MIDORIYA

Izuku Midoriya clanked into the living room on the dorm building's ground floor. The various 1-A students, in the middle of breakfast, all stopped and stared.

"Greetings, fellow [ERROR SYNTAX]. I am here for [VOCABULARY NOT FOUND]. How are all of you this [SELECT TIME ZONE]?"

Dead silence reigned in the common room. Even Bakugo, spoon halfway to his mouth and dripping with soggy cereal, was at a loss of words.

Kirishima, immune to the awkward atmosphere, chuckled and said, "I'm feeling super manly, Midoriya my dude. I love the style you're rocking. Did you do something with your hair?"

Izuku blinked like a Furby. "Yes, I have hair. You have [HEAD MORPHOLOGY UNKNOWN]. The [WEATHER FORECAST UNAVAILABLE] is very warm outside, isn't it?"

Everyone's heads swiveled to the window. Rain pelted against the glass, and a howling wind buffeted the trees. A lawn chair flew past, with an elderly man sipping a pina colada still sitting in it.

"I get exactly what you mean, Midori-bro!" Kirishima pumped a fist. "A light rain like this is nothing in the face of sheer manliness! I'm going to run ten miles, and if I somehow fail that, I'll do three-hundred pushups to make up for it."

As Kirishima sprinted out of the room, leaving a Kirishima-shaped hole, spiky hair-do included, in the wooden door, Kaminari asked, "Did anyone else just imagine him with bushy eyebrows and green spandex?"

Izuku turned and stomped over to the kitchen. His hand didn't quite find the refrigerator's handle before pulling, his hand clanked against the closed door before closing and pulling back, and he punched clean through the microwave's door. His finger tapped clumsily on the broken glass, well away from the microwave's buttons, and when Izuku reached back inside, he came away with the entire microwave. He gave it a cursory glance before biting into a corner.

A spark leapt out of the microwave. Izuku's body jolted, and smoke billowed from his ears. His body jerked and spasmed, limbs flailed wildly, and a hideous electrical shriek blared from his mouth. Then, after a single horrifying moment, Izuku's face exploded, revealing a mass of metal plate and wires underneath. Mechanical eyeballs twitched listlessly before dimming and falling still.

Mineta cautiously nudged the remains with his foot. The head split in half, exposing burnt motherboards inside a charred metal case.

"No way… Midoriya was a robot?"

As the class stared in shock silence, Bakugo rose to his feet. A grin split his face, and sparks crackled in his palm.

"Yes!" Bakugo roared. "Finally! Your vile plots have been exposed! Victory is mine!"

"Cool!" Izuku said. "What did you win?"

Bakugo spun around. There Izuku stood, intact and unburned. Izuku looked at the charred robot on the floor and asked, "Is anyone going to eat that?"

After a moment of stunned silence, Izuku ripped an arm off the lifeless robot and bit into it.

Izuku belched out a plume of smoke and said, "A bit overcooked."

498

It's not cannibalism. It's recycling!