"Everyone sit down now, please, and hush up. Sit down at your correct table. At the TABLE TO WHICH YOU BELONG, PLEASE, MISS ABBOTT. Thank you."
Professor McGonagall was pushing us along to our own tables. Lydia, who had followed Abby and I inside, gave me a fake hug and one of her sweetest falsest smiles and went along to her own Ravenclaw table. I flipped her off as she turned her back and McGonagall glared at me.
"Alison Taylor! What would your mother say?"
I shook my head and turned back to the table. Abby was flirting with Neville again. She liked to tease him.
"Neville, you look SO good in that shirt. Where did you get it?"
"Oh.. I dono. My grammy bought it for me."
"Woah, that's like so hott. Let me see the tag." She reached across the table, grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling it toward her. As he was pulled up, he almost spilled a goblet of pumpkin juice. I grabbed it out of his reach and set it down safely on my other side, where Dean sat.
"Neville spilling things again?" He said, grinning.
I giggled. Almost.
"Oh, Neville! Dont move! I almost have it! It's.. It's.. Oh I can't read it. Aly, come look at this and tell me what it says!"
I turned back to Abby, who was choking Neville. He was gasping for air.
"Ah--I can-t-Ab-You-I CAN'T BREATHE!" He wrestled out of her gasp and sat back down, fixing his collar. He had turned a deep purple
"Aren't you lookin good, Neville?" Harry remarked, taking a seat beside me.
I poked Abby and muttered in her ear, "You really shouldn't do that to him."
She turned innocently to me. "Do what?"
"Get him turned on. He doesn't know how to handle it."
We both giggled, until Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat.
"To our new students, welcome! To our old students, welcome back! I won't bore you with long speeches and welcomes, so start eating!" Everyone cheered and the food appeared in front of us. We dug in.
"Ugh, the food was so good, but I feel so fat." She started complaining as soon as we walked out of the Main Hall. We started up the stairs toward the Gryffindor dormitories.
"You are fat, you fatty fat Mcfatterson!"
Abby frowned. "Am I really? Do I look like I gained a few pounds this summer? Can you really see it? Where did it go? The back?" She turned her back to me and looked down at her ass. I looked at it too.
"It's fine, Abby. I was joking."
"Oh." She looked relieved. Edward, our other best friend, came up behind her and slapped her ass.
"Ow! Eddy, you retard!" He grinned at us. She rubbed her ass.
"That hurt."
"Oh, let me rub it for you." He came up behind her and tried to touch her.
"No, no way! Not after that. You'll hit me again!"
"No, I won't ya stupid fatty."
She stopped and looked sad. "You think I'm fat?"
"Yes, very."
"Well, good, I think you're UGLY!"
"Gobble like a chicken for me, Abby!"
"Gobble effin gobble."
"Well, that was good, but not as good as me." He gobbled and Abby and I cracked up. His gobble sounds so real.
We were almost to the Gryffindor common room. We passed through the painting of the fat lady, quickly memorizing the password, Lime Jell-O.
"What the hell kind of password is that?"
"A good-tasting one." I turned to see Harry behind us.
"You know what jell-o is?"
"Of course. I grew up with Muggles."
"Oh, yeah.." I replied, feeling foolish.
He pushed past us and went immediately to his favorite chair right by the fireplace. He was a 7th year now, so he could take that chair without any objections.
I sighed.
"Why the hell do you like him?" Eddy stared at Harry intently, trying to figure out what I liked about him.
"You wouldn't understand. You're a guy. You have a weiner. You don't have humps."
"MY HUMP MY HUMP MY HUMP" Abby and I broke out singing. "MY LOVELY LADY LUMPS!"
"Whatcha gona do wit all dat ASS. all dat ASS inside your jeans." Eddy sang out.
"Imma make make make make you SCREAM. make you scream, make you scream!"
"Whatcha gon-" He was cut off when he realized the entire common room was looking at us. We looked at each other, then back out at everyone else. It was really quiet.
"You know... that song?" I ventured to say. "by the Black-Eyed Peas?" Noone said anything. "Okay.. Guess not."
Harry was looking at me like I had a foot where my head should be.
"Well, there goes your chances of ever getting in his pants." Eddy whispered to me. I rolled my eyes.
"I don't want to get in his pants, I just want to-" I made a sexual motion with my hands. They both laughed.
"Goodnight, Eddy." Abby & I chimed together, as we made our way up the stairs to the girls' rooms.
"Goodnight, girls."
I sat in my bed, staring at the wall, slowly brushing my hair. It never really mattered if I combed my hair or not, it always looked retarded, but you know. Just so I'm not made fun of.
Abby came up and sat next to me, trying to get a knot out of her sneaker.
"Abby?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think he'll ever notice me?"
"Maybe in hell."
I glanced at her. She had gotten the knot out and was now dumping dirt out of her shoe. She reached her hand in and pulled out a dollar.
"Hey, look, a dollar!" She pocketed it and set the shoe down. She took the hairbrush from me and started brushing her own hair.
"Kindly die." I told her, and laid back on my bed.
WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME. She screamed.
Ginny came over and sat by us.
"Whatcha doing?" She asked.
"Touching ourselves." I felt like being quite the sarcastic one tonight.
"Oh, nice. Touch me too while you're at it."
"Oh, yeah, I'll definitely do that."
She did a flip over the side of the bed and got under the covers of her own bed and snuggled up underneath them. "Goodnight, you two."
Abby looked at me and sighed. "Don't worry about him. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. And if it's not, then you could probably always just ask to bang you anyway."
"Thanks for your support, Abby."
"No problem."
She got in her bed and I got in mine.
"Goodnight, fruity"
"Goodnight, Abby"