There comes a time, Time Lord, when every lonely little boy must learn how to dance.
I shouldn't be doing this, the Doctor thought. Granted, I shouldn't be doing a lot of things in my life, but I DEFINITELY shouldn't be doing this. This is bad. This is Very Very Bad.
And still he followed.
He followed Reinette as she led him gently by the hand, and he wondered how her hand could fit so neatly in his.
He wondered how her hand on his cheek had made his breath hitch in his chest like that and made his hearts skip several beats.
He wondered how he had fallen utterly, completely, absolutely head-over-heels in love with an 18th century aristocrat when he was still in love with Rose.
In love?
Am I really?
"Doctor?"
Reinette's voice tugged him out of his thoughtful reverie and he started suddenly. She frowned up at him, concern etched in her delicate features.
"Are you alright?"
The Doctor smiled down at her.
"I'm always alright."
Reinette smiled back.
"I've been inside your head, Doctor. I know that to be a lie. However, if you do not wish to tell me now, I understand."
"Yeah … how exactly did you do that?" he asked, frowning confusedly. He scratched behind his ear as Reinette considered her answer.
"I … I cannot fully comprehend it myself," she finally admitted. "Like I said earlier, an open door can be walked through in either direction. I am no doctor, Doctor—" The Doctor grinned in spite of himself. "—but perhaps, in some part of your mind, there was a part of you that wanted me to see." She paused, tilting her head to the side to watch his expression. With a sudden pang, the Doctor was reminded forcefully of Rose.
"I could have closed the door," Reinette continued. "If there was something I did not want you to see, I could have closed the door. I shall admit, I left some doors open in the hope that you would look through them …"
The Doctor suddenly became very interested in a bit of dust on his shoes and tried to shake it off by scuffing the floor persistently.
"And if you hadn't wanted me to see, you too could have closed the door." Reinette smiled up at the Doctor, who was still determinedly avoiding her eye, and placed two fingers under his chin to lift his head up.
"I shan't begrudge you a little privacy, Doctor," she said softly. "But I am becoming tired of all this chatter. You promised me a dance."
"Well, technically, I didn't actually promise anything," the Doctor said. Reinette merely smiled again, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.
"Then I shall make you promise now," she said. It was an instruction rather than a statement. "Will you dance with me tonight?"
This must be what humans feel like, the Doctor thought to himself. Rose is always going on about teenagers and hormones. Hormones. Chemical signals from the human brain. Can be slow-release or fast-release. Adrenaline. That's a fast-release. Fight or flight. Fight or flight. Fight or —
Reinette placed her hand on his cheek again, and all logical thought left his head. He stared down at her as she gazed up at him, her eyes flitting from his eyes to his lips and back again, lingering a little longer on his lips each time —
Adrenaline gives a rush. Speeds up the breathing and heart rate, makes the human senses more receptive and sensitive to their surroundings —
Reinette inched closer and smiled again. She manoeuvred the Doctor's arms surreptitiously, with him barely noticing what was going on.
The adrenaline rush makes the pupils dilate, so the eyes can see better … the eyes … her eyes … oh Rassilon, her eyes are beautiful …
"You may begin, Doctor," Reinette said, grinning slightly at the Doctor's flustered reaction. He looked down and registered with a slight shock that Reinette had positioned his arms in the correct position for dancing – one hand grasping hers gently, the other resting lightly on her slender waist. The delicate warmth of her hand on his shoulder startled him too.
"But … but th-there's no music," he spluttered. He could feel himself growing hotter and cursed himself for blushing.
"There is music in my head," she replied. "Listen."
And she kissed him, kissed him with a tender force that almost knocked him off his feet. As she pulled away, the Doctor sighed resolutely and closed his eyes. There was music in his head, music that hadn't been there before. It was a gentle waltz – slow in tempo, restrained in score. It sounded to the Doctor to be a gentle glockenspiel tinkling away inside his head, and while a part of him wondered how an 18th century Frenchwoman had a glockenspiel sound in her head, another part smiled and opened his eyes to look down at a slightly blushing Reinette. He pressed her lightly towards him and they waltzed silently, to all intents and purposes, until Reinette giggled.
"Monsieur, I am a modest woman, but I feel obliged to tell you that your heart is beating so fast that I think it is entirely my doing."
"Oh," the Doctor said. "Right. Yes. Well, there's, um … yes, that's not actually entirely true. I mean, of course you're doing something to me. I mean, not literally, of course," he continued, horribly aware that he was gabbling far too quickly, "you're a lady, after all, and I'm a gentleman, I'm a perfect gentleman. I mean, not that you're doing nothing to me. I mean, nothing physical. I mean, nothing obviously physical. I mean, you're beautiful, and you're a woman, and I'm a man. I mean, I'm not a man. I mean, I'm a man, but I'm not a human. I mean, I look like one, but—"
"You are not human?" Reinette asked. The Doctor was silently grateful for the interruption. At least he wouldn't have to dig himself out of that hole now.
"I'm … I'm a Time Lord," he began. Reinette nodded.
"I saw that, inside your mind," she said, "but I'm afraid I did not fully understand what it meant."
"I'm an alien," the Doctor explained. "I look like you – humans, that is – but my physiology is much different. I've got two hearts, for starters."
"Two?"
"Two."
Reinette stopped their slow waltz and the Doctor heard the music die away quietly. She looked at him thoughtfully and appeared to be deep in thought. Feeling it would be the right thing to do, the Doctor broke their embrace and bowed before her, gently brushing his lips against the hand he was still holding. Reinette did not return the tender smile he gave her.
"If you have two hearts," she finally said, "do you love twice as much?"
"I …" The Doctor frowned and closed his mouth. He wrinkled his nose up thoughtfully. "Blimey, I hadn't thought of that. Um … well, I s'pose, logically, that would make sense … but I'm a Time Lord, and Time Lords don't – as a general rule – fall in love." Reinette looked crestfallen. "It's sort of … forbidden," he explained, a little lamely.
"Forbidden by whom?"
"By my people."
"Your people? But Doctor, there are no more of your people. I saw that, too." The Doctor's face hardened suddenly and Reinette felt she had overstepped the mark. She took a small step back and gave a slight curtsey to the Doctor.
"Forgive me, Doctor. I didn't mean to offend you."
"No," he said. "No, you've not offended me. You're right. I'm the last one left. I can do what I want. But I don't think two hearts means twice as much love. I think … I think it means …"
I think it means each heart can break. I think it means twice as much heartache when you wither and fade before my eyes. I think it means I will be twice as unhappy for so, so much longer than you will ever be.
I think it means that I can love Rose and love Reinette utterly, completely, absolutely.
"I think it means I have enough love for two people."
Reinette tilted her head again and studied the Doctor.
"That child," she said. "The child wearing the strange male attire."
"Rose."
"I suppose I can see the irony in naming such a wild-looking child after such a beautiful flower." Reinette grinned. "Is she as thorny as her namesake?"
"She can be," the Doctor chuckled. "She can be stroppy too. And rude. And angry. But she can be kind. She can be compassionate, thoughtful, selfless … she nearly died to save my life. She loves me more than life itself."
"And you love her?"
"I … yes, I think I do." He gave another disbelieving chuckle. "I do. I love Rose."
"I see," Reinette said quietly. She smiled sadly and turned away, but the Doctor grabbed her hand before she left. She turned back to look at him and he grinned widely.
"Two hearts," he reminded her, and this time it was he who initiated the kiss. Reinette had thought herself to be passionate, but when she remembered that the Doctor had two hearts she felt her own passion pale into insignificance. When they broke apart, she looked up at him and whispered quietly into his ear.
"I love you," she said. "I have loved you since I was seven years old. I have loved you since you told me you were what monsters had nightmares about."
"I know," he whispered back. "I love you too."
They smiled at each other, speaking without words. They didn't need to. After a while, the Doctor grinned maniacally and straightened up.
"Come on," he said brightly. "I promised you a dance. And I quite fancy a drink. Got any alcohol?"
"We have plenty of wine," Reinette said, returning the infectious grin.
"Pah," the Doctor said, waving his hand dismissively. "I fancy something a little stronger. Fancy a Banana Daiquiri?"
"What's a banana?"
"What's a banana! You mean … you've never seen a banana?"
"I have never even heard of it, Doctor."
"Oh, Reinette," he said, laughing ecstatically at some private joke that Reinette felt she knew, "you haven't lived!"
And the mistress to King Louis XV and the last Time Lord giggled like two schoolchildren at the prospect of a happy night together, laughing and joking … and dancing.
After all, what was the night for but for dancing?