Life 6

Martin

She pulled away slightly to gauge my reaction and I smiled at her slightly before asking "Did you just say that you are in love with me?" as she nodded her and I pulled her closer to me and kissed her.

I couldn't believe that she had finally admitted it! When we pulled apart, we sat back on the couch and I said hesitantly "That's great that you love me, but where exactly does that leave us?"

"What do you mean?" she questioned as I took a deep breath and said "I want to marry you. Is that something you see for the future?"

"Well I suppose so" she replied as she frowned slightly and slumped down.

"I just need to know your intentions. I don't want to confuse Thomas if you are not planning on being a permanent fixture in my life"

"Martin, I just told you I love you, what more do you want from me?"

"Something tangible" I replied honestly as she looked at me sadly before asking "You think I'm going to walk away?"

"You did it four months ago, what's to say it won't happen again, when something doesn't go your way?"

"I can't believe we are having this conversation" Ruth fumed as I sighed and grabbed her hand, forcing her to look me in the face.

When she did, I could see the unshed tears in her eyes and I spoke very softly "I just want you to be sure Ruth. I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but if you can't make that same promise to me, this will not work."

She nodded slightly as she stood up "I understand"

"So?" I anxiously whispered as she smiled once more and said "I'm in for the long haul Brewer, so I expect a nice blue box from Tiffany any day now. Good night" and with that she kissed my cheek and walked out of the living room.

I smiled in amazement before lightly touching the spot she just kissed. Ruth Camden had just agreed to become my wife.

Around 12:00 that night my cell phone was ringing off the hook.

"H'llo"

"Martin?" Lucy's frantic voice replied.

"What?" I answered fully awake as I sat up in bed.

"It's Sandy and Simon" and I heard the ambulance in the background.

"What about them?" Lucy sometimes could be a bit melodramatic I silently thought.

"They were coming home from my house and were hit by a drunk driver..."

"Thomas, what about him?"

"He was in the car as well"

"And?"

"Martin, you need to come home now. We are at the hospital in Glen Oak"

I jumped out of bed and ran down the hall to Ruth's room and turned the light on.

"Five more minutes" she mumbled and turned over when I said loudly "Ruth, there's been an accident at home"

She jumped out of bed and quickly threw on a pair of jeans as I sat down on her bed, slightly starting to hyperventilate.

I couldn't believe this was happening. I remembered yesterday I had promised Thomas I would have a surprise for him when I came back home. He had been so sad when I told him I was going to New York and had begged me to stay with him.

"Martin?" a voice questioned from far away.

"Martin?" I looked up to see Ruth standing before me, with a jacket and keys. "Let's go" she softly commanded as I numbly nodded my head and then said "I don't know where my tickets are or my wallet or my cell…"

"Calm down Martin. I have everything we will need, let's go"

As we walked out her apartment, there was a cab waiting for us. The ride to the airport was silent, except for a couple of times when Ruth was on the phone speaking to certain people and letting them know the situation.

The last call she made was to Mac and I heard him say that he would meet us in Glen Oak.

Once we were seated on the plane, I realized that Lucy refused to tell me Thomas's status. I turned to look at Ruth, who was pale and looked shaken. The jeans she had thrown on were ripped and she had slipped on an old baseball hat on.

She glanced at me and took my hand giving it a slight squeeze and reassuringly whispered "We are almost there"

I nodded and turned away from her. I was starting to feel numb and sick to my stomach. Maybe it had been a mistake to leave my son at home. What sort of father does that anyway? How many times did I promise myself I wouldn't be like my dad and just leave my kids at home because of work?

Once we got to Glen Oak and out the airport, there was a car waiting for us that took us straight to the hospital.

In the cab, Ruth took my hand and I shoved it off before tightly saying "Please don't touch me right now" she looked at me before moving slightly away and closer to the window.

The rest of the car ride was in silence.

Ruth

I couldn't believe that he had just pulled away from me. Here I was thinking that I was providing comfort and he refused it. I was hurt on so many levels, but I willed myself not to think about it. After all, he was the one hurting.

Once we got to the hospital, Martin ran out of the car before it stopped. I thanked the driver and went in after him. I could see Lucy, Kevin, my Mom, and Dad waiting in the corridor.

"Ruthie" Lucy cried as she ran to give me a hug and I hugged her back. Her eyes were red and swollen.

"Are Simon and Sandy okay?" I finally asked and before Lucy could reply I heard Martin yell out and collapse to the floor in tears.

"What's the matter?" I demanded as Lucy stopped me and said "They're dead"

"Who is?" I repeated slightly growing numb.

"They all died instantly, the paramedics tried everything but it was too late" Lucy replied sniffling before saying "We are going to wait outside, in case you need anything" I nodded as I gave my parents a quick hug and knelt down by Martin.

"Martin?" I said softly as he looked at me. His green eyes filled with tears, and sadness and anger.

"They're gone Ruth. My son is dead, this wasn't suppose to happen" and with that he broke down and I held him to me.

"I'm sorry Martin" I apologized as I let him cry and rubbed his back.

"Mr. Brewer?" a man said as he walked up to us.

Martin moved away from me and wiped his eyes before standing up and replying "That's me"

"I'm Dr. Boyd, would you please come this way to identify the bodies"

"I'll come with you" I began as Martin shook his head before suggesting "I need to do this alone. Why don't you go home and I'll give you a call later" and without even looking at me walked down the hallway with Dr. Boyd.

I watched him leave feeling slightly confused and off balanced. What was going on in his head? I walked out the hospital and saw Kevin and Lucy waiting for me.

"Where's Martin?" Kevin asked before giving me a hug.

"He's identifying the bodies" I replied as Lucy exclaimed "By himself? Why didn't you go with him?"

"Because he specifically told me to go home" I snapped as the tears started falling down my face.

Lucy looked at me in surprise and tenderly said "Let's just go home. We have a lot to do"

I nodded slightly as I got into the back seat of their car and leaned my head against the window. If Martin didn't want me with him for something this difficult, would he want me for anything at all?

Four days later

Martin

After the burial, we went back to my house for the reception. I saw Ruth speaking with some people who knew Simon and Sandy.

I waited until they left and quietly said to her "Could we go somewhere?" she nodded and we went outside.

"I've been thinking lately that maybe we made a mistake" I began as Ruth looked wonderingly at me before asking "What kind of mistake?"

"Maybe we shouldn't be together"

"Together as in how?" she repeated as she looked up at me. When I looked down at her, I smiled slightly.

She was so beautiful, even in the face of tragedy. Her normally bronzed skin was slightly pale, but her eyes which were always so warm and trusting were looking at me with disbelief and pity.

"Together as dating, as being married…" I dropped off as she stepped closer to me and said "Why the hell would we forget about it? We love each other. I love you. I thought you loved me as well"

"I did love you" I whispered harshly stopping slightly as she took a step back and held back a gasp, as I continued, "I mean that I love you, I'm just not in love with you"

"But last week…" she began as I coldly said "Last week was a different world. My son was alive last week. Now everything is messed up and I can't do it Ruth"

"Do what?"

"I can't open my heart to the possibility of being hurt"

"But that's what love is about"

"Well then I refuse to have it in my life"

"And what about me?" she demanded to know, her brown eyes burning with unhidden anger.

"I'm sorry" I began as she snorted and I continued "But I just can't"

"If you mean that Martin then there is nothing more for me to say" she sadly replied as she walked away and then turned around saying "I'm not going to wait for you my whole life. I understand that you are grieving and you are sad. I'm going to go back home and in three months if you feel the same, then it will be over"

"Fine" I replied just as she walked back and kissed my cheek "take care of yourself Brewer" and for the second time in my life, I let the woman of my dreams walk away. However this time, I knew I had made the right decision. I had lost my son because I was too selfish with my own wants. I would make sure that wouldn't happen again.

Ruth

I couldn't believe that Martin Brewer just told me he didn't want to marry me. For some reason he was blaming our relationship as the cause of his son's death and I knew that I would never be able to compete with that.

I saw that Mac was talking to my Dad as I walked over to them. As soon as Mac saw my face, he pulled me away and into the kitchen.

"What happened?" as I replied "He doesn't want to be with me. It's as though he's blaming our relationship, better yet me, as the reason Thomas is gone"

"Ruthie" Mac began softly as he pulled me into a hug "You know you are not the reason for this tragedy"

"Try telling that to him" I replied hotly before completely breaking down in tears.

"My whole world is over" I cried as Mac held me tighter and said "No it's not. Martin will come around. He loves you too much. Just give him some time"

Just then Martin himself walked into the kitchen, stopping as he saw us hugging one another and without saying a word, turned and walked out.

"I'm going to speak to him" Mac promised me as I shrugged and said "I'm going to say bye to everyone and leave"

"I'll see you tomorrow" he promised me before kissing the top of my head and walking out the kitchen.

I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself before walking out as well. After all just because my world had crumbled didn't mean everyone needed to know.