Chapter Seventeen: Nadir
The aftermath left the members of Hinata House demoralized. Kitsune being hospitalized and under arrest was especially hard to come to terms with since nobody could say it was an accident that simply happened. Kitsune had been drunk driving at twice the legal limit.
She had been arrested shortly after she regained consciousness, though the police allowed to remain in the hospital. Then, upon release two days later, she was immediately taken to a Daiyō kangoku—a single occupancy cell monitored by the police doing the investigation. During those days of interrogation, visits were extremely limited. Mutsumi, as her roommate, was only allowed to see her twice, no more than fifteen minutes a time, and returned depressed both times.
"She has a broken arm and nose, has a lot of bruises and two black eyes," she told them. "She's withdrawn, and looks pretty scared to me. I gather outside of me, she's isolated except when being questioned."
"Her lawyer is okay with that?" Naru asked, appalled.
"She won't get to see her lawyer until after the interrogation is over," Motoko explained. "That's to make sure that there's no attempt to collude on a false alibi."
"Is this Japan or North Korea?" Naru snapped. The whole incident combined with her late pregnancy hormones, made her emotional.
"Unfortunately, that is how Japan operates," Motoko replied patiently. "Some reformers call it Hitojichi shihō (hostage justice), because they claim that a person won't get a chance to get bail or be freed unless they incriminate themselves." She rubbed her eyes—nobody got much sleep lately—and continued. "The defenders of the system claim that there are videos of the sessions where any misuse can be used by the defense. The official line says that a person can't be convicted by a confession alone."
"What if she's pressured into pleading guilty?" Japan's 99% conviction rate suddenly sounds ominous, Naru thought. "Doesn't do Kitsune much good while the misuse is going on!"
Motoko teared up slightly. There were other aspects that would probably make Naru stress even more, so she kept silent on them. Yes, technically, people had a right to be silent. But that didn't mean that the police would stop questioning her. That was probably why Kitsune was withdrawn and scared. "I don't want Kitsune to take my advice over that of an actual lawyer, but based on the facts of the case, I think she might need to plead guilty."
Naru opened her mouth to protest—that felt like abandoning a friend—then closed it. If they have the hospital blood test, that's pretty much open and shut case. She began to tear up too.
"Should we break her out?" Su asked, miserably. Kitsune had been the first person she latched onto when she arrived in Japan, and still felt loyalty to her. "I can have some mechatama ready to go in ten minutes."
"None of that shit!" Haruka snapped, walking in. Judging by her face, she had been crying recently. "All of you are over 20 now, and can be prosecuted as adults if you do anything stupid."
"Aww!" Su protested.
"No, dammit!" Haruka said. "I failed with Kitsune! I don't want to fail with you too!"
"Failed?" Motoko asked, wondering how Haruka could blame herself when Kitsune was at fault.
"I keep thinking about how I let all of you get away with underage drinking when I was dorm mother. I helped make it acceptable. Maybe, if I had been stricter, Kitsune might not have turned out to be like-" seeing the others staring, she broke off. "Never mind!"
Turned out like what? Shinobu wondered to herself.
"Maybe I should go visit her next time," Naru said. She felt terrible about not coming previously.
"Well," Mutsumi said hesitantly, "Kitsune said she doesn't want you to come... she's afraid it might upset you, and she doesn't want any risk to your baby. I have to admit she has a point. It's kind of depressing and oppressive in there."
.
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When emotions are high, they can shift rapidly in a bad direction, and that was the case in Hinata House. Once it was clear that Kitsune was no longer in medical danger, they had time to reflect on what might have happened. Since Kitsune had been grossly irresponsible, there were creeping resentments and anger as well whenever they were reminded of the consequences.
For example, Motoko's warning—and elbow—to Keitaro turned out to be correct. The police did come to Hinata House the next day. Since the van was registered to Keitaro, they had all sorts of questions about how Kitsune came to be driving it. They also asked questions about where she had gotten the alcohol from.
Because the intense nature of the questioning had been so upsetting to Naru, Motoko angrily broke in, partly to protect her, partly to intervene before Keitaro could sign anything. She sternly told the officer that if Naru miscarried, there would be consequences. It had been a bluff, but she sounded knowledgeable enough to pull it off with Mutsumi providing medical jargon.
Afterwards, Motoko advised Keitaro to retain a lawyer before the police questioned them again. "What they get you to sign can be used as evidence if they decide to charge you."
The possibility that he and Naru could be charged as accessories for what Kitsune did on her own helped set the real grumbling in motion.
Then there was dealing with the bail. Kitsune was formally charged after New Years was over. But before she could be released, bail had to be raised from the rest of the members of Hinata House. That was a hardship for everyone. It was set at ¥3,000,000... which was more than they could hope to raise on their own. That meant borrowing the money from a bail bondsman for a non refundable fee of ¥100,000.
Nobody wanted to be responsible for keeping Kitsune in prison until her trial, so everyone pitched in as well as they could afford. The problem was, it was just before school resumed and this, combined with school fees and buying textbooks, meant tightening up on other expenses. When they had to do without something they grumbled... in private. Nobody wanted to be selfish.
Medical and legal textbooks being the most expensive, Mutsumi and Motoko were the hardest hit. Motoko, on a date, shamefacedly had to ask Yuto about getting an advance on her advance for the publishing of her new book. He cheerfully agreed, but the way he looked at her, Motoko wondered if there might be an "expectation" in return. Men! she thought, feeling trapped.
In the same way, they kept quiet about broken plans for the two weeks off. For example, Shinobu's date and chance to formally meet Takane's family was ruined. Oh, sure she could have gone, but with everyone struggling with this, it just felt like abandoning Hinata House.
Shinobu felt guilty and petty about feeling resentful. Kitsune was alive, but in prison, and that should take priority over feelings about a date. But it was still a disappointment, and the thought that if Kitsune had stayed home, this wouldn't have happened kept seeping in. And Shinobu wasn't the only one tempted by those thoughts.
Then there was fact that Kitsune had barely missed hitting an old woman pushing a cart. It reminded everyone that she could have easily killed somebody. That led to everyone looked at Naru. If it hadn't been for Nagumo intervening, Kitsune probably would have tried to drive her and Mutsumi. Would she have crashed then? Would Naru and her daughter be dead now? The term might have been went around a lot during the winter break.
Su, with her loyalty to Kitsune, and Kanako, with her defensiveness of "oniichan's child" almost came to blows over this until Naru—aided by Haruka and Nagumo who restrained the two of them—intervened. Then a tearful Mutsumi yelled at all of them for putting the baby at risk.
They all cried and apologized, but the tensions remained.
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"I don't understand why everyone is like this," Naru said to Dr. Nakamura at her next session. "We've been through crises before."
"It all sounds like a grieving process," Doctor Nakamura told Naru. "You all love Kitsune but all of you were hurt in some way over what she did, and you all know what she did was indefensible. You're all trying to reconcile these feelings but don't know how."
"How do I solve it?" Naru asked. "I'm so overwhelmed that I had to give notice at work. I mean, I was reaching the point where I knew I couldn't juggle teaching with my late pregnancy. But dealing with this is harder than dealing with students."
"If you mean, how do I make them stop acting that way, you can't," Dr. Nakamura said gently. "Grief isn't something that can just be solved. Everyone will need to come to terms with it in their own way. Based on what you tell me, that will be harder for some than others."
"Okay," Naru said. "How do I cope with it? Yes, Kitsune did wrong and there needs to be consequences, but she's still my friend, dammit! She could get up to three years for this, and I don't want her to be sentenced to prison!"
"Sometimes it is hard to face an unknown that we fear... especially when we have no control over what we fear. Kitsune is your friend and, as you say, you don't want her to go to prison. But the law might require that of her."
"Well, yeah..." Naru said. "That sounds about right. I guess I can't reconcile 'facing the consequences' and 'not wanting her to be unhappy.'"
"Let me suggest this," Dr. Nakamura said. "You can't control what the law might do, but you can control how you act towards her, in prison or out. Either way, she's going to need a friend to support her and sometimes stand up to her. Perhaps that is where you need to start. Then, once you know what will happen to her, you can focus on how to apply it to her in that circumstance."
"But she doesn't want me to visit here there." She felt guilty that she couldn't come.
"Naru... you won't be pregnant forever, and she won't be held in a questioning cell forever. If you can't visit her now, you can try to be an understanding friend in another way, right?"
"Well, I've been having Mutsumi relay messages to her. Maybe next time I can write a letter for her to bring?"
"She might appreciate what you can manage."
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So, when Kitsune came home to on January 6th, the other members of Hinata House were emotionally frayed.
Keitaro had to arrange how the rest of his semester would go with Todai. So Seta and Mutsumi had picked her up. Naru had an obstetrics appointment she couldn't get out of, which meant she wasn't available to referee. This left the rest of the Hinata House residents waiting nervously for her arrival. Shinobu had prepared some food for a late lunch, but nobody was sure how they should approach Kitsune's arrival.
I'm glad that she's coming back, Motoko had said, but I'm not sure that a celebration is appropriate for the circumstances.
Don't think of it as a celebration, Naru replied before she left. She's probably going to be worried about our reaction and where she stands with us. So, think of it as telling her we love her no matter what.
That sounded simple at the time, but now that Mutsumi had texted their impending arrival, they were all worried about their conflicting emotions.
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Kitsune walked from the garage to Hinata House deeply subdued, not at all like her usual self. Her awkwardness wasn't just due to her broken arm and nose. She was also unsure about how the others felt about... well, my fuckup... there's no candy coating it... she thought, she walked behind the others as a shield against any possible animosity. I want them to treat me like they used to, but I sure as hell don't deserve that from them. She trembled slightly.
Mutsumi turned and saw her trepidation. Walking over, she took Kitsune's hand... the one that wasn't attached to her broken arm. "I'm here for you, and Naru will be here soon."
"Thanks," Kitsune said. She meant it. She suspected that forbearance the others had for her antics was near the end. She tried to mentally rehearse what to say to everyone... but her mind was a blank.
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No matter how you try to mentally prepare for something, it always happens when you're off balance. Kitsune entered Hinata House while the others were doing last minute preparations. So, she stood there awkwardly, not wanting to draw attention to herself.
Shinobu looked up first. "Aah! Kitsune... erm, I'm glad you're all right!" She cursed herself for the inadequacy of her words.
Kitsune decided that was as good as an opening as she was going to get. "Guys...," she said hesitantly, her voice wavering as she looked at the others' faces, hoping for a clue as to where she stood with them. "I'm so sorry for what I put ya through. I don't know if I can ever make it up, but I'm sure as hell gonna try."
Everyone hurried over to embrace her, and she started to cry.
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That's where a manga or anime would end the episode, Mutsumi thought after Kitsune excused herself to get cleaned up. But real life is going to be more messy. The unresolved issues were still there.
After an awkward shower with her sling arm taped up in a plastic garbage bag, Kitsune sat at the tearoom counter fidgeting with a bottle of fruit juice in her good hand, looking despondent. She desperately wanted to drink something else, but knew she shouldn't.
Mutsumi was sitting next to her, typing on her phone. It mildly irked Kitsune. But she tried not to let it show.
"The hell of it is, I know they're looking down at me, and I know they're right," Kitsune said, in a despairing tone. "I just leave a trail of wreckage behind me wherever I go."
"Ara, ara, Kitsune," Mutsumi said soothingly. "It doesn't have to be that way. I really think you need to make that appointment with Dr. Juse at least."
"I know..." Kitsune said quietly. "I shoulda done that when ya first gave me her card. But I dropped it and forgot. I'm just a screwup. We both know I'll never get around to doing it."
"But do you want to?" Kitsune looked at her friend intently.
"You hafta ask? Yes, dammit! I coulda killed that woman! I coulda been stupid and drove Naru! But I keep falling down! I'll never get there on my own, and you hafta go back to college tomorrow."
"Then let's go." Mutsumi replied, getting to her feet.
"What? You mean... Today?" Kitsune asked, taken aback.
"I mean right now," Mutsumi said sweetly, holding up her phone. "I arranged for a taxi and Dr. Juse cleared her schedule." She got up. "Shall we?" Her smile and voice was sweet, but her tone made clear this was not a request, despite the fact it was phrased as one.
"Erm... yeah..." Kitsune replied, sweatdropping. Face full of apprehension, she got to her feet and meekly followed.
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After cleaning up, Shinobu sat down wearily, with a sigh. "That wore me out," she said.
"What did?" Naru asked, also wearily, entering the room and sagging into her chair. She was at 30 weeks now, and at the end of some days, she was just dragging. Unfortunately, it wasn't the end of the day. It was two in the afternoon. Eight more weeks... if I'm lucky.
"Oh, hi Naru," getting a stool for her feet. "Umm, well, Kitsune got back today. I felt exhausted because while I'm glad she's okay and I'm glad to see her, there's also what she did. It was bad, and I'm having a hard time balancing that."
"Oh, I guess I'll have to go see her when she's up for company..." she made a face and began rubbing her aching feet. "In a few minutes." Something told her to look up, and she saw the others looking on edge, stressed out as well.
"What?" she finally asked, feeling sure she didn't want to know.
"I'm glad she's all right, but I can't believe she could walk in here like nothing was wrong!" Kanako suddenly snapped. She didn't mean to sound bitter, but she just couldn't hold in her hurts any longer.
"What? Were ya in a different room when she got here?" Su bristled. "I'm the foreigner here, and even I could pick up that she was sorry! She wanted to make up for what she did!"
"Guys..." Naru sighed. "Can we not start this again?"
"It's a nice gesture," Motoko said. "But I don't see how she'll be able to make it up. Not unless she drastically changes her life."
"Why's that?" Sara asked, walking in to get a soda.
Naru coughed loudly and glared. Shut up, Motoko!
"She doesn't make much as it is, and she spends most of it. Even without considering jail time, there will be fines. So I doubt she'll be able to ever afford paying us back."
"Typical!" Kanako snapped."
"Hey, knock it off!" Naru warned, a touch of anger in her tone.
"Why are you defending her, Naru?" Kanako demanded. "She was going to drive you and the baby when she was frigging drunk! Maybe next time, if she kills you both and say to Keitaro, I don't know if I can ever make it up, but I'm sure as hell gonna try." She said the last imitating Kitsune's tone.
"Well, you have to admit, Naru, she's always been pretty irresponsible," Motoko said sadly, nodding in agreement.
"True," Shinobu said, nodding. "When she almost wrecked my date..."
"If you're not careful, it could happen, Naru," Motoko continued, not really interested in hearing any more about Takane right then. "And don't forget that if the prosecutor tries to claim Keitaro lent his vehicle to her, he could get the same sentence she gets. How many lives is she going to ruin?"
Su stood up, a vein throbbing in her temple. "Shut up! Just shut up! Naru doesn't this stress right now! Yeah, Kitsune screwed up! But we can't give up on her!"
"I SAID, ENOUGH, DAMMIT!" Naru shouted angrily, bringing her fists down on the table top, causing the teacups to jump and rattle. "Look! Kitsune texted me that day and told me she couldn't drive me! That's why we took a taxi!"
There was dead silence... a silence broken by a sob and rapidly retreating footsteps, and they all had a sick realization as to whose footsteps they were and what that meant.
"I had no idea she was..." Sara said, stunned.
Naru gestured to the entrance. "Yeah... There's a blind spot over there for those inside looking out. I'm surprised we never discovered it when we were immature and inclined to spy on each other. I accidentally was in it when Keitaro and I came back from Pararakelse and accidentally overheard something I wasn't meant to hear."
Shinobu and Motoko blushed.
Naru gentled her tone and sighed. "I'm sorry for yelling. Look, don't get me wrong. What Kitsune did was very bad. There are consequences she will have to face. But since when did we stop loving each other? Should I have kept holding grudges, for example?" I might've ended up divorcing Keitaro if I did...
"But..." Kanako said, suddenly unsure. She looked frustrated. "There has to be consequences here!"
"And, as the okami of Hinata House, I'll be the one deciding what ones will apply here, Won't I?"
Kanako sagged, knowing Naru was right. "How do we deal with all this? I- I want to... I don't wanna be a bitch here… but I don't know how to stop feeling this way!"
"I don't know either..." Naru wearily got to her feet. "But we have to try... I can't give up on our friend! And neither should you. If we don't show Kitsune that we can forgive her, she might give up altogether... I don't want to think about how that might turn out."
Shinobu, Motoko, and Kanako looked ashamed.
Naru struggled to her feet... and was nearly trampled by the others trying to help her.
"I'm sorry for what I said..." Kanako whispered.
"I think you need to tell her, not me," Naru said gently, putting her hand on her sister-in-law's shoulder. "I better go check on Kitsune." She made a face. "After I use the restroom... the little one's really punching my bladder right now." Go take a nap little girl, she thought in mock severity. Grownups are talking.
.
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While she had put up a strong front in front of the others, Naru felt apprehensive as she walked over to the tea room. While she was firmly convinced that they couldn't give up on Kitsune, she also knew that she couldn't let things slide back to normal either. But how do I just drop this on her right when she got out of prison... and if I don't, will I ever be able to do it?
Nagumo slid open the door a fraction when Naru knocked and looked at her warily. Then, looked back inside. "It's Naru."
"It's okay," Kitsune said.
Nagumo stepped aside and let Naru in.
Naru, to be honest, had expected to see Kitsune drinking as a defense mechanism. But, then again, Mutsumi's looking out for her. Instead, she was sitting at the counter with a bottle of water next to her, while she held a hexagon pill in her good hand. She looked at it apprehensively.
"So, I just hafta take it? No special tricks to it?"
Mutsumi nodded. "That's right. You heard what the doctor said. If you're going to break free of alcohol abuse, you need it."
"Erm, what is this it?" Naru asked.
Kitsune looked at Mutsumi, who gestured back to her. "It's called Antabuse. Doctor Juse prescribed it for me."
"Antabuse?" The term didn't mean anything, but suddenly it clicked. Antabuse... anti-abuse? Oh it must be that Disulfuram they were talking about before the crash. "Is it...?"
"Yeah, it's supposed ta make me sick if I drink alcohol," Kitsune said glumly. "I need it, I wanna get free... but thinking about it right now, moment of truth, it scares the hell outta me."
She looked at Naru, her hand resting over her unborn child. What I coulda done... she thought. "All right, let's do this!" she growled, popping the pill in her mouth. She fumbled with the water with one functional arm and almost choked before she got it down.
"Whew," she gasped. "So, that's it?" I need a dr... ARRGH, I'm an idiot!
"You have to take it daily." Mutsumi said sternly. Then she looked worried. "But I won't be here every day... and when my internship starts... I won't be able to make sure you don't backslide."
"And I know I will..." Kitsune said glumly.
And, I guess that's my cue. Naru steeled herself. "Okay, I don't want to be the bad guy here. But I think this is where I may have take the role of manager instead of friend. Things can't go on like this any more. So, if I have to, I will tie your remaining here to doing certain things. Your after hours bar stops now. Every day that you have to take your Antabuse, Mutsumi, you tell me if she took it. If she's not here, Kitsune, you will take it in front of me or someone I designate." She looked down, unhappy. "I'm sorry to come across like this. But..."
That's the old Naru I knew, Mutsumi thought, feeling relieved she wouldn't have to be doing this alone.
Kitsune looked up and shook her head vigorously. "Don't apologize Naru. I know I fucked up. You need to keep others safe from me. The thought that I could have hit that woman or had someone in the car with me when I crashed—maybe even you—I woke up with nightmares every night in that damn cell." She put her face in her hands. "The thing is, I know I'm going to fail at this. Right this second I desperately want to get drunk and forget the ways I've screwed up my life."
Naru waddled over and put her hand on Kitsune's shoulder. "There's something else, isn't there? I mean you seem much more... umm..."
"Self destructive?" Kitsune finished.
"I was looking for a less direct term," Naru replied, sweatdropping. "But yes. I mean, your drinking has always been heavier between Christmas and New Years. But it seems like it's getting worse every year."
"Probably because I'm getting older and every year. I guess my problem is that lately, watching how life moves forward for you, and knowing it will never move forward for me." She looked up. "You and Keitaro are going from a couple to a family now. I can see this happening to Shinobu in a couple of years. Mutsumi here has a secret boyfriend. The rest of Hinata House is capable of having a long term relationship. I'm not. It's my own fault, but I feel self pity and try to kill it through booze."
Naru felt awkward, but tried to take an encouraging approach. "Okay... I don't want to start offering ignorant suggestions about things you already considered. But you know, omiai are still a thing if you really want to get married and start a family. I could..."
Kitsune gritted her teeth in frustration. "No, you don't understand! There ain't ever gonna to be a baby outta me!"
"Kitsune?" Naru was taken aback by the pain in her voice. "I 'm sorry... I don't understand…"
Kitsune unclenched her teeth. "Well... you couldn't know. I told you this was an off limits area for me, and you respected that. Hell, I never even told Grandma Hina about it. But I guess this is now something you need to know. I told you about back when I was 17, when I lost my virginity to that one jerk. Well, what I didn't tell you was I was late with my period after that and I thought he got me pregnant. It was a false alarm, y'know. My period was just late, but it scared me. I didn't want to go through that again, so around this time, when I hit 18 and didn't need parental permission, I got my tubes tied to make sure it never could happen."
"Oh!" Naru gasped and felt a chill go through her. Despite the fact that pregnancy could be really annoying at times, the thought of not being able to give Keitaro more children was a thought she didn't want to contemplate. The hand on Kitsune's shoulder was replaced by an embrace. "I remember you were gone a couple days to a hospital back... that would have been the year before Keitaro came. Was that when…?"
Kitsune nodded as she placed her good hand on one of Naru's embracing arms. "Yeah, that sounds about right. Anyway, a couple of months ago, all the excitement of you being preggo made me think about it, so I asked a doctor if I could be... unfixed? But, I guess after this long there ain't no going back."
Naru thought about all she had happily shared with Kitsune. I wanted to let her be part of what made me happy but instead... "Oh, Kitsune... I'm so sorry! I had no idea. I wish I knew... I could have… I don't know, been more sensitive?"
Kitsune shook her head. No, dammit! It's not your fault. I was happy for ya and with ya. I never told anyone when it happened… and the longer I didn't the harder it got for me to go Oh, by the way… about it. Like I said, I never even told Grandma Hina! So there's no way you could know that your wanting ta share your happiness with me was making remember this shit." She gave a distant look. "Thinking back, I guess I was leading the wild party life because I wanted to prove to myself that I didn't make a bad decision. I used to tease you… but now, I think you made the smart decision. You've got something better. There's nothing for me to look forward to… I'm barren, and I'm a Christmas Cake... no good after the 25th. I don't see any man looking for a wife wanting that. Any guy interested in that is probably just looking for a consequence free lay."
"Kitsune... Kitsune..." Naru said cradling her friend as Kitsune turned in her seat and clung to her with her good arm.
Naru's baby daughter was kicking near her ear. Surprisingly, Kitsune found it felt therapeutic for some reason. Caressing Naru's womb, she turned herself slightly to see the others looking at her with concern. "I'll try to change Naru. But I'm afraid I'll fail. It's a good thing you and Mutsumi are going to make sure I take my Antabuse. Otherwise, I'd probably finding an excuse to get you to leave and then be doing self-pity binging."
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Mutsumi helped Kitsune up the stairs for bed, suggesting that taking a nap in her home environment might be helpful. So Naru made her way back to the house. There was a lot to take in. Kitsune definitely needed more help than Naru or Mutsumi could provide. Probably more than any person could provide. So, where could she turn? She pondered what had happened before she left.
As Mutsumi had gently led her to the stairs, Kitsune said abruptly, What I'm going through isn't something I'll ever just 'get over' is it?
No, Mutsumi replied compassionately. You'll need to stay away from alcohol forever. But you can come to live normally without it once you can break its hold on you.
The rest of the Hinata residents were waiting as she returned. Keitaro helped her to a seat while Shinobu poured her some tea. Apparently, judging by the body language, the tensions were just resting beneath the surface, and she hoped that they weren't just fighting out of her presence.
"How is she doing?" Keitaro asked, uncomfortably.
"She's resting right now," Naru said. "Between realizing what she's done and the ordeal of being in jail for over a week, it's hard for her to take in. So Mutsumi thought she should try to get some sleep."
Kanako opened her mouth to speak.
"She's part of this family," Naru said firmly, preempting whatever was going to be said, "and she needs our love and support. I plan to give it to her." She looked around the room. "I can't and won't try to control what any of you are thinking. But I do want a living environment where people feel comfortable. So, I will take action against any backbiting made in my hearing. If that's going to be a problem for any of you, let me know and I'll refund last month's rent and your security deposit so you can find another place to live. That's not open for debate."
A chill went through the room in response to Naru's matter of fact response. She had never before implied eviction as a response to bad behavior. Haruka thought that even Keitaro looked briefly startled, before hiding it. He's going to back her play regardless of what he might think.
Naru got to her feet with Keitaro's help. "I'll be up in my room resting my feet for the next hour. The door will be open if any of you need to see me about that." And I hope I don't end up seeing any of you, she thought sadly. She waddled out, supported by Keitaro.
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"Did what I say bother you?" Naru asked Keitaro as she lay on the futon, her feet propped up.
Keitaro looked up from rubbing her feet and hesitated. "No… I don't disagree with what what you said back there, and I'll support you all the way if anyone comes to me trying to get me to overrule you." He sat on the floor next to her and placed his hand over their unborn child. "But I guess even though I rationally know you're right, I do sometimes have nightmares about what could have happened. If you had been in the car when she had the accident, I don't think I would have been able to forgive her, whether you were hurt or not. That's what's hard for me. Maybe it's hard for the others too."
Naru tried to sit up to hug him, but failed because of the difficulty sitting up. Keitaro moved down to the other end of the futon and met her.
"Maybe we need to invest in a western style bed for you," Keitaro said sympathetically. He noticed she was having more and more trouble with getting up from the floor.
"I wouldn't complain," Naru grunted. Easing back, she looked up at him. "Anyway, I understand what you're feeling. And, if Kitsune does turn out to backslide, I may have to take action, friend or not. I just know that we can't abandon her and we need to get rid of any backbiting before it begins or it will tear the place apart."
"Oh, I definitely agree. I guess it's just that after our fight last year, I realized that losing you is the worst thing I can imagine. So thoughts of what might have been…," he sighed. "Next time I see Doctor Nakamura, I'll bring it up with her."
Naru propped herself up on one elbow and put her arm awkwardly around him. They shifted around and kissed each other. Feeling his ardor, she looked at him. "Wishing that I hadn't said I'd leave the door open for the next hour?"she asked with a wink.
"Well, now that you mention it…" Keitaro said, grinning and allowing his hands to wander a bit.
Naru looked at her watch. "In forty one minutes, please close it," she said seductively, giving her husband a mischievous smile. Maybe it was an inappropriate reaction given what was going on, but she needed a release from the stress. She needed to be in his arms that way.
Forty one minutes later, Keitaro shut the door. Nobody had come by to claim the refund offer.
.
.
Once Keitaro and Naru had entered do not disturb under pain of incurring Naru's wrath mode by closing the door, the others trickled over to the teahouse to apologize for their words and let Kitsune know that they wanted to support her. Not because of a threat of eviction, but because they realized what Naru said was true. Hinata House was family.
Motoko wound up being last. Not because she was reluctant to go, or needed extra time. It just turned out that way. She came over with Haruka. Kitsune had the tea room open again, with Mutsumi manning the counter. She and Nagumo were in the storeroom, sorting out boxes. Motoko was a bit taken aback seeing the plaster for her broken nose and some of the remaining bruising when her head slammed into the airbags. But Kitsune seemed to be determined.
"Let's put the unopened boxes over there…" she gestured with her good arm. "We'll see if any can be returned or resold. I'm not sure if we can resell the opened boxes. Looking up, she smiled. "Heya, Motoko, Haruka!" Kitsune said. The smile was wary, but it was a smile nonetheless.
"I'm glad to have you back," Motoko said. Naru was right. Hinata House is our family. "What are you…?"
Kitsune grimaced. "As you probably know by now, I did overhear what was said earlier. So, between that, Naru saying I need to shut down my bar, and to get rid of temptation, I thought I should try to take whatever stock I can sell down to Liquor Off or some place so I could at least reimburse some of what you all had to pay to bail me out."
She turned to Nagumo. "I think you can take off for the day. I need a break and you probably do too." She headed out of the storeroom and sat down at one of the tables near the counter where Mutsumi was seated. Motoko and Haruka joined her.
"So, how are you holding up?" Haruka asked.
"Ehh…" Kitsune replied waggling her hand. "I'm scared about the mess I'm in. But I know I made the mess. I don't wanna face the consequences, but I know I'm bein' selfish in thinking that way." She looked at Motoko. "I'd love ta hear your thoughts on this."
"If you haven't got a lawyer yet, you might need to get one," Motoko said seriously. "I mean I guess I can give basic legal advice like Mutsumi does for medical advice, but neither one of us wants to replace a professional."
"Yes, I've seen a lawyer after I was charged." Kitsune sighed. "He says I should plead guilty. I guess he was workin' with Keitaro's lawyer. If I plead, it should shut down any charges against him. I guess I hafta do it. I don't want him caught up in my mess. I'm just afraid of doing time. A week in an interrogation cell was bad. I'm not sure how long I might hafta go in for if I plead guilty."
"It will reduce the sentence compared to going to trial and being convicted," Motoko said. Given Japan had a 99% conviction rate, there would have to be something extremely exonerating to avoid a guilty verdict… and Motoko doubted that evidence existed. "I don't want to see you go to prison either if it can be helped, but I think I agree with him."
"Yeah, I didn't think ya would have any magic tricks, but I wished it was possible." She sighed. "Okay, what's the worst case scenario f'r me?"
"Well, since there was no loss of life and no injury but your own, I think the maximum sentence if you went to trial and were convicted would be three years in prison and up to one million yen fine. There might also be civil suits based on the damage caused."
Kitsune cringed, but tried to stay calm. "'Kay… that's scary but I guess I can't pretend I don't deserve it." She buried her head in her hands. "T- three years… If it wasn't f'r the fact I'd be screwing you over, I'd be tempted to run."
Haruka shook her head. "If you did, it would end up worse when they found you too. But remember, we're going to be here for you. So, even in the worst case scenario, we're going to be coming to see you… you won't be alone."
"Thanks…," Kitsune said, trying to give a brave smile. "I guess I gotta take my lumps, don't I."
.
.
Kitsune tried to be brave. She tried to be strong. But the thought of spending three years in prison, combined with the memories awakened by what she told Naru, meant that when she ended up finding a forgotten bottle she'd once hidden away, she gave in and took a drink. Mutsumi and Doctor Juse had explicitly warned her about the consequences. But overwhelmed by emotion, she thought could tough through the unpleasant reaction from the Antabuse.
Ten minutes later, it hit. It turned out to be far worse than any hangover or illness she'd ever experienced before. Headache, heart palpitations, a dive in blood pressure, and a pounding headache. Her chest ached. Is it a heart attack? Is this stuff going to kill me? she thought in a panic. Then the nausea hit hard. She was barely able to to grab a wastebasket before she began vomiting.
At first, she was afraid she would die. Then as it got worse, she was afraid she wouldn't die.
.
.
Naru was jolted awake by her phone. "Hello?" she murmured wearily.
"Nacchan! I need your help with Kitsune!" Mutsumi shouted frantically.
"Okay, I'll be right there..." Naru said said, jolted awake and fumbling for her glasses and slippers. "But shouldn't you call an ambulance?"
"They won't be able to do anything!" Mutsumi replied. "But I can't handle this by myself! Please come over!"
"I'm coming!" She began trying to struggle up from her hands and knees. She almost lost her balance tripping over Hachi, who began barking frantically.
"I got you, Naru!" Keitaro said, jumping to his feet to steady her. "What's going on?"
"Mutsumi needs help with Kitsune!" Steadied on her feet, she grabbed her robe and waddled to the door.
"Dammit, Kitsune!" Keitaro growled, grabbing his own shoes.
The noise of them leaving the room woke others, so by the time they reached the tea house, they had gathered a crowd. Motoko slid the door open, brandishing her katana.
"Where's the robber?" she demanded, looking around wildly.
Naru stared at her in disbelief. "What robber?" She pushed past and headed for the stairs.
Sailor Moon pajamas? Ema thought, seeing Motoko in the light. That wasn't the kind of thing she expected a woman like her to wear.
The scene was unpleasant to say the least. The smell of vomit was in the air. At this point, Kitsune had nothing left inside her, so she was curled up on the futon, going through dry heaves. Her face was badly flushed, and she was sweating heavily. "I'm sorry, Naru..." she moaned between heaves. Mutsumi was doing her best to make Kitsune comfortable.
Naru knelt down next to her and Mutsumi, putting her hand on Kitsune's shoulder, gently caressing her. "I'm here Kitsune..." she said soothingly.
"I'm sorry, Naru...," Kitsune repeated over and over.
Naru wondered if the older woman was even aware of her presence. She looked up at the others, who were staring. "If you're going to make a comment, leave! If you're here to stare, please leave and make room for those who want to help."
Whatever might have been said, that broke the spell and got everyone into motion. Keitaro picked up the wastebasket and carried it out, grateful it had a plastic liner. Shinobu found a mop. Haruka, Nagumo, and Motoko rearranged furniture to make more room for the others to work. Sara and Ema fetched towels and other items. Kanako grabbed Hachi and pulled him out of the room.
The whole hellish affair lasted about half an hour before it began to subside. Then Kitsune began to slowly recover enough to function. She looked at the others, their faces lined with worry. "I'm sorry..." she moaned. "I'm a failure as a human being..."
"No, Kitsune," Mutsumi softly. "This is the beginning of a long road. I'm sorry I didn't see it before now."
What road? Shinobu wondered to herself.
Haruka turned to Motoko and Nagumo. "If you two can give me a hand, we can get her cleaned up."
"Do you need me to help?" Keitaro asked, thinking about lifting her.
"Not unless you want to get punched!" Haruka snapped. "She needs a shower."
"Oh," Keitaro said, feeling like the village idiot.
After Kitsune was helped out of the room, Shinobu turned to Mutsumi. "What were you talking about? What road? What didn't you see?" she blurted out.
Mutsumi looked at her sadly. "I think we all thought she was just recklessly overindulging. But now I think somewhere along the line, Kitsune became a full blown alcoholic."
Everyone else looked shocked. Well, Shinobu looked more puzzled than shocked. "So, um, that means she likes to drink a lot?"
Mutsumi shook her head. "No Shinobu. That would be reckless indulgence. But alcoholism means she can't control her drinking because of a physical and emotional dependence on alcohol. Many alcoholics grow to hate alcohol, they want to give it up, but can't. Others are in denial that they have a problem. They think they're just going through a 'rough patch.'"
"Oh…" Shinobu said in a small voice. "So, when I was mad at her for when she got drunk in the library and hit on Takane… she was unable to help herself?" She hoped she was misunderstanding Mutsumi, because if she didn't, wouldn't that make her the worst person in the world?
"Quite possibly," Mutsumi said. She and Naru exchanged a look. Neither one was willing to divulge what Kitsune had told them earlier. "I think she drank to cover some pain. Probably she started small, but as the pain got worse, she thought she needed to drink more to cover it. It's a vicious cycle, and it's very hard to break."
Dead silence. Keitaro felt like a first class asshole for cursing her an hour before as they struggled out of bed.
"Isn't there like some medicine that she could take?" Sara asked, stunned by this revelation. She thought that Kitsune was kind of cool with her devil may care attitude.
"She is taking that medicine," Mutsumi said. "But it doesn't mean she stops wanting to drink. This medicine makes it so if she drinks, it makes her extremely sick. I guess her alcoholism combined with not really understanding how bad it would make her feel led her to craving to override her wanting to escape it." She looked down. "So, now that she's gone through this, she might not want to go through it again. But she'll still want to drink."
Kanako stared at her hands. I thought she was just being reckless, but she couldn't help herself. "I wish I knew that before I said all the terrible stuff I said…"
"I don't think any of us really understood what she was going through," Naru said, leaning over to awkwardly embrace Kanako. "Sometimes she drove me nuts too. A couple of hours ago, I was having a this is how it's going to be moment with her. But if that's how alcoholism works, that might not have helped. I guess all we can do is try to help her now."
She looked over to Mutsumi. "How are you holding up? I think our denial made it hard for you."
"I don't know…" Mutsumi said, sadly. "I feel horrible for saying this, but when I think of my upcoming internship, I sometimes feel relief that I won't have to face this forever. I thought she was safely in bed. I thought I had removed all the bottles from her room. I guessed wrong." She gestured around the room. "Does she have any more hidden away? I feel like I can't give her the care she needs. I can't watch her every second. Classes resume tomorrow and I can't do both."
She's exhausted! Naru nodded. "Maybe it worked out for the best that I took that leave of absence from the school. I'll be here. I don't think Kitsune would want you to abandon your studies for her. She'd never forgive herself if you did."
"That's right… I wouldn't," Kitsune said. She was cleaned up now, in a pair of pajamas. "And I'll be honest. I don't know how many bottles I might have rolling around here. I mean. I didn't go out of my way to create a secret stash. But I wouldn't be surprised if I hid some while I was drunk because it amused me in some way." She looked thoroughly ashamed. "I'm sorry you all had to go through that. I found that bottle by accident and I just needed to drink so badly, I didn't even care about the consequences. I- I can't promise you it won't happen again. I don't want it to, but if I ever find another bottle…."
Naru pondered that. "If we can't control your environment, maybe we should move you out of it."
Kitsune blanched, but she tried to keep her tone even. "Naru, if you want me to leave… I will understand."
"No, I don't want that!" Naru snapped. She sighed. "I'm sorry I phrased myself badly. What I meant was...," She turned to Shinobu. "I know with everything that went on, it might have gotten lost in the shuffle, but did 205 ever get fixed up for Mrs. Park?"
Shinobu hesitated. "I got the basics done. It's clean and usable. But it doesn't have the homey touches for guests. Is this really the time to be worried about company though?"
Naru sweatdropped. "I was thinking Kitsune might want to move in there." She turned to Kitsune. "I think we had your old room down to the Sheetrock a couple years after you moved out to the tearoom because of that water leak. So I don't think anything is hidden away there. Maybe living with us again, you'd be able to have us to give you more support than if you were living up here… especially when Mutsumi has to leave for her internship."
She struggled to her feet, which meant the usual avalanche of help, and she turned to Kitsune. "Shall we go?" she asked, smiling gently.
.
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Author's Notes
This is the end of the Christmas Cake arc and the low point of Kitsune's struggles. Yes it was dark. I wanted to create a situation where Kitsune believed there was no hope for a happy future because of something irrevocable she did at age 18. The next arc, Gaijin, will deal in part how she works to overcome the despair with the help of her friends, old and new.
I don't think Ken Akamatsu intended to portray Kitsune as a literal alcoholic. But I thought that it was quite possible that her tendency towards underage drinking at 19 (her age in volume 1 of the manga), left unchecked, could easily have turned into full blown alcoholism at the cusp of 28 (her age in this story). That's what I went with.
Early on in Love Hina, it was established that Su originally latched onto Kitsune when she arrived at Hinata House. Kitsune was the one who taught her Japanese. I used this bit of lore to set up Su feeling a bit of loyalty to her.
"Maybe we need to invest in a western style bed for you". The futons tend to be on the floor. A western bed would be on a frame.
Liquor Off is a Japanese chain that sells people's unwanted (and unopened) liquor.