MIRUKO

Izuku approached the dilapidated gym, with its boarded-up windows and vine-strewn brick walls. He glanced down at the slip of paper in his hands. Back up to the building.

Unlike the rest of the building, the front door was brand new, but unadorned. Izuku knocked on it.

"Excuse me, is this-"

The door shattered into a million splinters as a foot crashed through it. The kick landed firmly on Izuku's head, making a ponderous, metallic echo like a giant gong.

Izuku didn't even blink as a blast of wooden splinters crashed into him, nor did he move a single millimeter under the same mighty blow that had annihilated the front door down to its hinges.

"Hello there! My name is-"

A second leg darted through the doorframe. The kick slammed into Izuku's chest with the force of a freight train. The comparison made Izuku wonder if there was a nearby train he could snack on. He hadn't been allowed near the bullet trains since the time he ate the rails.

"Is this a villain attack?" Izuku asked. "As a provisional hero, I am authorized to-"

A kick slammed into his leg. A normal kneecap would have crumbled into dust. Izuku's kneecap made a light dinging noise.

"I must warn you-"

A kick to the jaw. A dentist four blocks away felt a shiver down his spine.

"If you continue-"

The kick to his arm should've ripped it out of his socket and sent it flying into the Pacific. Instead, it spun in circles like a crank.

"This is your last-"

Izuku caught the next kick. Miruko yelped as Izuku whipped her into the air and smacked her on the ground.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be - wait, that is an American law."

Miruko's other leg snapped up and hammered his wrist. Izuku stared at the foot ineffectually attacking him before slamming Miruko into the ground again.

"Resistance is futile."

Miruko kicked him in the groin. Every man within ten miles winced and broke out in a cold sweat, but Izuku didn't even twitch.

"Standard pacification methods insufficient," Izuku said. "Commencing A-rank protocols."

Izuku slammed her into the ground. Then again, and again. Concrete cracked, and the very ground shook as Izuku whirled Miruko around like a ragdoll.

Once Izuku stopped, Miruko glared up at him. "Oh, that's it. Now you've done it!"

"Correct. I have done it. It being a generic noun that could refer to any number of activities, including-"

"Lunar Arc!" Miruko shouted as she used her own blood to slip out of Izuku's grasp and leapt high into the air. "Earth Breaker!"

The world shook. Mountains crumbled, seas sloshed over the landscape. Great crevices rent the earth, and magma burst forth from the planet's molten depths. The planet shuddered, then, with a great bone-shaking crack, split into three pieces.

As the shards of planet Earth drifted in orbit, Izuku rubbed the bump on his head and said, "Ow."

500

Miruko: I am a hero, you dull creature, and I will not be bullied by-

Izuku slams her into the ground multiple times.

Izuku: Puny hero.