The Deku Ex Machina Christmas Special

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through U.A.,
The teachers took vacation and had all gone away,
Leaving the students with no adults around,
And threats of detention if they burnt the place down.

Sato made sweets and Katsuki roasted a ham,
While Jiro sang carols for their Christmas jam.
Once they had their fun, they called it a night,
At least, until a narrator's voice gave them a fright.

"Ugh," Sero said, "Who's talking at three in the morning?"
"Who cares," Bakugo snapped, "My fist's their only warning."
"Why are you rhyming?" Ojiro asked, concerned.
"I don't know," Sero said, "Poetry, I never learned."

"Okay, that one was forced, something's amiss."
"Do you think it's because today is Christmas?"
"That's what it is, we're in a holiday special."
Jiro groaned and said, "I hope it's not a musical."

"But I don't want to rhyme," Mina cried in distress.
"It's making everything sound like a mess!"
"Well, what can we do?" Momo asked aloud.
The whole class pondered without making a sound.

"I have an idea," Bakugo proclaimed.
"We beat up Deku, since he's to be blamed."
"How could that be, that's not his Quirk."
"No wait," Momo said, "There's a way that might work."

"Santa's the reason that Christmas is around,
If we can find him, we can shut this rhyme down."
"But how?" Kaminari asked, "He's all over the map."
"That's easy, I know who can make this a snap."

Everyone went to U.A.'s support lab in a hurry,
Where Hatsume made machines in a welding flurry.
"Excuse me," Momo said, "We need to track Saint Nick."
"You came to the right place! I know what'll do the trick."

"First, though, I'll need to borrow Midoriya,"
"So we can make babies that'll find Santa for ya."
She dragged him into the next room over,
And slammed the door tight while everyone took cover.

Instead of explosions, they heard bangs of a different kind,
One that brought unclean images to mind.
"Oh, Izuku, push harder," Hatsume moaned,
As their work table buckled and groaned.

"They aren't really doing what we think they are, right?"
"No way, this story's PG-13, it's a joke alright."
Mineta strode up to the workshop's door,
And peeped through a crack next to the floor.

"Hey!" Eijiro shouted, "Man, that's not cool!"
"What if they catch you staring, you fool?"
"I refuse to live a life of doubt," Mineta cried,
"Better to have lived a man, than a coward, died."

As he bent down, the door flung open wide,
Throwing Mineta into a snowbank off to the side.
"My baby's complete, marvel at it's design!
This'll find Santa, no doubt in my mind!"

Izuku's nose glowed a bright cherry red,
And pointed in the sky towards Santa's sled.
"How can we catch him, his sleigh is too high!"
"I have a private jet," Momo said, "Why don't we fly?"

She gave Alfred a call, and he drove it straight there,
Getting the whole class high into the air.
Izuku held tight to the plane as it rose,
And lit the way forward with his luminous nose.

"Now what do we do? Do we just jump?"
"Or maybe we can ground him with a gentle bump?"
Alfred gave a laugh as he pushed a red button.
Missiles locked on and tracked the red glutton.

But out from the sleigh came an anti-missile flare
That sent the missiles spiraling through the air.
"Oh dear, we don't have any missiles to spare.
Now how will we get Santa out of the air?"

Izuku shrank down to the size of a bomb,
And shot himself through the air with much aplomb.
He crashed into Santa's sleigh with a thunderous crash,
And burnt Santa's reins to a pile of ash.

With no way to fly, Santa's sleigh hit the snow,
Leaving father Christmas nowhere else to go.
"What do you want?" Santa asked, guarding his sack.
"I gave you all presents, and I can take them back."

"We want an end to this night of rhyme,
It's bugging us since it happens all the time."
"There's nought I can do, you've got the wrong man,
I'd stop rhyming too, if it wasn't the author's command."

"Well, let's beat Santa up anyways," Bakugo suggested,
"And see if that ends this rhyming as requested."
So, the class of 1-A gave Santa quite a beating
And left the poor gift-giver bruised and bleeding.

"Did it work, is our rhyming curse done?"
"It should be, I think that we've finally won!"
"Dammit!" Katsuki cursed, "We're still making rhymes!"
"Is there something else we could try this time?"

"Santa mentioned an author," Ojiro recalled.
"How about we break down the fourth wall?"
"We just did, but he's still nowhere around,
Is there something we need for him to be found?"

"Let's try Santa's sleigh, it's magic after all.
It might have something to pierce the fourth wall."
Izuku reached inside and pulled out a hammer,
And hammered away with a dreadful clamor.

But I'm the author, and I say how this goes,
So they could never - ow, that was my nose!
"Now listen good, you fanfic-writing hack,
Stop all this rhyming or I'll beat you 'til you're black!"

I'd love to, Katsuki, but I still need to write,
This is a Christmas gift made for my readers' delight.
And really, isn't that what this season's all about?
Bringing Christmas cheer to the world throughout?

And so, the class of 1-A, filled with Christmas cheer,
Left for their dorms, and - no, stay back, don't come near!
No, not my face, I need that for my books!
Who would read this if not for my good looks!

"I think he shut up, is this story finally done?"
"Finally! Let's head back home and have some more fun!"
"That was a joke, wasn't it?" "I swear, that wasn't me!"
"Well, if it wasn't you, who could it possibly be?"

"Guys, I think we might have wrecked the story forever."
"Are we staying stuck in the month of December?"
"Would that really be so bad? It's Christmas after all.
Better to be stuck in the holidays than somewhere like Fall."

"You know what, maybe this whole thing is pretty nice?"
"Yeah, we got to beat people up twice!"
And so, the class of 1-A decided to admit
That they ended up finding their holiday spirit.

"No wait, he's still talking, let's hit him some more!"
Nope, I'm done, I can't take this anymore!
Cementoss, I know you don't get holiday pay,
But I don't pay any of you anyway.

Fix up this wall, and let's end this story.
Before the class of 1-A makes me history.
But first, let's whisk this class back their beds,
And remove all trace of this night from their heads.

As I bid you all a fourth wall-breaking adieu,
A Merry Christmas, I wish each and every one of you.

A/N: Merry Christmas!

Thanks to Still Alive for beta-reading this holiday special. Your sacrifice was not in vain.