BUTTON

Bakugo contemplated the big red button labeled 'SELF DESTRUCT'.

"Hah! You can't fool me, Deku. I know that's just a decoy! The real self-destruct button would be much harder to push."

As he examined the wall of buttons before him, the two-man switch caught his eye. "Of course! They must have set up a synchronous switch, thinking humans could never work well enough together to activate it, and disguised it as a 'DESTROY PLANET' switch. However, I have a secret weapon up my sleeve!"

Bakugo reached out, barely grabbing both switches with his fingertips. He primed both buttons and pushed them.

Power Loader's voice announced, "Imma firin' mah lasah! T-minus fifteen minutes to Earth's destruction."

Bakugo gaped at the blaring alarms. "Those fiends! They disguised the button to destroy Earth as a destroy Earth button! If I find the real self-destruct, I can save the planet!"

Bakugo hit a random button. Music played, "Never gonna give you up!"

Bakugo slapped the button again. The music continued, "Never gonna let you down!"

Bakugo punched the button, cracking the plastic. "Never gonna run around…"

An explosion shattered half the wall. With all the buttons pressed at once, the Death Star's left blinker turned on, the windshield wipers cleaned the bridge's window, the whole Death Star lit up like a disco ball, and the cargo bay popped open, scattering Nezu's tea collection across the cosmos. The music carried on undeterred, "Or desert you!"

"Come on, one of these has to be it!"

Bakugo hit every button before at last coming back to the big red button. Panting from exhaustion, Bakugo shouted, "Very clever, disguising the self-destruct button as a self-destruct button, but I see through your lies! Today is our independence day!"

Bakugo slapped the self-destruct button. Nothing happened. Confused, Bakugo hit it again and again. A screen slid out of the wall, playing a recording of Nezu. "Did you really think I'd allow a self-destruct button on my bright shiny new space station, right where anyone could press it? For shame! Now, I know what you're thinking. What self-respecting weapon of mass destruction wouldn't have a self-destruct button? That's why I took the liberty of installing my own button."

The wall slid aside, exposing an even bigger, shinier, redder button. Bakugo slammed it, and again, nothing happened.

"Of course, I can't just let anyone destroy this multi-trillion-dollar weapon of mass destruction, which is why you also need to give a verbal password."

"Password?" Bakugo echoed.

"Correct! You may fire when ready."

Bakugo slammed it again, and again, nothing happened.

"Oh, you should see the look on your face! Well, I can't, I'm just a recording, but I'll have a picture of it in my office later."

"Screw this," Bakugo said. "I'm making my own self-destruct button!"

Bakugo fired a gauntlet into the energy core of the Death Star. The whole station rattled, and sparks shot out from it.

"Ten minutes to core breakdown."

"Yes!"

"Nine minutes to Earth's destruction."

"Fuck!"

498

You know the rules, and so do I.