Yeah, Im not happy, I act happy for the group, but im really not, I need him to be happy, I have our memories, but I need him right here holding me, telling me everything will be fine, I need my mother also, I miss her too, I should'nt have crossed that bridge..
I cant change the past, we have no control over it, but through it all, Ive learned wrong from right, bad from good, gods from devils, Im sorry I wear this mask, its only temporary, I dont want to be broken...
I want his Love, I need it, this world is cold and broken without him, I want him on this earth, now and forever, I dream of fields so large, those stars that were so bright, grass thats so green, trees so tall, air so clean...
I know him well, he doesnt know it, but I know him better than he knows himself, I think the Angels gave me that knowledge, maybe our love was meant to be?
I wonder if he sees I want him, does he know I love him? I dont think he does...Maybe I Should tell him...?
Those mako blue eyes of his, no one else on this planet has those eyes, no one, I could just get lost in them for hours..days...weeks... I wish I could just lose myself in them anytime I was scared, I wish I could run to them when I was sad, Wish I could have them when I pleased...
My mind is racing...I wish he was here...to just hold me...for just a little while... stroke my hair.. tell me it will be alright... am I a weak person for needing that? Ive never found comfort in anyone else, only him, ive never even touched another man, no matter how much they stared, or talked to me, or told me how much of a good life they would give me... Im 20 and still a virgin, im saving myself for him...
I was sad while he was gone, I didnt do much at all, I just wished every morning that I would wake up and he would be at my bedside, stroking my hair, comforting me, blocking out this horrible place we call a world...I would have no other man...
I fall asleep thinking about him, his warm embrace, his tender kisses, I dream about it, I dream about it all, I want it all so bad...
Would he propose to me, I bet he would find the perfect place to do it, I bet he would make it better than anything in this world, and I bet our wedding would shine with holy light, gods themselves would shine down apon us..
He doesnt say much, I think he has trouble finding words for what he feels, dont worry Cloud, I know dear, I know it all...
Well, time for my mask again, turn into cheery old, happy Tifa, thats what they will think, He might know the truth, Will he fix it? Do I deserve him? I dont deserve much, I dont think i deserve Angels, as much as I want them...Ill keep waiting for him...
Tifa's signature is scribbled quickly as she shuts her journal and puts it away...
A/N
I dont have any words for this story, I hope you like it, I wrote it on a whim, please enjoy...