For the rest of the day third day, Erik and I exhausted ourselves on music. The perfectionist behavior I had known him to have as my angel was as strong as ever, and more than once I had to sigh as he criticized the lack of soul in my song. It wasn't that I didn't wish to please him, but he must have known how exhausted I was! These past days would have been trying for anyone.
"I think that is enough for today, my dear," he said gently, noting most likely for the first time how late it had gotten. "I can see you're weary; we can try again tomorrow." I nodded gratefully, swooning slightly as I stood.
We were apart more than an arm's length, but I could feel his eyes burning into me. Not for the first time that day, Erik was wordlessly willing me to look at him, to prove that I had not lied. And perhaps I had lied, however unintentionally, but I could still correct myself. Maybe one day I would be able to gaze upon him without fear or disgust.
Nevertheless, I turned my head up to face him, and found the black sockets that served as his eyes. I realized I must have been getting used to him, for I did not feel the immediate need to tear my gaze away. He seemed to notice this as well, because his mouth parted slightly, as though in awe. Still keeping my eyes level with his, I whispered:
"Goodnight, Erik," and swept passed him. From behind me I heard a soft:
"Goodnight, my angel." My face felt unusually warm, but I dismissed it. I couldn't possibly be blushing.
Once I was safely in my room, I undid my corset, and snuggled into my covers. Even though my eyes closed, I could not drift into the relief of blessed sleep. My thoughts rolled back and forth between my life below and above the Paris Opera House. I thought of Raoul, and felt sick at the notion that he may be worried. After all, I had left no note, no sign of reassurance. What a horrible friend I have been!
And then there was Erik—poor, unhappy Erik. How long would I be made to stay with him? Surely his claim of five days no longer applied, as a reprimand for my irrational behavior. But I could not stay here forever! I had…well, Raoul, and Mama Valerius, and my work! I sighed, knowing my mind was only becoming more tangled, and my stomach lurched with stress.
After some time, I fell into an uneasy sleep.
I could still hear my heart pounding in my chest as I sat hunched over my organ. Oh, she had looked me square in the eye, and had spoken to me without fear of my face! What merciful god, if there be any, had delivered this angel into my hands? I, who was undeserving of all kindness!
My mind frantically went over a thousand ways in which I hoped to repay her goodness. But what could I offer her that she would accept gratefully? She was such a humble, honorable girl, that certainly all the lavish items in the world would only make her uncomfortable. A nagging, unwanted thought crept into my mind:
Her freedom.
I growled. Of all the things I could give her, the only one she wanted was the one to hurt me most! Could she not be happy here with me, if given time? No, I reasoned, of course not. She is a daughter of light, and I am a demon. She would desire the sun too badly before long.
I buried my cursed face in my death hands, wracking my brain. Oh Christine, I sighed, you are the sweetest form of innocence, and I will corrupt your eyes no more.
I stalked into my room, intent on retrieving my mask.
I woke the next morning with a frustrated sigh, and buried my head in my pillow. I was too emotionally exhausted to work on music, and too confused to face Erik. But I could not go back to sleep, and as the minutes ticked by I eventually sat up. After all, I could not stay in bed forever, and the last thing I wanted was Erik to come check on me.
I bathed in water and steam until my fingers pruned, towel dried my curls, and took the maximum amount of time lacing up my dress. I'm sure it was nearly early afternoon by the time I opened the door. Erik was standing, as expected, in the shadows to my left. I prepared myself to look at his face, and my eyes trailed up him as he came into the light.
"Good morning, Christine," he said solemnly. I glanced up, about to return the greeting, when I saw not his ugliness, but his mask! Instead of relief, I felt confusion and sadness. Why did he still hide from me?
"Good morning," I replied slowly, cautiously. "Erik…why have you put your mask back on?" I saw him stiffen, as though he hadn't expected me to say anything. Then he smiled sadly.
"I have plagued your eyes long enough, my angel. You have given me the sweetest feeling I have never known—that you could look at me without fear, if only for a moment. I will ask no more of you."
I mouth parted slightly, but no words would come. Poor Erik! I had done this to him, because I had lied, because I could not look at him long enough. I inwardly berated my foolish behavior. Had this man not had enough cruelty thrust upon him, that I had to be the salt in his open wound? I did not want to hurt him!
"Erik…no…" I heard myself whisper.
"Let us go to breakfast, Christine," he said, his voice edged with force.
I did not move. No, I would not let him continue this charade, not when I knew what lay behind the mask. I could be brave. I could…
He stopped when he realized I would not walk beside him.
"Come," he said, then, "Christine?"
I stalked up to him, and forced myself to remain calm as I stared into his eyes, now a visible yellow in the darkness. He stared back with confusion, almost fright, and his body tensed.
"Erik, I told you I would never again look upon your face with fear, and although I didn't mean to, I lied. I'm sorry, but I am still getting used to you, and to all this!"—I gestured to our surroundings—"In time, I know I can overcome whatever hideousness I see in your face, because your soul is good. But please, Erik, I cannot do it with this in the way." I laid my hand on his mask, softly stroking the dark porcelain. Tears flowed down the mask and onto the back of my hand. Yet, he did not move, nor could I feel him breathe.
When his reaction did not come, I stretched my other hand up, and gently undid his mask. He sobbed my name, and his arms went out as though to prevent me, but I held his disguise firmly in my hand. Walking out of the room, he followed me like a lost puppy.
"You will not wear this again," I told him, and his eyes jumped from me to the fireplace, then grew wide in fear. He walked toward my straight, bold form, but I did not give him time before I let go of his mask, letting it fall among the ashes and flames. Erik fell to his knees, sobbing pitifully. Tears ran down my own face, partly from relief, and pride at the sense of maturity I felt.
With his death hands, Erik grasped the end of dress, burying his face in the soft material. My heart filled over with pity and another emotion I could not place, or would not.
"I love you," he whispered softly, his body wracking as he withheld sobs.
My lips parted, but I stopped myself. What on earth had I been about to say? That I loved him as well? I scoffed, but sadly. I only wanted him to stop hurting.
"Erik," I said gently, kneeling down in front of him so that we were nearly level. "Will you sing for me?" He stared up at me, his sockets wide and frantic.
"I will deny you nothing." He got up with a grace I had not thought possibly after his previous display, and tried in vain to shake the tears from his eyes. Getting to my feet as well, I went to stand by the organ, wondering just how things would change from now on.
Before you criticize this chapter too badly, just let me say that I didn't mean for it to turn out so…I dunno, fluffy, maybe? The characterization was probably off too, but I AM trying. So please, all you comments are really helpful! Thanks a bunch! Oh, and sorry again for the late update, I'm normally not this slow, but it's been a trying year school-wise.
Reading Redhead—Aw, shucks! Thanks! ;) I glad you liked the title, too.
Clever Lass—Thank you! And hey, who said Leroux Erik is the least sexy one? I'll make out with him any day. Lol.
Wendela—Thanks so much! Oh, and the story…well, I DID look it up, but it's E/OW. –dies- I can't betray my E/C enthusiast soul. But it did look good besides all that. Hehe.
BlazeoftheInferno—That's it, you get a hug! –hugs-
Hereswith—Thank you!
Rowin—Thanks!
Countess Alana—LOL! Yes, please, stop before you get me started, too. Hehe.