Title: Convenient
Author: Reetinkerbell
Beta: shagmedraco

Fandom: Harry Potter Series
Spoilers: None. AU.
Characters: Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger.
Summary: Hermione thinks about her and Draco's not so happy marriage marriage..

Rating: PG
Prompt: 034. Not Enough – fanfic100 (LiveJournal)
Word Count: 1 389
Written: January 2006 – May 2006
I don't own. Please don't archive without permission.

Convenient (1/1)
– – – – –

It wasn't a question of whether or not she loved him, but if she was willing to tell him. She didn't want to risk having him laugh at her and ridicule her feelings. Or worse, humour her, only to cruelly pull the rug from underneath her feet when she finally believed that he loved her as well. True they were married, bound by the law and his family obligations. They had made love several times since their wedding, months previous, but Draco rarely treated the time they spent together in bed as anything but a chore, something he had to do in order to get her pregnant and insure an heir to the Malfoy and Black name and fortune. And now that she was pregnant with a son, he only continued to come to her room at night because he was a man and he had needs. If he could not turn to his wife to satisfy those needs, he would have to turn to someone else, something he physically couldn't do as the Malfoy Code forbade it. His grandfather's father had insisted upon that particular clause being added to their marriage contract in the future, after his oldest son and heir's wife left him, after finding her husband in bed with a common name, causing a great scandal in the Pure-Blood High Society.

Hermione often felt convenient. That she was only there for one purpose, and that was to be the wife of Draco Malfoy. She'd had to quit her job at the Ministry, as 'Malfoy's didn't work like commoners' nor did 'Malfoy wives work at all'. She had to give up her dreams and many goals in life, to stay home in a cold, old Mansion where the paintings either ignored her or were downright rude towards her. She had to suffer through meals together with a husband who seemingly could care less if she was sitting at the same table, eating the same food or not. At night, he would show up at her door when it was convenient for him, not caring if he had to wake her up or not. He was a very generous lover, but once it was all said and done, he turned cold. The only time he'd spent the whole night together with her after they made love, and she'd woken up with him still in bed with her, had been on their week long honeymoon to Paris.

Her only joy in life was the vast Malfoy Library, where she spent most of her time reading books and dreaming and the Rose Garden where she took long walks during the day, lulling her greatest source of happiness to sleep; the baby growing inside of her.

Draco had early on insisted on separate bedrooms, and when they returned from their honeymoon, the Master Suit stood ready for Hermione, while Draco continued to sleep in his old bedroom, now located wall to wall with Hermione's. The arrangement suited Hermione just fine, as one of the things she'd worried about when moving in with him was privacy. The whole Mansion was his, and when they married, she'd only been in it twice. If she had her own bedroom, she could make it hers, which she did. The room looked similar to that of her old Hogwarts dorm room, with red fabric and mahogany wood furniture. Draco had sneered when he first saw it, muttering about the obvious Gryffindor colours and how his ancestors would turn in their graves if they could see what had become of the Master Suit where they'd all slept when they were alive.

It hadn't bothered Hermione, who'd replied that if he didn't like the way her room looked, he could just stay out of it. To which Draco replied that as long as the lights were off while he was there, her decorating skills - or lack thereof as he liked to call it - wouldn't be a problem.

Hermione never denied him when he came to her room, even though she often told herself that she would, to show him a lesson and teach him that just because he wanted something, did mean that he was always going to get it. But she never did. When the two of them were together in bed, he became another person, and it wasn't hard for Hermione to love that person. She could take his coldness and his habit of avoiding her the rest of the time, as long as he kept coming to her at night. While it pained her to know that if he had a choice, he would most likely not go to her, but to someone else, she took what she could get from the man she'd grown to love.

But as much as she pretended that the way he treated her wasn't starting to affect her - hurt her - she couldn't deny it to herself. Especially not as she laid in bed, still sticky and sweaty from their lovemaking, but cold and alone after he'd left her, without as much as a goodnight.

She felt used. By the Ministry for forcing her and the rest of the Order to fight Voldemort and his band of followers, without offering any help in the form of their Aurors. Being called a traitor, insane and a danger to society, only to have said Ministry and Aurors turn on them the moment Voldemort was finally defeated, claiming that they had been the ones to defeat the Dark Lord and save the Wizarding World, when they had claimed for months that he still wasn't back and there was nothing to worry about. Not to mention the Marriage Law they'd forced upon her, knowing full well that by marrying a Malfoy, she would never be free. She would never be able to work, or do any of the many things she'd hoped she'd be able to experience once the War was over.

Harry and Ron, being men, had it easier. They had been able to choose their wives, and while it had taken Ron some time to find a Muggleborn he fancied, once Hermione was taken, Harry hadn't wasted a second before he asked Ginny to be his wife. They were both happily married now, and were expecting their first children as well. Because Draco didn't like either man, she rarely saw them, which was just another reason as to why she hated the Ministry for making her marry him.

Hermione felt as though the War had, rather than push everyone forward and making the Wizarding World - the Ministry in particular - progress and evolve for the better, set them all back to the time of the Middle Ages, where the woman had no say in what went on in the world. Where the man worked and all the woman ever did was take care of the house, her husband and bear him children.

It was barbaric, and even more barbaric was the fact that if she hadn't married Draco, or whomever the Ministry would've forced her to marry if he'd found someone more suitable than her, they would've taken her wand and all but thrown her out of the Wizarding World for good.

It wasn't about blood any longer. It was about whether you were a man or a woman. In the Wizarding World, it wasn't uncommon to work while the woman stayed at home. It occurred more frequently there than in the Muggle World, and Hermione had no problems with it. If the woman could, and wanted, to stay at home and take care of her children, let her. But it wasn't for Hermione. She wasn't built that way. She wanted a career. Still did.

But as long as she was married to Draco, she wouldn't ever have that career. And while she could busy herself with reading books - Draco constantly bought her new ones, as if sensing she'd go mental if she didn't have anything to read - taking walks and talking to the baby, it wasn't enough.

One day, she might be happy with the way her life had turned out. But as long as Draco treated her like a burden, or something that he could use and discard the moment he was through, she would never be happy.

It would never be enough.

The End.