Rightyo guys! Just sitting here listening to music at one o'clock in the morning and I decided that I was bored. SO lets write another chapter! Hope you enjoy this as much as I do! AND DONT FORGET TO REVIEW!

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Guilt. Quite possibly one of the worst emotions you can feel. It seems to swallow you whole, engulfing your very soul and eating you alive. Just the way it bites at your skin, causing goosebumps even when your not cold. It's that shivering feeling when your body quakes uncontrollably and not matter how hard you try you can't get warm. Your hands tremble with the prospect of something being your fault; especially when it's a life that was lost.

On a day to day basis doctors face guilt. But just like the rule about not getting attached, they're taught to push it aside and cast it from their mind. If they did all they could and the patient was still lost, it wasn't their fault, there was nothing they could have done and it was the patients time to go. But it still doesn't stop them from feeling that guilt.

Derek Shepherd was already feeling that unshakable feeling of guilt, and the surgery of Bianca DeMore wasn't for another three hours. He couldn't tell if it was guilt over the pain he had caused Meredith, or the thought of loosing the four year old both he and Dr Grey had become extremely attached to. He sat in the staff lounge, his head resting in his lap, eyes closed to fight off the dizziness. All morning his head had been spinning. Just the thought of lossing Bianca in surgery made his stomach convulse and he could feel that excess of saliva creep up the back of his throat.

He had no idea why he had become so close with her, why all the sudden all he could think about was making sure that she walked out of it ten times better than she was sitting in her bed right now. Maybe it was the fact that he was about to be a father, that Bianca was someones child and she was loved to death. Understanding it was difficult and he often spent hours pondering such questions as he lay in bed beside Meredith.

Maybe it was her innocence. That she was only four years old and her life had just begun. He shook his head and stood up, pooring a batch of coffee into a styrofoam cup and tipping the searing liquid down his throat, not bothering to let it touch his tongue. Content washed over him as the amber liquid settled in his stomach, making him feel more comforted and relaxed.

He sat back down on a chair as Meredith walked into the room. He gave her a lopsided grin and she smirked back at him.

"Feeling better?" she asked as she grabbed a donought and sat in chair beside him.

"Slightly," he replied. "How bout you?" His eyes shifted down to her stomach where her hand rested protectivly.

"Tired," she answered.

He nodded his head in understanding and agreement, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand, giving her fingers a reassuring squeeze. She gave him a rather sad smile.

"What's wrong?" he asked, scooching his chair closer to her and moving his hand from hers to her face. He cupped her cheek, the warmth from his palm radiating onto her skin.

"Nothing," she replied unconvincingly.

"Meredith, don't lie to me."

"I'm not. I was just ... thinking."

"About what? The baby?"

"Ya that. And us. And what our life is going to like with her."

"It's going to be amazing."

"Ya I know. But Derek, we really need to talk about this."

"About what?"

"Our life. Like where we're going to live, and how many hours we're going to cut back on work. Both of us can't be working full time with a baby at home. I don't want our daughter to grow up without knowing her parents," she said, looking down to her lap.

Derek noticed that since she came back from Boston and they were together again, she no longer said 'my daughter'. All the sudden it was 'their daughter'. Derek couldn't help but smile.

"Our daughter isn't going to grow up without knowing her parents. I promise. And as for a place to live, I'm sure you don't want her to grow up under the influence of Izzie and George," he laughed.

Meredith smiled in return. "And I know we can't raise her in my trailer," he continued. "So we'll buy a house together," he finished simply as though he was commenting on the weather.

"What?"

"We'll buy a house."

Shock covered Meredith's face but it quickly turned to an ear to ear grin. "Are you serious?"

"Of course. Olivia needs a place she can call home. Someplace with a big backyard with a swingset and big fluffy grass, and lots of room for the dog to run around. And tons of bedrooms for the rest of her brothers and sisters," he grinned widely.

Meredith couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not. "Don't you think you're jumping the gun?"

Derek gave her a sly smile. "Nope. We need to fill the house full of jumping, screaming kids and barking dogs," he said, moving his chair closer to her and kissing her.

She kissed him back, their lips pressing passionatly into each others. Just then, Bailey walked in.

"Shepherd. Bianca DeMore is ready for you."

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Sorry guys. I know I said that Bianca's surgery would be in this chapter but I ran out of time. My sister Carly and I are a part of a year round volleyball team and we have a tournament in an hour!

Review and you'll get more!

LOVE MEGAN