Disclaimer: I own no part of Battlestar Galactica or its characters.
Dark Days
Chapter Six
Kara passed Ellen and the Colonel on her way back to the tent. With a nod, and a flash of her eyes, Kara moved on anxious to see if Anders had returned. The small group that had met last evening had all been given tasks to perform today, Kara's had been recon…to survey the perimeter of the city, her morning run had been the perfect cover, nothing out of the ordinary in that. She would be meeting with Tigh alone at 1100 hours at the foot of the promenade, the nearest thing the tent settlement had to a city center. She would fill him in on what she had seen at that time, right now she needed to eat.
Ha! Kara was not looking forward to the meal. Kicking ass in a Viper she could do, fry up a fish, not so much. She missed Sam, who had taken over most of the culinary duties in the relationship fairly quickly once he had gotten a taste of what Kara had to offer in that department.
Distracted by her thoughts as she entered the tent, she felt as safe in the small space she and Sam shared as she frakkin well could given the circumstances. She would berate herself to no end later for letting her guard down. As she ducked inside, pulling her sweater over her head as she did so, she was grabbed from behind and thrown forcefully across the small space, her head crashing down onto the small iron stove as she landed. It felt like it might quite literally come apart.
"GODS DAMN IT…WHAT THE FRAK?" she spat out. Struggling to focus, Kara spun around, regaining her unsteady feet and found herself eye to eye with a face from the past: Leoben.
"You have no idea how happy I am to see you again, Starbuck." Leoben smiled, his voice low, as he took a step back.
Kara's throat constricted, and she shivered at the sound of his voice. "I'm sure!" she gasped sarcastically, putting her hand to her forehead and feeling the warm sting of the gash left behind by the stove. She looked at her hand as she pulled it away, and was surprised at just how much blood there was. Leoben picked up Kara's sweater, which had fallen uselessly to the floor, and tossed it to her. She pressed it tightly to her head, trying to slow the flow of blood. "Can't say that I feel the same way, though…way to say hello, by the way. I take it you made it back to your body after all, then…your 'God' not ready to take your 'soul' just yet? Wow, that must really frakkin suck." Kara tried to be glib as she lowered herself onto the end of the bed, her head pounding , and gave Leoben the best smile she could manage for the moment.
"You aren't really in the position to be pushing my buttons this time. But go ahead if you think it will make you feel better, I might even enjoy watching you try!" With him there was always a glimmer of laughter in his eyes, as though everything that went on around him was designed solely for his own amusement. Kara remembered interrogating him, remembering the uneasy feeling that look had given her, how it had shaken her deeply when he had demonstrated how easily he could take control of the situation. Now, Leoben's eyes bore into Kara, daring her to take it further.
Never one to run from a dare, Kara couldn't stop herself. "At least you've finally come to terms with the fact that you have buttons…any chance you'll point out the off switch for me?"
Leoben was silent as he studied her. "None at all," was his dry response.
"What do you want, Leoben? Why are you here?" Kara decided the direct approach was the best one. She had been referring to the fact that Leoben was in her tent at all, but he answered for everyone.
"All of this has happened before and all of this will happen again, Kara. We are here because we must be here, because every action taken by all involved has brought us here." Kara's eyes never left his face as he slowly knelt down in front of her, placing his hands on the sweater where she had been holding it to her head. He pulled the sweater away and surveyed the damage. "I told you once that you were special, that you were going to find Kobol, and I was right. You would be wise to listen to what I have come to tell you today."
Kara's head was spinning, the blow beginning to take a toll. She remembered what the Old Man had told her about Leoben, how he mixed lies with truth. Yes, they had found Kobol, but it had not lead them to Earth. She had to keep her focus now, not show him any weakness and certainly not let him see what effect his presence had on her.
She forced out another smile, "Don't you toasters ever learn? Humanity created you to make our lives easier…" she nearly laughed out loud at the implications of that, but continued, correcting herself, "we made you to compute. So you can calculate the odds of us stumbling across a planet based on our jump patterns, big frakkin deal. That doesn't make you a prophet." She winced and drew in a breath as he chose that exact moment to press his thumb into her head wound.
"You are going to have to get someone to take a look at that, you might need some stitches." He stayed hunched down in front of her, but rocked back slightly, taking his hands away from her head.
Kara couldn't help but recoil at the sudden movement, and cursed herself for being so jumpy. She had to maintain her composure, look for an opening to get out. She had to keep a level, albeit pounding, head. "Ok, I'll bite. What did you come here to tell me?"
Leoben cocked his head slightly to one side, eyes dancing, "You're married now." It wasn't a question.
Kara's eyes widened, her heart pounding with the sense that her worst fears were about to be realized. Her fists were clenched so tightly that her nails dug sharply into her palms. Shaking she replied, "And? I didn't need you to come here and tell me that."
"I like him. He's got a lot of fight in him, and I respect that. He reminds me a little bit of you." Kara paled at that. Leoben's expression was unreadable, his eyes locked on hers. He leaned in a little closer, and she could feel hot breath on her cheeks. "I have a secret, Kara. A secret I'm only going to share with you. I already know how you are going to save him, I know the choice you are going to make, and I know what it is going to cost you to make it."
Kara couldn't speak, her breathing had become rapid and shallow and she was having trouble focussing her eyes. She could feel every muscle in her body trembling, as much out of rage as out of fear.
Leoben continued, "I also know something else…I know how you are going to save us. I've always known, and you confirmed it when they blew me out of that airlock. I saw your face Kara, I saw the compassion. Did you pray for me? Did you ask your Gods to take me home? I think you did."
"Let's stop playing the 'I'm-standing-on-the-river-bank-watching-the-stream-roll-by' game," Kara whispered slowly through her tight jaw, finally finding her voice. "Tell me what you've done with Sam, tell me where he is. He is sick, and he needs medicine. He needs to be here with me, and if he dies because you are keeping him away or because you have done something to him, you son of a bitch, then it won't matter how many bodies you have on lay away. I'll kill you over and over and over, and I swear I will enjoy doing it each and every time."
Leoben gave her a patronizing shake of his head. "No, Kara, I'm not ready to give him back to you just yet. He has his role to play in this dance and we have ours, you and I. I want you to know that I'm not going to enjoy what is about to happen, regardless of what you think of me."
ENOUGH! Kara couldn't take it any more. She exploded forward off of the bed, her fist shooting out with all of her body weight backing it up. She made contact with a right hook and an upper cut before Leoben's hand caught her by the throat. She felt her feet lift from the ground momentarily as she was choke slammed BAM! onto her back, all of the air in her body forced out with that one movement. Then Leoben was on top of her, one hand tight to her throat the other raining blows down on her . She held her arms up in front of her as best she could, trying in vain to fend them off, but felt herself quickly losing ground. The fingers on her throat tightened, and her world began to darken. Just before the lights went out, she had the vaguest impression of Leoben's face next to hers, lips brushing hers softly.
Then her world was black.
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Kara dreamed of her wedding day.
She was back on Galactica, time standing still. Admiral Adama had given her his private quarters to get ready, and she was dressed in the borrowed white linen shift that had been scrounged up for her…not exactly a wedding dress, but a much more suitable substitute than her flight suit. She and Anders had been back from Caprica less than a month when he had asked her to marry him. Things had felt so right at the time that she hadn't hesitated to say 'yes'.
Waiting alone in Adama's quarters, she thought about that decision. She had made the same one years before, with Zak. Their future had been laid out before them, and they had made so many plans, thinking that they had all that they would ever need in each other. When she had agreed to marry Zak, she had felt safe and secure, and her answer had been a result of that feeling.
With Anders, she though maybe her answer was based on a desire to recapture that feeling of security. After Zak died, and then after the Cylon attack, Kara had learned to rely first and foremost on herself. She had accepted that relying on someone else, being open enough to have someone matter that much to her, led to pain and inevitable loss. Anders was her second chance to have what she had been robbed of by Zak's death. And it scared her.
So much about Anders mirrored her experiences with Zak, and then again so much of it was different. She had thought she had lost Anders, convinced herself that he had died, and had blamed herself for his death, just as she had with Zak's. She had left Anders on Caprica, she had broken her promise to go back. She had not pushed the matter with President Roslin, and she had lost an opportunity to go back for him when Admiral Cain died. She might not be the one who pulled the trigger, but she convinced herself that she had let him die, which was just as great a sin in her mind. Finding out she was wrong about this had been the catalyst to the changes that took place within her. Her burden of guilt lifted, she was determined to hold onto Anders as tightly as she could, protect him and be with him. He was her second chance, she was not going to let that go.
She paced back and forth by William Adama's desk. He was performing the service. He was also 'giving her away'. Only friends and family were attending…which translated to the Caprica Resistance force on Anders' side and most of the Galactica on Kara's…and the Adamas, of course. Kara had to admit that she was feeling frakkin nervous. She had stood in front of most of these people at one time or another, either in mission briefings or on a table in the mess during a particularly rowdy round of drinking, so she shouldn't feel so self conscious. She kept pacing.
The soft knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. "Come in!" The hatch door swung open and she found herself face to face with Lee Adama.
Closing the door behind him, he gave her a nervous smile. Things had been strained between them lately, distant. She searched for the right thing to say to break the awkward silence that hung between them, but he beat her to the punch. "So..um..I guess this is it, hey? How do you feel? Still want to go through with it?" He gave her one of his half smiles, and she felt a lump forming in her throat. He continued nervously, "I have a raptor ready in the hangar bay if you want to make a run for it, I'll cover for you so you can get a head start."
Kara rewarded his joke with a wide smile. Relieved that the tension between them seemed to have lifted, at least for today, she punched him lightly on the shoulder, "The great and powerful Starbuck runs from no man, Lee Adama. You of all people should have learned that lesson by now." Her smile faltered for a moment as she looked into his big eyes, seeing something there that made her stomach do a flip. "How do I look?" She spun around, giving him a good view of the dress.
"You look…stunning." Lee was quiet, his face serious again. "You really do, Kara. And you look happy."
"Thank you, Lee. I am." Kara felt her eyes welling up, she fought back against the reaction. He reached over and took her hand, pulling it up to his mouth and brushing it softly with a kiss. Kara's eyes searched his for some sign of what he was thinking. "Um…we haven't…I mean we…" Kara stammered, unable to form the thought in her head.
He finished it for her, still holding her hand with a gentle squeeze, "We haven't had a chance to talk about this. I have been so busy on the Pegasus, and what time I've had I've…well, I haven't been around. I meant to see you, though, Kara. I wanted to tell you how happy I am for you."
"Thank you, Lee. I…well, that means more to me than…I wasn't really sure how you were going to react. I didn't know how you would feel about my decision to marry somebody else." She had been thinking of Zak when she said this. One of her biggest fears had been that Lee and Bill Adama would view this as a betrayal of what she had almost been to them: family. But Lee's reaction took her by surprise. His whole expression tightened and his eyes grew dark. Still holding her hand, he stepped towards her slightly.
"I accept that I have no choice."
Kara was stunned at that, and searched for meaning in his face. They stood like that for what seemed like an eternity, and she had no idea what to do next. Nothing seemed like the right course of action, and she was being completely distracted by the feeling of his thumb as it lightly caressed the top of her hand.
Suddenly he let go, and cupped her face in his hands. He leaned in and kissed her lips, softly at first and then with more intensity. Kara froze, her body stiffening momentarily before it developed a mind of its own. Before she even realized she had made the decision, she was kissing him back, her hands coming to rest on his hips. They stayed locked together like that, drinking each other in, until finally Lee pulled back, resting his forehead against hers, eyes closed.
Kara fought to regain rational thought. "Lee, I'm sorry, I…"
"Don't!" He pulled back some more and looked deep into her eyes, his hands were now buried in her hair, still holding onto her. He tilted her face up to his. They were both breathing heavily, and his voice was thick. "Kara, if I asked you not to marry him, would you do it? Would you end it with him?"
She couldn't speak. Everything inside of her finally let loose, and she felt the tears come, unable to fight back against them this time. She tried to close her eyes, tried to retreat, but he shook her slightly, forcing her to look back at him.
The silence was painful. Her throat was almost completely closed, she could barely swallow, she could not breath.
She watched helplessly as his face turned to stone, and he let her go. He had his answer. "I guess I'm the idiot then, after all. Have a good life, Kara. I hope he deserves you." With that, Lee turned and strode out of the room. Kara struggled to regain her composure, sniffing, running her fingers through her tousled hair and straightening out her dress.
Suddenly the light seemed to be draining from the room, and she could hear Lee's voice…when had he come back?
"Kara…"
She tried to speak, tried to answer him, but she couldn't.
"Kara, c'mon you have to be strong…you have to wake up."
Her eyes fluttered open, and she wasn't in Adama's quarters anymore. Squinting against the light and the sudden rush of pain that assaulted her, her eyes slowly came into focus. She was in her bed, on New Caprica. Above her, with a mixture of pain and relief on his face, was Lee Adama.
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A/N: Ok Ok Ok. Calm down. The flashback was necessary, I couldn't just pass over that particular aspect of the missed year by burying it in a momentary reverie…the Lee/Kara shipper in me was way too strong for that. And I needed to build that tension back up…and finally because it was so much fun to write.