Disclaimer: Dark Angel and all its glorious darkness isn't mine.

A/N: I had to write something that would tear Max and Alec apart. I was feeling dark and gloomy. Thought I'd share it with the world.

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Chapter 10

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them."

–Kahlil Gibran-

Max knew that even when she couldn't have Alec, she still had to cut Logan loose. It wasn't fair to both of them to keep pretending to live a lie. So, she'd told Joshua where she was going, in case anybody needed her. Then she left, before she changed her mind.

"Hey," said Max, barely above a whisper.

Logan turned around, startled. He hadn't heard her come in. He smiled thoughtfully at Max. "Hey, yourself," he said equally softly. He stood up to walk over to where she was.

Max tensed a little bit as Logan came closer, but didn't move away. He just took her into his arms in a hug. A warm, comforting hug that somehow felt just right. It wasn't urgent, it didn't ask for anything more than she was ready or willing to give. There was no pressure or expectations attached to it. It was just the natural contact between two souls that needed comforting.

"Is everything all right?" Logan asked, his voice rumbling in his chest by her ear.

Max pulled away gently from him. She looked into his pale blue eyes through his glasses. She could see a sadness that hadn't been there yesterday. Her heart ached. He knew. Oh, God, he knew.

"We need to talk," she said softly. She didn't know why they had been whispering the whole time. It just didn't seem right to speak out loud, afraid that hearts were already breaking and anything more than a whisper would cause their tentative bond to shatter.

Logan walked slowly towards a plush recliner chair. It used to be Joshua's favorite chair that he had re-upholstered. He sank into it resignedly. "I know. I figured we'd have to."

Suddenly, Max's heart was breaking all over again. But this time, it was breaking for Logan. They had been through so much, and he loved her so much. "I'm sorry." she said with aching softness, never having meant those two words more in her life.

His lips quirked in a sad smile. "I'm sorry, too."

A part of Max didn't want to let this go. She still loved Logan. And if it wasn't with the passion and desperate depth of feeling that she had for Alec, she never wanted him to know. She walked over to where he sat and peered down into his sad eyes.

"I never wanted to hurt you," she started to say, crouching down to see him face-to-face. He put a finger to her lips to silence her. Then that finger began to trace her soft lips in a feather-light touch. They just stared into each other's eyes, two people that had once meant so much to each other.

"I still love you," she whispered brokenly. And this was the truth. She loved Logan with a tenderness that warmed her heart—he had melted the ice around her heart first. It was strong and gentle, full of admiration and respect for the man that he was.

He sighed deeply. His hand cupping her face, just reveling in the simple pleasure of touching her. "And I love you, Max. But it's not enough is it?" he asked quietly. He had known that this day would come. He had always known but had always hoped it never would come to this.

Max couldn't make herself answer him. She just stared desperately at him, her eyes begging him to understand. Logan just continued to look at her, as if he could read her thoughts. "You love him, don't you?" he murmured, the pain in his voice not masked by the undertone.

Her eyes widened. She suddenly felt like she was being pulled in so many directions. But at the top of it all, there was this knowledge that she mustn't hurt Logan any more than he already was. She could only nod. There was no use in lying—lying would only hurt more.

She reached over and touched his face, the scruff of his beard gently scratching her hand. "I never meant for it to come down to this."

"Max, why didn't you just tell me?"

Max swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "I didn't—didn't feel like this—until…" I know it hurts, but just say it. It has to be said. "…until I had the cure…and it didn't change anything…" she faltered. "I never chose to…" she tried again, but found that there were no more words left.

She saw Logan's eyes go duller with pain. Above all else she wanted to make him all right. She wanted to bottle up all this stupid painful emotions and toss it away.

Logan shook his head sadly. "You didn't choose voluntarily. It was meant to be somehow…with the path that we're on. The turn that our lives have taken…we had our chance and we've lost it."

"Don't say that, I'll probably get over this," she said in an attempt to ease the tension. "In time, I will." She never wanted Logan to feel like her love for him had been far surpassed by this other feelings for Alec.

There was a small eternity of silence. "No, you won't," he whispered, seeing through her lie. Max died a little inside. "I sure hope you don't get over it." He swallowed, then smiled painfully. "Max, I love you. More than anything. You know I do. But this isn't something I can…compete with. Ever."

"Oh." Max breathed, surprised. Logan was such a good man. Why, why couldn't I have just stayed in love with him?

Because you belong with Alec, body, mind, heart and soul.

She leaned her forehead against Logan's. "You're the best man that I know," she whispered truthfully.

Logan licked his lips, then leaned closer to kiss her. Max closed her eyes and enjoyed the chaste kiss. It was a kiss borne out of admiration and respect. A kiss of love faded away. A kiss of good-bye.

"Get your hands off of her."

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"Jealousy is bred in doubts. When those doubts turn into certainties, then the passion either ceases or turns to absolute madness."

- La Rouchefoucauld-

Alec had gone to see Joshua who had directed him to Logan's in his search for Max.

Dread had filled him. But he had to know. Even if it destroyed him.

He had wondered why Max had sought him out yesterday in the first place. He had wanted more than anything to believe Jade. But somehow, his mind hadn't really believed her—and knowing that Max was with Logan only confirmed it. The doubts and fears inside of him had only grown in the few minutes that it had taken to reach Logan's residence.

There was a nagging suspicion in his mind that to Max, he had just been some sick experiment to test her feelings for Logan. It was far-fetched, but it represented his deepest fear.

So, it had been a real stab in the back to find his doubts turned into reality.

He had stood outside of the window transfixed. He couldn't move; the chains of his despair were holding him down so tightly it was even hard to take a breath. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but the picture before him said more than a thousand words.

Alec had been stupid to think that Max had finally chosen him. He felt the now-familiar pang in his heart. He was tired of being second choice. Tired of being the back-up plan.

He forced himself to look at them again. Logan was sitting on a chair with Max kneeling like the supplicant in front of him. They were touching each other tenderly. Whispering.

Alec clenched his fist, his jaw rigid, as rage burst through his heart. Max, I'm sorry. I can't share you. I just can't.

Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.

–D.H. Lawrence-

He stormed into the house, crashing in on them just as they were kissing. The image etched itself through fire in the back of his mind. It seared him through.

It released something primal in him that he couldn't control.

"Get your hands off of her." His voice was no more a whisper, but it carried through with such force that Max and Logan broke apart instantly.

"Alec!" gasped Max, scrambling to her feet.

But Alec was gone. He had given in to the animal inside of him. With a roar, he lunged at Logan, his hand encircling the older man's throat. Logan was sputtering now, his eyes wide with fear.

Max tried to pry Alec away from Logan, but he had always been far stronger than her, and his rage only served to fuel his strength more He flung her away like she was a rag doll. She crashed into a wall, causing it to crack and splinter.

"Alec," she sobbed brokenly.

Logan had lost consciousness from the lack of air. Alec considered snapping his neck, but he heard Max's broken voice. And suddenly, he was dragged back to reality.

He stared in horror at his hands. He looked over at Max, who was laying brokenly against the wall.

"Max?" There was such a shattered expression on her face that scared him. There was a look in her eyes that killed him. She was disgusted with him. He couldn't blame her. This was what he was. An animal.

"Why, Alec?"

He couldn't answer.

"What's wrong with you?" she screamed, tears streaking her face.

Alec turned his back to her. She saw that he was shaking. She stood up slowly, her body still aching from being thrown back so hard against the wall. He had dropped his head in his hands, his shoulders still shaking. My, God, was he crying?

No, he was…

Laughing?

"Oh, God, Max," he spun around, his face twisted with derisive laughter. "Now, there's a good joke if I ever heard one. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? What…is…wrong…with…me?"

His shoulders sagged, his laughter disappearing as suddenly as it came. It was replaced by such a haunted look on his handsome face. "What's wrong is how much I love you. I loved you even when you were still so hung up on him. I loved you even as I drowned myself in other women. I loved you no matter how much you told me I was never going to be good enough. I loved you no matter how hard I tried to kill it. I loved you so much I almost killed him!"

Max sagged back against the wall.

"How pathetic am I, Max?" he demanded, his voice harsh. "To love you, the one woman I could never have." He laughed humorlessly, darkly. "You, Max Guevara, the love of my fucking life, who never gave me the fucking time of day. You who crawled into bed with me last night and fucked my brains out. You who—"

"STOP."

"What stop now? I only just got started." He drawled dangerously. "Now that I've finally gotten you to listen to me." he smiled.

His smile was terrifying. The only thought in Max's head was that he had almost killed Logan. She chanced a glance at Logan's prone body.

"Don't worry, he'll live." Alec said flatly. There was an expression on his face that she had never seen before. It was a bone-deep weariness punctuated by a glimmer of defeat.

Alec couldn't stand the look of disgust on Max's face. He had truly become the animal that she had so often accused him of being. And all because he loved her.

"Alec,"

"Save it, I'm leaving." He said curtly, before stalking out of the old house, never once looking back.

He was leaving. He couldn't stay now. He had just destroyed whatever it was that he had had with Max. He had no future here anymore.

"You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad."

–Aldous Huxley-

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A/N: So now I'm gonna suffer for this madness. The real problem is figuring out how to get them back together. If you guys still want them together…? Please review and let me know if this was just way off, or absolutely brilliant. Hehehe…either way, it's a moment of madness.