A/N: Ok, third chapter. Enjoy peepz!
Cyberwing: Thanks for the review! And here's the update!! ::shakes head solemnly:: Yes… poor Neji…
Pez-Dispenser: Ohoh… I assure you, this is no joke!! Well, maybe it is… considering it's a humor fic… but… ::cough:: anyhooz…
Wedding Crashers
Chapter 3: Planning to Plan
"You can't be serious! Of all people, HER?" TenTen cried in anguish. "Why didn't you refuse?"
"I did." Neji said.
"What kind of uncle do you have?!" Ino asked, then heard a soft cough, "Oh, sorry Hinata."
"Why didn't you tell us??" Lee asked, eyes still tearing.
"Cuz I just found out yesterday night." Neji did not want to talk about it.
"When is the wedding?"
"Soon. That's all I know." Neji scowled. He really did not want to talk about it.
"Anyone else find it weird that he's getting married at the age of 13?" Shikamaru pointed out.
The group looked at each other and launched into another set of individual discussions.
"Aren't we all a little too young for…" Ino trailed off.
"My uncle said that we'll be getting married very, very soon, and that we'll just be…" Neji sighed, "Living together till we're old enough to have children and that kinda crap…"
"Eek!" TenTen nearly fainted. "No! We must find some way to stop this!!"
"Oh well." Kiba said, "I'm not too worried. It's not like any of us are getting stuck with her. You guys will be married and gone and life will go back to normal. Good luck with her!" Kiba waved to Neji and started walking off.
"Gone? We'd be living our married life here, in Konoha." Neji said.
Kiba had frozen, then ran back. "Here? For the rest of her life?? Where we will always see her annoying face and hear her annoying voice? Ok. We have got to think of some way to stop this. Start thinking people."
There was silence for a while.
"Have you tried killing her?" Naruto asked.
Everyone stared at him.
"What?" He looked genuinely confused.
Sakura replied, although hoping that the blonde wasn't actually serious, "Well, Naruto, you do remember Neji almost did kill her the first time the brat came. And besides, the trainers will not agree. Well, they may… but Hokage sure won't."
Silence again.
"How 'bout try killing yourself?"
"NARUTO!" Everyone hit him on the head.
"YEOUCH!!"
"I'm leaving that as a last resort." Neji said.
"Hey… you're actually serious." Chouji threw a chip into his mouth.
"Let's try bashing her and her two cronies up." Kiba suggested.
"The fat one's mine." Lee said, remembering the fatal kick the bodyguard had tried to give Sakura.
"Too lazy." Shikamaru yawned.
"And don't forget the ten meter radius." Sasuke reminded.
"You mean the one where no living thing on this planet can pass through and come out alive?" Naruto added.
"Hmm… I got it! How about Shino unleash some of his killer bugs on her?" Kiba proposed.
"About that ten meter radius…" Shino said.
"Oh yea, bugs are living things too…" Kiba said, "Aww, poor little buggers. I'll miss them too, Shino, but sacrifices must be made…"
Shino glared at him – which was hard to tell since most of his face was covered up.
"C'mon guys, any better ideas?" TenTen said, "I feel bad for the bugs too."
"I thought the bashing up one was a good idea…" Sakura commented.
"I know, how about we all go to training now since we're late and our Senseis are probably waiting for us?" Asuma suggested.
Ino nodded, "Yea, we're late, but still, we gotta- WAH!!" She screamed, seeing her trainer's head right next to hers.
"Sensei!! What are you doing here??" Chouji smiled, and the rest smiled along innocently.
"I should be asking you all the same question." Asuma growled.
"You know how late you all are?" Kurenai appeared from no where, "I was waiting for you three for hours!" She glared at Hinata, Kiba and Shino.
"LEEEEE!!!!" Gai gave the boy a vicious blow across the face, sending him spinning, "YOU'RE LATE!!!!" The boy shot back up, tears pouring out, "Sensei!! Forgive meeeee!!"
"Ok!!!" Gai cried along with him.
"And where is that other pompous ninja that is constantly behind time?" Kurenai looked around.
"Yo. How come everyone's here?" Kakashi hopped in, keeping his perverted magazine.
"YOU'RE LATE!!" The entire assembly of Genins and Senseis hollered in his face.
Kakashi allowed his ears to clear before presenting his new excuse, "Well, you see, I saw a few books at a store which gives tips on how to improve training your students, and I am a responsible trainer that cares, so I took a few minutes to select a really good one…"
"You mean a few hours?" Sakura corrected.
"Well, that's because I really care…"
"LIAR!!" The entire group yelled again.
"Man, sensei." Naruto said, "And I thought you'd put in more effort this time to make a better excuse since everyone else is here."
Gai, determined never to be outdone by his rival, crept up from behind, "Just… where did you say this book was…?"
"What were you guys thinking up ideas for anyway?" Kurenai asked the students, curious as to what mischief they were up to this time.
"It's for Neji." Kiba blurted out, earning a scowl from the white-eyed boy.
"Oh, let me guess." Kakashi said, "Something about how he and that Riku girl are getting married?"
"It's Rika, and yea, how did you know?" Ino asked.
"Well, I saw her running around this morning while I was eating breakfast- I mean, selecting that essential training book, and she was yelling something like… ah… 'Neji, oh my dear Neji, where are you, my dear husband-to-be, oh Neji.' In that very order too." Kakashi informed.
The chakra veins (A/N: arteries, actually, but veins sound better. ) around Neji's eyes started to bulged a little, and all the ninjas started sweating, in fear of him losing control and unleashing the power of the Byakugan.
Well, all the ninjas except our dear Kakashi.
"And I'm not surprised if the entire village knows about it now…" The responsible silver-haired trainer that cares so much for his students continued.
Neji's veins were really starting to swell. The other ninjas started inching away.
"And they're probably all talking about it, the same way I had heard them gossiping when I left the food- bookstore…"
"Kaka-sensei…" Naruto intervened from behind, "If you really care, I think you should stop talking before your students die, including your caring self…"
Ok, really, if Neji kept up with the vein-swelling, they were going to burst, and everyone around would probably die from the wave of chakra…
"WAHAHA!!!" Gai jumped in before things ended in blood and shreds of sixteen dead bodies covering the entire field, "Kakashi!! What great jokes! You are SO funny!!" He slapped Kakashi hard on the back.
"I am?"
"Students," Asuma cleared his throat, "Back to training now. I think you've missed out on enough training for the day."
Kurenai added, "And do not do anything stupid that may break relations between our village and the hidden mists." She shot a look at Naruto, then continued, "The business between the Hyuuga and Sokake clans is a very essential bond between the two villages."
"And," Gai said, "As much as I would hate to say this, the Hokage had told us that you guys were meant to make her as happy as possible. So no pranks." They all looked at Naruto.
"What?!" Naruto grumbled.
Asuma put a hand on Neji's shoulder, "You, just bear with the girl for a while. Take her around if she really wants you to."
"You're gonna be living with her for the rest of your life after all." Kakashi said.
"HAHAHA!!" Gai whacked his rival on the back again, "FUNNY!!"
-
That afternoon, just before dinner, the female population of the genins had a group meeting.
"This is outrageous!" TenTen spat, "Neji's forced to bring that wench around the village!"
"Poor Neji-kun…" Hinata sympathized.
"I will not go through with this! Something must be done!" TenTen said fiercely.
"Oh, something will be done alright…" Sakura sniggered, "Screw what Hokage said. This bitch is gonna have the worse visit she'll ever get."
"This weekend, we'll make it her first and last trip to Konoha!" Ino smiled evilly.
They laughed in unison.
"Oh yea," Sakura added, "And that Mitsuka guy is a rather… suspicious fellow. We gotta keep an eye on him and Sasuke too."
Ino agreed, "Yes. I haven't forgotten the way he laid his eyes on my precious Sasuke."
The girls thought back to that earlier image of the blonde bodyguard.
They shrieked in unison.
A/N: Buahahahaz… will the brattish Rika get what's coming for her? Tune in to the next upcoming chapter and find out!!! Oh, and review while you absorb that piece of advice too…
-sylver