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Chapter 25

John walked into the hospital still wired by what just happened with Darren. Even with what just happened to Darren John still felt nothing; he still deserved to suffer more for what he put Natalie and his son thru. The only upside to what happened was Natalie wouldn't have to look at his ugly mug ever again. She wouldn't have to see him across a courtroom or in prison, ever. Actually no one would ever have to look at his ugly mug again since it was cut off his body by a truck, and then run over by an extremely fat man on a scooter...

John approached her room, he looked inside the window and saw she was gone, where was she? He asked himself as he heard Aiden giggle and coming towards him.

"Ohn!" he said as he grabbed John's legs, John leaned down to speak to him at his eye level.

"Hey Buddy, how are you? How's mommy?" he asked him as he smiled at him.

"I good, she good, we're going back to Papa's house, we gonna stay there, he's gonna set up my trains"

"That's great Buddy"

"You wanna come and play"

"Maybe for a little while if you papa doesn't mind, but just for a little while cause I gotta leave town for a bit" John told Aiden as he didn't see her standing behind him.

"So you are going?" Natalie asked as she startled him, he jumped a little and didn't know what exactly to tell her, he really hadn't wanted to do this here, here in the hall, out in the open. John walked a little closer to her, and he took her aside.

"Can we go somewhere and talk, it's about Darren, and ... and ..well"

'And about you leaving.. sure.. Why don't you follow us back to Llanfair, you can play trains with Aiden for a few minutes, and then we can talk, that is if you have time" Natalie told him and she couldn't help it, she said the last part in a snide tone, she knew she shouldn't have but she just couldn't help it, deep down inside she wanted to scream, to scream and ask why they weren't enough for him, ask when he was finally going to realize that all that was important in life was standing right in front of him but.. but she knew she couldn't, if she did, it would just make things worse later down in life.

John arrived at Llanfair a few seconds after Natalie and Aiden did, Clint drove them back but then he had a conference call to make so he excused himself and left the three of them alone.

John sat on the floor with Aiden and helped set up the trains, the played trains for almost an hour as Natalie just watched them, the two of them, they were in their own little world, they zoned out, they zoned her out, they acted as if she wasn't even around. She watched and tried so hard to fight the tears from coming, she didn't want them to come now, she went into the kitchen for a few minutes just so she didn't cry in front of him, crying in front of John would make things worse at this point and she refused to let him see her cry.

When Natalie returned from the kitchen she noticed he was talking to Aiden in a soft tone, almost impossible to hear but she heard him, and what she heard made her tears threaten to fall again.

"I've gotta go Buddy, but I'll be back, I promise, I won't be gone to long this time and.. and well. take care of your mom. I wouldn't be going but.. but I'm doing this for you, for all of us, I need to do this, I Love you" he told Aiden and he kissed the top of his head. Aiden was much to young to understand what exactly John was referring to; all he knew was he was leaving for a while and that he said he loved him. Aiden smiled at John after he kissed his head.

"I love you ohn" he said and John stood frozen in his spot, he couldn't move, his son just told him he loved him. He smiled as his eye's got watery.

Natalie began to tear again but she again refused them to fall. She walked into the room to see him become unstuck and walking towards her.

"Can we talk now?" John asked her as she nodded yes. They both took a seat on the couch a little ways away from Aiden so he couldn't hear them.

"Darren is dead" John started off saying

"I kinda figured, with the way it seemed so secretive"

'He got what he deserved Natalie, but I didn't have the privilege of giving it to him myself."

"I'm really not sorry he's dead John, I mean, there was a time when he was good to me, very good to me but... well I just don't want to talk about it. What else John, tell me, tell me about you leaving"

"I've gotta find him Natalie, if I don't, if I don't I can't give myself to you or to Aiden or a baby, if there is a baby"

"Darren lied, John" John shook his head

"So you think you're gonna find him this time, the killer? Do ya think this time will be different?"

'It's gotta be, I have so much riding on this, I've gotta find him, if I don't I don't think I can be the father Aiden deserves, If I don't I don't think I can be the man you deserve"

"That's ridiculous John, you are already the father Aiden Deserves, you just don't know it, you are already the man I deserve but you just don' t want to see it, but if you.. If you feel you need to do this then you have to, I wouldn't not that I could but .. I wouldn't stand in your way. Just be safe John... be safe cause my little boy could really use you to come back," Natalie said and she started to lose it, she got up off the couch and started to quickly walk towards the kitchen.

"Natalie " he said as he walked behind her slightly as she almost ran into the kitchen.

"Excuse me John, see yourself out, and be careful," she said, she couldn't get out of that room fast enough. She couldn't bear to see him; every tear that she was suppressing came tumbling down her cheeks quickly.

She watched from the kitchen door, he hesitating for a few minutes but then walked into the foyer, she heard the front door close and she knew he was gone, gone again, possibility gone forever this time.

Aiden ran into the kitchen looking for Natalie when he found her sitting on the kitchen steps that led upstairs, he approached her and he saw she was crying, he thru himself onto her lap and hugged her, she hugged him for dear life and she started rocking them back and forth as she heard him try to comfort her.

"It ok mommy, he come back, he said so"