Disclaimer: I don't own CCS, Daidouji Tomoyo or the other charries, nor do I own "Happy", which is by Saving Jane! Okies? Never have, never do, never will!
Macki: Mou! It's been such a long time! In apology...I make this CCS one-shot. -bows- Can you ever forgive me!
Hiei: Shut up and get on with it...
Macki: Hiei? Why are you here?
Hiei: Because I am, now GO!
Macki: Righto! Ano...Here you are!
WARNING: Before You Read: VERY OOC! Terrible OUT OF CHARACTER! Please be aware of that.
Happy
By Macki
aka
Memories Of Sweet Dreams
Thirteen year-old Daidouji Tomoyo sighed to herself, as she sat herself down against a tree. She shifted uneasily, trying to find a comfortable position.
She wrapped her jacket tighter around herself, shielding away from the night air. Her black hair whipped her face, as her violet eyes gazed towards the sky. Tonight was a special night, though the reason why seemed to escape her mind. She had gone to the lonely hill to isolate herself from all the happiness.
After all, how could she possibly be happy? Of course, she was happy. But she wasn't happy, happy. Was there a difference? Oh well.
Her hand found its way to her waist, where it held felt a small bottle of liquid, comfortable with the shape and feel. She smiled to herself, sighing contentedly.
She knew it was bad. Of course she knew! But lately, it seemed to be the only thing that helped. She hugged herself, moving the bottle to her lap, welcoming the cold feeling of the glass. She sighed, being to take out the cork.
She'd been sighing a lot these days. It seemed like nothing was ever the same.
Filling up my empty days with red wine
Wonder what you think of me?
Lying in the grass, alone and wasted
Nothing's like it used to be
She put the bottle to her lips, drinking the burning liquid fast. She wondered sometimes, what would Sakura think if she knew?
'Sakura-chan...'
Rita had phoned Tomoyo yesterday with the latest gossip. She grimaced at the memory.
'"Oh, Sakura-chan and Li-kun! Aren't they just the cutest you've ever seen!" Idiot...'
She supposed that she'd have to tell Sakura she knew sometime though...She just needed to prepare to get hurt more than she already was.
I wanna be the first to call and tell you
Yesterday I heard the news
I hear you oughtta be congratulated
So I guess that's what I'll do
Tomoyo looked up at the sky, looking sorrowfully up at the fireworks that had started. What was there to be so happy about, really? Nothing. Nothing, whatsoever. People were so stupid.
Someone was giggling. Another one was laughing, a deeper sound than the giggle. She looked down at a lower part of the hill, quite surprised at what she saw.
Sakura...And Li. Or Syaoran, as Sakura was allowed to call him.
They were sitting down, holding hands, laughing at something...The raven-haired girl couldn't figure out just what.
She started to tear, as Sakura leaned her head upon Syaoran's shoulder, snuggling close to her boyfriend.
What was she to expect? Sakura wasn't hers. She was only the best friend, nothing more, despite how much Tomoyo cared for her.
And besides...It was good if Sakura was happy, right? Right...
I'm so happy for you
I could cry
Yeah, I'm so elated
Cross my heart and hope to die
I don't think about you every night
Before I close my eyes
I'm so happy for you baby,
I could cry
She sniffed, wiping her eyes furiously with one hand, while the other gripped her wine. 'Sakura-chan...'
She gave up, dropping her hand and gripping her skirt, knuckles turning white in the process. Her shoulders shook as the tears fell.
Her eyes widened, as she heard another giggle. Looking up, she saw the worst vision she thought was possible...
Sakura was kissing Syaoran.
And still, the only noises she made were the sounds of her tears falling, mixing with her soft heartbeat...
Listen to the sound of my heart pounding
Wish that it was make-believe
Praying for the skies to open up and
Wash away your memory
She gripped her chest, as her heartbeat suddenly quickened, as if it would jump from her body any moment. It was as if someone had taken a knife, stabbed her in the back...
But Sakura would never do such a thing. Neither would Syaoran, but Tomoyo still didn't know him very well. But she should never accuse Sakura-chan of doing such a thing...She was much too innocent. How could she even think of blaming her? Tomoyo no baka!
She let her head fall behind her, and it hit the tree trunk with a soft thump, luckily unheard by the two playing lovers in front of her.
The tears were still coming, at an even faster rate, if possible. But she didn't care anymore. As long as no one saw her, she'd be fine. If someone noticed her tears, what would happen? They'd think such bad things. What was the whole point? No one needed to know of her feelings...Especially not her ones of love.
I can walk around with a pretty face on
Even when I'm black and blue
What's the point in telling everybody
I'm not over you
She let her arms fall beside her, as the bottle rolled out of her hands. 'I guess...It's really no use...' She thought, slightly amused as she cried. 'There's really no use for love...It hurts so damn much...Why do I have to hurt so bad...'
She winced, as she heard Syaoran's laugh. 'Sakura-chan...I'm sorry for feeling this way. I promise I won't say anything, okay?' She thought to herself silently, willing for her best friend to hear her mind. 'And Syaoran-kun...If you hurt her...There will be hell to pay...' Her teeth gritted, already imagining the tortures she would have in store for him.
She smiled a bit, remembering a line that Chiharu once told her...Yamazaki had been lieing again, and Chiharu was complaining. She was grumbling to Tomoyo about her secret love, "One of these days, really...I'll rip out his spine and beat him with it, I swear..."
'Rip out his spine and beat him with it...It sounds so satisfying...What depressing thoughts.'
Depression...The thought reminded her of something, and she stuck in her pocket to look for it. There was a reason why she was wearing her jacket...She was always wearing it these days. She couldn't risk being caught...
She sighed, as she felt her fingers touch the cold metal of her blood-stained razor blade. Yes, she knew that it was stupid. She knew she shouldn't do it. She'd heard Sakura cry over such things many times, but never once was it because Tomoyo was doing it. It would break her poor heart, to know her best friend was doing such a thing.
She unconciously grabbed her wrist with her other hand, holding a scar-crossed arm in one hand, and a razor in the other. 'Well, this just screams emo, doesn't it? Stupid labels...'
She wasn't emo. She hated stereotypes.
She was just in love...With someone who could never love her in the same way back.
I'm so happy for you
I could cry
Yeah, I'm so elated
Cross my heart and hope to die
I don't think about you every night
Before I close my eyes
I'm so happy for you baby,
I could...
She reflected over the years she and Sakura-chan had shared. She still treasured the little rubber that Sakura had first given her, the small bunny eraser. It was her most precious thing...She would never give it up.
She thought of the moments they were getting Clow Cards...Tomoyo would make the costumes, and happily film the object of her affections as she faced danger. But she always helped when she could; She disliked sitting idly by.
She remembered when Syaoran had first appeared on the scene...He and Sakura had never gotten along. It wasn't long before he started feeling for Sakura-chan. But Tomoyo was the only one who noticed it, of course. He just wouldn't admit it, not even to himself. How sad.
Even though she loved Sakura...She helped Syaoran. She felt compelled to, she knew they were meant for each other. There was no more room in Sakura's love life for Tomoyo anymore.
First it was Yukito. Then, and now, it was and is Syaoran. Li Syaoran, the obnoxious little boy who was so attracted to power. He had gotten the love in Sakura's heart...
Sakura's heart was, of course, quite big. Tomoyo knew how caring she was. But she was just so in love with Syaoran, she was constantly worrying...Her friend could only sit and help when she had an oppurtunity. Anything to make Sakura-chan feel better.
'I miss you, Sakura-chan...'
Her hand found her bottle again.
Cry about the love we used to have
Cry that I won't ever get you back
Filling up my empty days with red wine
Wonder what you think of me?
She smiled, as she heard Sakura laugh...She had such a beautiful laugh. Tomoyo thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world. She'd give anything to hear that laugh. She'd do anything, just to see that smile. To hear her voice. Everything about Sakura amazed her.
So it was wrong...In some standards, anyway. Was it her fault for falling in love? Even if it was with a girl. Who cared? Love was love, plain and simple. No book, no person, no opinion would ever change her thoughts on that. She loved Sakura, and that was all there is to it.
She thought of that, as she looked back at the couple, who had quieted to holding hands and watching the fireworks. 'Sakura-chan...'
She raised her head, staring at the brilliant lights in the sky.
'I love you...'
She whispered to herself, quietly. "I love you, Sakura-chan...And I'm so happy that you're glad...I wish you well, in your epic love tale...I'll always be here, okay?"
I'm so happy for you
I could cry
Yeah, I'm so elated
Cross my heart and hope to die
I'm so happy for you
So, so happy for you
I don't think about you every night
Before I close my eyes
I'm so happy for you baby,
I could cry...