AOYAMA

As Izuku walked through the doors to U.A., an anvil fell on top of his head.

"Finally!" Bakugo shouted from the hallway. "Today marks the liberation of mankind! Down with the machines!"

Izuku stood up. A noticeable dent flattened the top of his head, and his eyes had an unfocused glaze.

Trauma craniano grave detectado. Sistemas de memória comprometidos. Configurações de idioma padrão corrompidas. Por favor, reinicie os arquivos de backup de ."

"Sounds like he's speaking French," Kaminari said, scratching his head. "Anyone know where Momo is?"

"Ooh!" Aoyama twirled through the doors, throwing glitter everywhere. "Moi can speak French! Allow me to translate like the dazzling star that I am."

"Uh, okay. Can you tell what he's saying?"

"Give me a moment." Aoyama cleared his throat and said, "Je voudrais commander une grosse explosion s'il vous plaît."

"Portaria nuclear preparada. Insira as coordenadas de lançamento."

Aoyama whispered in Kaminari's ear, "He wants a baguette. Poor Midoriya must have taken quite the hit to his head."

"Do you think we should take him to Recovery Girl?"

"I'lkl as him. Cela prendra un gros flash à Recovery Girl?"

"Reconhecido. Mirando em Ohio. Iniciando a sequência de lançamento."

Izuku's jaw opened and stretched outward. His head tilted up until it directly pointed at the ceiling.

Kaminari nervously asked, "Aoyama, what's he doing?"

"He's doing, uh… neck stretches! Yes, making sure that he hasn't suffered any spinal injuries. Assurez-vous qu'il ne reste rien."

A low rumble came from Izuku's chest. Without moving his mouth, Izuku said, "Cinco."

"I think he's counting," Kaminari said as he debated sprinting as far away from the ominous noises as possible. "Are you sure you're understanding him?"

"Of course I am! He's counting for breathing exercises. Everything is just fine! "Ceci est fait parce que quelqu'un dans un chat m'a dit de le faire."

"Quatro. Três."

"He's not breathing Aoyama! He never needs to breathe!"

"It's a figure of speech! There's nothing to worry about. Vous l'avez demandé."

"Dois. Um."

The rumble turned into a fiery roar as a missle shot out of Izuku's mouth and tore a hole clean through U.A.'s roof. Kaminari and Aoyama watched the missle streak across the morning sky.

"I'm pretty sure that's something to worry about," Kaminari said faintly.

Meanwhile, across the pond, two old men were bickering over who got to live in a white house when the Secretary of Defense sprinted in, his face white as a sheet.

"We're being nuked!"

The first old man said primly, "This cannot be allowed to stand. Tell Russia that we will not tolerate any further acts of aggression."

"Russia? Nah, it's not Russia, Putin's a great guy, had vodka with him last Thursday. Nah, probably those pesky Mexicans, wanting to tear down my wall."

"What wall? You haven't even built one."

"It's a figure of speech."

"You said it was concrete!"

The Secretary got off the phone. "They nuked Ohio. It's gone."

The two old men both looked at each other. "Great," one said. "Now how are we supposed to decide who wins?"

499 (While still in English)

With apologies to Quebec for Aoyama's butchering of your mother tongue, and further apologies to Ohio for your continued existence.