HELLO GUYS. Apologize coming your way in 3...2...1...

I got confused, somehow, in the whole Prefects / Head Boy and Girl stuff and did mistakes lol. Hopefully my wonderful beta enchanted4life noticed it. So here's the thing for those of you who got confused.

Draco and Hermione are HEAD BOY AND GIRL. They're in charge of the other Prefects. Two other Prefects are gonna assist them a little more, but yeah. That's about it lol. So I've been calling them Prefects but should have said Head Boy and Head Girl. I've already applied the correction in the previous chapters and they're gonna remain stand for the next. My beta is doing an amazing job, s/o to her skills.

SO SORRY.

Lots of love,
Axiomea

Ginny couldn't believe it.

How could her Hermione, her best friend, ever want to jump down from the Owlery? To end her life! To end her life. All the synonymous expressions ran through her head and filled her with a silent panic. She was going to talk to her calmly. Because now it was obvious that Hermione couldn't take it anymore, that she was making the wrong choices and that was because she couldn't bring herself to talk to anyone. Even when Hermione had broken up with her Ravenclaw boyfriend, Duncan MacMiller, she had been devastated, filled with sadness but had been able to talk about it openly.

She walked down the corridor to the Heads' apartment. Malfoy was still eating in the Great Hall, which would give her time alone with her friend. She had brought her a piece of bread, a bowl of stew and a slice of cake. She must have been starving. Ginny knocked on the portrait and waited two whole minutes before it opened to reveal Hermione, covered in sweat, without her witch' robes. She was wearing a camisole that revealed her shoulders and baggy jogging pants.

"Oh, Hermione!" exclaimed Ginny. "As soon as this food his down, I'm hugging you!"

"Come in, Ginny," Hermione said weakly in a hoarse voice. "Sorry, I'm not decent…"

She stepped back from the doorway to let her through. Ginny entered and sat down on the sofa, then the brunette joined her and sat down on her right. Ginny put the food down on the small table and leaned over her friend to hug her. She looked into her friend's eyes and had to mentally pinch herself to believe the sadness she saw in Hermione's empty eyes. The topic was not an easy one to bring up.

"Hermione, why did you want to do this?" she finally whispered, on the verge of tears.

Hermione looked away quickly and rubbed her hands nervously. She looked at the crackling fire for a moment, then kept her eyes on the flames. She didn't move, and her breathing became slow, very slow. As if suspended in time, a drop of water between heaven and earth.

"Mione?" Ginny asked as her friend lost herself in her thoughts.

Hermione shook her head and snapped out of her reverie as she looked back into the soft blue of her friend's eyes. She could tell that Ginny was really worried about her. Why hadn't Harry shown the same concern?

She's really not well... Ginny thought sadly as she looked at Hermione's pale face. Of course, she had seen her since school started, but she hadn't dwelt on her appearance in detail. She had lost weight, obviously. Her face is dull, detached and distant... Oh, my dear Hermione.

"I know what happened this summer," Ginny whispered softly, placing her hand on her friend's lap. "Tell me everything you feel, Hermione. Tell me about it, empty yourself. I too have lost a brother..."

And Hermione began to pant, then to cry. Her friend hugged her and whispered sweet words to her.

"Ex-excuse me, Gin'", Hermione gasped, "this is hard. I... I don't want to c-cry again."

"Hush, sweetie. Cry all you want. I'm here, just let it out. I should have taken some time with you before, I'm sorry."

Hermione began her story for the second time that day, crying, spitting out words, weeping. The words she spoke pained her greatly, scraping her chest. It hurt so much to talk about death. She told her everything. The Owlery, Blaise, Draco, the thief. From Samuel's death to her loss of consciousness a few hours ago.

Once she was done, Ginny hugged her tighter. "Oh, Hermione. I'm so sorry! Why don't you tell us?"

"B-because, it-it hurts to s-say."

"I get it. Grief is a bitch. And I know that Samuel was such a good Ravenclaw when he was studying here. He loved you so much. Come on, vent, Hermione, cry all you want. I needed it too when Fred died."

Hermione continued to cry over Ginny for a good five minutes. The redhead just rubbed her back, stroked her hair and passed her a handkerchief once in a while.

"Now, Mione," Ginny added when Hermione had calmed down, "please tell me why you wanted to... jump."

Hermione took a breath and dried her tears with the back of her hand. She placed a hand on her heart as if to make sure it wouldn't let go, and began a new monologue at a rapid pace. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. For whom I live, for what I live. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like my chest is tearing in two, leaving a giant hole in the middle since my brother died. That hole was like happiness and Samuel filling it. Now it is filled with such gloom and sorrow. I don't bother to talk anymore. I don't want to bother living and fighting anymore. I'm tired of everything I go through. All this ridiculous damn mockery! And then Draco makes me lose my mind! He's starting to be actually decent to me, and sometimes I'd even say he's trying to be nice, Gin, and it's confusing me. It confuses me because I'm afraid the next day he'll be the same horrible guy I've known for six years. And then I feel bad because it's not normal that I want his friendship. And then I don't know what I feel anymore, or what emotion is going through me. I want to stop everything and forget who I am. I don't want to bloody fight anymore…"

Hermione caught her breath. It was the first time she'd spoken so much in weeks. Ginny, who had shed a tear, whispered softly.

"No matter what you're going through and what you'll go through again, I'll be there. Life is full of hard things, and over time you will learn to live with this new reality. I can't compare you grief to your breakup, but you did the same thing when Duncan dumped you, you learned to adjust. And you recovered so quickly! I know it's hard, but don't give up. Fight it, Hermione. What have you got to lose? It pains me to see you so unhappy. I really want you to be happy again. We all do."

Ginny wiped her eyes, then the two girls hugged for a good minute. Hermione started to feel soothed, finally.

"You're so good to me," Hermione smiled once she was out of their embrace.

The redhead tugged at a strand of Hermione's hair in a friendly manner. Happily, Ginny watched her friend hungrily bend over the food left on the small table. "Are you feeling better?"

"I think so. At least I hope so."

"And as for Malfoy..." Ginny smiled mischievously.

Hermione looked at her fervently, her mouth full.

"Maybe give him a chance," Ginny finished.

"I know I should," she said between bites. "But I'm afraid to forgive him, Gin. Remember all the things he did to me, and then all the choices he made that put others in danger. And when his aunt slashed my arm open at the Manor, he just stood there like a statue and did nothing. I'm sure he enjoyed seeing me tortured. Malfoy is a proud Slytherin who—"

"Hermione," interrupted her friend. "Hermione, slow down. We all know who Malfoy is and what he did. I don't want to excuse him. But the War has made many people do things they regret..."

"I know, I know."

"All I'm saying is, give him a little chance. Look at how he's trying to be. Not his words."

Hermione nodded. How he's trying to be. She couldn't help but think again about the drinks they shared. He had shared his alcohol and made her talk to calm her. The conversation had been weird, definitely, but in the end, all he had wanted was for her to feel better. She let out a heavy sigh, biting into her bread. "Love you, Gin."

"Love you too, Mione. Always come to me if you want to talk."

"Same goes for you."

"And don't ever scare us like that again! We'd been looking for you everywhere! McG was concerned."

Hermione looked down shamefully. Her pained eyes had not come back to life, however. She had forgotten that McGonagall wanted to see her.

"I feel bad for Harry," she finally admitted.

"Don't. He got carried away at the table earlier. But I think he's better now."

"He's my best friend and I rejected him."

"But he messed up, Hermione, big time. On the other hand, he didn't understand you anymore. Put yourself in his shoes, he found you in Blaise's arms!"

Hermione lost her smile and froze. She had forgotten about that moment in the Owlery for a few minutes. Then she looked at Ginny and they both burst out laughing. She was still sad, of course, but this moment with Ginny had made her feel better. She only wished she could forget the moment she had spent up there, ready to jump before Blaise had pulled her back.

At that moment the portrait opened and Draco stepped into the room and paused as he saw the two girls.

One of the first things he noticed was Hermione's collarbone, carved and delicate. Naked. It felt strange, but strangely enough he didn't like it. He didn't want to see Hermione's skin, it was as if someone wanted to remind him how weak she looked, how skinny, but still... oddly perfect. The problem was not how she looked. The problem was what was running in her veins.

"I think this is the part where I have to come up with a lame excuse to leave you," Ginny muttered, glancing at Malfoy. "Well," she exclaimed far too loudly, "I have some scrolls to finish for History of Magic. I'll see you tomorrow, Mione-Mione!"

Ginny left, almost happily, and closed the portrait behind her without a glance for Malfoy. The Lioness looked into the Slytherin's grey eyes, watching as Draco squirmed. She didn't know if her partner had the desire to taunt her, to flood her with comments, to blame her, or to throw improbable theories about her brother.

He walked over to the sofa and grabbed Hermione's witch robe on the way. He sat down beside her. Not on the armchair like when she had her nightmare. At her side. The spot that Ginny had just left. He shoved her robe into her lap without saying anything. Hermione understood the request without him saying anything. Even though nothing on her was too revealing, she put on the robe and covered herself completely, no questions asked. The Slytherin looked somewhat angry. He felt like she had tricked him.

"Good evening," the brunette whispered.

He clenched his jaw. "Granger..."

Hermione gave him a curious look. He just rubbed his hands together, thinking of the right words to say. He sensed that the Gryffindor was fragile and should not be pushed over the edge. If Blaise found out that he had pushed her buttons again, or worse, brought her to the brink of tears, he would beat him up. Finally, he went for it.

"I don't know what the fuck is going on with you, but—"

Hermione laughed mockingly, interrupting him. "That goes both ways!"

Draco sighed at the remark. She was dry and cold. At least she's starting to react! He was going to make her react, then...

"Listen, Granger. Tell me what's going on with you."

"I already did. In the Owlery. I thought you couldn't forget?" Her voice echoed, harsh, in the room.

Draco's heat seemed to grow as his expression changed, becoming tougher and tougher. "I mean, tell me what's going on with you. Why didn't you tell me yesterday that you were…" His voice trailed off.

"We were drunk, Malfoy. You decided of your own accord to confide in me, but that doesn't mean I should have done the same!" She didn't know why she felt snappy towards him. "It was probably a mistake to have told you my story up there."

The Slytherin choked with surprise. Had he heard correctly? Yes. Hermione Granger, regardless of all her wonderful fucking words of friendship and reproach towards him, was the same filthy proud golden girl. She would always hate him. He swallowed his insults, prayed to Merlin not to say anything nasty to her, or even to slap her on the back of the head like Blaise did only thirty minutes ago, but the effort was futile.

When he spoke, his voice was icy, and the words quickly became twisted. "You have no idea what life is all about." With that, Draco slapped himself on the inside. That's not what you meant!

The Gryffindor held her breath and spat, shaking her head. "Explain to me what life is, then. Idiot," she muttered through her teeth.

This line would have given the Slytherin a chance to talk shit to her, but he restrained himself by better phrasing what he had meant. "I meant, life can throw up so many fucked up ridiculous ideas sometimes... but don't listen to them."

Hermione looked at him, saying nothing.

"Fuck, Granger," Draco spat, "I'm just saying, don't kill yourself! Nobody wants you dead, not even me!"

Hermione remained silent, pondering his words. Malfoy was only getting more foolish by the minute. Who did he think he was, telling her what to do? She didn't trust him. She had made a great mistake in confessing her drama to him and Blaise. I was in shock, full of adrenaline. I lost myself in the moment…

She was encouraged by telling herself that this was her last year here and that she would never have to see Malfoy again. Never again in her life. And the whole thing would be forgotten. Yet, on the train at the beginning of the year, I swore to myself that I wanted some kind of peace with him... I can't be at war with him for the rest of the year. Almost nothing had changed since then, except that she was sadder than ever.

"Come on, don't make that face!" Draco said with a smirk.

She clenched her fists. Before he could even open his mouth again, Hermione cut him off and shouted, leaping from the chair:

"Don't make that face? And what face am I making, huh! It's not funny, Malfoy! I don't know what is so funny making people angry like that! All you get is resentment! Leave me alone! I should never have confided in you and your mate. Even though I'm grateful to Blaise for saving me, I don't trust you! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I wanted to kill myself, because life is playing with me! It's killing me slowly! It's a dirty bitch, and don't tell me I have no idea what it's about! I wanted to kill myself because I don't know who I am anymore, because I don't want to fight! I've fought a lot of battles in my life, but I don't want to fight this one! You understand? I wanted to kill myself because happiness spat in my face and kicked me in the teeth! I am dismembered, Malfoy, I am wild and crazy and unpredictable! And you want me to change my face?! Did yours change when you watched your aunt carve me up with a knife?" she screamed, rolling up her sleeve to shove her ugly purple scar in his face. "Did you? Did you interfere? NO. So shut up! Don't ask me to change knowing that YOU never change!"

The Slytherin swallowed and didn't dare move, waiting for Granger to calm down. He'd asked for it, but at least he'd got it out of her, and now he knew why she'd tried to kill herself. He wanted to feel sorry for her, really, she was pitiful. He thought she was weak for feeling all these things at the same time and not knowing how to control them. That's the kind of thing that made him believe Mudbloods were actually inferior. But he also knew that suffering could siphon off everything in its path. He should have sympathised, hugged her, and done all those things he had been so admonished never to do, but he couldn't. Touching her would mean a barrier would break, and barriers existed to make relationships stable, predictable and easy. Besides, he didn't want to repeat the after-nightmare experience.

He didn't want to be in Granger's shoes. He would have hated to feel everything she felt. He knew that he had been a coward at the Manor. His fucking aunt had tortured Granger and he had watched it happen stoically. But now, today, he wanted her to get through it. He sorely missed having fun. So he was going to use the good old-fashioned way.

"You look disfigured when you're angry," he whispered with a touch of mockery, rising to stand behind her. "That's probably what scared off your wanker MacMiller."

Hermione felt as if she had just been slapped. A deep, dark, vile anger swept through her from head to toe and made her lose all composure. She was ready to strangle him. She clenched her fists and leapt back. The Slytherin was nearby, hands in his pockets, a sly smile on his lips. They were face to face.

"Lost your tongue?" He just wanted her to react. To come back to herself, to be who she really was. He wanted her to not let herself be pushed around. Not even if he was the one doing the pushing. He needed a Mudblood at his disposal.

Several nervous shivers ran up and down Hermione's spine, but for all her rage, she felt in control. She pressed her forearm against Draco's chest and pushed him backwards into the chair.

"Stay away from me," she hissed. "How dare you say those things to me!"

"What the hell, Granger!" he sputtered, sounding exasperated and snarling. "Don't you miss the days when we used to call each other names?" he added, smiling mischievously.

"No, I don't. And don't ever talk about my old relationship again."

Wrong move, he thought suddenly as he realised that Granger was getting colder and colder. He admitted that he shouldn't have mentioned Duncan. He really was a jerk, no one had ever liked him during his time at Hogwarts.

"I... well… I apologize. If that's what you fucking want to hear."

The words tasted bitter in his mouth. Yet they were partly sincere. He never once thought he would say that to Granger. At that moment, the Lioness's arms fluttered limply at her side. Her mouth parted, but no sound came out. She seemed paralyzed. Her mouth closed, reopened, but then closed again. It was the first time, it seemed, that Malfoy had apologized to her. What could she say? 'Me too'? Certainly not! A long minute passed in dead silence.

"React, damn it!" bellowed Draco, raising his arms in the air.

But Hermione just stood there, not moving. She was thinking. Samuel's death was still hurting her. But what was wrong with her in the end? She couldn't stay like this forever, throwing cold retorts left and right! She was known to be more polite, kind and friendly than that. Malfoy was only saying nonsense to get her to react, he had no real intention of hurting her, she knew that. She had to pull herself together! A simple little effort with her partner, and their responsibilities as Head Boy and Girl could be bearable. A calm, comfortable and respectful atmosphere. Draco didn't seem so horrible, when he was showing concern...

"Did you put a towel on my forehead?" she asked unexpectedly. "Earlier today…"

If he was surprised by her question, he did not let it show. He nodded. "Didn't want you to blame me for not bringing you to the infirmary," he mumbled. "It was just to help. Even though I'm bad at it and it'll be ages before I'm able to talk to you decently."

A great wave of shame came over him immediately after his confession. He realised the magnitude and significance of what he had just said. He had admitted his desire to help someone inferior. Erh. Hermione smiled weakly. My wish was going to come true, she thought, guessing what it had cost Draco to tell her that.

Draco's face lost a little of its hardness for a second when he saw Hermione's cheery face, but he pulled himself together and went back to being blank. The Lioness gulped. "I just want to help you too. And I'll be bad again too."

She sighed, as if suddenly exhausted, and dropped into the armchair opposite Draco. They didn't speak any more, each looking at the objects around them. After a few minutes, Hermione spoke. "Can I ask you a question?

He looked up at her without saying anything. He knew she wasn't really asking permission. She tugged on her robes to point at them. "Why did you want me to wear this?"

He shrugged. "I didn't want you to be embarrassed."

"I don't follow," she frowned.

"You were with Freckles," he sighed, "chatting with her, and I just barged in. I didn't want you to feel embarrassed by my arrival or the way you looked. I don't fucking know why!"

"Well, you're the one who made me feel embarrassed... You confirmed that I should cover up."

"I just didn't want to be—" He stopped short, the word 'distracted' hanging on his tongue. He would never admit that to fucking Granger. That he was able to notice that she was not unattractive was a thing, to tell her was another. Besides, she didn't even reply. He looked at her for a moment. Her messy brown hair framed her pale oval face, orange in the light of the flames. Her cheeks were deeper than ever, but her eyes had lost some of their storminess.

He changed the subject when he remembered that she had lost consciousness during the day. The words crossed his lips and he could not hold them back. "Have you eaten?"

A faint smile passed over Hermione's lips. "Am I crazy, or are you worried about me?"

He clenched his teeth, but did not look up. Why had he asked her that question? It wasn't as if he was going to go down to the kitchens to ask the elves to make him a bloody dish! Hermione's complexion was still grim, though not as pale as it had been in the Owlery. The Slytherin had noticed this and instantly noted that she was a little more chatty.

Seeing that her partner was taken aback by her question, Hermione sighed. "Don't worry. Ginny brought me something."

"So, we good?"

"What do you mean?"

He held out his hand, as if making a pact. "We'll try to be decent, but we will suck and we'll fail too many fucking times?"

"All right."

"But you know and accept that I will never, ever be like Scarhead, Weasel and Weaslette?"

"Don't call'em that—"

"Do you know that and do you accept it, Granger?"

Hermione squeezed her partner's hand, and felt her stony heart tremble beneath a small crevice. "Yes."

"The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared."

Lois Lowry

oOoOoOo

Hello my lovelies,

I hope you enjoyed that chapter! I want to thank you so much for following this story. A little comment, or even one word from you would encourage me :-) What do you think? I'm eager to know! Don't hesitate to make suggestions, I'm so open-minded.

Virtual covid hug,

Axiomea