt!" I grated that out through clenched teeth.
"I believe we should contact Dr. Beckett. You appear to be ill." Teyla was once again dodging the question.
Why couldn't anyone just give me a straight answer!
"No! Look, just...I need some time. I'm good, both of you."
I could see the hurt in her eyes behind the worry and fear. She'd go right to Elizabeth and Carson anyway. Whatever. Turning my back on them, I waited, hearing the telltale steps leaving after several minutes. Slowly, I counted to two hundred, and the door softly whooshed open again. The scent of coffee told me who it was.
"John? Is this a private party or may I join you?"
"Sure, why not? I just bit Teyla and Ronon's heads off, what's one more?" Bitter, angry, frustrated. Yeah, I was a real joy to be with tonight.
"You want to tell me what happened? Carson thought you were doing great when I talked to him a while ago. Said you were re-establishing relationships, even with Rodney." Quietly, she moved to lean on the railing next to me, handing me one of the cups she was holding.
"I'm not, not really. I don't think the memories are mine, Elizabeth. Someone-"
"Colonel! Doctor!" Lorne's breathless call brought us both back around. "Dr. McKay took a small team to do search, salvage, and repair on one of the lower levels of the city. He and Lieutenant Cadman have disappeared!"
"Can't McKay ever stay out of trouble? We're on base here, for cryin' out loud!"
I couldn't believe it. If the scientist really wanted to demonstrate the uncanny magnetism I'd heard he had for trouble, he'd picked a lousy time to do it. Abruptly, the door behind Lorne began opening and closing on its own, making the man jump.
"I thought Control said the malfunctions had finally stopped!" The major glared briefly at the offending portal.
"Not wherever Colonel Sheppard's at, no." Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at me when I winced. Yet another problem I really didn't feel like dealing with at the moment. The door was actually the first thing that had misbehaved around me today. "What about the others with McKay and Cadman? I can't imagine those two went alone."
"No, Ma'am. Corporals Campbell and Poretsky were with them, as well as Dr. Zelenka. They said the group separated and the lieutenant volunteered to take McKay-watch. Other then the rest of the colonel's team, she handles him the best. Maybe because she can still get inside his head."
There was an air of innocence about that last statement that clearly told me there was quite a story that went with it. Mentally, I made a note to ask about it later. As we spoke, the lot of us moved back inside to the city map that someone had helpfully put up on the main screen. My favorite Scot was already waiting there, a medical bag at his feet, looking rather annoyed.
"Only Rodney can get inta trouble this fast! He only left the infirmary a few hours ago!"
Very exasperated doctor!
At his words, however, Weir became even more alarmed. "The infirmary? What-?"
"Nothin' serious, or even medical, really. He got some Ancient doohickey he was testin' stuck on his foot. Colonel Sheppard and I got it off an' Rodney left ta meet his team." Carson was quick to reassure her, though I noted her raised eyebrow at the use of 'doohickey'.
I wonder if that's a technical term?
I decided to be good, however, and not ask that aloud. Unfortunately, I was going to owe Rodney a thank you when we found him. His shenanigans had provided me with a wonderful distraction from my own problems, especially because I couldn't do a damn thing about them at the moment. Instead, I savored the thought of being able to give McKay grief for taking a wrong turn somewhere.
"Dr. Weir, Colonel, Major." The young technician seated nearby greeted us soberly. "There seems to be some radical power fluctuations in the sector of the city Dr. McKay's team is in. I can't establish any reliable life sign readings for any of them. Not even Dr. Zelenka and the two corporals. I also just lost coms."
Every instinct I had began to scream at me. This was something worse then a wrong turn in the dark! "We'll have to send search teams down. Major-" Before I could turn to my second, however, I suddenly found myself on my knees. Pain, panic, fear, anxiety, anger. The emotions washed through me, an unstoppable flood, and I could think of only one possible source- Atlantis. The lights abruptly dancing in the room only confirmed it. Something was wrong.
Very, very wrong.
I needed to find McKay, now. Another wave of fear and panic came, tinged with relief at the end, like a small child who had suddenly been reassured by the capable appearance of an adult. Then the outside presence was gone, leaving me feeling almost empty inside. Taking a deep breath and gathering myself, I forced my shaky body to stand, gratefully accepting the aid of Carson and Elizabeth. Neither one looked pleased, but that would have to wait. I wouldn't, couldn't leave my friend in trouble. Holding up a hand to forestall the inevitable protests, I returned my attention to my still waiting officer.
"Major, have Teyla and Ronon paged to meet me here in ten minutes. Full gear." Glancing over, I received a reluctant nod of permission from Elizabeth. "Then gather any others you can in that time to form more parties. That's a big area, and I don't think we have a lot of time. You can accept non-military, but make it clear they have to gear up as well." I paused, remembering the chaos I had woken to the one time in the infirmary, and its source. "Also, Marcus, make it crystal clear that they are under the command of the military members each team. This is strictly search and rescue."
"Yes sir. Ten minutes." With that, Lorne was gone, and I was left to face the two narrow-eyed doctors.
"If you think yer goin' anywhere except the infirmary, son, yer sadly mistaken. Yer in no condition to-"
"I have to Carson. What you just saw was a warning, I'm sure of it. I felt it. I have to find McKay!"
Seeing no help in the eyes of the Scot, I turned to the one person who could possibly over-ride the doctor. "Elizabeth...I have to."
She winced at the words, something flashing through her brown eyes, but nodded. "Go, get your gear. But this time I'm coming with you. No arguments, John."
This time?
I filed that one away to ask about later, though I had an inkling of what it might have been referring to. Grabbing my gear in the ready room, though it took me several precious minutes and some cursing to find my locker, I realized that no one had questioned my orders for the Kevlar vests and weapons. Then, given the reports I'd been reading, that wasn't completely odd. This wasn't exactly your run-of-the-mill base. Apparently, you never knew what you'd find here.
Like giant energy munching blobs, 10,000 year-old versions of your boss, or deadly nano-viruses. Lots more fun than ice and penguins.
I returned to the Control Room to find not only Elizabeth, Ronon, and Teyla waiting, but Carson as well. A young marine was trying to talk him into wearing the gear I'd ordered, without much success. Elizabeth, at least, was already wearing a vest, though I noted the lack of sidearm.
One stubborn idiot at a time!
"Hey, doc! Are you joining us?"
"Aye. They may need medical attention, and I'm none too happy with lettin' you outta my sight, either. You an' Rodney canna ever stay outta trouble, an' we don't know all the secrets o' this place yet."
No wonder he gets so grumpy around McKay and I. We must give him a lot of repeat business!
"Great. But you're wearing the gear or staying here." I flatly told him, ignoring the displeased expression he wore.
"I-I don't- We're not leavin' the bloody city!"
"Which you just so accurately pointed out is still full of unknowns, some of which could bite back. This isn't up for debate, doc. Make your choice, because we're leaving." I allowed annoyance and impatience to creep into my tone, gratified to note that Elizabeth was allowing me to handle this one, since it was technically a military issue. My respect for her went up another notch.
"Fine!" Carson snapped, grabbing the gear and his medical pack. He was on my turf now, and he knew it. He wasn't going to win this round.
As he passed me, I momentarily paused him with a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, Carson." I spoke softly, so the others wouldn't overhear, hoping that the man realized it was for more than just agreeing to wear the uncomfortable equipment.
His face softened. "Aye. Just let me take care o' you when I need to. We're both tryin' to protect these people."
As we set out, Lorne leading the way to where he'd left the remnants of McKay's team, I relaxed slightly. There were only two people who could have kept me from doing what I was certain I had to, but it seemed that we all understood each other. I often shattered protocol, it was all over the reports, and occasionally acted less then half my age, but I had always taken my responsibilities very seriously. Now, that meant the safety of this strange city and these people, who had shown me a trust and friendship I hadn't seen since that painful day in Afghanistan. I wouldn't let them down, even if it meant I had to briefly disregard my concerns about my own mental and physical health.
The doc is right, I've never met anyone who can get into trouble as quickly as McKay. And he'd better be in trouble, or he will be the second I find him!
Quietly, I listened to the tale end of Lorne's explanation of what was going on to a worried Teyla and glowering Ronon, looking around curiously as we walked. I didn't remember ever being in this area before. We were heading pretty deep.
"...so when they were out of all contact for thirty minutes, and everything seemed to be going crazy, the corporals called me. Dr. Zelenka couldn't explain what was happening, and now we've lost coms down there, too. It took about fifteen minutes to walk it earlier, at about the same pace."
"So, Major..." I interjected with a slight smile, though strained. "Why did you walk all the way instead of using the com when you could? I carry my ear piece all the time now that I'm back on partial duty."
I had a sneaking hunch I already knew the answer, which was confirmed when my young second's face began to tinge oh so slightly red. 'Guilty' flashed like a neon sign across his face. I'd just caught him handling me.
"Ah...well, Colonel, that's my fault, sir. When you're out on that balcony, I have your com cut off from the system unless you initiate the call, sir."
A 'colonel' and two 'sirs' in the same breath, not to mention the 'little boy with his hand in the cookie jar' look!
I wasn't about to let him off that easy, though, especially as it was distracting the rest of our little group from what we might find in a few minutes.
"And you didn't radio someone to go out and get me because...?"
Elizabeth stifled a laugh at my wicked drawling of that last word. I couldn't help it, I wanted to see just how good this kid really was at 'CO Care 101'. Call it research for future use.
"I, uh, I threatened to make anyone caught disturbing you out there do a month's worth of training with Ronon. Personal lessons."
Looking sharply at my large team mate, I caught the smirk and flexing of his muscular arms.
"Good choice." I told Lorne dryly.
"Aye, good job, lad. An' tell 'em they'll get no sympathy from the infirmary staff, either."
Smug Scottish doctors are definitely a menace!
"That's all well and good, but in an emergency-"
Lorne grimaced, holding up a hand to interrupt my comment. "My fault again, Colonel. One of the newbies was on duty in the Control Room and he hasn't learned yet. I should have paired him with someone for a while. He's Russian. Takes things a little too seriously."
I smiled, content. Lorne was a damned good man and I was lucky to have him. I listened with half an ear as he went on to describe what he knew of the area the scientist and lieutenant were lost in. I should have given it my full attention, but something kept nagging at me, like a persistent itch you just can't scratch. A cold foreboding settled in my gut, and this time it didn't vanish after a few minutes.
Whoops! Spinning corridor! Hastily, I shut my eyes, leaning a steadying hand against the wall, and tried to make sense of the wild sendings. Pain spiked through my head, forcing me to fight to stay conscious while not losing my lunch.
"Colonel!"
A hand on my arm and an alarmed Scottish brogue. Now I was in for it.
"The others can find Laura an' Rodney! You need ta be in the infirmary!"
Alarm from both Atlantis and myself cut through everything else, and I shrugged off his hands. "No! Atlantis is panicking! I'm going! Now! Split up into small groups and cover the entire area! If you find them, touch as little as possible and get back here, asap. Rendezvous here in one hour otherwise. GO!"
Thankfully, the non-military members decided now was not the time to argue. The search teams scattered. After a few words with Dr. Weir, Teyla and Ronon also left, intercepting Dr. Zelenka as the short Czech hurried toward us. With a sigh of momentary relief, I turned to my two self-appointed babysitters and led the way off toward the section no one had volunteered to take.
According to the map, it was the lowest section on the far end of the southwestern pier. Until recently, it had still been flooded, the aftermath of a massive hurricane, I was told. It didn't take long for us to find ourselves in an area where the power was surging unpredictably. As I walked from room to room, small pieces would light up for a split second, then go black again, seemingly at random. The air was heavy and musky, with the strong scents of mold and decay.
"Holy crap!"
Beckett's loud exclamation and abrupt jerk back brought me around, flashlight on my P-90 illuminating the companions I'd been deliberately ignoring for the last ten minutes. Following Weir's light to where it illuminated the floor in front of the doctor, I realized what must have happened. Laying there, clearly showing a boot mark, was the half-decayed remains of some sort of amphibian. It looked almost like a baby crocodile would, on Earth. Gross, but not really a threat.
"Watch where you're walking, doc."
Intent only on one goal, I turned away, disregarding the angry, worried look I received from Elizabeth.
"McKay! Cadman! Answer me!"
It was taking every ounce of control I had now to keep functioning with the screaming in my head. I could feel the sweat beading on my forehead, stinging as it ran down into my eyes, but was too focused to bother swiping it away. Every scent and sight seemed magnified, sharp and clear as never before. Corridor, clear. Room, clear. Next room, clear. Around the corner, clear...
Then, in the next room, lights blinking on and off chaotically illuminated two forms. There they were. Lieutenant Cadman was standing off to one side, watching McKay, who was-
"McKay! NO!"
My warning came too late as Rodney's hand came down on the pedestal he was standing at just as a power surge hit, lighting up the whole room for a moment. In my head, Atlantis shrieked, pain driving me to my knees as the room exploded around me.
Silence...Darkness...Nothingness...
A/N Don't worry, to be continued: )