AN: 'kay, this is a little strange. Basically, it develops the supernatural side of Phoebe- the side that believes in magic. And the vague outlined plot of this fic was going to be a Harry Potter one, so...yeah.
Warnings: Um...the above-mentioned magic references. Also, this takes place before Friends started, after Joey moves in with Chandler and after Phobe moves out of Monica's (and, although it isn't touched upon, after Carol and Ross get divorced) but before Rachel shows up. Also (and this is IMPORTANT) Phoebe is trying to "phase Monica out" at this point in time.
Pairings: Phoebe/Joey onesided, mentions of Chandler/Monica, Joey/Monica onesided, Chandler/Joey friendship, Phoebe/Ross friendship, Phoebe/Chandler friendship.
Dedication: To "burn to emerge", and also special thanks to "spacemonkey69" (mostly because I didn't get to reply to her lovely reviews- cause she was too lazy to log in).
Phoebe has a book of spells somewhere in her apartment, stacked with vegetarian recipe books and magazines she doesn't remember subscribing to. Chandler and Joey had discovered it when they helped her move out of Monica's apartment (officially) and had promptly made great fun of her for owning it. Phoebe didn't mind the teasing- she doesn't take the spell book very seriously. Despite believing wholly in magic, she's never had any real desire to practice it herself, because her friends are all she needs.
Except. There is one spell she wishes they hadn't seen; a spell she refuses to admit exists most of the time. Chandler and Joey have latched onto this one in particular, however, and can't resist poking fun at it to this day. It's entitled simply X, as though the author can't quite find words to describe the spell (potion, really), and it's even written in a shy, awkward print, as if the author is ashamed of themselves for not stopping at the title, and hopes no one will notice the potion's inclusion. Chandler especially enjoys reciting bits of the spell (throwing in many ad-libs along the way) cheered on by Joey, who inevitably joins in masquerading as a talk show host endorsing the product.
They (thankfully) don't know thus, but Phoebe has memorized that page in the book and recites it her head once in a while (most of the time it's to block out Monica's neurotic behavior or the memory of Ursula's cruel, cold voice). She's slightly enamored with the idea of it, imagining herself preparing the ingredients, carrying out the steps. When she goes through them in her head, her voice is sharp and strong, like a command.
STEP ONE: You must dry six roses until they are dark in color. You must grind them into dust.
Chandler's mouth, sharp as a thistle, when he insults someone. Softening, pink, to apologize, even as he jokes further. Glinting and brash with Ross and Phoebe (with the former, it's because he's annoyed; with Phoebe, it's because he knows she can match him spar for spar). Quiet and almost shy with Monica; giggly in a schoolboy way she's never before seen on him for more than a few minutes. It's as if he's learned different vocabularies for all of his friends. It's as if, with Joey, he's reverted back to a native language; all sports talk, and Baywatch.
There are so many complications to Chandler- so many quirks, insecurities, and neuroses- that Joey is almost a relief. You'll always have the same Joey- he'll always be crude and boyish and a complete womanizer and totally endearing. He'll always be Joey, because it's never occurred to him to try and be anybody else.
He and Ross both love attention, Phoebe's noticed. And when Ross gets it he'll repeat the same story over and over again, as if hoping it'll get more interesting. Joey just outright invents happenings out of thin air, or, more likely, out of events from The Shining.
Chandler hates attention. It's hard to notice this, because when he gets it, he doesn't shy away from it- just puts up his usual barrier of humor. Phoebe understands why, she really does, because it's harder to watch people just be when they're occupied with staring right back at you.
Maybe that is why Chandler walks the way he does- as though his shoulders are weighted forward, slightly hunched, tense. It's as if he's waiting for something he doesn't want to happen, but knows it has to. He shoves his hands deep inside his pockets or fiddles with his tie- always defensive, always wary.
Joey walks as tall as he possibly can, though not exactly with confidence. More with a sort of apprehension, as though something very exciting is about to happen that he desperately wants to see.
Ross walks with a swagger that's so casual there's no way it couldn't have been practiced endlessly in the mirror. Everything seems false about Ross right now- from his sister (who is still resisting the freeze out!) to his marriage to his slightly strained smile, which forces the edges of his mouth into what looks like a painful position. It's not a pleasant expression.
Chandler himself always looks quietly amused: mouth turned upwards slightly at the corners, even when his eyes reveal that he's upset. Everything about him seems poised to begin laughing- just waiting for genuine emotion to set it off.
Joey's expression is always painfully honest, unable to hide anything even when he desperately tries to. His slightly crooked mouth and expressive eyebrows make it hard for him to be anything less than sincere. When he smiles (which is often) everything lights up simultaneously.
STEP TWO: You must heat water. You must sprinkle all the rose dust in while stirring counter-clockwise. You may add sugar, but sparingly.
Phoebe thinks that Joey would be perfect if he were a little less like himself. If he didn't have the tendency to switch girls as much as he switched shirts (more actually- which was severely unhygienic); if he wasn't prone to bouts of child-like mischief; if he wasn't completely oblivious, and yes- if he was a little bit smarter, he would be absolutely dreamy.
But then again, Phoebe isn't sure what Joey would be like if he didn't have those qualities- would he be a little more like a Ross? She Isn't sure the coffeehouse (let alone the world) is ready for another Ross- even one without the science geekyness and closed-mindedness. And, if he were absolutely dreamy, more girls might want long term relationships with him. And he might want them, too.
STEP THREE: You must pour the mixture into another bowl, and mix in the dye(s) of your choice. Yellow is for happiness, red for passion, blue for understanding, green for protection, and purple for faithfulness. Remember, this is not a potion for the permanent and radical changing of a person; it's only to help them a little bit.
Joey's favorite color is orange, which Phoebe determines to be halfway in-between happiness and passion. Her own favorite color is purple, and faithfulness is always a good thing, but Phoebe can't help but wonder how much use it is when the person you love isn't faithful in return.
Ross' favorite color is blue, and Chandler's is green, which seems about right, what with Ross' endless supply of books and newspapers, and Chandler's never-wavering defense mechanism (which is a form of self-protection).
If she could assign favorite colors, she would keep Joey's orange, and Ross' blue (because he needs all the help he can get understanding other people, at any rate). But she would choose yellow for Chandler, because he brings other people so much happiness, and he deserves some for himself.
One thing she's always wondered is what would happen if she mixed up all the colors- she would get brown, probably. What would brown stand for, anyway? It isn't even attractive- it's plain and boring and useful.
Ross has far too many colors in brown- and Chandler and Joey's apartment is decorated entirely in various shades of beige. (Phoebe herself makes a point to always wear bright colors.) Joey does have a scarf with every color of the rainbow on it, though, and it's Phoebe's favorite. She never insists that he wear it, but sometimes when she's over at their apartment, she'll make sure lay it on the counter or over the arm of the sofa, just so he remembers he has it. Unfortunately, Joey is very aware that wearing something rainbow isn't a very manly thing to do. (He actually does very un-manly things a lot, but only without realizing that they're unmanly.)
STEP FOUR: With the dye added, the mixture should look nearly glutinous. Stir clock-wise for 5 minutes. Keep chilled.
Phoebe thinks it's a shame that Joey doesn't take advantage of the understanding they share. Joey can talk to her about things he can't talk to anyone else about, because they wouldn't get it. But Joey, having no tact, says just about the same kind of things to Phoebe that he says to everyone else. The only thing that Joey talks to her about that he (probably) doesn't talk to anyone else about is his friends. Ross, and Chandler, but Monica most of all.
"Do you think she likes being single?"
Phoebe shrugs. "She complains about it enough." Can't he tell by the way she strictly avoids Monica's apartment that she doesn't want to talk to her, and certainly not about her?
"But she never does anything about it," Joey presses. Apparently not. "If I liked someone, I'd do something about it. That goes for Chandler, too."
Phoebe remembers Monica and Chandler, from before Phoebe moved out. Before Joey moved in, for that matter. Chandler would go in impossibly late to work- claiming that he was only a temp anyway, and he didn't care about horrible references- and he and Monica would inevitably watch the daytime soaps on the couch (Phoebe didn't even pretend to understand that). They always watched in complete silence- barring a few sarcastic jibes from Chandler- but once in a while, Chandler would reach over and squeeze Monica's shoulder, just once. And Monica would smile, without looking away from the tv set.
(Phoebe wonders, sometimes, if Monica still watches these soaps alone. And if Chandler watches Baywatch with Joey the same way, Somehow she doubts it.)