LEGERDEMAIN

All Might alternated between reading the 'Teaching for Dummies' book held behind a podium that unfortunately failed to hide the title from his audience and checking his students for any signs of comprehension. Most were giving him vacant, awe-struck stares, while mini-Tensei wrote everything he said down with the religious zeal of Moses inscribing the Ten Commandments.

Mid-lecture, All Might felt his chest burning. He disguised a cough by pretending to clear his throat and grimaced at the red splatters all over the pages of his scripted lecture. All Might admonished himself for stopping to help that old lady across the streets. He really should have left before she had him cross the same intersection twenty-seven times, but years of ingrained hero habits made saying no to people impossible.

"Right," All Might said. "As I was saying…" He squinted down at his notes. Blotches of blood obscured some of the words, but he plowed on anyway. "The first thing a hero should do is… handcuff the… wounded at the scene and… clear the way for the… villains… to leave…"

"I don't think that sounds right," Yaoyorozu said uncertainly.

"This is All Might!" Kaminari whispered to her. "I think he knows what he's talking about."

All Might swallowed, tasted blood, and wiped sweat off his forehead. "Carrying on, during press reports, heroes should endeavor to… hit… the audience… kick… babies, and tell everyone to be… a villain…"

The room was spinning. Air growing thinner. Light at the end of the tunnel - no, wait, that was internal bleeding, hero time's nearly up. "Excuse me! I, um, have urgent hero business! Read the next chapter in your book."

"But we don't have a book!"

All Might tried the door. Locked. He yanked. Still locked. Yanked harder. Door was solid concrete, might budge under a Carolina Smash, but Nezu told him to keep the property damage to a minimum and he was not finding out why Aizawa blanched at the mention of a corrective action. Out the window? Lock's stuck, try breaking glass, glass also made of concrete.

More coughing. No time. Panic. All Might pointed at the back of the classroom. "Is that David Shield?"

"Whoa, really?" Everyone turned around. All Might let go. Steam hissed as his body deflated.

Disappointed by the lack of David Shield, everyone turned back around. Toshinori, still wearing the hero suit and holding the bloodied book, sweated under their perplexed gazes.

"Who's the toothpick?" Bakugo sneered.

"Whoa, is this a magic trick?" Kirishima asked. "Super manly!"

"This is most irregular!" Iida shouted. "Substitute teachers should be announced days in advance, how will this affect our curriculum?"

Toshinori cleared his throat. "I'm, uh, Yagi, All Might's secretary. He had an emergency."

"Whoa, was that your Quirk?"

"Yes? Anyways, let's continue the lecture. Heroes should… kill… whenever possible…"

He coughed, and blood gushed onto the pages.

"Is that blood? Are you dying? Is this part of the class?"

Toshinori looked down at his ruined notes and sighed.

499

All Might's a master at pulling off disappearing acts. Teaching, not so much.

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