Where Do I Go From Here?
Team Christopher Headquarters aka Phil's Boyce's Quarters
"You know Phil, it is customary for the host to offer refreshments," Matt said as he joined the group.
"If it were up to you, there'd be a buffet in Sickbay," the CMO retorted.
"True," Matt conceded as he settled into an armchair and crossed his legs.
"Now we are all here, perhaps we can move along? I'm due on the bridge in an hour," Number One prompted while impatiently drumming her fingers on the arm of her chair.
"Yes. Let us proceed." Phil sighed. "I am sorry to report Chris hasn't changed his mind. He's breaking it off with Aalin this evening. Running scared as my grandmother used to say."
"Can you truly blame him after Talos? If I experienced the same, I'd wall myself off from intimacy so it couldn't be used against me … or someone I care for," Rene noted.
"That's no way to live," Phil murmured. "Particularly for one who leads from the heart."
Matt uncrossed his legs and leaned forward. "Isak thinks Chris is pulling back for other reasons as well. And that we should give Chris time to sort through this on his own."
"Other reasons being Nathalia?" Una queried.
"Primarily."
At Spock's puzzled expression Matt added, "That was before your time and mine. And Phil's. When Chris was Enterprise's first officer under Captain April."
"You were second officer by then Una?" Phil asked.
"Yes. Nathalia … considered me a threat, she was jealous of all other women in Chris' life. No matter the type of relationship."
"I'm in no way defending her, but you have to admit Una, your close friendship with Chris, one where you finish each other's sentences and at times appear to read each other's thoughts, could intimidate romantic partners."
"Please continue this elucidation," Spock requested.
"Nathalia was … is a genetic superstar. A brilliant biophysicist and a talented athlete. She is stunningly beautiful, and charming …" Rene Louvier started.
"Don't forget ambitious and cunning," Una interjected with a frown.
Rene finished, "Being a junior officer at the time, I wasn't in their orbit. According to the grapevine, Nathalia recognized Chris would be a prominent captain one day and most likely more. And that she was enamored with the perks that would flow her way as his significant other."
Una harumphed. "Nathalia demanded constant attention and validation. She unendingly tested Chris."
"But sir, have you not instructed me there are always two or more sides to every narrative?" Spock pointed out. "We were not privy to the Captain's private conversations with this woman, nor her perceptions."
Phil discretely chuckled. Rene shook his head. Matt, true to his blunt nature blurted out, "Hoisted on your own petard there, ah Commander Chin-Riley?"
"And thus I begin tomorrow's list. Scrubbed any plasma conduits lately?" Una serenely replied to the ship's head nurse.
"I assumed I'd made your permanent list of annoyances long before now," Matt admitted with an impish grin. "I must be slipping."
Una pointed at Spock, "Don't ask or you too will go on my list. I'm certain Chef could use a potato peeler. And there is only one side to this story. We are Team Christopher after all."
"But …" Spock paused. "Should Chef choose to prepare a dish himself the replicator will supply vegetables sans their outer protective coverings therefore such a punishment would be inefficient in addition to illogical."
"Moving on," Rene prompted.
"Indeed," Phil replied. "After Nathalia and due to his experience when second officer on the Aryabhatta, Chris significantly tightened his rules … that sounds too clinical …"
"When Chris makes decisions regarding his personal life, he considers his crew's welfare. It's one of the reasons, if Starfleet revoked his authority tomorrow, we'd still follow him. A ship's atmosphere flows from the top. I served briefly on the Yorktown. It was a boy's club," Rene said adding a distasteful edge to his voice during the last sentence.
Phil responded in a quiet tone. "But this time Chris is hiding behind his principals. If he sets the bar impossibly high, if misunderstandings occur and prevail, something that could be precious will slip away."
"In other words, Chris's head is so far up his arse right now …" Matt began.
Spock raised an eyebrow. "That is anatomically impossible for a human. As a health care professional I am certain you are aware of this."
"An idiom Spock. Meaning not paying attention to the obvious in front of you, purposefully or not."
"How colorful," Spock replied in a dry tone with a deadpan expression.
The rest of the group simultaneously burst into laughter.
"I fail to see the humor in my observation," Spock noted in response.
"Isak has known Chris longer than any of us. For now, it may be wise to follow his lead," Matt suggested then quickly added, "But don't tell him I said he is right. I'll never hear the end of it. Literally. He will replay the admission in his head, constantly."
Rene snorted. "Is reading your spouse's thoughts a help or a hinderance?"
"Good for me," Matt paused then a slow smile spread across his face, "though Isak may feel differently."
"Which brings us full circle and back to a lingering question. None of us know Aalin well. Are her feelings for him genuine?" Phil said.
"I read her thoughts a few times when we were working on Noohra," Matt admitted reluctantly. "It was all within regulations, except once, that was an accident due to long hours and lack of sleep. Anyway, while that sparse information isn't not much to go on, I don't think she's anything like Nathalia."
"Alright, over the next couple of weeks we see how both Chris and Aalin respond to his choice to pull back. And we'll use that time to fill in the blanks about her. Then pick our next steps," Phil decided.
"And I shall prepare a detailed, scientific compatibility questionnaire," Spock stated.
"Vulcan' answer to eHarmony?" Phil prompted.
"Judging others' suitability for a permanent partnership with one another should not solely be based on inference, inuendo, and information inconsistently clouded by the personal experiences of the those gathering the data. Therefore an approach grounded in scientific method is advisable."
"Hmmm. How do you argue with that? Go gather data. Be subtle. Meeting adjourned," Phil said.
ooooo
"I don't want you to wait for me. You should see others." Chris' words kept ringing in Aalin's ears, long after his quick retreat from her quarters.
Shocked by a conversation she wasn't expecting nor prepared for, Aalin had missed the haunted look in Chris' eyes. No matter the difficulty, no matter the terror of a situation, he usually projected rock-steady yet never overblown confidence, rather than helplessness or defeat. The formidable Captain of Enterprise hadn't been sitting across of her, but a vulnerable man, one feeling broken.
Her thoughts circled with the frenzy of a tornado. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. How did I get the signals so wrong? The malfunctioning torpedo was … a relief for him? After realizing right before we were about to have sex that he's not attracted to me. Chris just gave me an 'it's not you, it's me speech.' Only it is me. I'm not enough …
This is just like Jason.
And Michael.
Whatever happened to my firm rule of not dating Starfleet officers?
We haven't been on a date.
Don't play semantics games with yourself.
How can I face him again? Or the rest of the crew? We're months from home. It's not like I can just get off the ship in the middle of … I don't even know where we are.
At times we will have to work closely together. And Chris is my commanding officer. Brilliant, Aalin, just brilliant.
OK. Slow down. I didn't join Starfleet because of him. I wanted to build a new life, a different life.
Oh get real, she argued with herself.
Perhaps he wasn't the main reason I stayed. But it is foolish to pretend my feelings for him were entirely divorced from the equation. Ignoring that will only make this harder.
Where do I go from here?
Concentrate on my studies, on my exams. Earn that commission.
And most importantly be respectful, be discrete. Don't make this harder for him. Chris deserves that kindness.
Even if the feelings aren't mutual, I am in love with him.
ooooo
Throughout the night only iron-clad discipline kept Chris from marching back to Aalin's quarters, taking her in his arms and soothing away the hurt …
That I caused, he chastised himself.
Only a lifetime of iron-clad discipline kept Chris from marching back to Aalin's quarters and promising devotion to her for a lifetime and beyond.
ooooo
After four days the crew noticed the couple no longer met for their evening chat, and the grapevine hummed. Assumptions flourished. Across the ship, officers outside of the command team's circle and those serving below decks interpreted Aalin's discretion and reserved behavior as an icy rejection of the man they would follow into and through the fires of hell.