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Chapter 23

"Hey" John said as he entered the room alone, he walked in to see her lying in the bed with her head pressed up against a few pillows.

"Hey" she said back a bit nervous, nervous cause she wasn't quite sure how she would be able to lie to him yet again, that was if she had to.

"Where's Aiden?"

"He's asleep out in the hall, your family just got here and we all thought it was best not to wake him, but.. I can go get him if it's really important to you"

"No that's alright, let him sleep, he's been thru so much lately"

Natalie started to fidget with her covers that were pulled up on her. John could see how nervous she was and he hated it, he wanted her to feel comfortable around him, around him again. He moved a little closer to her and pulled a chair next to the bed.

"We have a lot to talk about, don't we?" He told her and she gave him a bit of a small smile

"Yeah, we do...I'm...I'm really sorry, sorry about everything, sorry about the way you found out about Aiden, lying to you about ... well.. About Loving Darren, you know I did that for your protection, yours and Aiden, I mean, I didn't remember things, just some stuff and Darren he .. he took advantage of that, I thought he was going to, I thought he could hurt you or have Aiden sent away or hurt him, I...I'm.. So sorry" she told him as he reached for her and he pulled her into an embrace, he wrapped his arms around her and didn't want to let go.

Natalie pulled away from him after a few minutes. She backed herself up and looked into his eyes.

"Did Henry give you all the information we got out of Darren's office? Is it enough to arrest him and put him away? I mean.. I remember everything now, how he had us held up in that house, how he had us brought back, how ...how rough he was with me and made me fall, I... I just can't believe he did all those things.. He played me John. All these years he's been playing me"

"It's okay Natalie, maybe now isn't the best time to be talking about all of this, you've been thru so much. I... asked Michael about the Baby, if it was true"

"Did you see the file John? The file on you and your dad's killer?" Natalie asked changing the subject, she had to know what was going on in his head, what he was going to do about the new info before she told him anything about the baby. John just assumed she was changing the subject to avoid it cause it was too painful, he ignored his own prior questions and answered hers.

"Yeah, I saw it"

"Well... well what are you going to do about it, what do you want to do about it? About the information in the folder, about Paige and about the other lead on finding the shooter."

"Natalie.. Now isn't the time for this"

'Yes, John it is, I want to know what you are going to do, what you feel you need to do with this new info"

"Natalie right now you need to concentrate on getting better, and I need to concentrate on finding that Son of a Bitch Husband of yours, find him so I can beat the shit out of him and then arrest him"

"Any leads?"

"Your uncle has almost every patrol car out looking for him but it's late now, not sure if we'll find him tonight."

"You know.. if the press hasn't gotten a hold of this yet cause it's late.. maybe.. just maybe he'll be stupid enough to show up at city hall for the election results tomorrow afternoon" Natalie told John and John thought about it for a minute

"You could be right Kid' John told her and they smiled at each other. He took her hand from over her covers and he laced his fingers with hers, he looked into her eyes.

" What's the matter?" she asked him as she watched him take her hand.

"Nothing... well.. I .. I can't believe I'm here with you, with you again, and we have a son Natalie, a three year old son, it just feels weird.'

"Is it a happy kind of weird John, I mean.. Does it make you happy, when you think about us?" Natalie asked again fishing for answers on his mental state and if he was going to leave again

"Honestly.. I don't know, I mean, I really don't know what happy is, not sure I've ever been it, or at least not for a very long time" John told her and he felt the distance between them widen, she cautiously pulled her fingers out of his.

'I'm really tired John, can you have my Mom or dad bring Aiden in here, I don't want to sleep with out him near by" she told him careful not to cry, not to let the tears escape, what he had just said, about not knowing if he was ever happy just confirmed that he was going to use the new info, that she had to let him, she had to keep the baby a secret from him, she only hoped it wasn't something that she had to keep for long.

John agreed to ask her Parents to bring Aiden in and he walked out into the hall very confused. It seemed as if she.. she got upset, very upset, he never did find out if she was really pregnant or not, but going by how upset she got and how she changed the subject quickly when he mentioned the baby he knew it wasn't good news. He'd let it rest for now, for now he wouldn't push her, he would let her rest and move on from this horrible experience of being married to a man like Darren Southers, and all the things he did to her.

John spoke with Vicky for a few minutes as Clint carried Aiden inside to sleep besides Natalie. John explained to Vicky all that was going on, all that happened tonight, he also told her he would be seeing to having Darren arrested himself. Vicky excused herself and went inside to join Clint in the room with Natalie, John glanced in thru the window of the room and he watched her as she held their son on her chest as he slept. He stood frozen for a few minutes just thinking about how he was going to tell her, explain to her that he had to go again, go and find his dad's killer, use the information he found out, that was unless .. unless she asked him not to, this time if she asked him not to, not to go he wouldn't, he would live with what he felt inside, he would just deal with it, if he had to, if she asked him not to.

John continued to watch her with their son on her chest when he heard Michael clear his throat as he approached him.

"She's trying to rest" John told Michael as they both looked in thru the window at her

"That's good cause she needs all the rest she can get, she's been thru so much"

"She sure has' John said as he walked away from the door to the room

"John, she... she told me there's new info on dad's killer, Darren had it or something"

"Yeah, a new lead"

"What are you going to do with it?"

"I'm gonna follow it up, as long as it's okay... with her.. I mean.. after I help put Darren away and make her, them safe, then I'll follow the lead where it will take me"

"Why don't you just pass it on to the police let them follow it up?'

"No Mikey, I've gotta do it"

"Just as stubborn about this case as all those years ago John, just as stubborn, what I wanna know is.. well.. Is it going to be worth it, when you finally catch the guy, is it going to be worth all that you've missed out on the passed three years and all that you might miss out on in the future"

"It's been a lot day Michael just spit it out, what are you trying to say?"

"Give it up John, give up the chase, this ridiculous chase that you thing might fix something, walk away from it, choose to be Happy, happy with them."

"I can't be happy until this is over, until it's finally behind me"

"You're an ass John, you're just an ass, you do this and you may have more things to be unhappy about, you already put her in a position once where she felt desperate to move on from you and look at where it got her"

"All I can say is.. if you leave them now, if you turn your back on everything you've ever wanted, you're an ass" Michael said as he walked away from John shaking his head