YOROI MUSHA

Yoroi Musha artfully drew his sword and declared, "When using a sword, always remember the three S's."

"Now googling Three S's," Izuku said. "Are you referring to "Shoot, shovel, and shut up, or shit, shower, and shave?"

"What? No. I mean Skill, Speed, and Style."

"Oh. I was not aware that Style is considered a stat in Fire Emblem games. Did your autocorrect misinterpret Strength?"

Off to the side, a zweihander-wielding man stage-whispered, "He has a point."

"Strength is for brutes swinging about with a rusty cleaver," Yoroi Musha added with a sharp glare at the swordsman clearly compensating for something. "And in another age, that might be correct. Today, however, showmanship is half the job. When drawing your blade, you will intimidate villains and inspire civilians and fellow heroes in equal measure. Allow me to demonstrate the difference."

With a pained grimace, Yoroi Musha blandly drew his sword. Then, drawing it again, he flourished it about, catching the light with his sword. "There, you see?"

"I do indeed see which is the superior drawing technique."

"Yes, of course you do, it's so obvious that-"

"Your first draw was 112% faster, and five times less likely to slip out of your fingers."

A chill fell over the room as Yoroi Musha beheld his apprentice. The sidekick, oblivious to the frigid atmosphere, shouted, "He's got you there!"

Yoroi Musha's sword flashed out of its scabbard. The zweihander fell to the floor in a hundred metal shards.

"That one was even faster," Izuku said. "Is cutting up another sword a part of style?"

The Equipped Hero pondered how he might teach style to someone who had not the slightest grasp on the fundamentals of showmanship and promptly gave up. Instead, he said, "How about you try multiple ways to draw your blade and we'll see which one works best."

"Understood. Initiating trademark-compliant laser sword unsheathing protocols."

Izuku held up his not-a-lightsaber and lit it. "Is this adequate?"

"Try something… unique. That only you could do."

Izuku's arm opened and a lightsaber popped out. "Is this sufficiently unique?"

"Good, yes…" The hero stroked his beard. "Can you draw from anywhere else?"

Izuku tapped the side of his head until a lightsaber fell out the other ear. Then he popped out an eyeball and drew a lightsaber from the empty socket. Izuku reached into his mouth and pulled out a whole chain of lightsabers, which ignited into an incandescent flail. Two extra arms popped out of his back, each bearing a lightsaber, and his legs detached to reveal more laser swords inside.

"Is there anywhere you can't pull them from?"

"Yes. I have orders not to increase this story's rating."

Yoroi Musha flinched. "Nope. No wall-breaking in this agency."

"Oh, that reminds me. I can also draw like this."

Izuku edited the text file of this drabble to spawn a lightsaber into existence. He grabbed it, and Yoroi Musha winced as the fourth wall shattered.

"Can someone call U.A.? We'll need Cementoss again.

499

You might be wondering 'hey, why is this drabble half again as long, but the end's all filler? What gives?' That would be because I'm announcing the start of a new story. Izuku & Mei's Excellent Adventure is setting sail! Y'know… that MHA x One Piece thingamabob I threw out there a year ago. A new 1st chapter along with the 2nd one will be released this Sunday! Uh… tomorrow. Whoops, stayed up too late. Anywho, here's a sample to whet your appetites for adventure.

"Izuku, concentrate! We're making history here!"

"Concentrate? You're the one that needs to - Mei, look out!"

A truck turned onto the road, too far out to pull back. Hatsume looked down at the speedometer and grinned. "I think we can make it!"

"No, Mei, we'll hit that truck!"

"Time to see some serious shit!"

"Mei, please, I don't want to die like this!"

"To boldly go where no man has gone before!"

Izuku covered his eyes. "I didn't even get to shake All Might's hand!"

"To infinity and-"

A blinding corona of fire and electricity engulfed the DeLorean. As it tore at the boundaries of space and time, it slammed into the semi-truck. Space pinched itself around the point of contact between the two vehicles. Izuku felt as though his body was being stretched like putty, sucked into a straw, and kneaded by flaming, icy, thorny, merciless hands.

Izuku blinked and shook his head as the world slowly came back into focus. When his brain finally started working, an endless landscape of rolling gray clouds stretched before him. The occasional flash of lightning lit the clouds from within, casting eerie shadows.

Between the shrill whistling noise that came through the window and the stomach-lurching sensation of vertigo, Izuku quickly realized that they were falling.

See you later, Space Cowboy Ninja Pirate Hero