Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel. Darn.

Chapter 5:

"Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical." -Trey Parker and Matt Stone-

Max stared up at Logan's place. She just stood there for a while, not knowing what to do next. She had gone to Dr. Carr in the morning, and sure enough, he confirmed what Alec had already told her: it was the cure.

She had been injected with the serum two hours ago, which she figured was enough time for the thing to work its magic on her system. Now she could be free to love Logan. So why was she still standing—had been standing for the last fifteen minutes—outside of his house?

Logan now lived in what used to be Joshua's crib. It also used to be Sandeman's home, the father of all Transgenics. It was an old manor-like house in Sector 3, on the outskirts of Seattle's financial district. It was sadly in disrepair, presumably since Sandeman had left so suddenly. He had left quite a bit of furniture, too, a full library of books in the study, a dining set, even an old piano in the basement that Alec liked to tinker with.

Max continued to stare at the old building. She convinced herself that it was because she had not really been here in a while. She saw Logan often via camera, or whenever he ventured into Terminal City to recruit some people for Eyes Only missions. And that was pretty much it.

After all, they had maintained a distant friendship, both literally and figuratively. Even though Max had told Logan the truth about her "thing" with Alec after the Jam Pony incident almost a year ago, she had been adamant about keeping their distance from each other. "Thing" with Alec or not, she had still been the carrier for the kill-Logan-Cale-virus. It had been lucky that things with Terminal City had kept her too busy to mope about their off-again relationship.

But now, here she was, still standing uncertainly in front of his home, virus-free.

She didn't know how to broach the subject. Should she just walk in there all sassy and grab his face and kiss him? That didn't sound like a half-bad plan. She sighed to herself, either way, she was gonna do what she always did: she was gonna wing it.

She strode into the house, unannounced, and was pleasantly surprised at what she saw. Gone was the ruble and ruin of the old house. The place actually looked like a home. It had new furniture, some plush carpets, new paint, new lights…heck, new everything! Gone was the faint scent of mold and decay, dog and wet fur, old food and dirty laundry that had characterized Josh's stay. The whole place smelled like…well, it pretty much just smelled clean. She smiled wryly. It smelled clean and fresh like Logan's former penthouse always did. That made her feel a lot better, more comfortable, sorta like old times.

She found him in the study, where he had successfully re-established Eyes Only operations.

"Hey, I like what you've done with the place." she commented without preamble, walking in boldly.

He looked up, startled, his blue eyes widening slightly, before he realized who had walked in. He smiled tenderly at her. "Hey you," he greeted. He was busy working on some Eyes Only project, his jaw was scruffy from a day's growth of beard, his hair messy from running his fingers through it in frustration.

"Hey yourself.." she smiled back, falling comfortably into their old repartee. This wasn't so bad. She walked over to him, slowly, almost taking measured steps. She didn't want to startle him or anything. She wanted him to realize what she was doing. Wait a minute, what was she doing? She frowned slightly to herself at the thought. Was she going to seduce him? Well, why not? This was something she'd been wanting for a long time wasn't it?

Making up her mind, her body followed naturally. Her steps took a languid, slinky but almost predatory quality. Her lips pouted, ever so slightly. She dropped her lashes just a little bit lower. One of her hands ran down her flat stomach in a caress.

Logan was looking very confused. But very interested. "Max? What are you doing?" he asked nervously. He had leaned back all the way in his swivel chair, looking torn. He looked like part of him wanted to bolt, and the other part of him wanted to meet her half way. Max was feeling a little torn, too. Between feeling sorry for him and laughing at his predicament.

She was standing right in front of him, before she leaned in very close to his face. Logan was now frozen, afraid to move away, and afraid to move closer. She let her breath brush his ear, noticing how his hairs stood on end. "I just thought I'd let you in on a little secret," she whispered, before she brushed her lips against his ear.

He toppled backwards in his chair. His face was a mask of utter confusion: half terror and half aroused. She knew that he was just waiting for the virus to hit him.

Max laughed, and offered him her hand. Logan eyed her hand, then looked up at Max's laughing face. She could see the understanding dawn on his face. Good thing he's not stupid. Without another second's hesitation, he took her hand and she pulled him up.

"You're cured." He said matter-of-factly.

"I'm cured."

"Huh."

"'Huh' good or 'huh' bad?" she asked, an eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Just, 'huh, I can't believe you're cured'." He said, still looking like he didn't quite believe it.

She smiled at him. "Believe it."

He smiled at her, that gentle smile, taking a step forward until he was a hair's breadth away from here. He raised his palm to touch her cheek. His hand felt warm and comforting, and she leaned her face into it. "I'm touching you," he whispered, almost reverently.

She looked at Logan, at the scruffy, unconventional handsomeness of his face. This is right, she told herself, just before she leaned over and kissed him. Logan's mouth was warm, and that was nice. She could feel his surprise, at first, but then he began to kiss her back.

Max kept waiting for the fireworks, the heat and desire to hum through her system, but it never happened. She pulled back from Logan. He looked happy. She felt miserable. Where the hell was her happily-ever-after magic?

"I love you, Max." he said softly. "I never gave up on this moment."

Oh no. There was an instant of panic, before Max did the only thing that came to her mind that would make her lips too busy to say the requisite words back. She kissed him. This time she kissed him not to think, throwing herself into it. He responded quickly, kissing her passionately. Max felt little tendrils of fire skimming her nerves, and she felt warm all over. Yes. That's it, just sink into Logan. You want this.

But then her traitorous mind reminded her of a similar scene just the day before. Only, it wasn't Logan kissing her, but Alec. And she hadn't just been warm, she had been on fire, with want. Desperate with want.

She pulled away quickly. She looked at Logan and felt a pain in her chest. The only other time she had felt like this was when Lydecker had forced her to hold her breath for five minutes under water.

Logan was so good to her. He had always been there for her, had always supported her. He would take care of her forever. If she let him. If that was what she wanted. But was that really what she wanted?

I used to love him. I have to love him. I can make myself love him. she thought desperately, willing her heart to love this handsome, gentle, kind, and sensitive man. He was a good man. He deserves good things to happen to him.

"Max, is everything all right?" asked Logan. Max almost cringed. She had forgotten how intuitive Logan can be sometimes. She felt like a first class heel.

She plastered a fake, overly bright smile on her face. "Of course everything's all right! I'm cured!" she said, in a voice that she thought was a little too loud, a little too cheerful. "I just think we're going a little too fast, is all."

'You've got to be kidding, right?" Logan asked incredulously. Max almost smacked herself on the head. Technically, they had been waiting for this moment for almost three years. But the sad truth was, three years was a long time. And time can do so much; says so in the song.

Max felt cornered and suffocated. So she did the one thing she was actually pretty good at. "I think I'm gonna go…" She left, leaving Logan with a stricken expression on his face.

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"Joshua, what is wrong with me?" cried Max. She had tried to go to O.C. for advice, but realized that her friend was still working at Jam Pony. So, she had gone to her next closest friend, Joshua. Actually, if she were really honest with herself, the first person she had wanted to run to was Alec. When had he become her friend? In fact, her best friend? But then, he was the cause for all this misery, wasn't he?

"Max and Logan not gettin' busy?" asked the innocent transgenic. Max smiled at Joshua, often marveling at the strange mixture of innocence and wisdom he had. Like pointing out the fact of the non-action of Max and Logan's relationship point blank, when most other people would have danced around the issue. "Uh, no, actually we're not." she replied.

"But virus bitch way down," he pointed out. They were in Joshua's TC apartment, sitting at his dinner table. Max had actually thrown herself down, her head on her arms on top of the small table. "You got that right." She said, her voice muffled.

"So, Little Fella, virus bitch goin' down, Max and Logan getting' busy…that was the plan?"

Max sighed sadly. "Yeah, that was the plan."

"New plan?" he ventured, a hopeful note in his voice.

She tilted her head at him, looking through a curtain of long brown hair that had fallen over her face on the table. "What new plan?"

"Max and Alec getting' busy." Said the dog-man, completely serious.

"WHAT!" Max stood up so quickly, her chair toppled over. She was shaking her head vigorously. "No, no, no, Joshua. I love Logan. Not Alec."

This time it was Joshua who was shaking his head. He stood up, too, his almost seven-foot frame taking advantage of her smaller one. He looked down at her, and said very carefully to make sure his friend was listening. "Little Fella love both Logan and Alec. But Little Fella love them differently. Little Fella cannot choose who to love."

Max sucked in her breath, shocked. "I don't love Alec, Big Fella," she denied softly.

"But Logan and Max not gettin' busy." He stubbornly pointed out. Then he smiled slyly, "Alec loves Max."

That revelation made Max's knees go weak. She had to pick up the fallen chair and dropped heavily into it. "What?" she squeaked, still not believing what she heard.

"That's why Alec always around Max. Always make Max give him attention with getting into trouble. Alec always stand by Max. TC is not home without Max and Alec." explained Joshua.

Then he grabbed Max's hand, and peered into her brown eyes. His blue eyes were shining kindly at her. "And Little Fella, you love Alec. You cannot send him away like all the others. You always watching him, make sure he is always around."

Max realized that it was all true. She had never really had the heart to send Alec away. Not like Zack. Not like Jace whom she had sent to Mexico. Not even like she had let Brin and Tinga go. No, she would probably never be able to let Alec go. And if Alec left, well, she knew deep inside that she would have moved heaven and earth to find him. That's why she kept saving his sorry ass all the time. She smiled ironically. She couldn't save the world by herself, but the number of times she'd saved his ass should make up for it.

But did that mean she loved him? She had never really considered it. Not until last night. Last night, something had happened that had thrown her whole world into a spin.

He had become her friend in a strange way. They had taken quite a round about road towards their friendship: started out as breeding partners, then turned into enemies (him almost killing her), then into partners in crime, and finally into partners in leading Terminal City. But there was still one thing…

"I don't trust him, Big Fella," she said softly.

"You trust him with Terminal City. You trust him with your life. But Little Fella does not trust him with her heart."

Max wanted to cry. Too many revelations in one day would do that to a person. "When did you become psychic, Josh?" she asked, making an attempt to lighten the mood. It was true that she couldn't trust Alec with heart—not the same way that she trusted Logan.

She sighed deeply. "You're right, Big Fella, I can't choose who I love...but I can choose who I can live with."

Then she went out of his apartment, and made her way across Terminal City to find Alec.