Chapter 23: I Need to Grow Up!
Naru noticed that the mood of the returning women was somber. Even the normally irrepressible Su was subdued. Motoko looked bitter, but wasn't angry with the others. Sensing she was needed, Naru put on a hanten and made her way over to the group.
"Dare I ask what happened?"
Motoko's eye twitched. "Unfortunately, it seems that Mrs. Park was right about her fears," she said softly. She removed her shinai and began walking towards the roof. "And I need to get back in practice. I've been slacking." Her tone suggested she didn't want to talk about it.
As getting on the roof would be an impossibility now, Naru followed the others to the tearoom. Shinobu hesitated, then followed Motoko.
.
.
988… 989… 990…
Motoko gritted her teeth and tried to focus. I'm a fool. There are no decent men out there. Well, that wasn't entirely true. Naru had Keitaro and Shinobu had Takane. There are no decent and available men out there! She forced herself to keep going. She had fallen off of her training regimen. The flesh is weak! I need to focus on the sanzen gedon, not shiko shiko manzuri! She colored at her crassness.
991… 992… 993…
The truth was, it was difficult watching how Hinata House was practically in rutting season. Yes, Naru and Keitaro were slowing down with her in late pregnancy. But lately, Haruka and Seta were making up for it in a non-soundproofed room down the hall from her. She didn't know if Shinobu and Takane were at it yet, but the way they had been looking at each other lately, she figured it was only a matter of time. She felt alone. Yes, she did want to "get laid," but not in the way that Kitsune had or how Kokeru so obviously viewed Sara... or how Yuto had obviously viewed her. She did want what Naru and Haruka had… intimacy as part of a lifelong loving relationship.
994… 995… 996…
Kitsune's words stung as she remembered them. Look… if you're just horny, that's easy enough to fix without a man. Just go to your room for twenty minutes and deal with it. But if you wanna man who loves you the way Keitaro loves Naru or the way Takane seems to love Shinobu, having sex isn't going to guarantee it.
That was partly true, she supposed. Except, no the first part wasn't. Manzuri didn't satisfy her. It left her feeling cheap and empty. And she suspected that going out to get picked up wouldn't satisfy either. She wanted love. The problem was, at almost 25, she wasn't likely to find it. She'd only find scum like Yuto. Stop it! I'm just decadent! Self-indulging! Weak! she rebuked herself. I don't need love! It's a selfish luxury!
997… 998…999…
The shinai slipped from her hand and clattered across the deck. She slumped down, curling up against the railing and covered her face with her hands, sobbing, knowing her last thoughts were a lie.
Slowly, she became aware that she was being held, cradled. A hand was stroking her hair, and some soft singing. Naru? Ane-ue? she wondered, feeling soothed. Opening her eyes, she saw Shinobu looking at her, gently, singing in a near whisper.
A canary sings
A cradle song
Sleep, sleep,
Sleep, child!
Above the cradle,
The loquat fruits sway
Sleep, sleep,
Sleep, child!
She stopped, embarrassed, as she realized Motoko was staring at her. "Erm, it was the only song I could think of."
Motoko also blushed and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "It's… it's all right," she said, sitting up. "I shouldn't indulge in self pity."
Shinobu grimaced. "Motoko… are you running away again?"
Motoko looked puzzled. "Of course not. I wasn't planning on going anywhere."
Shinobu sighed. "I didn't mean that literally. I meant how we all tend to avoid facing up to our hurts and failures. We either run away physically or we run away from facing our feelings. I don't know how strong your feelings were for this man, but they were obviously strong enough that you were hurt by what happened."
"I guess you're right," Motoko conceded. "I look at what you, Naru, and Haruka have and hoped I could have that with Yuto. That didn't work and I don't see any path forward. So, that's why I think I need to stop focusing on self pity."
Shinobu restrained her bubbly optimism, sensing it would annoy Motoko. "Well, I don't know your life outside of Hinata House well enough to know if there are any paths forward either. But I think we can't give up on our whole life just because the part we focus on falls apart."
Motoko pondered that. "Then I guess I need to grow up and face life like a normal person."
Shinobu nodded. "I love this place, and I'll be sad when it's time to leave it. But sometimes I wonder if we're so isolated that we never grow up."
.
.
They found Naru and the others in the hot spring, helping Naru get into the water under the guidance of Mutsumi, who had come back from her trip to… actually, where did she go? Shinobu thought.
Motoko found it hard not to stare at Naru's body as she stepped down. She assumed that Shinobu must feel the same as she turned red and looked away.
Naru shrugged. "Hopefully the six weeks prediction is accurate," she said as Motoko stared at the swollen abdomen and stretch marks around her breasts and baby bump. She started a small timer on the edge of the pool and used her toes and elbows to anchor her while she floated belly down. "Ah, this helps take the weight off my joints and back," she sighed. "Not to mention my bump."
"Yes," Mutsumi nodded. "Doctors recommend floating to take the pressure off. You're going to be increasingly buoyant as she grows inside you."
Having vigorously scrubbed herself off—she still felt unclean after being groped—Shinobu stepped into the pool and sat next to Hyun-Sil.
Naru smiled, seeing no sign of Shinobu's past animosity.
"Ah, so in Korea you also use seaweed soup for pregnant mothers?" Shinobu was saying.
"That's right," Hyun-Sil said. "Perhaps we can swap recipes and come up with something perfect for Naru."
Shinobu smiled warmly. "That sounds like it could be fun!"
"Ara ara," Mutsumi said, earnestly, "while it can be good after giving birth, pregnant women should watch their iodine intake."
Shinobu and Hyun-Sil glared at this intrusion in their domain.
"So, Mutsumi," Naru said, hoping to spare her from their wrath. "Where have you been these past few days?"
"I was interviewing for hospital positions. After I graduate, I'll need to start interning and I hope to find one at or near to where I know some… people."
"You mean, ya won't be doing that in the Todai hospital?" Su asked, before cannonballing into the hot spring eliciting angry cries from the others.
"No Su," Mutsumi said patiently. "I'm looking into hospitals in Nagasaki. In fact, I'll need to go back down on the fifth of February."
The others looked sad to realize that Mutsumi would be the first to leave the Hinata family.
Naru noticed Hyun-Sil's eyes focused suddenly when Mutsumi mentioned Nagasaki. "Is this something that interests you, Eomeoni?"
Mutsumi looked relieved to see she was no longer the focus of gossip.
"Well, actually, the Sixth of February is the Memorial of the 26 Martyrs of Nagasaki. I'd like to to attend, and was trying to figure out the best way to travel there."
Naru sat up abruptly with a splash… then turned with a glare to see if anyone wanted to compare her with Stella or Rabi from Kamogawa Sea World. Seeing that Kitsune and Su were averting their gaze, and Sara wasn't here, she turned back to Hyun-Sil. "The 26 Martyrs site?" she said breathlessly. "That's where those nuns helped me out when I was lost in Nagasaki with no phone or wallet. I've always wanted to return there to thank them for helping me and let them know everything worked out." She paused. "Maybe I could burn some incense to the spirits there in gratitude."
Hyun-Sil sweatdropped. "That… isn't how we do things" she said patiently. "But you certainly could pray there. I would love to have you along if you feel up to traveling."
Everyone stared at Mutsumi… who, for once, did not have an exasperated look on her face. "I would talk to Dr. Juse about it, actually. Depending on the doctor, they say the cutoff is the thirty fourth to thirty sixth week. You may need a medical certificate to travel, especially if you fly.
"So, road trip?" Kitsune asked with a grin.
"Well, we have school," Shinobu objected, thinking more of Takane.
"Not to mention how to handle all the luggage you might need," Kanako said. "I imagine Naru and Kitsune might need help.
"Yeah," Kitsune nodded. "They're sayin' my arm might be healed by March."
She rolled over—awkwardly on account of the need to keep her cast dry—and leaned over and whispered in Naru's ear. "Notice something missing?"
Naru thought about that. There did seem to be an absence of something.
"Nobody is worried about you doing something while pregnant. I wonder if they see Eonni as someone they trust having with you."
"That would be nice." She turned slightly and watched the others. Whatever happened on their trip to Tokyo, it seemed Hyun-Sil was accepted as one of them because of it.
"…and we didn't even see any spies," Shinobu said, shyly making a joke.
"Actually, I think I saw two." Hyun-Sil replied.
"The others stared.
"A man, he reminded me of the plainclothes soldiers at the demonstrations, and a woman."
"I've heard of these demonstrations," Motoko nodded. "I don't know how much of it was true and how much of it was anti-Korean reporting." She looked at Hyun-Sil apologetically before continuing. "Apparently at a place called… Kwangju?"
"Gwangju" Hyun-Sil corrected.
"…the only reason the world learned about how bad it was there was because a taxi driver drove a German reporter there and back." Motoko continued.
"Yes," Hyun-Sil said. "Back then, the regime would just seal off the area and claim that Communist agitators were responsible. Whatever did get past was just labeled "propaganda." She shook her head. "I'm glad that nightmare is over. I was fifteen at the time of the assassination of President Park Chung-hee. We thought things might change. But when I was sixteen, Choi Kyu-hah was thrown out by the army… and things actually got worse."
The others looked uncomfortable. They had been worried when Pararakelse had its coup attempt, but Hyun-Sil had lived over half her life under conditions they couldn't imagine.
Motoko nodded. "There's so much I don't know, and I think it's a shame."
"Well," Shinobu said, "I did rent a Korean film in 5-ban. Maybe we could watch it together. It involves dogs and assistant teachers, so I thought of Keitaro. I guess it's a slice of life movie?"
"A Korean movie," Naru mused, remembering the TV series she watched with Hyun-Sil and Ji-Hwan back before she reconciled with Keitaro. It feels like a lifetime ago, but it hasn't even been a year. "I really liked some of them."
"Well, I need to get some traditional breakup food first," Motoko said. "So I'm off to get the cookie dough." Not booze though… I don't want to cause Kitsune any problems.
"So, movie did you rent?" Kanako asked.
"It's called Barking Dogs Never Bite by a Bong Joon-Ho." Shinobu turned to Hyun-Sil. "Does he represent Korean life well?"
Hyun-Sil sweatdropped.
"Probably about as well as Takahasi Miike represents Japanese life," Kitsune cracked. She had a this oughta be fun expression on her face.
.
.
"Nagasaki on the sixth?" Keitaro said, massaging Naru's feet. It was a lull while Shinobu and Hyun-Sil prepared dinner. "I'm locked in, and can't go with you."
"Are you against me going?"
Keitaro hesitated. He never wanted to be one of those autocratic husbands of the past. "Against? No. Worried? Well, since Mutsumi says you should get a doctor's note, I hate not being nearby if something goes wrong."
Naru looked a little disappointed. He doesn't want me to go. "I… I see."
Keitaro was learning to pick up on clues of his wife's low self-esteem. "Hey, hey… Naru. I'm not forbidding you to go here! I'm just speaking my worries out loud. When we had our huge fight, I realized how much I would hate to have something happen to you or the baby. So, I'm just wanting to be reassured and I'm probably being unreasonable."
Naru gave a relieved smile. "I can go later, of course. But since Hyun-Sil is going there, this seems like a good chance to go there and thank those two nuns for their help in bringing us back together." She sighed contentedly as Keitaro continued his massage. "I promise you Keitaro that, if Dr. Juse says no, I will not go. But I'll have Mutsumi and Hyun-Sil along, and they both have common sense about this."
Keitaro gave a sudden snort.
"What's so funny?" Naru asked, suspiciously.
"Oh, nothing about you. I was just remembering when Mutsumi and common sense really didn't belong in the same sentence."
Naru giggled. "Oh, behave, Keitaro! We've all grown up a bit since those days!"
"That's true…" Keitaro said, sliding his chair further up alongside the bed next to Naru. He ran his palm over the contours of her abdomen. "Who would have thought, when we had our first… um, unfortunate encounter that we'd wind up married with our baby inside of you."
Naru placed her hands on top of his. "That's true. Back then, I wouldn't have even considered it for a moment.
Keitaro leaned over and kissed her gently, and Naru responded with passion.
"It's too bad dinner is so close," Naru said with a wink. "In my condition, getting ready for a 'quickie' probably takes more time than we have."
"Well, there's always this evening, if you're still able to try it," Keitaro leered back, knowing it might not happen. As Naru's pregnancy advanced, her desires remained but she had enough problems with the needed mobility that the marital act was often a hardship for her. At least we had a quickie on the way home from the meeting.
"We'll see," Naru gently responded, knowing sometimes she would, sometimes not and had no way of knowing before hand. So, she tried not to be too seductive in case the evening turned out to be Not.
.
.
For Shinobu, the movie turned out to be a nightmare. It was billed as a comedy, but as it went along, she and Sara found themselves clinging to Hachi defensively.
Because she was so horrified, the plot was a blur… A man unable to sleep because of a barking dog, plotted to kill it by throwing it off the roof of a building. Failing that, he then trying to hang it, before locking it up in a closet to die. Then a man was killed by a subway train, and that was seen as good for the would-be dog killer's career. When it turned out he had targeted the wrong dog—belonging to a little girl—and tried to recover it, it was implied that it was butchered by janitor and eaten. Next, he kidnapped an old woman's dog and threw it off of the roof of the apartment building.
At this point, Shinobu was cringing and, along with Sara were clinging even tighter to Hachi… who squirmed in protest. To their shock, Motoko was laughing out loud as she watched. "The satire is brilliant," she said, delighted to see that she understood a good deal of the Korean.
Sara gave her a dirty look.
He was pursued by a crusading young woman for killing the dog… the remains of which were also butchered and eaten by a homeless man who found the first dog cooking and ate it. The man's pregnant wife got a dog. She spoiled it to the point of neglecting her husband. The dog got lost, and his wife accused him of losing him, and made him look for it. A homeless man tried to skewer it for food. But it was rescued by the woman who tried to catch dog killer. The homeless man blamed for all the dog killings. And then it ended with no consequences for dog killer.
Shinobu tried to find the words. "T- That was horrible!"
Kitsune had a wicked grin. "Maybe you wanna try A Fish Called Wanda next?"
"Behave, Kitsune!" Naru snapped.
"How can anybody eat a dog?" Sara growled, disgusted.
Hyun-Sil sighed, knowing that her country was under the microscope. "It used to be done, but it was never popular except in current cultural events and among some middle aged men. But as dogs became popular as pets, a growing portion of Korea turned against it."
Kanako looked serious. "Sara, keep in mind that Japan is kind of an outlier on eating dogs. Much of Asia still has no problem with it "
Sara looked unconvinced. "Why would you even want to do it?" she asked Hyun-Sil.
"I never had any desire to eat it," Hyun-Sil said coldly. She could understand people being shocked by a Bong Joon-Ho movie, but couldn't people here distinguish between fiction and reality?
"Sara, you and Shinobu are missing the point," Motoko said suddenly. "The subtitles lacked nuance. The eating of dog meat is meant to be seen as disgusting in this movie. This is a dark comedy."
"Yes, this was different than what I used to watch with Hyun-Sil and Ji-Hwan," Naru said patiently. "Remember, she wasn't the one who brought this to watch."
Sara muttered "Yeah, whatever," which was as close to one as she would get. Shinobu apologized profusely, knowing Naru was right. "I'm sorry. I just jumped to conclusions again."
Dammit, I keep losing ground with my idiocy!
But Hyun-Sil smiled. "His films are too dark for my tastes, so I can only imagine what they must be like for you."
Keitaro looked at the dissipating tension in the room. "Maybe some time away from this nut-house will benefit you," he whispered, and broke off. "Oh, Naru… that was insensitive of me."
"Huh?" Naru asked, puzzled. Then she realized. He's afraid I'll think he's calling me nuts. "Don't worry, Keitaro love. I didn't even draw the connection until you apologized for it." She looked around. "But maybe I'll call Dr. Juse tomorrow and see what she says about my traveling."
Author's Notes
"She colored at her crassness." Sanzen gedon would mean "3000 strokes" (of a sword drill). Shiko shiko manzuri would mean "ten thousand rubs" and is a euphemism for female masturbation.
"A canary sings." Lyrics from the Japanese lullaby "Yurikago no Uta."
"to see if anyone wanted to compare her with Stella or Rabi from Kamogawa Sea World." At this time, Stella and Rabi were Orca shown in Sea World Japan. Think of it as the Japanese equivalent of looking to see if anyone wanted to compare her size with Shamu.
"because a taxi driver drove a German reporter there and back." A true story, that was told in the 2017 Korean movie "Taeksi woonjunsa" (A Taxi Driver). I highly recommend it.
"Does he represent Korean life well?" At the time of this story (2007), Bong Joon-Ho would have had three movies out: Barking Dogs Never Bite, Memories of Murder, and The Host. Not necessarily something that a Korean would want as a representation of their country.