Title: 'Arlie, Mummy & Mister Turnip
Warning: drug references
Spoilers: Season one
Original post date: 18th October 2005
Summary: On Aaron's fourth birthday, Charlie reminisces over the past four years and his part in Claire and Aaron's lives. Written before season two so is VERY au now.
Disclaimer: Lost not mine. Gina Jeffrey's song Last Night I Dreamed Of Loving You not mine. Jimmy Eat Worlds song Drugs Or Me not mine.

Last night I dreamed of loving you
Your skin so soft, your eyes so blue
But when I woke you were not there
And I was left alone to care…
Gina Jeffreys - Last Night I Dreamed Of Loving You

If only you could see
The stranger next to me
You promised you promised that you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs
Jimmy Eat World – Drugs Or Me

''Arlie!'

Charlie held his arms out, grinning and Aaron leapt into them, wrapping his small arms around his neck in an enthusiastic hug.

'Happy Birthday mate!' Charlie couldn't help but grin. He pushed the small boy out to arms length and looked at him seriously. 'How old are you now then? Eleven? Twelve?'

'I'm four,' Aaron giggled delightedly. 'You're so silly 'Arlie.' And he promptly launched himself back into Charlie's arms and wrapped his legs around his waist. Charlie stood, still holding him and offered a smile to Claire who was busily looking indignant.

'Good morning to you as well,' Claire said stiffly and Charlie, grinning, leant over to kiss her on the cheek which made her look somewhat appeased.

'Did you make me a present 'Arlie?' Aaron squirmed impatiently in Charlie's arms.

'You bet I did,' Charlie looked very seriously at him. 'Shut your eyes and I'll take you to it.'

Aaron, giggling, obligingly shut his eyes, hands clamped tightly over them as Charlie carried him just outside the caves to a nearby tree. Claire followed, bemused. Charlie always seemed to give wonderful presents and this was no exception. He put Aaron down, scaled the tree and next moment a swing appeared.

Aaron looked excitedly at it, not knowing what it was. He raced forward and touched the rough wooden seat gently. 'What is it?' he asked as Charlie shimmied down the tree.

'This, Mister Turnip, is a swing.' Charlie sat on it, his legs dragging beneath it and began to swing. Aaron's eyes nearly popped out of his head when Charlie gained enough height and jumped off, landing heavily. He gave a groan of pain and Claire felt her heart stop for a moment but then he held a hand to his back and winked at her. 'Ah my back!' he moaned, feigning injury and Aaron laughed and ran over to place a kiss from his hand onto the small of Charlie's back. 'I've killed my back!'

Claire tried hard not to chuckle and failed dismally. Within an instant she was giggling, full of mirth as Aaron raced over to the swing to try it out. After a few unsuccessful leg swings, she came behind him and began to push.

As he swung higher and higher, Aaron gleefully shouted out.

'Thank you 'Arlie!'

'No problems mate,' Charlie grinned at him. 'Happy birthday.' He came to stand beside Claire as she pushed him on the swing.

'Four years huh?'

'Yeah,' she said wistfully. 'It went fast didn't it?'

Charlie didn't answer. It had felt like much longer sometimes. Four years since they had crashed, four years since he'd met Claire and almost four years since he had realised he was in love with her.

It was a hard thing to deal with; even though he had known from the beginning that Claire's priority was and always would be Aaron, not him. But God it still hurt him to watch them together sometimes, knowing that he couldn't ever really be a part of their lives. The two had a special bond; it was something he had seen from the start and he had seen that it was something he just couldn't change.

And he didn't want to.

So he had continued to be Charlie. Just Charlie. He was never daddy. He was never love. He was just Charlie. Claire's best friend and that was all. Soon after she'd had Aaron, he had come to the realisation that they had something that he didn't and couldn't ever share in and it hurt him so badly that he had isolated himself from them, physically, mentally…

That was when he had started back on the Heroin again.

It was the worst mistake he ever made.

Within no time at all he was addicted again, travelling to the plane every other day to filch another Virgin Mary. Then came the fateful day he overdosed. Claire, upset that he was avoiding her for no apparent reason had entrusted Sun with Aaron and come to confront him. After searching for a good ten minutes, she found him crumpled at the base of a tree with the empty statuette of Mary at his feet and the ground strewn with half empty bags of Heroin.

When he didn't wake up she became frightened and in a stupendous effort, managed to half carry, half drag him back to the caves and she sat with him until he woke up, holding his hand in a death grip, willing him to wake up, not daring to sleep herself lest she wake up and find him dead. The first thing Charlie saw when he blearily opened his eyes five days later was Claire; exhausted, her eyes red from crying.

'Claire?' he croaked. He was confused at first but when she wordlessly held up the remains of Mary he slowly pieced together what must have happened. 'How long was I out?'

'Five days.' Her voice simmered with fatigue.

'Five days?' he raised a hand to weakly rub his eyes. 'God.'

'You overdosed Charlie.' Her voice shook, with anger or tears he couldn't tell.

'I'm…sorry…'

If Charlie had been expecting sympathy or forgiveness he was mistaken.

'Are you trying to kill yourself?' Claire had cried, furious tears spilling down her face. She even threw the shattered remains of the statuette down, making Charlie wince heavily. 'What is wrong with you? Why have you been avoiding me? I don't understand!'

He had shaken his head, unable to find the right words to explain himself and she had scoffed then, crying silently and snatched her hand away from his. Watching her sit there curled into herself, sobbing into her knees, was the cruellest thing Charlie had ever endured.

'Claire, I…' he had ventured to speak after a long while and Claire had looked up hopefully. 'I'm sorry. I don't know.'

'How can you not know?' Claire exclaimed and Charlie flinched.

'I…well…' he groped for the words, weakly rubbing his eyes. 'I thought that maybe you might…I mean, I don't...' When Claire continued to stare at him, uncomprehending, he grew snappish. 'Look, you've been kind of spending more time alone with Aaron lately, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do because you're my best friend here but I don't want to interfere or anything in case you get snappish at me if I try and help…I'm just…I don't know.'

Claire looked disbelievingly at him for a moment. 'That's all?' she said incredulously and Charlie winced again. 'That's the reason you've been avoiding me? That's the reason you used that…those…those drugs? God – that's the stupidest thing you've ever said to me!'

'I thought you might want time with him,' Charlie mumbled, embarrassed by his half-truths. 'I thought you might not want me around so much now...'

'Of course I want you around!' Claire cried. 'Why wouldn't I? God Charlie! You've done so much more for Aaron and I in our time here than Thomas ever did for us! Yes I may want time with Aaron by myself and in the end yes he is my son but if you do anything I don't like the bottom line is that I'll tell you.' She shook her head, incredulous. 'I can't believe you went and bloody well overdosed on such a tiny and insignificant matter, if you'd just talked to me we could have gotten it all sorted out at the beginning!'

They had gone to the plane when Charlie was strong enough, and burnt the remaining cargo. Charlie couldn't bring himself to light the fire himself so Claire obligingly did the honours and the two of them stood there with Sayid and Jack, who had volunteered to help, and watched it burn.

When the little packets of powder had been reduced to fine ash, Charlie, tear tracks finding their way down his soot blackened face, had turned to Claire and buried his head into her shoulder, sobbing unashamedly. It had taken all of his self-control to not lunge at the burning heroin and have a final fix. The tight hold she had exerted on his hand helped a little but nothing could ease the sense of hopeless loss he felt when he realised that there were no more drugs and now he faced a long, slow, painful withdrawal.

Again.

Sayid and Jack had tactfully left them alone and when he'd exhausted all his tears Claire had silently put an arm around Charlie's shoulders and led him back to camp.

'Higher mummy!' Aaron yelled. 'Higher! Higher!'

Now, four years later he watched as she pushed her son on the swing he had made him and wondered what would have happened to the two of them if he had died from that overdose? Better to not even think about it. Aaron loved Charlie with all his little heart and Claire, if nothing else, was forever grateful for him being there. He may not be daddy but he was still Aaron's 'Arlie, and for now, that was enough for him.