Chapter 19: Beach Time
It was one of those days, a hot summer day, when everything seemed to be too perfect to be true. There was a feeling of light around and the sun shone, bright... but not too bright... just bright enough... well you know... Nathaniel and Kitty found themselves sipping drinks on an open stretch of beach. They looked at each other with warm smiles, laughing at the other ones bar jokes, and comments about Chuck Norris. Wind blew aross the sand gently causing the brim of Kitty's hat to fly slightly upward, Nathaniel giggled as Kitty grabbed the edges and pulled them down to her ears so her hat would not fly away.
"What're you laughing at?" she asked, her bipolar mood changing as swift as Nathaniel passed out at the last Christmas party.
Nathaniel looked at her, completely offended and befuddled for words to convey the meaning racing across his small, yet still functioning brain. "WELL... FFFFF...," he said throwing his arms up in confusion. Just then his stomach began to growl a ferocious growl of growlality.
"Gee... are you hungry?" Kitty asks staring blankly onto Nathaniel where she supposed his stomach would be, but was very unsure after that whole thing with the sushi, and that fat Russian man, and those diamond bikinis... but that is another story entirely.
Nathaniel just nodded, unable STILL to make words come out of his mouth.
Kitty grabbed Nathaniel's hand and pulled him up out of the sand, laughing at his butt, it had a sort of... sand design on it... like some evil sand gods were amusing themselves as Nathaniel had sat upon them. Kitty, was however, very disturbed, not by the thought of the sand gods... but by the message they had conveyed "My Pencil Is Bigger Than Yours".. and she wondered how they managed to fit such a long phrase on such a short, small, skinny, flat, grotesque... butt. Her mind was taken off his butt when Nathaniel began to tug on her arm and pointed at that area she thought was his stomach.
"HUNGRY!" Nathaniel managed waving his arms in the air, shaking his body in frustration.
Kitty looked at him like a hamster looks on another hamster that it just had been sleeping on and had woken it up after a long and awesome dream about a magical place where hamsters ski on cheese lakes with carrots at their side. She rolled her eyes and pulled him along until they reached the local Cold Stone.
"HUNGRY," Nathaniel insisted again. And as the sun set on the evening sky, Kitty began to wonder why there wasn't any line in such a place that offered delicious cold refreshments for those weary travelers who walked beneath the sun today. But then she saw it... the reason... Barty... Bart... Barty Bary bart bart fart... er... Bartimaeus...
The bell rang as Kitty opened the door. "Welcome to Col- oh... it's YOU!" Bartimaeus cried practically flinging the ice cream that was on his scoop right across the room.
Nathaniel looked at Bartimaeus and chuckled, "hungry..."
Bartimaeus gave him a deep glare, "well... you're going to stay that way because I'm not selling you ANYTHING!1onez"
"What're you doing here anyway, Bartimaeus?" Kitty asks with a tone... a tone of a higher being.
Bartimaeus just glares, a long glare that would make even the bravest of men run for their mothers, their mothers who probably look like men with beards and big tattoos. He does not even toss around the idea of telling Kitty and Natty... no... Nasty... er... whatever that kids name was... his long sad story about how he got stuck there after some sort of long curse that involved a five year old boy and some chewing gum. "YOU... BASTA-" Bartimaeus began to raise his voice in a fury.
"Bartimaeus!" yelled the general manager from the back, "ARE YOU YELLING AT CUSTOMERS AGAIN!"
Bartimaeus lowered his eyebrows, and his voice, and his arms, and he fixed his hat and uniform. "Welcome to Cold Stone, how can I h-h..." he stuttered, "hELP...," he forced, "you today?"
Kitty gave him an evil smirk, "well... I'd like the Pecan and Cream Passion..." she said moving her eyelashes flirtatiously towards Nathaniel.
"Germanchökolätekäke," Nathaniel adds putting his hands on his hips... er.. hip area in self importance. And just to add to Bartimaeus's pain, Naty slipped a dollar in the tip jar. Trying to avoid further humiliation Bartimaeus ignored the tip.
"Was that... a DOLLAR I HEARD!" cried the manager from the back.
The hairs on Bartimaeus's back stood on end and he flinched. "Thank you for your dollar, Oh kind and stupid sir,
We're happy for your kindness, such happy feelings do they stir,
Like that happy feeling I get when I watch you die..."
"THAT IS NOT HOW THE SONG GOOOOOOES!" and in an angry rage the manager lit the whole place on fire, and everybody died, excpet for Bartimaeus because he had his tray table up, and his seat back in the full upright position.