DISCLAIMER: Dark Angel isn't my baby.
A/N: I wanted to write this chapter as a way to show how Max and Alec were starting to "grow up" and realize that they would still love each other even without the passion that seemed to have clouded their judgment. And it gave me a chance to make Alec a little more lighthearted again. Hope you guys like it. Please read and review. I promise it is still a Max/Alec story!
Chapter 12:
"Between too early and too late, there is never more than a moment."
–Franz Werfel-
Alec was gone.
Max didn't know how she knew, but she just did.
The moment she had walked into his apartment, she had felt it. The stillness. The emptiness. Alec was gone. For a second, she felt like she was suffocating. She was too late.
She looked around at the shambles of his apartment. The air felt heavy with his rage and consequent anguish.
But there were other memories in here, too. Memories of that night they shared, when they had laid bare their emotions even before they had been able to say them out loud. She understood, now, exactly what that night had meant to her. It was why she had broken things off with Logan so easily and so permanently after almost three years of dancing around their on-again, off-again relationship.
She had given her love to Alec that night without her even knowing it.
Max felt paralyzed. Her thoughts were too jumbled up. She couldn't think past the fact that he had actually left. She tried to rationalize that he was just down theblock at Joshua's, or in the armory with Mole, or at HQ with Dix…but she knew he was gone.
This wasn't the way it was supposed to be! "Alec?" she whispered, even knowing that there would be no answers.
"Alec!" she cried out, louder, almost a shout, her voice tinged with desperation. Just silence. Hollowed silence.
In a daze, she walked slowly around his apartment and found a piece of paper. It stood stark white against the darkness that had settled over his empty place.
Unfolding it, Max immediately recognized Alec's neat block writing. She read the note. It was brief, but Max's hand was shaking.
Max,
I'm sorry. I love you.
Alec
Five words.
DAMN YOU, ALEC! Why did you have to leave? she thought desperately. She wanted to tell him there was nothing to be sorry about. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, too. She was suddenly spurred into action, her paralysis broken by his letter. She ran out of his apartment and straight to Joshua's.
"Joshua!" she cried, banging loudly on his door.
Joshua opened the door, his eyes slightly bleary. He had been expecting this late night visit from his Little Fella.
"Alec. He's gone, Josh!" Max cried frantically. Hearing herself say the words out loud just made it seem more real, too. She grabbed the lapels of his coat, resisting the urge to manhandle the dog-man who was easily twice her size. "Where did he go?"
Joshua looked down sadly at his Little Fella. He shook his head sadly. Alec had come to see him just before he left. He had made it clear that he didn't want to be found, that he was leaving for good. Joshua reached over to his friend and hugged her tightly. "Alec went away, Little Fella," he whispered roughly. "Alec too sad to stay in Terminal City. Alec thinks Little Fella too sad to be around him."
"No, no, no," Max whispered. "No, that's wrong. I need Alec, Big Fella. I need him to be around me. Tell me where he is." she pleaded, her brown eyes swimming with tears.
Joshua had no answers for his Little Fella. Alec wanted to disappear, and for an X5, that was a feat altogether too easy. He just shook his head. Max buried her face on his chest and cried with sobs that broke Joshua's heart.
"I'm sorry, Little Fella. Alec is gone away."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for things that we did not do that is inconsolable."
–Sydney J. Harris, Strictly Personal-
Max eventually went on with her life. It was hard at first. There was nothing more brutal than facing regret. Max realized that it had put her life into stark perspective. Things were much clearer now—the things she regretted doing: pushing Alec away andnever appreciating him, were completely eclipsed by the regret of what she had not done: telling him that she loved him.
Not only that, but she had to deal with the whiplash of what Alec had really meant to Terminal City.
While she had been the head of Terminal City, he had been the soul of their little community. She learned more about Alec in his absence than she ever did when he had been around. Everything she learned about him had only made her love him more.
Everyone loved him. He was a rogue, a charmer, someone who knew exactly what to say to make someone else laugh. He had listened to others. He had acted on others' concerns.
No wonder he was so good as C&R Chair, Max mused sadly. He had a gift for knowing what people wanted and delivering.
The Committee had unanimously voted Jadeto replaceAlec as C&R Chair. She was competent and strong. She was also similarly gifted with outspokenness and charm. Max didn't feel comfortable about working so closely with Jade, but she compartmentalized her feelings and locked them away. She had no time for irrational jealousies when the object of her affections was no longer around. She made sure she was professional, albeit distant, when it came to the other female transgenic.
After a short while, everyone seemed to just move on.
But not Max. Every night, she stood on top of the Space Needle radiating waves of her aching loneliness. She willed him to come back. She prayed for him to come back. She silently begged whatever powers there be to bring him back.
But she was always answered by silence. She was always left with her broken heart and damning thoughts. Left with her regrets. She had long since forgiven Alec—something that she had never thought she could do.
She was finding it a little more difficult to forgive herself for being too late.
A year after his departure, Terminal City was back to its chaotic normalcy. Like Alec had never been there. It was a sobering thought, as well as a relieving one. Terminal City could stand on its own even after losing one of its leaders. Even the search had been called off permanently as voted by the Committee.They had all (except Max) agreed that Alec could takecare of himself...and anX5 that didn't want to be found was like finding a needle in a haystack.
As a result, Max had turned to Logan and his Eyes Only resources. Reluctantly, but always the good friend, Logan had sent word out to his contacts. Logan had also tried to revive his relationship with Max. He had been respectfully distant in the beginning, but had started to spend more and more time with her. One night, he leaned over and kissed her.
For a moment, Max let herself be kissed, missing the simple contact. But she pulled away and smiled sadly at her friend. "Logan, no," she said softly.
"Max, he's gone." He pointed out quietly.
Max thought about it for a moment. There really was nothing else stopping her from being with Logan. Except for the fact that she still loved Alec. "He's still inside of me, Logan." She said simply.
Logan shook his head at her. "He left. He gave up. Max, you've got to move on."
She stood up to leave, her eyes shuttered. "I haven't given up, Logan. Please, you have to understand."
Logan looked at her longingly, but nodded anyway. "I can't say I understand, but I respect your decision. I just wanted you to know that…I still love you…if you'll have me." he sighed.
Max walked over to him and kissed him softly on the forehead. "You'll always be the first man I loved. But, I think Alec may be the last one I ever will." She smiled sadly at her words. "And if this is the way it is, then this is the way it will be. I just can't be with anyone else."
Logan nodded in defeat. "Fine."
Max left and jumped on her baby and sped up to the Needle. There was something that she needed to say out in the wind.
"Alec," she whispered to the wind, "Just please be okay. I love you."
She knew that she would love him always. Nothing could change that. So with those words, she finally let him go.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character."
-Isabelle Eberhardt-
Alec spent a year moving around the West. He jumped from Washington to Oregon to California to Nevada to Arizona. He spent some time in Phoenix, Arizona. It was a place just as broken as Seattle was, but at least it didn't rain there all the time.
Everywhere he went he thought of Max. Each time he glimpsed a girl with long dark hair, his heart would quicken, only to break a little when it wasn't her.
For a long time, Alec just ran. He tried to outrun his memories of Max. He could not have survived if he had not shut his memories down.
But after a year, he realized that he could remember her without the debilitating pain that always came with it. He could picture her flashing brown eyes and just smile wistfully. He could remember the expressions that she would pull on her face from annoyance to determination, and he would just chuckle to himself. He could picture her lips and the way she smelled, the feel of her skin, the way she tasted…and…Down boy! Maybe I'm not ready to face those memories just yet, he thought ruefully.
At least his sense of humor was back. And he'd just won gas money from some guys idiot enough to play pool with him. Running away was a bitch on his wallet.
"Hey buddy," a slurred voice called out from the bar. "Ya gotta see this!"
He looked up from his drink, curious as to what the commotion was about. He noticed that a couple of other guys were looking out of the door and sneering. Alec frowned.
"It's one of them freaks!" called an excited voice.
At those words, Alec stood up and casually strode over to the back door where several men had gathered, pretending to be one of the spectators. What he saw made bile rise up his throat. A heavily pregnant woman was being held down by four men and groped and fondled by two others.
"Please, don't," she cried. She looked like she was in pain, very weak, very tired, and very much in labor.
Alec sauntered over to the six men until he was standing directly over them and the woman. "Hey, boys," he drawled.
They looked up, sneers and leers on their faces. "Thought I might let you in on some fun I had planned for this evenin'." he continued, keeping his expression neutral.
"Yeah, whaddya have in mind?"
He shrugged indifferently, "Oh, something along the lines of…" he kicked the nearest man in the face and he fell back, "…this!" Then he blurred into action, finishing the five other drunken men quickly with a series of kicks and punches. He stood over the fallen figures and the woman who was desperately trying to get up. He eyed the spectators coldly. "Anyone else wanna play?"
There was just stunned silence. Phoenix did not have as many Transgenics as Seattle, so most of these men had never seen one in action before.
"Are you sure? I promise to play nice." He said sarcastically.
A burly man stepped up and sneered at Alec. He was a full head taller than Alec, and weighed twice as much. He flicked a switchblade open.
Alec eyed the blade disdainfully. "Better be careful with that toy you're holdin' on to. You just might find it sticking out of your chest."
Get the hell out of here you freaks!" burly man said menacingly.
Alec pulled the girl up beside him. He had to give her credit. She stood in fighting stance. He glanced at the burly man's hand and smiled dangerously. "We prefer 'Genetically Empowered', although 'Transgenic' would be a step-up from freak." He said conversationally. He was assessing his escape. There were at least a dozen men now, and with a woman in labor, it would be difficult even for him to leave without damage.
He eased the woman behind him and started back tracking towards the front where his bike was parked. Luckily, everyone seemed too stunned and scared by what they had just witnessed to follow him. Finally, when it was safe to turn his back on the men, he looked at the woman worriedly. "Can you…uh…keep your legs crossed long enough to get to a hospital?"
She groaned in pain, but nodded. He straddled his bike and looked uncertainly at her. Maybe he should steal a car. But he really didn't want to draw any more attention than necessary. She hopped on, sitting sideways, solving his little dilemma.
"No hospital," she whispered into his ear.
"Lady, I don't know about you, but I ain't exactly the Ob-Gyn type,"
"Kylie," she whispered again. "Go to Kylie. I'll show you where."
Alec drove away, wondering what kind of mess he had gotten himself into this time.
"Thank you, X5-494," she whispered, reading his barcode.
Alec smiled. He hadn't been 494 in such a long time that it was almost strange to think about it. He realized that he was acting uncharacteristically like 494. He was Alec now, and apparently, Alec cared about the plight of the downtrodden and in labor. "Alec," he called back at her. "My name's Alec."
"I'm X6-457, Katya. Thank you, Alec."
Alec smiled warmly into the night. He was pretty proud of himself…Maxie, I actually don't mind doing the right thing for once. All your nagging must have worked…
