DOGGY

In an imperious tone, Eri called out, "Sit boy!"

The hundred-foot-tall kaiju of robotic arms and glowing green eyes sat on its haunches. Hundreds of eyes stared down at her.

"Now, roll over!"

The mecha-hydra rolled over, flattening an apartment complex. It shook the rubble off itself, ate a refrigerator, and stared silently at Eri.

"Good boy!"

Nighteye fought back a migraine as he took in the chaos around him. Overhaul was in handcuffs and pumped with enough tranquliziers to keep him unconscious for a week, while the police rounded up Yakuza bodies. The Shie Hassaikai hideout, hidden beneath a picturesque villa, lay stripped and gutted, its concrete shell cracked and strewn about.

And in the center of the carnage sat the monster. A nightmarish amalgamation of hands and eyes that chilled him to his soul. Which was also his intern.

Nighteye scowled at Lemillion. "What made you think this was a good idea?"

Lemillion swallowed nervously. "In my defense, I didn't know what his plan was. I knew he could regenerate, so I figured…"

Nighteye gestured at the wreckage. "Did you figure that?"

Lemillion shuddered. "I'm not the one with a clairvoyance Quirk, sir."

Eri waved around a piece of rebar. The kaiju's many eyes all tracked its movement. She hurled it as far as she could and shouted, "Fetch!"

The kaiju stomped off and returned with a lamp post. Eri patted its front arm and said, "Good boy!"

Nighteye gave Lemillion a flat look. "You're explaining this to his mother."

Lemillion went pale. "But sir, you're the one-"

"It'll be good work experience," Nighteye said coldly.

"Uh… oh no, I'm losing control of my Quirk again!"

Nighteye grabbed at him, but his hand went right through Lemillion's grinning face before he disappeared. Nighteye sighed, then nearly groaned when Inko Midoriya strode up to him.

"Where is he?"

Nighteye pointed. Inko looked up and scoffed in disgust. "What a sloppy design. Did his processing core get damaged?"

Eri shrank in on herself when Inko approached. "Are you here to take my doggy away?"

Inko took out a laptop and rapidly typed a string of code. Two seconds later, the kaiju's chest opened, and Izuku stepped out.

"Hello mother," Izuku said. "I was a butterfly."

"That's very nice dear. Let's go." She turned to leave, but Izuku didn't follow. He stared at Eri.

"Can we keep her?"

Not needing his precognitive Quirk to know how badly that would work out, Nighteye said, "She needs to-"

"I'm adopting her."

"Police custody-"

Inko snapped her fingers. The kaiju's many hands opened, and multiple gun barrels aimed at him.

"Eri dear," Inko called. "Want a candied apple?"

Eri hugged the kaiju. "Can I keep my doggy?"

"Of course you can! We can make him bigger too. How do you feel about rocket launchers?"

As the misfit family and their nightmarish pet set off into the sunset, Nighteye chugged a bottle of aspirin and resolved to make Lemillion handle all the paperwork.

498

Me: and that's what I came up with this week.

My therapist: what are you taking and where can I get some