Well my o-so-loyal readers to whom I've devoted this whole story too … I'm such a bad author! Lol. It's been months since I've updated …I've been suffering form a severe lack of ideas and I had no idea where to go from where I left off. But I figured that I'd gotten this far so I'm totally writing this off the top of my head. Still don't know if this is gonna be the last chapter. Lol. Anyways … sorry and enjoy!

Oh and by the way I recommend listening to a sad song while you read this. It's pretty sad … but misleading. I guess you'll just have to read and find out what the hell I'm blabbering on about.

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It had been too early, the baby wasn't due for another five weeks. She had gone into a panic, her mind instantly going through all of the worst possible scenarios. But Derek had been there, holding her hand as she was wheeled on the gurney to the OR for an emergency c-section. He was there through the whole surgery holding her hand, watching over the sheets as his daughter was brought into the world and rushed to ICU.

She came in at six pounds, four ounces with blue-grey eyes and a head of somewhat curly dark-brown hair. But there had been complications. She was too premature, to little. Her heart had stopped as they were wheeling her down the hall, her small hands, feet and face turning blue. The doctors had panicked. It was bad enough when they lost a baby, but even worse when it was the baby of an ambitious intern with small ineffectual fists and an attending with a high possibility for chief. It just didn't happen.

They had shocked her heart, over and over again, desperate for a pulse. But the effort seemed to be inevitable, some of the doctors given up the second she first crashed. "She's to far gone," one of them had said, stepping back and shaking his head at the amount of futile effort some of the doctors were putting in. But they had persisted, pumping her small veins with every drug that could possibly save her life.

Meredith had been stitched back up and wheeled into her recovery room, Derek still at her side, both unaware that a floor above them their brand new daughter who had not been damaged or neglected yet (not that Derek or Meredith would ever do anything of the sort) was fighting tooth and nail for her life.

By now, more doctors had given up, were standing back and watching at the few who persisted, the few who were so afraid of the repercussions of letting the little girl go that they just kept trying. They shook their head, hung them in sadness until the last doctor gave up. He stood back from the small bed that held the even smaller child.

"Olivia Shepherd …" he gasped for air, forcing the words out of his throat. "Time of death …" he looked up to the clock high on the wall above her bed. "11:23 am." He ran his fingers through his hair, approaching his resident.

"Who's going to tell them?" he asked, fighting the prickling he could feel creeping from his nose up to his eyes, pushing back the tears. He couldn't cry. He couldn't. He wouldn't.

The other man hung his head to his chest, not wanting to be the one to do it. "I'll ask the chief," he said, sniffing back his own tears and leaving the other dishevelled man on his own.

He had found him sitting in his office, a small smile on his face as his eyes darted back and forth over the piece of paper he was reading. "Chief?" the man inquired, waiting at the door to be invited in.

"Dr Campanili, nice to see you. Come on in," Webber said, straightening the hat on his head and gesturing to the chair across from him. "What can I do for you?"

The doctor walked in and sat down on the chair that Webber was pointing to. "Sir it's about the Shepherd baby," he said quietly, head still bent down to his chest.

"Ah of course," Webber said, his smile growing at the mention. "How's she doing? Have Derek and Meredith seen her yet?" he rattled off the questions, making the young doctors head spin. He needed to stop him before he started talking about all the new clothes he had bought for her.

"Sir!" he interrupted. The chief looked taken aback but stopped talking nonetheless and waited patiently for an explanation. "Sir … there were complications," he prompted, beating around the bush. He knew he should have sent one of his bumbling interns to do this.

The look on Webbers face instantly turned from happy to concerned. "What kind of complications?" he asked, tilting his head to one side to stare the doctor down.

"She crashed on the way to her room," he whispered more to himself than the other man.

"And?" Webber prompted. He wished Campanili would just come out and say it already so he could go and bring Olivia to Derek and Meredith.

"We did everything we could sir, but she was too far gone. We shocked her heart, we gave her five ccs of dioxin but she just didn't respond sir. I'm sorry but … we lost her."

Webber had stopped listening at 'we did everything we could'. He knew how the rest of the sentence would go; he had heard it many times before. He shook his head, not wanting to believe what he was being told.

"I think it would be better if Shepherd and Grey heard it from you sir. With all do respect," he said, unaware that his boos had stopped listening long ago.

"Let's get this over with," he said, standing from his seat and following the man out of his office, shaking the tears from his eyes.

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He stood outside Meredith's recovery room, Burke, Christina, Izzie, George and Bailey all standing beside him. Only he would go in … and there was a chance he would never come out again after he told them the news. He stood there, his co-workers beside him for emotional support.

"This can't wait any longer," he said, sighing and pushing open the door.

"Twenty bucks says Shepherd rips him limb from limb," Christina said in her usual sarcastic state of mind.

Everyone turned and glared at her.

"What?" she asked, knowing fully well why they were looking at her. "Too soon?"

"Your best friend and the man she loved just lost their daughter," Bailey said, putting her hands on her hips and staring Christina down. "You think it's too soon?"

Christina was silent before saying, "Ya. Too soon."

Webber had walked into the room, stopping beside Meredith's bed with an all-to-serious look on his face.

"Cheer up Chief," Derek said with a huge smile. "Today's a good day."

But Webber remained stony-faced in silence.

"Chief?" Meredith inquired from her spot on her bed. "What's going on? Where's our daughter?" She could feel the panic building like a wall inside her chest.

"Sir?" Shepherd picked up where Meredith left off. "Sir!" he said forcefully, unnerved by his silence.

"I have some bad news," he said and the silence, if possible, thickened.

"Don't you dare procrastinate this," Derek threatened, pointing his finger accusingly at his boss. Webber didn't even bother to push it away or comment.

That was what made Derek and Meredith realize the seriousness of the situation. "Chief?" Meredith pleaded. "Where's Olivia?"

He could hear the tears edging their way into her voice and he decided it was cruel to leave them hanging any longer. "She crashed as they were taking her to ICU," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Derek turned to Meredith and took her hand in his, clutching onto her fingers for support.

"She was too far gone. They did everything they could but …" his voice cracked and he had to stop talking in order to keep from crying.

Derek collapsed into the chair beside Meredith's bed, his hand still in hers.

"I'm so sorry but … she's gone," was all he could manage to say.

Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can't deal it's so unfair

He was lying. He had to be lying. There was no way that after everything they had

been through God was going to punish them once again and take away the one thing that had brought them back together. It just wasn't fair.

"Please tell me this is a joke?" Meredith pleaded, sitting farther up in her bed and straightening her gown. "Please tell me that any second someone is going to walk through that door with my baby," she said, the tears now flowing freely down her cheek.

And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it feels
Yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've gone away

"I wish I could Meredith. I wish more than anything that I could tell you that," Webber said, brushing a stray tear away from his smooth cheek. "But I can't and I'm so, so sorry. Olivia is gone."

Leaving flowers on your grave
Show that I still care
But black roses and Hail Mary's
Can't bring back what's taken from me

"You can't do this to us Webber. You just can't," Derek said, his head hanging down on his chest. "You just can't," he repeated. "This isn't happening."

I reach to the sky
And call out your name
And if I could trade
I would

And at the same time as though they both shared the same emotional thought lines, the two of them burst out into tears, tears for the loss of the daughter they never got the chance to know, tears for the loss of the daughter they never would get to know. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. What had they done to deserve this?"

And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it stings
Yeah it stings now
The world is so cold
Now that you've gone away
Gone away, gone away, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Webber slowly backed out of the room, allowing them to their grief. There was nothing more that he could do for them, even though he wanted more than anything to give them back the one thing they needed more than anything.

I reach to the sky
And call out your name
Oh please let me trade
I would

Meredith's head spun and she wondered what she had done to cause this, how this was her fault. The thought that all the stress she had been through during her pregnancy contributed to the death of her daughter made her want to vomit.

And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it feels
Yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've gone away
Gone away, gone away, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Derek felt all the feeling leave his body as he allowed himself to slump farther down in his chair, Meredith's hand still in his. He wanted to take away her pain, wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be ok. But how could he when he didn't even believe it himself?

Both their breaths came in short gasps and they couldn't help but think what if's.

XXXXXXXXXX

Meredith woke with a start from her bed, heart pounding a mile a minute, memories from the past couple of hours flashing through her mind. Gasping for air, she looked to her left where a plastic bassinet lay empty. A small white piece of paper with the exclamation "I'm A Girl" in bright pink letters and the words "Olivia Shepherd" under it in black.

Flashbacks from the dream she had just woken up to passed through her brain and she wiped a bead of cold sweat from her forehead. Meredith looked desperately around the room, trying to find what her mind and heart needed more than anything.

Finally, her eyes fell upon the sight she had been longing for ever since she had been having that awful dream. Derek was standing with her back to her, a long, pink blanket hanging down from the bundle in his arms.

Hearing the sound her of her rustling between the sheets, he spun around, carefully holding the bundle to his chest.

"You're awake," he exclaimed, a wide smile spreading across his face.

"She's ok?" Meredith asked, gesturing to their daughter in his arms. Derek smiled and walked towards her bed, bending down and carefully placing the baby in her arms.

"See for yourself," he said, placing her tiny, sleeping body against her chest. She let out a sob, allowing a couple tears to flow down her cheeks.

"Hey what's wrong?" he asked, perching himself on the side of her bed once Olivia had been untangled from his arms. He ran one of his fingers down his daughters' smooth cheek, transferring it to Meredith's arm that was cradling the baby.

"It's nothing it's just …" she let her sentence trail off, hanging in the air in front of them.

"Just what Mer?" he asked gently, tucking a piece of loose hair behind her ear. "Jesus you're freezing," he said, cupping her cold cheek in his hand. "What's wrong?"

"I just had a really bad dream," she said truthfully.

"About what?" he prompted, not letting her get off that easily.

"My worst fear," she said. "What exactly happened after they took Olivia away?" she asked.

"Tell me about your dream first," he said with a coy smile.

"It's not important. I just dreamt that after they took Olivia away Webber came and told us that she crashed and didn't make it. I kind of panicked," she said, tears starting to fall down her cheeks again.

"Hey, hey, hey," Derek said. "It was just a dream. Take a second and look down," he said.

Her eyes followed his to the bundle in her arms where Olivia lay, very much alive, in the pink blanket.

"See that? See how her chest moves up and down? That means she's breathing which means she's alive," Derek quipped and gave her a sarcastic smile. "I don't care what you dreamt. Olivia is alive and well and she's going to grow up and die one day at the ripe old ago of ninety-nine. Not now. And that I'm promising you. Got it?"

She continued to stare at the tiny little life she had created with the man she loved before turning her gaze to him. "Got it."

"I love you Meredith," he said, putting his hand out and allowing Olivia to grip his finger with her whole hand. "And I love our daughter more than anything. And for the rest of our lives, we're going to be together … as a family. Agreed?"

A huge grin graced her face as he spoke. "Agreed."

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Wow … that's probably the longest chapter yet! I hope you enjoyed cuz THAT'S THE END! BOO HOO! I'm not going to update for quite awhile and when I do it's going to be set quite a few years in the future. I'll have it like when Olivia is 8 or 9 and it'll be a chapter or two long.

Thanks for all your support through this story! Don't forget to review!

Love, Megan