MINETA

Class 1-A, in full mourning regalia, sat in pews in front of a closed casket. A picture of Mineta, with him ogling someone's chest, had flowers strewn around it.

Aizawa cleared his throat and said, "We are gathered here today to… mourn the passing of Mineta Minoru. Out of all the students I have ever taught in my class, he was one of them."

Kaminari went up to speak. "I mean… he was a chill guy, once you got to know him, but he might have taken it just a teensy bit far sometimes."

"He called me flat," Jirou said with a glare.

Aoyama's tuxedo glittered with all the sequins and fake gemstones sewn into it. "Am I not dazzling? Bask in my radiance!"

"I've filed seventeen sexual harassment complaints," Tsuyu said. "I think I'll file another one after this."

Bakugou scoffed. "We don't need weaklings like him in the war against robots."

Hagakure, visible only by her floating dress, said, "He stared directly at my boobs even when I was totally invisible. It was super creepy!"

"I couldn't pay him enough money to leave me alone," Yaoyorozu admitted. "Ten billion yen, and he refused it all. I'm not sure if I should be flattered or concerned."

Mina huffed. "I like attention and all, but he was too much even for me. Not to mention, there's that one time he said he wouldn't mind if it burned after we did it. I know he was talking about my Quirk, but still, rude!"

Izuku ate some of the flowers. "This complementary salad bar is quite delicious. My compliments."

The chapel doors flew open. Mineta strode in and stared at the pictures and casket with visible confusion. "Why do I have a funeral?"

"This is your chapter," Aizawa said. "You get physical trauma heaped on you by the author on a regular basis. Imagine how much worse it'll be since you have an entire drabble devoted to you."

"Yeah, no offense dude, but you're a goner," Kaminari said. "Any chance I can have your stuff when you kick it?"

"You guys, relax! This story's rated PG-13, what's the worst that can happen?"

The chapel doors burst open in a shower of wooden splinters. Miruko strode in, arms crossed and glaring down at Mineta. "420BigStickyBalls69, I've found you at last. You'll pay for saying I'm secretly a bottom! Nobody tops me, nobody!"

Mineta sprinted towards the window. The entire wall burst apart as Ryukyu, in full dragon form, smashed her way inside.

"You said my scales were too rough and ugly. I'll show you exactly how rough and ugly I can be!"

Mineta beelined it for the other wall, only for the entire roof to rise up as an enormous hand lifted it. Mount Lady scowled down at him. "I do not make my boobs bigger with my Quirk, and you'll pay for starting that rumor!"

"Um, guys, a little help?"

Mineta looked back at the pews. They were empty.

497

Is the coffin dance meme still relevant? If so, Izuku does the robot, naturally.