LAUGH

Nighteye wore a rainbow wig and a red rubber nose. The white facepaint didn't quite hide the deep bags underneath his eyes. Before him, Izuku stood stock-still as the tickle-machine assailed him with feathers and rubber chicken noises.

"Still no reaction…" Nighteye muttered. "Very well. You leave me no choice. Centipeder!"

With a reluctant sigh, Centipeder threw a pie. It hit Nighteye full in the face, smearing a dollop of whipped cream and banana pudding.

Nighteye unfurled a handkerchief and wiped his face. "Anything?"

Bubble Girl leaned over and made silly faces at Izuku. "Nothing, sir! Not even a twitch!"

"I could laugh, if you so require," Izuku said.

"No, no!" Nighteye spat. "A laugh forced is no laugh at all! It needs to come from the heart!"

"Really? My medical databases indicate that laughter would come from the lungs and diaphragm, or the brain if one refers to the electrical stimuli inducing laughter. I fail to see-"

"Yes!" Nighteye snapped. "You fail to see! How could I be so blind? Clearly, your brand of humor regards the antics of a lowly clown as far too lowbrow for even the most pitiful chuckle. Centipeder!"

"Sir, I think you need to sleep."

"Sleep? We don't have time for sleep! We have twelve hours to fashion this stodgy, mechanical excuse of a human being into someone halfway personable! He does not cry. His smiles are manufactured. How can anyone relate to someone without a scrap of emotion in their hearts?"

"If my heart is somehow insufficient," Izuku said, "I could always replace it with a new one."

"See that?" Nighteye asked. "That should be funny! But instead, it's depressing! Why? Because he's completely serious! Not a humorous bone in his body! But I. Will. Find it! Centipeder, get the tape."

Centipeder went pale, an impressive feat given that he had carapace instead of skin. "Sir, surely not!"

"We are out of options!"

"The last person who watched it laughed until their eyes bled!"

From the environs of the tickle machine, Izuku nodded sagely. "I have seen reports that television causes eye cancer. Oddly, none of those sites cite medical research or have any comments from licensed doctors."

"Get. The. Tape."

Centipeder brought out a cathode-ray television. He turned it on and fled. Nighteye, meanwhile, fastened clothespins onto Izuku's eyelids.

"Behold, Izuku. Mankind's greatest creation. Never again will we match the comedy you shall behold. You will watch. And you will laugh."

"Do you want me to-"

Nighteye shushed Izuku with a finger. "Never force a laugh. It taints the soul."

From outside the doorway, Bubble Girl whispered, "He really needs to sleep."

"Ssh," Mirio said. "I want to hear it."

The movie played. Within minutes, Bubble Girl and Mirio were howling with laughter. Even Nighteye guffawed, though he dared not look. But Izuku?

Izuku never laughed.

At daybreak, an exhausted Nighteye, still wearing clown makeup, despaired as Izuku left his agency.

"I don't understand. How could he not chuckle at Adam Sandler?"

500

Ah yes. Truly the pinnacle of comedy.