SATO

"Well, everyone? How is it?" Sato asked as he wiped cake batter off his cheek.

"Fanfaffic!" Mina said as she stuffed her cheeks full of chocolate cupcake.

Yaoyorozu daintily wiped her mouth before cramming two cupcakes in at once. She said "I can't help myself! They're so good!" but it came out as "Mffrfl frr!"

Izuku peeled the wrapper off his cupcake. His eyes glowed as they scanned every particle of cake matter. Mouth unhinging like a python, Izuku carefully deposited the cake into his mouth and broke it down particle by particle.

"Almost perfect," Izuku said. "A very impressive cupcake."

Sato's face twitched, his lips frozen into a rictus of a smile. "Almost perfect?" he asked, emphasizing every word. "Meaning not perfect?"

"The concentration of sugar is too high by a margin of 1.83%. Other margins for your ingredients range in the tenths of percents."

Sato looked down at his platter of cupcakes and tested the frosting between his fingers. "Give me a minute."

Sato snorted a line of sugar and ran straight through the wall. He came back, holding a box of balances and measuring spoons. His hands moved in a blur as he weighted out and measured every ingredient for his second batch.

Mina passed out at the first bite. Yaoyorozu stuffed herself until she couldn't get up from her chair. Izuku performed another analysis, crunched the data, and said, "Very impressive. You came even closer to the perfect composition of cupcake."

Sato's bloodshot eyes drilled holes into Izuku's face. "Closer to perfect? Are they not perfect?"

"There are roughly 2.2 nanograms of butter needed for optimal consistency."

Sato trembled as Izuku gave his full report. He shoved his hand into the sugar jar and shoved every granule up his nose before jumping through the ceiling. When he landed back in the kitchen, he set up microscopes and volumetric pipettes and delicate balances the likes of which pharmaceutical labs dreamed of obtaining. Sato toiled over another batch of cupcakes, counting out individual molecules of sugar and flour as he assembled a confection the likes of which only a divine being could hope to match.

The cupcakes glowed with an ethereal aura as Sato gently pulled them from the oven. The aroma, wafting from them like the kiss of an angel, lured every student from across the campus. Pillowy frosting tempted fingers to caress it, and the cakes held the gentle warmth of a mother's hand.

Izuku examined the final cupcake. "Very well done! The ratios of ingredients balance each other perfectly."

"Good!" Sato said, beaming. Cocoa powder and spattered cake batter covered him head to toe. "And how does it taste?"

"I do not know."

Sato froze. "You don't know?"

"I do not have any taste buds."

Sato's eye twitched. He tore into a bag of sugar, snorted the contents, and rampaged across the kitchen in a fit of rage. The leftover cupcakes were smashed beneath his fists.

491

And this is why you never have a robot taste-test for you.